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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My parents are strict and I have always been required to answer them with yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, and no ma'am. I am required to answer all adults this way and some of my friends think it is weird and they have been teasing me about it. I have talked to my dad and he will not let me off the hook when it comes to respect and manners. He will not let me just say yes or no I have to keep using sir and ma'am even though my friends never have to with their parents. Any ideas on what I should do?
The Answer
Shrug off your friends comments.
It is weird to them, it's not what they are used too. If you let it bug you, they'll keep teasing you.
If you acknowledge it as a part of who you are, part of who your family is, then you'll be being polite to your elders (more polite then most will expect) and you're confidence will stand out in the best ways, rather than the differentness of it.
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The Question
I have a job in my school, which is nice cuz i get to be on campus and not have to move around all the time. When I first started working there, my boss was super nice to me. But, lately she's developed an attitude in general. It's frustrating because it's in the library and this is all new to me. I have never worked in a library before. For not having any experience in this field, I have been doing pretty well. I've been working there already for two months and I have gotten the hang of things. She knows that I don't have experience and this is only a student job. But, I've just noticed she's had an attitude lately. Sidenote.
Today, I have an exam for my online class tonight. I REALLY needed to study. And I needed to catch up on work. About a week ago, I made an appointment for today to get my hair done. I'm getting it dyed. So, today I got up and my mom tells me... why don't you just call in sick today since you have so much work to do? And I thought it wasn't a bad idea. I do have an appointment tonight after all and I could use the time to get work done. Big deal... people call in all the time to just have a day off and go shopping. I'm calling in so I can get work done!
But... I just thought of something. What's it gonna look like when I come in tomorrow with my hair dyed?!?!?! She's going to notice something is different? LOL
Please let me know what I should do!
Thanks!
The Answer
EDIT IN RESPONSE
Did you actually 'take ONE day off'?
'Cause what your question here suggests is that you lied about being sick to get out of a scheduled shift.
That's not 'taking a day off'. Everyone needs to take a day off sometimes, even at late notice, but what you did was lie. If you get a reputation at work as being dishonest and deceitful, you will eventually suffer for it. Different places of work have different cultures, but people will fire you for that behavoir. Maybe not now, but if you continue to do this, it will eventually bite you in the ass.
As other people have said, if you had legitimate reasons to need time off, you should have discussed those reasons with your employer, not lied.
/EDIT
'People' do lie like this to their employers 'all the time'.
People also get fired for doing this all the time.
Not only would I fire an employee for this behaviour, I HAVED terminated employees for exactly this kind of dishonesty.
It's one thing to be new and inexperienced; it's another not to be taking your job and your commitments seriously.
I'm sure you'll be very angry when you read this advice; however, both your behaviour and your tone here suggest you are not taking your responsibility to your employer very seriously at all. You think she is giving you attitude before? She's not going to like you much more after this kind of stunt.
Of course she is going to notice your hair - and she'll know you probably weren't 100% honest with her. She might speak to you about this behaviour, or she may not. Either way, your behaviour was a huge strike against you, and if she chooses to discipline or fire you, she probably has that right.
The best thing you can do from now on, if you want this job and would like to be a positive and successful employee is to behave better, take your commitments to your employer more seriously, and renew your efforts to learn and be useful.
A lot of students would kill for a job in the school library. Don't abuse it.
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The Question
I had sex on a Saturday morning and took a plan B pill Monday. I have had burning urination for the past 2 hours and it is now Tuesday. Does this mean I have a STD or side effects from the pill? Please help, I need answers but can't let none of family or friends know.
The Answer
Most likely neither. But both are possible.
It is possible that you contracted an STI.
It is also possible, although unlikely, that this is reaction to PlanB.
You need to see a doctor. Right away. No excuses.
It's true that the most likely culprit is a urinary tract infection, which is a random infection that you can get even without having sex, but are a bit more common if you are sexually active.
A urinary tract infection must be treated by prescription medication, or it can get much, much worse.
So no matter what it is, you must see a doctor. Sooner rather than later.
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The Question
what do you say when a boy asks you to rub his balls at school
The Answer
You tell him no, and if he asks you again it's sexual harassment and you tell a teacher.
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The Question
My friends little sister is 15 i look at her as my sister, she is obseced about this 20 year old guy. He thinks shes cute and all but doesnt want anything with a 15 year old. For the past few weeks me and this guy have been talking and hanging out, we both like eachother. Niether of us want to hurt her, but she wont leave him alone it effects us on moving in to a relationship. I have thought about trying to interduce he to other guys, is that a good idea? what do I do if it doesnt work? All I want is to date the guy without all the drama.
The Answer
You need to back off until this 20 year old guy grows a backbone, and tells the little sister it's noway, noteva, going to happen.
He's the adult here, and he's being a chicken shit and his 'not wanting to hurt her feelings' is almost as bad as lying to her. It's giving her hope and leaving her confused.
It's his reponsibility to put an end to it. Clearly and firmly. Until he does that, you can't be with him.
Introducing her to other guys, is just making excuses for this guy. Don't do that. Tell him he needs to tell her, clearly, that it's a no and then stop having contact with her.
It's his job to end the drama. You can be supportive, but you can't do it for him.
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The Question
My better half has decided to go on an unusual and strict diet of water and rice. He is 34 years old and around 14-15 stone but would like to be 12 stone.
He works 5 days a week at a local mini supermarket but all he does is have water until tea time when he has one bowl of rice.
It was day one yesterday and the result was he lost 3lb but had no energy during or after work and was feeling faint.
I personally don't think it is good for him health wise and it has already began to affect our communication as he is very quite and a little touchy.
Is there any better diets out there for him that involve him eating more but without putting any weight on?
After work he usually works out upstairs with weights and general stretching.
The Answer
That isn't a 'diet' - it's a starvation. Of course he’ll feel faint and cranky, he’s engaged in the short-term plan of killing himself. Your body doesn't like it when you try and kill it. It does everything it can to encourage you stop killing it.
If he was engaging in it for a spiritual or religious reason, we'd call it 'fasting', but since he things this is a diet that will have a positive effect on his health, it needs to be called 'very stupid'.
This is very risky behaviour, especially if he is pairing it with weight training.
Frankly, if this were my partner, I’d put my foot down and insist he see consult a doctor on his weight loss plan. NOW. Not next week. NOW. If he has an undiagnosed health issue, this current plan of his might kill him very quickly. He will most certainly faint at some point in the next few days. Hopefully he wont crack his skull on anything when he does.
Tell him you can’t live with this. You can't live with waiting for him to fall over. Because you can’t, and neither can he, even if he is too dumb to recognize it. Tell him if he keeps risking his health, he’s gonna risk his marriage as well. Tell him he needs to see a doctor, ASAP.
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The Question
17/f
So I have this new boyfriend and things are great.
I was talking to my guy friend who I was sorta involved with before and we got into this argument because he hates the fact that I have a new boyfriend and stuff. It got to the point where he was telling me he cares about me more than any guy I date. This guy always pushed me to do more with him all the time, but I never wanted to have sex. I always told him that making out is as far as I'd go.
Well then he was like, "It's not my fault about everything that happened. You shouldn't have lead me on by making out with me."
I'm wondering if that's true that making out with a guy means that eventually there's gonna be more.
Like, I usually wouldn't have believed this but one of my last boyfriends almost raped me cause I didn't want to do more.
My guy friend who was all mad at me was saying that if I don't want a guy to push for more, don't make out with them.
I've already made out with my current boyfriend and it scares me that he's gonna push for more.
I'll probably end up talking to him about it later but what's your opinion? I know I have this guy friend who might just be jealous but is what he's saying true?
The Answer
Nope. Your friend is not only wrong, he is being nasty and sexist.
Men are not idiots. Males are not complete numbskulls. They understand the concept of no.
They are perfectly capable of understanding boundaries, and that ONE is okay, but that TWO and THREE are off the table.
If you told him what your boundaries were, and he was either too stupid, or too arrogant to hear what you said, that is not your fault.
Many guys might WANT more. They might want to talk about more sexual acts then their partners are ready for. But if they push, or assume, they are WRONG. Period. They aren't 'just being guys' they are 'just being jerks'.
If you talk to your friend again, tell him you are sorry you assumed he wasn't a dumb ass, and that he could understand what you said to him, and respect it.
He may be fairly disappointed that 'more' didn't happen, but if thinks you are at fault for doing what you both wanted, but not 'more', than he is a completely dick.
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The Question
Have recently been dumped by my 50 year old girl friend and she will not tell me the truth why. Naturally I am devastated.
She had accepted my ring, money to save her home etc etc. We never ever met but I was completely honest as she was ? And had been for over 8 months. She still writes, says she wants and needs me in her life but it is very difficult. She is married but very unhappy. I am deeply in love with her and was prepared to buy us outright a home put it in her name and care for her all my life. I am 8 years older than her, retired and well off never having to worry over money. Have I over dine it? Sent too much Money $ 25000 or what. She was my last chance of true happiness. Please no talk of loads more out there. It took me 25 years to find her.
The Answer
You are being used.
Plain and simple. She is using you for money and affection and fantasy.
This is the truth:
If she wanted to be with you, she would be.
She doesn't want to be with you, not badly enough to change her life. Whatever her 'reasons' are, they do not justify taking your money, and having an emotional affair.
You are not in love with her. You are in love with the idea of her. The idea of her is perfect. The actual her is probably a sorta lousy person. You've never really met her, she might actually be a very lousy person.
She is not your last chance at happiness, she is a good way to loose all your money and self respect. She is a path to the deepest kind misery.
You probably wont believe me. But listen carefully to all the advice you get here. Every sane person who hears your story will say the same thing: You are being taken advantage of.
Talk to your friends and family or join a seniors club and make some friends. If money is no object, start seeing a therapist to help make clearer, more reasonable judgements.
And end contact with her. Maybe she does love you, but she is NOT prepared to behave decently to you, and THAT is more important.
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The Question
this guy likes me, i would say yes but he has a flaw dat i really have a prob with i dont know why it just bothers me its dat he has a big birth mark on his chin and its the red kind. i know he cant fix it but i just wanna ask him in a nice way 2 like put concealer on it or something i cant think of a nice way 2 say it tho it just sounds mean but i dont think its 2 unreasonable
The Answer
It is unreasonable.
It's understandable that you don't like it, but it's unreasonable to ask him to wear make up to cover it.
If he wanted to do that, he likely already would have.
More importantly, it's unlikely that a bit of concearler will actually mask it very effectively.
This might be something you can have a conversaion with a boyfriend about, but you to ask a guy who likes you to wear make up, is rude and unreasonable.
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The Question
I'm Male/16. I'm very interested in science, but not just regular science, theoretical & fringe science. I like to think that NOTHING is impossible. I believe that a God is possible, but not as much the religious god from Christianity. I think that I was a lot happier when I was a Christian. I remember feeling a lot better about life. But, I disagree with a lot of the teachings and some things just make no sense. I think we all have souls, and that when our physical body dies, we leave as an energy that cannot be destroyed, like our souls are scientific, but just cannot be understood by our physical minds. I also think that our energies have meanings to which we will never know and time doesn't apply. I used to go to church and communion. But if I go back, I'll feel like a fool, I kind of want yo go back but I don't want the criticism and force to feel guilty. I don't need Jesus talk or go pray things. More like God and my Soul. I feel like I've lost faith but there's still a little bit deep inside of me.
The Answer
What you've described here isn't consistent with the variety of religious belief and expression commonly presented at a Catholic Church.
It's that simple.
Your faith is not the common practice or expression of Christianity, and entirely unlike the actual dogma promoted by Catholicism.
If you want to attend 'church' and not be exposed to beliefs and expressions of belief you do not agree with or accept, then you'll need to find another church. From everything I've heard and read, many United Churches would be in a better position to embrace and share your vision of the divine.
But you are going to feel out of place in a Catholic mass, unless you find a way to live and let live, and ignore a good deal of what is actually being said.
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The Question
Hello, I am a 19-year-old girl, and for the past year I have been in a long-distance online relationship with a 50-year-old man. I did meet him in person, but have not seen him for two years, before we got together. I know it sounds weird, but we have made it work. He loves me very much and wants to marry me and have a baby with me. In fact, he's kind of intense about our relationship, and I'm not completely comfortable with the idea of graduating college and having a baby right away. Lately I've been thinking about what it would be like to date someone my own age, who I could actually see in person, and to not feel pressured to have kids right away. While I love my boyfriend, he doesn't give me butterflies anymore. But I don't want to hurt him. He's been with so many women who treated him crappy. If I left him, it would break his heart, and knowing that would break mine. He's told me he would probably give up on love entirely if I left him. What on earth do I do here? :(
The Answer
You know you need to break up with him.
Breaking up with someone isn't 'treating them crappy'. It's being honest.
Honestly, this relationship isn't working. It's not going to work. You are nineteen, he is fifty, and you have never physically been present with him. You’ve never really been together in a substantial way.
That's not a relationship. Nothing that happens 100% online or one the phone is. And frankly, he should have known better then to offer you such a shoddy, half-assed, long-distance relationship. He should have known that wasn't good enough, or real enough, to generate lasting love and connection between two people - let alone to overcome the divide in age.
He was foolish. And though he deserves your kindness and compassion, he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend. This is not a good arrangement or relationship for you.
Dump him. Kindly but firmly. You can't control his reaction, but you have a responsibility to to be honest about your own feelings and needs.
It's okay to feel guilty, but you still have to do what you know is right.
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The Question
Okay, so I love my husband and my girl more than anything else in this world. And I hope he does the same too. But sometimes, he just goes way too far. I mean when we were dating, he never used to let me go anywhere without him or used to get into fights over me for normal stuff like if a guy used to tease me on the street or something like that. At first, I used to think it was kinda cute.. But with time this got really annoying. We got into so many fights for this reason. If I asked him that I needed my space too, he was like "yeah.. use that typical line on me as well.. you don't love me anymore."
Anyway, I somehow learnt to live with it. We got married and had a baby. And his apprehensiveness sprouted up again. He wouldn't let anyone hold or touch the baby unless their hands were disinfected. She's 4 now and he won't let her go out and play wih other kids saying they'll hurt her, they're not upto her mark or it's too dangerous to let her go on her own and play "In The Park"!! Sometimes, I let my baby go and play outside, but if my husband comes to know about it, he lashes out at me like anything and scolds her too. I somehow control my emotions, but I know it would be very difficult for my daughter. I'm afraid she might develop some disturbances in her mind this way. she's even afraid to ask for something from her father without first consulting me. She even asks me who asked me to marry daddy; why is daddy always so angry or whether I am happy with daddy or not.. I mean, tell me, is this normal for a child her age to ask?
God knows what would happen when she's a teenager. I know she would be dating other boys and all. If not dating, she's atleast be friends with them. But what would my husband's reaction be against that? He didn't let a guy put an eye on me when we were dating, what would he do in his daughter's case? I don't want him to put her under house-arrest kind of situation or something like that. I want my daughter to have all those liberties which I could never have.
Tell me, what should I do to atleast bring his agitations down if not completely change his attitude towards us. I'm just worried about my daughter and her upbringing.
P.S.- I am a resident of India.
The Answer
Tell him he need to go to therapy and address his inappropraite behavoir and demands, with you or alone, or you'll need to consider a divorce.
Maybe divorce seems extreme. I'm not sure how it's viewed in your community. Perhaps it's really not what you want. But in all honesty, I think you need to seriously consider it if this man cannot see that his behavoir is wrong, and seek to change it. His behavoir WILL damage your daughter - you can already see the damage and anxiety he is causing her.
He's a bully. An emotional bully. That kind of behavoir often comes with the risk of physical harm as well.
You can't 'do' anything to fix this for him. What you need to do is express firmly and clearly that HE must fix this problem, or it will destroy his family. Because it will.
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The Question
My GF and I have been dating for about a year. Her apartment lease is about to be up so I asked her if she wanted to move in with me, but she said "no." She has lived with a BF in the past but it didn't work out. She's afraid of what my parents would think, plus she wants to do it right and maybe wait til we're married. She actually owned a house with her previous BF, how can she take that many steps back when she didn't "do it right" the first time. Not sure if that's the reason, but then I'm getting blamed for his actions.
She asked if I was disappointed, and I told her that I was, but didn't want to pressure her into something she wasn't ready for, and wanted her to be 100% committed to the idea before saying yes, so I would support her decision. But deep down I know it's not going to happen for another year or longer, and her not being able to commit to me is killing me inside.
On a side note, she told me that she was ready to be engaged at anytime, but I don't feel comfortable doing that for awhile. So I felt like moving in would show my committment to her even if I can't get a ring yet.
I don't know what to do or say to her about it now.
The Answer
Honestly, you need to get over a lot of this. You are being hypocritical.
Do you think because you aren't ready to get engaged you are 'less committed' to her?
No. Of course you don't.
Why is it okay that you aren't ready to get engaged, but it's not okay that she isn't ready to move in with you?
Many people see the two things as being on equal ground as far as the level of commitment goes.
Don’t you think it’s a little offensive that that you are ready for a ‘lesser level of commitment’ of moving in together, but not marriage, at the same time as judging and blaming her for not being ‘committed enough’ to you because she would prefer marriage before moving in?
It’s okay to be disappointed.
It’s tough when you want one thing, but your partner sees it another way.
But you are crossing the line from being fairly disappointed, to being unfairly judgment and harsh.
She isn’t ‘punishing you’ for her ex. She is making choices she is comfortable with. They happen to be different choices than she made before. She changed her mind. She is allowed to do that.
It’s nasty to assume that she is so stupid that she doesn’t realize you are different human being than her ex. It’s judgemental to declare she isn’t committed to you, because she doesn’t feel ready to move in with you.
You are poisoning your relationship with that kind of judgment. If you honestly believe such not-nice things about her, then you probably shouldn’t be with her in the first place.
So what do you do now?
Well, try to do your best. Try not to assume she is being cruel to you. Try to assume that she is a wise, loving person who is making the best choices for herself.
This shouldn’t need to be a deal breaker, but maybe it is. Maybe you can’t be with her if you have such different ideas about timelines and what marriage and cohabitation mean. Maybe there is a lot more going on here you haven’t mentioned in your question.
But going on just your question here, you’ve got some personal work to do. She deserves more respect than your assumptions are offering her. Her decision not to move in with you warrants at least the same respect that your decision not to propose to her does, and you aren’t giving her that respect right now.
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The Question
I recently just got out of a bad relationship and I no longer want to keep my ring that my ex gave me.. Its real diamonds and bought from Zales Diamond store. Where do you think is the best way to sell this for cash? there's a pawn shop down the road I could go there. Or should I try selling it online at craigslist? what about going to Zales and asking them to buy it from me since he bought it there (I don't have receipt though).
What do you think would be the best option for me? thanks!
The Answer
Was it an engagement ring?
If it was just a normal piece of jewellery, then although it might be polite to ask your ex if he would like it back as you no longer want it, you are not required too. As long as it is NOT an engagement ring, then it was an unconditional gift and belongs solely to you. You can do what you want with it and there is nothing your ex can do about it - it is not a crime to sell a gift.
HOWEVER, if the ring was an engagement ring, the question of whether or not the ring is yours or not is a LEGAL question. And the answer is different from state to state, and country to country.
So, if you are trying to get rid of an engagement ring, before you do anything, you need to find out what the law is in YOUR state.
Many states follow the no-fault, conditional gift approach. That means the 'gift' of the ring is given on the condition of a future marriage and if the engagement is broken, the engagement ring goes back to the giver. That means, unless your ex has told you firmly that you may keep the engagement ring, then it is rightfully his. A few states, like Montana, call the ring an unconditional gift - so it belongs the person who received it, whether the marriage happens or not. A whole host of states (Iowa, Kansas, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, and Wisconsin) all have laws that state the ring belongs to the giver no matter what - even if they are the one who ends the engagement.
Frankly, it's probably safest, both legally and ethically, to return an engagement ring to your ex.
Any other ring, is just a gift of jewellery, and you may do with it as you choose, although depending on the situation, returning it might be the kindest course of action - you're really not going to get much cash for it anyways.
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The Question
Hi. I'm a 23-y-o, straight female. I've had the same best friend since 3rd grade (15 years). She often brings up sexual topics in a way that bothers me. I know I'm too much of a prude, so sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be bothered.
I wouldn't mind talking about it so much if she and her BF were having issues or she needed advice on something (not that I could provide it). Usually, though, she's just bragging, pretending to hit on me (we're both straight girls), going into way too much detail or making crude jokes. This happens almost every time I hang out with her and I tell her to stop and that it bothers me and nine times out of ten, she'll do it again a few minutes later.
Sometimes, when we hang out with her BF (I'm single so I'm often the third wheel) she touches him inappropriately under the table or when she thinks I'm not looking, but she isn't good at hiding it. Only, she recently told him that she's an exhibitionist. I think she's using me as an audience for her sexual gratification and that she wants me to see.
I've told her to stop so many times and she just ignores it. Is this sexual harassment? It bothers me so much that I'm not sure I want to be her best friend (or a friend at all) anymore. Is this worth ending such a long friendship over?
The Answer
This is not the crime of sexual harassment. That crime can only take place when you are being compelled or coerced somehow to witness or participate.
Honestly, you are making some nasty assumptions about her intentions and assuming the worst of her... You might be completely right in those assumptions! But the fact you are making them is a pretty good sign that respect and friendship between you two are dead.
The only person who can decide if this is worth ending the friendship over is you, however, by the tone of your question, it sounds like you've already made up your mind - you are just working up the courage now to actually follow through.
But don’t try and call what she is doing a crime. You are not the victim of a criminal act. You are not being coerced or threatened into accepting her behaviour; you are not stuck in a class or at work with her and unable to leave; your job is not at risk if you walk away from her; she has not threatened you with harm if you choose not be around her or accept her behaviour. It doesn’t even sound like she is doing much to intimidate or bully you. What she is doing is not okay, but it is also not criminal. Right now, the onus is on you to let your actions back up your words, and remove yourself from situations you do not find comfortable.
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The Question
(18/F)I just started a job where I stuff animals for kids. Let's call it "Build-an-Animal Workshop" (I can't say the real name because I could get fired if this would ever become public). We're going to call it BAAW for short. Anyhow, it was a fluke that I applied to this job. However, my interviewer said that there were 100 applicants for my position and I was the only one that he wanted to take it. He said that I was the best person I'd interviewed in 10 years. One of the qualities that really drew me to this job was that my interviewer assured me that it wasn't about making money- it was about making kids happy. Plus, everyone there seemed super nice. The whole thing seemed great and predestined. Also, I'm in college so I need this job pretty badly. Needless to say, I took the job. Fast forward three weeks. I have a mean manager. I never met her during interviews. I want to know if I'm overreacting or if she's really a bully. The night before I had to leave early from work because I had a family emergency (my mother has dementia and it had something to do with that). I explained this to her the night before. Today she took me aside before work started and threatened to fire me if it ever happened again. She then stood behind me all day and criticized every aspect of what I was doing. After about three hours she finally left me alone. I was scheduled to work from 12 to 5 with a possible on call shift from 5 to 6. The managers are supposed to tell us at least one hour before if they want us for on call. We're not allowed to wear watches at my job because they're not part of the uniform so I had no idea what time it was. The big problem was that I HAD to know if I was staying until 6 so I could call my parents so my mom (with dementia) wouldn't freak out. I was stuffing and stuffing and stuffing animals for the longest time. I assumed it wasn't 4 yet because my manager hadn't come up and told me if I was on call or not. Then I happened to catch a customer's conversation in which she stated the time was 4:50! That was 50 minutes past when she was supposed to tell me. I finished the animal that I was working on and politely excused myself from the next customers in line, promising them that I would be right back and just had to check the time. I caught my manager walking by and asked her if I had an on call. She said no and very rudely told me to go back to the customers. After I finished my final customer and went to clock out at 5, she pulled me aside. She said it was "horribly inappropriate" for me to have left a customer like that. She said that if it ever happened again that I needed to excuse myself for "a drink of water" (because that's any better than excusing myself to check the time). I then explained my situation with my mother (for like, the seventh time)and told her that she hadn't told me if I was using my on call. She got really snotty with me and told me that they never tell people if they don't have to use their on call shift, only if they do. This was never the case with my other managers. I just accepted my fate and decided to go home. I grabbed my stuff and went to clock out. She jumped on me again saying, "NEVER GRAB YOUR THINGS BEFORE YOU CLOCK OUT. ALWAYS GRAB THEM AFTER. IF YOU GRAB THEM BEFORE WE'RE PAYING YOU ON YOUR OWN TIME TO GET THINGS OUT OF YOUR LOCKER!" By that point, I had started to cry and just ran out of there as fast as possible.I don't know what to do... Is it my fault? Am I overreacting? There are other weird things about her too. We all have lockers. Everybody's lockers are decorated with drawings and pictures and such. The only thing on her locker (and she's worked there for two years) is a sign that says, "Do NOT touch my locker. Do NOT take anything out of my locker." That's scary. There are other things about this company too. The main boss seems sweet on the surface but there's evil bubbling beneath. It always feels like he could snap under the slightest bit of agitation. In fact, the whole company seems like that. The whole "it isn't about making money- it's about making kids happy" is complete BS. They're extremely money hungry. The other "100 applicants... best in 10 years... you're amazing" thing is BS, too. I'm 99.9% sure that they only wanted me because I can work weekends. One other weird thing is that two other kids were hired the same time as I was. They're always getting glowing compliments from this manager, so I'm starting to think it's personal. Also, they've been here as long as I have but they've already learned how to do clothing, stocking,cleaning, machinery maintenance, and cash register. The only thing I'm allowed to do is stuff animals, sweep, and take out the trash. Nobody has taught me anything else. This makes me want to quit really badly. But, I do love stuffing animals for kids more than anything else in the world and my coworkers (not bosses or managers) are extremely sweet. I would do it all day if it weren't for the evil head honchos. So, do I quit? Do I express my anger? Do I suck it up? HELP.
The Answer
If you can afford to quit, quit.
This is a case of the apple rotting from the inside out.
If this manager's behaviour is tolerated by her superiors, then something is all ready deeply wrong at this company. Something you can't fix, and shouldn't try too.
It's a solid, simple job, and honestly, what you described, although inappropriate and rude, is also quite normal in low-end service positions. People don’t become managers at low-end retail operations because they are the brightest crayons in the box. It's tougher to deal with when you are younger, but it's not that unusual to have to deal with a boss who is rude, or bat-shit-crazy.
If your position, I might keep the job for a while and see if I could get on in it. But if you don't need the job, may as well walk away now.
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The Question
i cant were a condom cause i have a huge penis what can i do
The Answer
Buy large condoms. Try different brands until you find one that works.
Now, I'm going to be a bit harsh.
Every single man I've met, without exception, who claimed that 'condoms don't fit me!' were actually whining because they don't want to wear them and/or didn't recognize that they were supposed to fit the way they were.
Every single man I've met, without exception, who needed large or extra large condoms, knew it and used them happily and I've known some stupidly almost inhumanly, well-endowed guys.
The condoms were always fine - the men who had trouble and complaints were confused about how to use a condom, and how it should fit.
If you try a few different brands and sizes and are still confused or in pain, go talk to a doctor.
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The Question
Okay so first of all, some of you are going to think that I'm a b**** for saying this forgive me. I'm 20 years old and my sister is 26, most people say that at age 26 your brain is fully developed. I really feel like her brain is still under-developed because my sister tends to go for losers, and I'm really worried about her relationship with this one man.
He's 32 years old, I feel like at this point in his life if he was working towards his full potential in life he would have a bachelors degree and maybe even a masters, or a certificate in some kind of a trade. Instead he's been unemployed for a long time, living at his parents, and basically living off of them for over a year now. I understand that the economy is bad but if you're that serious about wanting to marry your girlfriend like he is telling her, you go to every employment agency and get work and then you save your money until you can find an actual job. I don't even believe that the man is really looking for a job, however my sister is too naive to see this.
I say this because I see a trait of laziness in him. I can basically judge this by saying that he dropped out of high school at 15. That might have been fine 40, 50 years before he dropped out of high school but you're not doing much with your degree now. He did get his GED and he has a 3.9, but the fact that he didn't fully graduate high school for stupid reason. I apologize to those of you who maybe out of high school for honest reasons, he dropped out because he didn't like going to school and he could cut. I think once you're lazy, you're always lazy... it's a character trait.
My sister in all other aspects, other than her selfishness I'm pretty proud of. The only thing that I'm ashamed is her boyfriend, the high school drop out, the man who I don't see getting anywhere in life. For a 26 year old woman who didn't finish college she has an amazing job, she's making $15.00/hour working as a customer service supervisor, a job that she quickly moved up towards after only a year of working at her company. She only has two years left of college and will be going back to school soon, and she wants to be a college professor.
Her downfall has always been men, I have no idea what it is with her. I think it may be because she saw my dad cheat on my mom numerous times, she read his emails to his ex girlfriend (that he had when he was married to my mom) and my parents are still married. All of her boyfriends in some way or another have been losers.
Her boyfriend Mike who she started dating at 16, who broke up with her after almost 3 years of dating when she was 18 going on 19 had dyslexia, and used it as a crutch, he also couldn't hold down a job. Then she dated a guy named Jeff who was a 36 year old truck driver accused of child molestation, after he apparently "gave the police photos of nude minors" in order to get it taken off the web, they dated for 8 months from the time she was 19 to 20... until he started talking about marriage. After Jeff was Tom who owned a construction company with his father, she dated him for 4 or 5 months, he was fine in all other aspects other than he was bi-polar, stopped taking his medication and went crazy for a little while. After Tom was Paul a construction worker, whose idea of going on a date was sitting in his car for hours and not taking her anywhere... they were off and on again for two years.
Jason is probably the worst though, he's a high school drop out, he's 32 and I don't see where his future is going to be... when I ask her that she won't even answer me. In her eyes she loves him and he's perfect for her, I don't see this. I think that someone who wants to be successful should date someone who has some what of a plan.
I bring this up to her all the time, because I'm really worried about this situation. It just turns into a fight, what it comes down to and I have plenty of evidence to show this she's choosing him over all of her family. She won't even go to our cousin's baby shower this month because she doesn't know when she's going to get to see Jason again. This is my cousin's first baby, and I really do believe that she should be... it really aggravates me that she's not going to be there, and what it comes down to is that all that she cares about are the future of Selene and Jason.
My sister says that my boyfriend is a loser, however he's really. He's 22 years old, already his associates, and is going to school for accounting... he's very smart and he is on the path to having a very successful future. He's already successful because he was the first one in his family ever to obtain a college degree. He's already accomplished A LOT, and I'm sure that he's going to accomplish even more in his future.
I would love for her to be a 30-something year old man whose going to take good care of her, who has a college education, has the credentials to get a good job one day. From what I know Jason doesn't really have any of those things.
This is turning into a rant, but what's the best way for her to see reality and have her date better guys? I'm really worried about who her future husband is going to be, and what of debt he's going to put her in in the future.
I know that this is really none of my business, but honestly I'm concerned.
The Answer
Back off. You aren't a bitch for being concerned, but your actions have crossed the line, repeatedly. And now you are both treating each other like shit, picking and bitching at one another trying to get the upper hand.
It's petty and immature. You keep doing this and you are going to poison your relationship for good.
So she dates jerks. Its understandable that it annoys you, even concerns you, but it's also none of your business. You are not the bad-boyfriend police in your sister's life.
So she chooses to engage with her family differently than you would like her too. She's adult and she entitled to those choices. If other people in the family are irritated by her behavoir, let them speak up. You aren't the guardian of the families honour. Back off.
You want a friendship with your sister that doesn't dissolve into bitch fights? Give her some space to be herself and make her own choices, even when you don't like them. Give her the tiniest amount of respect and stop assuming she is mentally deficient when she does things you don't like.
You have long ago crossed the line from 'sharing your concerns' to 'be a nagging and insulting brat'. Stop presenting her with 'evidence' and arguments. She knows the facts - she is allowed to feel differently about the situations than you do. Enjoy the time with her you can enjoy, and when you don't enjoy your time together, leave.
You are both adults. Behave like adults. Stop using 'caring about her' as an excuse to belittle and bitch at her because you don't like how she is living her life. Until she lands in jail or the hospital, your disagreement doesn't mean all that much. If she makes choices or does things you can't abide, leave, walk away, go home, hang up.
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The Question
20/F
Long story short, I have 3 roommates. We were all best friends and inseparable. One of them (Dakota) basically picked a boy (who happened to be one of my other roommates, Shaina's, ex-romance) over the rest of us and now we all can't stand even the sight of her. She started talking to a guy that Shaina previously dated, someone Shaina had talked to us several times about, and ruined Shaina and said boy's reborn friendship. Dakota knew beforehand that Shaina did not want any type of romance to develop between her best friends and this guy. Dakota also knew everything Shaina was feeling about this guy. She also never apologized to Shaina for doing this to her, and when she did, it was an empty apology. She never apologized to me and my other roommate for bringing drama into the apartment. She chose a 1-week texting romance (with "deep conversation"), a boy she has seen 3 times in person, a boy who lives an hour away, a boy Shaina specifically told Dakota to please not flirt with (because she has to be TOLD not to flirt with guys), and basically disregarded her feelings and is now dating him. I am mostly mad because she continued hurting Shaina, someone she considered one of her best friends, and was okay with it. She continously lied to us about the situation and although at first I didn't take sides, it really hurt me deep that she could so easily stab someone in the back that she considered one of her best friends. There are also a LOT of underlying issues, but this whole fiasco is what brought us to realize these issues existed instead of pretending they weren't there.
After Shaina began to accept things, she had a talk with Dakota and said she didn't forgive her yet but she was willing to become adjusted to everything. ONE DAY LATER Dakota invited him over and lied and told us that he surprised visited her. We found out later from him that she had been texting him all day and had been begging for him to come over. I told her that he needed another place to stay. I found this to be so inconsiderate that she would not even ask us for permission. No matter who I invite to the apartment, I ALWAYS ask my roommates if it's okay. A day later, things blew up when she told us she was now dating him. She lied again and said that she never lied to us about inviting him over, and lied about other things that she "didn't" lie about.
Now I'm afraid of what will happen when she invites him over. I do NOT want to be put in the situation where we would have to deal with both her and this boy. I know that since we are no longer friends with her, she won't care about our opinions and will just bring him to the apartment, no warning, no questions asked. Besides asking her (she probably would just ignore me) is there any way I can avoid this happening, especially since it's 3 vs. 1? She would definitely bring him over to just throw everything in our face and I don't need the extra stress.
The Answer
Ask her to move out.
It's really that simple. Even if she never invites him over agian, trust and peace is broken and it aint coming back.
Ask her to move. Calmly, gently, tell her that your friendships have been wounded the point where things can only get worse if you continue to live togeather. So, since she is one and you are three, she needs to leave.
Don't fight or yell, or insist she lied or try to argue with her or make her see sense, don't tell her it's all her fault, just repeat, camly, clearly, "There is too much hurt. Too much drama. You need to leave."
Anything else you do is just going to cause drama. You can't reason with her, and you can't bully her. Tell her she needs to find someplace else to live. Give her two months, and for those two months, just take deep calmly breaths and deal with any shit she throws your way.
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The Question
I'm a 26 year old female and I have a dilemma, I've been talking to a guy for over a year... but it's mostly been on the phone. And like today I told him I love him, he didn't say it back...well I texted it to him, and he didnt text it back... he just said "lol wrong person"... and then I replied back like," that was a jacked up response"... and he just shurged it off... and when we finally got on the phone, he didn't even talk about it. And I felt soooooo awkard that I opened myself up to say that and he didn't even respond back. So I kinda forced him to talk about it... and he said that he like me but he didn't feel the same way... because we mainly talk on the phone... I was crushed because I talk to him all day, well I text him all day and talk to him on the phone all night... and this has been for over a year... what should i do...? should I move on?
The Answer
Move on.
This isn't even a relationship. You barely know him if your main point of contact has always been on the phone.
This isn't a relationship, it's a bad habit.
Delete him from your phone and move on. There is nothing there for you.
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