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Does making out mean you're leading to more?
17/f
So I have this new boyfriend and things are great.
I was talking to my guy friend who I was sorta involved with before and we got into this argument because he hates the fact that I have a new boyfriend and stuff. It got to the point where he was telling me he cares about me more than any guy I date. This guy always pushed me to do more with him all the time, but I never wanted to have sex. I always told him that making out is as far as I'd go.
Well then he was like, "It's not my fault about everything that happened. You shouldn't have lead me on by making out with me."
I'm wondering if that's true that making out with a guy means that eventually there's gonna be more.
Like, I usually wouldn't have believed this but one of my last boyfriends almost raped me cause I didn't want to do more.
My guy friend who was all mad at me was saying that if I don't want a guy to push for more, don't make out with them.
I've already made out with my current boyfriend and it scares me that he's gonna push for more.
I'll probably end up talking to him about it later but what's your opinion? I know I have this guy friend who might just be jealous but is what he's saying true?
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so wrong, anything can lead to sex not just making out.. so making out is not bad so dont be scared... i cant imagine the pain of fear that u were going through but this new guy could be a message from god saying that not all guys r like that and jerks.. some are really nice and kind and really cares, so dont break up with this new guy.. he could be the message sent to u..
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Nope. Your friend is not only wrong, he is being nasty and sexist.
Men are not idiots. Males are not complete numbskulls. They understand the concept of no.
They are perfectly capable of understanding boundaries, and that ONE is okay, but that TWO and THREE are off the table.
If you told him what your boundaries were, and he was either too stupid, or too arrogant to hear what you said, that is not your fault.
Many guys might WANT more. They might want to talk about more sexual acts then their partners are ready for. But if they push, or assume, they are WRONG. Period. They aren't 'just being guys' they are 'just being jerks'.
If you talk to your friend again, tell him you are sorry you assumed he wasn't a dumb ass, and that he could understand what you said to him, and respect it.
He may be fairly disappointed that 'more' didn't happen, but if thinks you are at fault for doing what you both wanted, but not 'more', than he is a completely dick.
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Making out with someone by no means gives the okay or expectation for anything more.
While it is true that kissing etc. can cause sexual arousal,it is nothing more than one of many physical expressions of mutual feelings between two people.
Your friend hadn't any right to expect anything more of you: you did not lead him on. It sounds as if he has feelings for you; this is evident in the way he treats your current partner, his disdain for any romantic partner that you should have, as well as his consistent self attribution whilst conversing with you.
You didn't reciprocate his feelings, you got a new man - he was probably hurt and reacted. It's important not to neglect friendships when you have a partner so find ways to reassure your friend and make some time for him.
Finally, when entering into a relationship it is important to be open from the beginning in many expectations you have of eachother, including sexually. You shouldn't be worrying that your partner will expect more of you until you are both ready. Talk to him about it and get his take on things, figure out where you both stand. He hasn't, thus far, pressured you in to anything.
Don't tar them all with the same brush. Have the conversations that you need to have. If you cant do that perhaps you need to reevaluate your choice in partner or whether you're ready for a relationship.
Again, I reiterate, kissing is NOT an invitation for sex if you don't want it to be. Just as a hug isn't an invitation for a kiss :)
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Making out with someone is not in anyway shape or form saying that you'll have sex with them. Maybe in his mind or maybe he's getting his hopes up. Just because you kiss someone does not mean that it's going to lead to more its possible but not a definite.
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At this juncture, you should have had a talk with your current man that there won't be any sex. That way, he knows what he is getting into.
Guys have a really strong need for sex. When I was a teen in the 1970's, if I was making out with my girlfriend all the time, not having sex with her was very frustrating and after a while I would lose interest. Blue balls are no fun, believe me.
However, it's your body and so they have no say in how you decide to use it. Don't be guilt tripped into doing anything you don't want to. Ultimately, your life is your own and you need to lead it according to what makes you happy. But it is also good to be honest and up front. That way, they can make a free decision to take it or leave it and can't say they weren't warned.
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