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My husband is too possessive about me and my daughter.
Okay, so I love my husband and my girl more than anything else in this world. And I hope he does the same too. But sometimes, he just goes way too far. I mean when we were dating, he never used to let me go anywhere without him or used to get into fights over me for normal stuff like if a guy used to tease me on the street or something like that. At first, I used to think it was kinda cute.. But with time this got really annoying. We got into so many fights for this reason. If I asked him that I needed my space too, he was like "yeah.. use that typical line on me as well.. you don't love me anymore."
Anyway, I somehow learnt to live with it. We got married and had a baby. And his apprehensiveness sprouted up again. He wouldn't let anyone hold or touch the baby unless their hands were disinfected. She's 4 now and he won't let her go out and play wih other kids saying they'll hurt her, they're not upto her mark or it's too dangerous to let her go on her own and play "In The Park"!! Sometimes, I let my baby go and play outside, but if my husband comes to know about it, he lashes out at me like anything and scolds her too. I somehow control my emotions, but I know it would be very difficult for my daughter. I'm afraid she might develop some disturbances in her mind this way. she's even afraid to ask for something from her father without first consulting me. She even asks me who asked me to marry daddy; why is daddy always so angry or whether I am happy with daddy or not.. I mean, tell me, is this normal for a child her age to ask?
God knows what would happen when she's a teenager. I know she would be dating other boys and all. If not dating, she's atleast be friends with them. But what would my husband's reaction be against that? He didn't let a guy put an eye on me when we were dating, what would he do in his daughter's case? I don't want him to put her under house-arrest kind of situation or something like that. I want my daughter to have all those liberties which I could never have.
Tell me, what should I do to atleast bring his agitations down if not completely change his attitude towards us. I'm just worried about my daughter and her upbringing.
P.S.- I am a resident of India.
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Your husband is mentally ill. I am saying that as a clinical fact and not as simple name calling.
Look, somebody has to be a rock for your daughter, so it will be up to you to act as if you have a mentally ill husband on your hands and give what he says all the credibility it deserves (none) and be the calm rational one for your daughter. So when he gets angry or calls you names, don't take it to heart because they are the ravings of someone with OCD, is what I'm guessing. Relax, be calm and get him help. If he won't get therapy then you have to think about divorce for the sake of both your and your daughter's own mental health and perhaps even physical safety.
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While I agree with Razhie
Your husband's actions are controlling and manipulative. While you were dating he wouldn't let you go anywhere without his knowledge and if you did he assumed you didn't love him anymore? That is the first sign of a controlling person.
Without the proper help your husband will never change, He didn't change when you were dating and he didn't change when you married him and now you are your daughter are intimidated by his actions. I would probably go and file for divorce like Razhie said below it may seem a bit extreme but in the end it's probably in your and your daughters best interest.
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Tell him he need to go to therapy and address his inappropraite behavoir and demands, with you or alone, or you'll need to consider a divorce.
Maybe divorce seems extreme. I'm not sure how it's viewed in your community. Perhaps it's really not what you want. But in all honesty, I think you need to seriously consider it if this man cannot see that his behavoir is wrong, and seek to change it. His behavoir WILL damage your daughter - you can already see the damage and anxiety he is causing her.
He's a bully. An emotional bully. That kind of behavoir often comes with the risk of physical harm as well.
You can't 'do' anything to fix this for him. What you need to do is express firmly and clearly that HE must fix this problem, or it will destroy his family. Because it will.
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