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Is my manager a bully or am I overreacting (should I quit)?
(18/F)I just started a job where I stuff animals for kids. Let's call it "Build-an-Animal Workshop" (I can't say the real name because I could get fired if this would ever become public). We're going to call it BAAW for short. Anyhow, it was a fluke that I applied to this job. However, my interviewer said that there were 100 applicants for my position and I was the only one that he wanted to take it. He said that I was the best person I'd interviewed in 10 years. One of the qualities that really drew me to this job was that my interviewer assured me that it wasn't about making money- it was about making kids happy. Plus, everyone there seemed super nice. The whole thing seemed great and predestined. Also, I'm in college so I need this job pretty badly. Needless to say, I took the job. Fast forward three weeks. I have a mean manager. I never met her during interviews. I want to know if I'm overreacting or if she's really a bully. The night before I had to leave early from work because I had a family emergency (my mother has dementia and it had something to do with that). I explained this to her the night before. Today she took me aside before work started and threatened to fire me if it ever happened again. She then stood behind me all day and criticized every aspect of what I was doing. After about three hours she finally left me alone. I was scheduled to work from 12 to 5 with a possible on call shift from 5 to 6. The managers are supposed to tell us at least one hour before if they want us for on call. We're not allowed to wear watches at my job because they're not part of the uniform so I had no idea what time it was. The big problem was that I HAD to know if I was staying until 6 so I could call my parents so my mom (with dementia) wouldn't freak out. I was stuffing and stuffing and stuffing animals for the longest time. I assumed it wasn't 4 yet because my manager hadn't come up and told me if I was on call or not. Then I happened to catch a customer's conversation in which she stated the time was 4:50! That was 50 minutes past when she was supposed to tell me. I finished the animal that I was working on and politely excused myself from the next customers in line, promising them that I would be right back and just had to check the time. I caught my manager walking by and asked her if I had an on call. She said no and very rudely told me to go back to the customers. After I finished my final customer and went to clock out at 5, she pulled me aside. She said it was "horribly inappropriate" for me to have left a customer like that. She said that if it ever happened again that I needed to excuse myself for "a drink of water" (because that's any better than excusing myself to check the time). I then explained my situation with my mother (for like, the seventh time)and told her that she hadn't told me if I was using my on call. She got really snotty with me and told me that they never tell people if they don't have to use their on call shift, only if they do. This was never the case with my other managers. I just accepted my fate and decided to go home. I grabbed my stuff and went to clock out. She jumped on me again saying, "NEVER GRAB YOUR THINGS BEFORE YOU CLOCK OUT. ALWAYS GRAB THEM AFTER. IF YOU GRAB THEM BEFORE WE'RE PAYING YOU ON YOUR OWN TIME TO GET THINGS OUT OF YOUR LOCKER!" By that point, I had started to cry and just ran out of there as fast as possible.I don't know what to do... Is it my fault? Am I overreacting? There are other weird things about her too. We all have lockers. Everybody's lockers are decorated with drawings and pictures and such. The only thing on her locker (and she's worked there for two years) is a sign that says, "Do NOT touch my locker. Do NOT take anything out of my locker." That's scary. There are other things about this company too. The main boss seems sweet on the surface but there's evil bubbling beneath. It always feels like he could snap under the slightest bit of agitation. In fact, the whole company seems like that. The whole "it isn't about making money- it's about making kids happy" is complete BS. They're extremely money hungry. The other "100 applicants... best in 10 years... you're amazing" thing is BS, too. I'm 99.9% sure that they only wanted me because I can work weekends. One other weird thing is that two other kids were hired the same time as I was. They're always getting glowing compliments from this manager, so I'm starting to think it's personal. Also, they've been here as long as I have but they've already learned how to do clothing, stocking,cleaning, machinery maintenance, and cash register. The only thing I'm allowed to do is stuff animals, sweep, and take out the trash. Nobody has taught me anything else. This makes me want to quit really badly. But, I do love stuffing animals for kids more than anything else in the world and my coworkers (not bosses or managers) are extremely sweet. I would do it all day if it weren't for the evil head honchos. So, do I quit? Do I express my anger? Do I suck it up? HELP.
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There is no job worth that kind of abuse. The stress you are feeling from your work is only adding to that you feel from your parental situation. So you need to quit, but not before writing a letter to her superior and HR. Make three copies of it, one for you, one for the superior/the HR department head and then one for your attorney if you ever need one to deal with this case.
You might even consult an attorney. This might fall under the rubric of a threatening and hostile workplace.
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If you can afford to quit, quit.
This is a case of the apple rotting from the inside out.
If this manager's behaviour is tolerated by her superiors, then something is all ready deeply wrong at this company. Something you can't fix, and shouldn't try too.
It's a solid, simple job, and honestly, what you described, although inappropriate and rude, is also quite normal in low-end service positions. People don’t become managers at low-end retail operations because they are the brightest crayons in the box. It's tougher to deal with when you are younger, but it's not that unusual to have to deal with a boss who is rude, or bat-shit-crazy.
If your position, I might keep the job for a while and see if I could get on in it. But if you don't need the job, may as well walk away now.
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One question first: Did you mention in your interview that there may be times when a problem with your mothers dementia may cause you to be called away from work. If not you should do so in the future as this may be the cause of the problem and her remark, "and threatened to fire me if it ever happened again". If you did advice them of this problem then her threat is out of line and you can report her to the HR department for harassment.
First off I'm a male but I have noticed that female supervisors for some reason seem to be more stern with female subordinates than they are with male subordinates. I have also noticed that female mangers and supervisors in general seem to be more aggressive than there male counterparts. I have always felt that this is because they feel they have more to prove.
Quitting may solve your problem with this employer but it is a tough job market out there. As they told you they had 100 applicants for the job they offered you. Before you quit you should do one of two things; either find a new job first or attempt to fix the problem at your present job.
You know how to find a new job so I will address the second thought. Ask for a meeting with your supervisor/manager, on your own time. Explain your feelings to her that your emergency, which was in essence a planned emergency, has caused a rift between the two of you. One you feel is effecting her expectations of you and is effecting your ability to perform to your own standards. No one can perform properly when they feel they are being looked at under a microscope. Tell her you like/love this job and would like to progress with the company. Don't say anything about leaving for college soon or next year. If she brings it up be prepared to answer her. Your looking at this job as being a means to an end may also be being held against you.
Based on how she responds to you, you may be able to improve your working conditions or have grounds to complain to the corporate HR department. However the meeting goes, as soon as you leave find someplace away from the store to write down what you can remember of the conversations with her.
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The thing to remember, as you quite rightly said, is that they are there to make money and that's it. If you have only been there 3 weeks and are already having family emergencies, they might see you as a problem-employee, and thus begin to treat you differently to the others, and also start stamping their authority over you in a harsh way. Her management style does sound pretty bad, but I don't see this as bullying - she has a point with all the stuff she has called you out over. Sometimes managers are less lenient with "troublemakers" (you, in their eyes) than they are with their star employees. When you show them that you are their to help them make money, they will start to pay you compliments too.
You said you need this job badly, so suck it up! Maybe ask for a quick chat with her on how things work with on call time. Don't be confrontational or emotional about it. Don't mention your mother again. Make sure your manager knows you want to do things her way, and then DO them her way.
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