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Sexual Harassment?
Hi. I'm a 23-y-o, straight female. I've had the same best friend since 3rd grade (15 years). She often brings up sexual topics in a way that bothers me. I know I'm too much of a prude, so sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be bothered.
I wouldn't mind talking about it so much if she and her BF were having issues or she needed advice on something (not that I could provide it). Usually, though, she's just bragging, pretending to hit on me (we're both straight girls), going into way too much detail or making crude jokes. This happens almost every time I hang out with her and I tell her to stop and that it bothers me and nine times out of ten, she'll do it again a few minutes later.
Sometimes, when we hang out with her BF (I'm single so I'm often the third wheel) she touches him inappropriately under the table or when she thinks I'm not looking, but she isn't good at hiding it. Only, she recently told him that she's an exhibitionist. I think she's using me as an audience for her sexual gratification and that she wants me to see.
I've told her to stop so many times and she just ignores it. Is this sexual harassment? It bothers me so much that I'm not sure I want to be her best friend (or a friend at all) anymore. Is this worth ending such a long friendship over?
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I think you are missing the main point. I don't think it has anything to do with your past. It's about your Future with Her. She obviously is Bi and wants to try a Threeway or One on One with you. If you don't feel attracted to her just tell her. Otherwise, try it once. Life is short.
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She could like you. Or she could be so insceure about her relationship with her boyfriend that she feels like if somebody doesn't see it isn't really real. Ending a friendship is hard and maybe you only want to end it because it's getting uncomfortable. You've told her many times to stop but she won't well tell her but this time don't me scared to stand up and scream it at her. It's finding one's voice that people have such a hard time with. Don't give up on you're relationship with her just yet give yourself time to have the couarge to really tell her what you feel.
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This is not the crime of sexual harassment. That crime can only take place when you are being compelled or coerced somehow to witness or participate.
Honestly, you are making some nasty assumptions about her intentions and assuming the worst of her... You might be completely right in those assumptions! But the fact you are making them is a pretty good sign that respect and friendship between you two are dead.
The only person who can decide if this is worth ending the friendship over is you, however, by the tone of your question, it sounds like you've already made up your mind - you are just working up the courage now to actually follow through.
But don’t try and call what she is doing a crime. You are not the victim of a criminal act. You are not being coerced or threatened into accepting her behaviour; you are not stuck in a class or at work with her and unable to leave; your job is not at risk if you walk away from her; she has not threatened you with harm if you choose not be around her or accept her behaviour. It doesn’t even sound like she is doing much to intimidate or bully you. What she is doing is not okay, but it is also not criminal. Right now, the onus is on you to let your actions back up your words, and remove yourself from situations you do not find comfortable.
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What is happening with you and your friend does not rise to the legal definition of sexual harassment. You two are friends and what is happening is not happening in school or in a work place where you are trapped and cannot walk away. She is not holding this over you and she is not using this as a means to control you. This is why it does not fit the legal definition of harassment.
On the other hand your friend may get a sexual charge out of embarrassing you and the reason behind why she continues to do so. This is something you can control simply by walking away from her. Yes I realize a 15 year friendship is very hard to walk away from especially when you yourself say you are somewhat of a prude. Prude or not, how much of a friend can she be if she gets off making you uncomfortable.
I think you can talk to her until your blue in the face and nothing will change since you have already spoken do her. You have to back up your conversation with a consequence for her to face. Talk to her one last time. Reiterate how you feel about these conversations and tell her if she cannot and will not respect your feelings then you will have alter the relationship you have had for the last 15 years.
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Sit down and talk to her, Or next time you talk to her be stern about it. Your friend could very well not be taking the fact that it bothers you seriously.
Tell her that you are uncomfortable discussing sexual things with her, You are uncomfortable being around her while she is with her boyfriend because of ....and you tell her what you told us above. Then if she still doesn't get it then you make boundaries. This could be classified on sexual harassment very well so, Yes. If your friend isn't willing to respect you and your feelings then as much as it sucks it would be pointless to be in a friendship. Respect is one of the main things that keeps a friendship going, That and trust. If you are in a relationship with someone who you can't talk too or be comfortable around then you shouldn't be in the relationship to begin with.
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