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I'm Worried About My Sister's Choice In Men
Okay so first of all, some of you are going to think that I'm a b**** for saying this forgive me. I'm 20 years old and my sister is 26, most people say that at age 26 your brain is fully developed. I really feel like her brain is still under-developed because my sister tends to go for losers, and I'm really worried about her relationship with this one man.
He's 32 years old, I feel like at this point in his life if he was working towards his full potential in life he would have a bachelors degree and maybe even a masters, or a certificate in some kind of a trade. Instead he's been unemployed for a long time, living at his parents, and basically living off of them for over a year now. I understand that the economy is bad but if you're that serious about wanting to marry your girlfriend like he is telling her, you go to every employment agency and get work and then you save your money until you can find an actual job. I don't even believe that the man is really looking for a job, however my sister is too naive to see this.
I say this because I see a trait of laziness in him. I can basically judge this by saying that he dropped out of high school at 15. That might have been fine 40, 50 years before he dropped out of high school but you're not doing much with your degree now. He did get his GED and he has a 3.9, but the fact that he didn't fully graduate high school for stupid reason. I apologize to those of you who maybe out of high school for honest reasons, he dropped out because he didn't like going to school and he could cut. I think once you're lazy, you're always lazy... it's a character trait.
My sister in all other aspects, other than her selfishness I'm pretty proud of. The only thing that I'm ashamed is her boyfriend, the high school drop out, the man who I don't see getting anywhere in life. For a 26 year old woman who didn't finish college she has an amazing job, she's making $15.00/hour working as a customer service supervisor, a job that she quickly moved up towards after only a year of working at her company. She only has two years left of college and will be going back to school soon, and she wants to be a college professor.
Her downfall has always been men, I have no idea what it is with her. I think it may be because she saw my dad cheat on my mom numerous times, she read his emails to his ex girlfriend (that he had when he was married to my mom) and my parents are still married. All of her boyfriends in some way or another have been losers.
Her boyfriend Mike who she started dating at 16, who broke up with her after almost 3 years of dating when she was 18 going on 19 had dyslexia, and used it as a crutch, he also couldn't hold down a job. Then she dated a guy named Jeff who was a 36 year old truck driver accused of child molestation, after he apparently "gave the police photos of nude minors" in order to get it taken off the web, they dated for 8 months from the time she was 19 to 20... until he started talking about marriage. After Jeff was Tom who owned a construction company with his father, she dated him for 4 or 5 months, he was fine in all other aspects other than he was bi-polar, stopped taking his medication and went crazy for a little while. After Tom was Paul a construction worker, whose idea of going on a date was sitting in his car for hours and not taking her anywhere... they were off and on again for two years.
Jason is probably the worst though, he's a high school drop out, he's 32 and I don't see where his future is going to be... when I ask her that she won't even answer me. In her eyes she loves him and he's perfect for her, I don't see this. I think that someone who wants to be successful should date someone who has some what of a plan.
I bring this up to her all the time, because I'm really worried about this situation. It just turns into a fight, what it comes down to and I have plenty of evidence to show this she's choosing him over all of her family. She won't even go to our cousin's baby shower this month because she doesn't know when she's going to get to see Jason again. This is my cousin's first baby, and I really do believe that she should be... it really aggravates me that she's not going to be there, and what it comes down to is that all that she cares about are the future of Selene and Jason.
My sister says that my boyfriend is a loser, however he's really. He's 22 years old, already his associates, and is going to school for accounting... he's very smart and he is on the path to having a very successful future. He's already successful because he was the first one in his family ever to obtain a college degree. He's already accomplished A LOT, and I'm sure that he's going to accomplish even more in his future.
I would love for her to be a 30-something year old man whose going to take good care of her, who has a college education, has the credentials to get a good job one day. From what I know Jason doesn't really have any of those things.
This is turning into a rant, but what's the best way for her to see reality and have her date better guys? I'm really worried about who her future husband is going to be, and what of debt he's going to put her in in the future.
I know that this is really none of my business, but honestly I'm concerned.
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Women often repeat what went on with their parents in their own private lives and that appears to be what happened with your sister. Your sister needs a therapist or at least counseling. However, as others have said, she is an adult and there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do about it except keep these losers at arms length so that you don't get dragged down into the whirlpool of loserdom.
You've essentially attempted to fill the parental vacuum in your family and there is good and bad about that. It definitely puts a lot of stress on you.
At this point, the best you can do from a realistic perspective, is to separate yourself from the circus. My brother, for example, married two psycho bitches, but none of the family attempted to intervene. One of those women is now dead (complications from heroin and meth abuse) and the other he has been separated from for years and years and she almost died when her latest boyfriend nearly beat her to death. So I have a little bit of an understanding what you're dealing with.
Be available for when your sister wants to talk about her relationship, but otherwise focus on making your own life the best you can. If she starts complaining about him, ask her, don't tell her, if she would consider counseling or therapy. I also hope that you wait a few years before you get married so that you can see just how your own boyfriend is going to pan out before you begin having kids.I hope everything works out for you guys in the end, but please, please please take care of number one (yourself) first.
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From reading this i can feel that you love your sister alot which is really good and nice but she's 26 and you got to let her make her own stupid desicons. How do you know that when they're together that he doesn't hold her in his arms and tells her how much he loves her? How do you know that she doesn't fell like the luckiest girl alive just to be with him? Look i know that you're worried about her but she has to realize this on her own cause if she doesn't see it you telling her will only cause friction between you two because she will feel like you don't respect her enough to let her be with who she wants to be with. He's lazy and? He has two legs, two arms, his healthy isn't that enough. my boyfriend is in a wheel chiar and i wouldn't be able to live without him. Just put on a fake smile not for him but for the sister you love and respect. Sooner or later she'll realize that he either has to go or she want's to speand the rest of her life with him.
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If you really care about your sister, as I am sure you do, her happiness should be your main concern. It sounds like she's had a run of bad luck in the relationship department, and if she has finally found happiness with Jason then you should be happy for her. Not everyone measures success by jobs, degrees and GED results. In fact there is nothing wrong with this man - maybe the real problem is that you don't feel that anyone is good enough for your sister. Which is kinda sweet :) But at 20 you don't know everything, and you need to leave your sister and her choice in partners alone, and stop causing unnecessary friction in your family.
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Back off. You aren't a bitch for being concerned, but your actions have crossed the line, repeatedly. And now you are both treating each other like shit, picking and bitching at one another trying to get the upper hand.
It's petty and immature. You keep doing this and you are going to poison your relationship for good.
So she dates jerks. Its understandable that it annoys you, even concerns you, but it's also none of your business. You are not the bad-boyfriend police in your sister's life.
So she chooses to engage with her family differently than you would like her too. She's adult and she entitled to those choices. If other people in the family are irritated by her behavoir, let them speak up. You aren't the guardian of the families honour. Back off.
You want a friendship with your sister that doesn't dissolve into bitch fights? Give her some space to be herself and make her own choices, even when you don't like them. Give her the tiniest amount of respect and stop assuming she is mentally deficient when she does things you don't like.
You have long ago crossed the line from 'sharing your concerns' to 'be a nagging and insulting brat'. Stop presenting her with 'evidence' and arguments. She knows the facts - she is allowed to feel differently about the situations than you do. Enjoy the time with her you can enjoy, and when you don't enjoy your time together, leave.
You are both adults. Behave like adults. Stop using 'caring about her' as an excuse to belittle and bitch at her because you don't like how she is living her life. Until she lands in jail or the hospital, your disagreement doesn't mean all that much. If she makes choices or does things you can't abide, leave, walk away, go home, hang up.
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You are correct, This is none of your business.
Your sister is an adult, She can legally choose who she wants to be with. You may not like the men she dates but this is nobody's choice but hers.
I understand you are concerned for the well being of your sister but unless she is being physically, mentally or emotionally harmed there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do and I think you would find it a lot less stressful if you started to worry about you. You do not know everything that goes on in your sisters relationship, I sure as hell don't know everything that goes on in my sisters life but again it is not my business. I respect my sisters privacy and I would not do anything to sabotage her happiness unless she was being harmed in some way. You are too caught up worrying about other people, Not everyone approves on who someone dates but that is just the way life is and sometimes we need to accept that not everything in life is based on our approval.
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