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I don't know whether to break up with my much older boyfriend.
Hello, I am a 19-year-old girl, and for the past year I have been in a long-distance online relationship with a 50-year-old man. I did meet him in person, but have not seen him for two years, before we got together. I know it sounds weird, but we have made it work. He loves me very much and wants to marry me and have a baby with me. In fact, he's kind of intense about our relationship, and I'm not completely comfortable with the idea of graduating college and having a baby right away. Lately I've been thinking about what it would be like to date someone my own age, who I could actually see in person, and to not feel pressured to have kids right away. While I love my boyfriend, he doesn't give me butterflies anymore. But I don't want to hurt him. He's been with so many women who treated him crappy. If I left him, it would break his heart, and knowing that would break mine. He's told me he would probably give up on love entirely if I left him. What on earth do I do here? :(
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You are too young to be tied down. Those pangs you are feeling is that voice in the back of your head that says, "hey, I need to explore more of life before I decide who I want to spend the rest of my days with."
Look, it is your life. You get to do it once and nobody else can live your life for you. So it is really incumbent on you to ensure that you listen to your better instincts. His life is his life and you don't owe him anything. I'm sure you've learned something from your relationship with him, but you are still rather young in the learning process. Your brain won't finish developing until age 25 and so your sensibilities are going to evolve radically between now and then. So you need to end the relationship with the guy and get on with your own life.
Look, I'm in my 50's, too. Guys who are my age should be a lot more emotionally settled than this guy sounds. I am getting kind of a weird vibe about your relationship and I STRONGLY urge you to end it because you know well in your heart you and he don't want the same things at this juncture.
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Well as the others said age doesn't matter, but if you feel that you need to see other people around your age then do it. Its what you want.Don't listen to his baloney that; 'He would give up on love entirely if you left him' He's just trying to make you feel so guilty that you'll stay with him. If he loves you a lot like you say he does then he'll respect your decision.
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You shouldn't sacrifice your own happiness for your boyfriend's.
I'm sorry but it really grosses me out a bit that he's 50 years old and interested in you, you're old enough to be his daughter. I know that age is just a number but I can guarantee you that you have two different life styles. Are you even living on your own yet? I'm sure that he's living on his own and has a full time job, even if you are he has years of experience on you and has been through so many things that you have yet to go through.
It's also not really a relationship if you don't see each other face to face, I know that from experience.
If you want ask to go on a break first, but let him know that during that time you plan on going out with other guys. After your dates see if you're still thinking about him, or if dating someone your age is more appealing to you.
Good luck and let me know what happens :).
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You know you need to break up with him.
Breaking up with someone isn't 'treating them crappy'. It's being honest.
Honestly, this relationship isn't working. It's not going to work. You are nineteen, he is fifty, and you have never physically been present with him. You’ve never really been together in a substantial way.
That's not a relationship. Nothing that happens 100% online or one the phone is. And frankly, he should have known better then to offer you such a shoddy, half-assed, long-distance relationship. He should have known that wasn't good enough, or real enough, to generate lasting love and connection between two people - let alone to overcome the divide in age.
He was foolish. And though he deserves your kindness and compassion, he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend. This is not a good arrangement or relationship for you.
Dump him. Kindly but firmly. You can't control his reaction, but you have a responsibility to to be honest about your own feelings and needs.
It's okay to feel guilty, but you still have to do what you know is right.
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The thing with dating ages apart is you need to realize that this man will always be more experienced in life, While you are in college and somewhat fresh out of high school he is years past where you are in your life. Sometimes we can care about a person but also know that in order for them to be happy in their lives they need to do what is best for them. Right now, A baby would probably not be a good idea as you are in college and college can take up a lot of time and stress never mind the responsibility or raising a child. If you are curious to what it would be like to date someone your own age then I advise you too seek our your curiosity. Someone of your own age would be more on your level, They would share the same struggles and likely the same interest and in the end they would probably relate more then someone who is 30 years older. You are young, You should enjoy life as you have plenty of time to settle down in your life. You say you care very much for your boyfriend but at the same time do you care enough to sacrifice your youth and happiness?....I would hope not.
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