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How do I stop my roommate from inviting someone over?
20/F
Long story short, I have 3 roommates. We were all best friends and inseparable. One of them (Dakota) basically picked a boy (who happened to be one of my other roommates, Shaina's, ex-romance) over the rest of us and now we all can't stand even the sight of her. She started talking to a guy that Shaina previously dated, someone Shaina had talked to us several times about, and ruined Shaina and said boy's reborn friendship. Dakota knew beforehand that Shaina did not want any type of romance to develop between her best friends and this guy. Dakota also knew everything Shaina was feeling about this guy. She also never apologized to Shaina for doing this to her, and when she did, it was an empty apology. She never apologized to me and my other roommate for bringing drama into the apartment. She chose a 1-week texting romance (with "deep conversation"), a boy she has seen 3 times in person, a boy who lives an hour away, a boy Shaina specifically told Dakota to please not flirt with (because she has to be TOLD not to flirt with guys), and basically disregarded her feelings and is now dating him. I am mostly mad because she continued hurting Shaina, someone she considered one of her best friends, and was okay with it. She continously lied to us about the situation and although at first I didn't take sides, it really hurt me deep that she could so easily stab someone in the back that she considered one of her best friends. There are also a LOT of underlying issues, but this whole fiasco is what brought us to realize these issues existed instead of pretending they weren't there.
After Shaina began to accept things, she had a talk with Dakota and said she didn't forgive her yet but she was willing to become adjusted to everything. ONE DAY LATER Dakota invited him over and lied and told us that he surprised visited her. We found out later from him that she had been texting him all day and had been begging for him to come over. I told her that he needed another place to stay. I found this to be so inconsiderate that she would not even ask us for permission. No matter who I invite to the apartment, I ALWAYS ask my roommates if it's okay. A day later, things blew up when she told us she was now dating him. She lied again and said that she never lied to us about inviting him over, and lied about other things that she "didn't" lie about.
Now I'm afraid of what will happen when she invites him over. I do NOT want to be put in the situation where we would have to deal with both her and this boy. I know that since we are no longer friends with her, she won't care about our opinions and will just bring him to the apartment, no warning, no questions asked. Besides asking her (she probably would just ignore me) is there any way I can avoid this happening, especially since it's 3 vs. 1? She would definitely bring him over to just throw everything in our face and I don't need the extra stress.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Ask her to move out.
It's really that simple. Even if she never invites him over agian, trust and peace is broken and it aint coming back.
Ask her to move. Calmly, gently, tell her that your friendships have been wounded the point where things can only get worse if you continue to live togeather. So, since she is one and you are three, she needs to leave.
Don't fight or yell, or insist she lied or try to argue with her or make her see sense, don't tell her it's all her fault, just repeat, camly, clearly, "There is too much hurt. Too much drama. You need to leave."
Anything else you do is just going to cause drama. You can't reason with her, and you can't bully her. Tell her she needs to find someplace else to live. Give her two months, and for those two months, just take deep calmly breaths and deal with any shit she throws your way.
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Does this girl pay the rent? Does she help with the bills? Does she bring food into the house hold? If she does, Then you and Shaina don't have much say on who she can and can't have over.
You can however sit her down and discuss how you all feel about the situation but don't come across as if you are out too attack her. Calmly, Tell her that you find it bothersome that she wants to bring someone into the house who Shania previously dated and you feel that if he comes over it will stir tension and cause an argument. Try to come to an agreement that she can go over his house or see him elsewhere but if she doesn't seem to be okay with that then like I said there isn't much you can do about it. It sucks, but as long as she pays part of the bills then she will have her say too. You both will just have to be mature enough to handle the situation.
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