I'm Em.
I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.
I dig art, music and books.
I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.
I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.
Photo:
Yayoi Kusama
"Infinity Mirror Room"
Performance art.
Mirrors, soft sculptures.
Castellane Gallery, New York.
1965.
Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
Answers: 391
Last Update: May 22, 2014
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What is Pagan and Wiccan?
Doesn't Pagan have something to do with witches? (link)
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Paganism is a kind of belief system created long before todays established religions. It's based on spirituality and a connection to the earth. To explain it, think of the Egyptian religion, which is considered a pagan religion. They believed that the gods weren't people but were symbols of nature and life. They prayed to particular gods for things like the annual flooding of the Nile so that their crops would flourish or for fertility in women so they can bare a child and saw these gods as the water, the crops, the land, the sun etc.
It's hard to really define the practices of Pagans and Wiccans because it's such a diverse religion. Wiccan can mean witchcraft but in the way I practice it, it does not. In wicca spells do exist but I don't do anything like that. I believe in the triple moon goddess (as well as others like the horned god) and the idea that everything in the universe, whether it be men, women, animals, the earth, the elements and everything in between, is equal to one another.
Some people choose to call themsleves witches and to practice witchcraft (which can be defined as using spells, chants or conducting rituals) but not in the way movies and television represent it. The kind of spells and chants are used for protection, anything that's used to harm or affect someone else is not use. The rituals are just like any other holiday festival in the modern world like Christmas, where we celebrate certain days by feasting and having a good time. Quite a lot of Christianity was actually created to convert Pagans. Christmas was actually the Yule holiday to the Pagans but the church wanted to get rid of Paganism so they created their own holiday on top of it.
Pagan's can be classified as people who believe in multiple gods, people who do not follow one of the major religions or people who follow religious practices before Christianity was introduced. There are numerous other classifications for Pagans in other cultures, sometimes it is just a person that believes in a close connection to the earth and nature, and sometimes hedonists.
Wicca is like a revival of the ancient pagan beliefs (which is why it's sometimes referred to as neo-paganism). People who consider themselves wiccan sometimes practice the religion with a group of other people known as a coven, or they can be solitary practitioners and practice their beliefs by themselves. I choose to be a solitary practitioner as Wicca to me is a very personal religion where you choose what you believe in from the gods/goddesses to the philosophical ideals.
I know this is probably very confusing and that's because there is no real definition for Wicca, it's so personal and people choose whatever they want to believe in which makes it so different from the major religions like Christianity and Judaism.
My understanding of Wicca is that it's where you believe in spirituality, that connection to not only earth and nature but things that cannot be seen with the eye (like spirits). It's where nothing is positive or negative but equal. There is one side of nature that equals out another like water and fire, the sun and the moon, but we are all connected.
I'm sorry I couldn't explain it very well, it's so very diverse that I cannot tell you what is and is not Wicca. If you google 'Wicca' you can find lots of different opinions on wicca from what others believe.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiccans
This site has a very general understanding of what Wicca is if you would like to know more.
It talks more about the symbols of wicca and different parts of the ideology.
I hope I've helped you understand it a little :)
EDIT: Just to add, Pagans are also like shamans and witch doctors which is where the idea of witches seems to stem from. So in a way, yes Pagan has something to do with witches, but not all pagans are witches and they do not all practice witchcraft.
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Sometimes I want to die. No one knows how I feel, and although I know people care about me, it's never enough. About a year ago my best friend who I depended solely upon stopped being my best friend because of a complicated situation. Shortly after, I got together with my now ex boyfriend and it lasted nearly a year. He is currently my "best friend". I felt and still often feel betrayed by him. Because people tell me that they care about me, but it's never enough. I'm always left alone and I feel so alone even when I'm with my friends. Sometimes I feel dead already because I am so out of it. I have problems with food too and when I eat too much I hate myself for it. But sometimes I can't stop eating. Sometimes I don't eat. I feel like I'm a fraud and that's why people don't love me forever. I feel like the people close to me will eventually see me as bad and then leave me. Everyone else just seems to be so secure and able to be normal and it seems like I'm just not meant to be like everyone else. When I'm alone it's almost like I'm not alive anymore. It's people that can make me feel somewhat complete, but these people aren't always going to be here for me. They are going away to college and I'll still be in high school. I just don't know what to do anymore. (link)
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Darling you seem to be suffering from a very serious form of depression and even clinical depression depending on how long this has been going on for. About 2 years ago was when I started developing depression and it's taken me that long to get back to a normal life.
I know how you feel because I was having family problems, all of my friends were distant, the first guy I fell in love with told me out of nowhere that he didn't love me anymore and left (I haven't seen him since then). It felt like I had fallen into a bottomless pit and there was no where to go but down. I still had one friend which I dated for over a year but he moved away and suddenly I had no one again.
There was one moment though that really has defined my life so far and I hope it helps you. One night, right before my first trial exams for my final year at high school (which was only a few months ago) I had a mental breakdown. No one knew and I believed no one cared. I started crying and couldn't stop, I have never been so incredibly emotionally wrecked in my entire life. Desperately I searched online for some kind of help but I was too afraid to call anyone and too ashamed. Suddenly I came past this blog with a question asking how to get out of depression.
A young girl, about 15 had answered it. She said she suffered clinical depression and almost killed herself several times. After one near-fatal over dose she said to herself, lying in the cold hospital bed feeling like she'd just been hit by a train, "I can't die till I see morocco."
I live my life by this line. Pick one thing, one thing you wish you could do or see before you die. My dream is to be a writer. Whenever I'm standing at the edge of that bottomless pit I think to myself, "I can't die till I write a book, I can't die till I become a writer."
It's hard but find that one thing, your one dream that above all you want. It might be to travel somewhere wonderful, to see something amazing. I started thinking more about what I wanted out of life and what the epitome of happiness would be to me. I thought of looking down at cold snow, something I've never seen before. I thought about touching it and what it would feel like, the texture, the cool touch. I thought about looking up and seeing a perfect pine tree, just dusted with white snow, standing by itself in a beautiful valley with mountains in the background.
Every time I stress out and feel like I'm about to break down I think about that moment that I need to have before I die. I think about it like im there, every detail, and I smile and know one day I will see that place and that I won't die until I do.
You need to know that people do care about you, I don't even know your name, where you live, who you are but I care about you! Your a wonderful, beautiful person and people love you exactly how you are. Thinking positively sounds silly but it really does work, even if you just find one little thing about yourself that you like, like... your lips or your legs. I'm a chubby girl but I look at myself every day and think to myself that I'm beautiful exactly how I am. I use to torture myself about how I looked and sometimes I still get upset, but when I started to notice my qualities and understand my true self I realised I wasn't that bad.
I'm not insinuating you feel the same way as I did, but when I was feeling this way I felt that when people became distant or moved away, it was like my personality or a part of myself had gone. When I was with people I worried so much about being imperfect that I was never comfortable being myself.
Over the past 7 months though I have gone through hell and back but you can and will claw your way out as long as you really believe you can. About the personality and understanding yourself thing, what made me feel better about myself was sort of making over myself. I changed my hair just a little by adding some layers to frame my face. I bought some clothes that accentuated my features and hid the unflattering ones. I started thinking about what I liked and what I wanted to do as a career. I thought about things like where I see myself in 5 years and stuff like that.
Your still in high school and that was the hardest part about being depressed because it's not just hard to reach out but hard to feel comfortable. Stick to it though, and when you graduate you'll see the difference between school life and adulthood.
People do know how you feel because so many people have been through exactly what your going through. If nothing I've said has helped and I don't relate to you at all, please research the beyond blue and other depression websites to find your local oganization and number. I was too afraid to call them and that's what took me so long to get over it. Talk to your school counselor and even a teacher you respect and trust, they're there to help you!
When I say you mean something to people and that they care about you, I mean it with every bit of my soul. People do care and they're just waiting for you to come to them so they can help you.
I just want you to know it's not the people your around that should make you happy, it's you being yourself completely and being comfortable with not only your body but your personality that makes you feel at peace. Your such a beautiful person and you need to look at yourself and see that. I believe there is a reason your here on this planet, your not just another person or a nobody, your a beautiful person that deserves to live, to be happy and to enjoy life.
I hope I've helped you even in a tiny way. If you need to talk to someone or just need someone to listen you can always talk to me. I should have my email on my page, if not i'll put it up after I submit this.
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Hello. I have a very difficult situation and want to remain anonymous please.
I am a 26 year old very devoted Muslim (my father was American Indian and my mother Jordanian). I am married with 2 beautiful girls and a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often.
I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age.
This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice.
My parents sent me and my brothers and sisters to a Quran boarding school for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little. I learned a lot.
You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew.
But this teacher that trained me had sexual relations with me since I was a little girl in that school. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well. But sadly I had to have two abortions before I was 17 years old. He was the only one I was ever with other than my husband. His wife was the one who took me to get these procedures to save my family and myself the shame. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. But this is a shameful thing in my past I never told anyone about. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. It is all in the past. Until now.
My girls are now in Jordan with my family and they are sending them to the same school to learn the Quran. The same man is still teaching there. I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with five children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”. He is still teaching now.
It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other countless girls ?. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. But I don’t know what to do because now my girls are in that same school. They are young I am concerned that the same thing may be happening to them that happened to me. One of my girls, the oldest is doing private things to her body that he told me to do. I confronted her about it and she does not want to talk about it. She is the same as I was when I was her age. I fear the same thing may be happening to them.
I really want them to learn from this very good school, but I don’t know what to do!! Please advise me. My email is jihan.ali@europe.com
Anonymous
(link)
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This is a very serious issue and you need to do something immediately. Although you do respect this man and his family, he used his authority and power to take advantage of you. It may not seem like he was but he was much older than you and it was wrong of him to have a relationship, especially a sexual one with him. This man has most likely done this to multiple other women because he knows no one will say anything about it. If you want to protect your daughters you need to bring this issue to the attention of the school, the other parents of the students and to some kind of police or government system (I'm sorry I don't know very much about Jordan, I live in Australia and here we have the board of studies who are like an organization in control of all the schools in Australia) so that they can launch an organization and stop this man from touching other children.
He had a sexual relationship with you when you were very young and according to the law in Australia that would be classified as abuse and even rape (even though he was a very nice man to you, it's classified rape because you were to young to consent to such adulterous activities).
I've heard a little about the Jordanian culture and the huge impact of bringing shame on your family. The choice is yours whether to confess to your story and hopefully encourage other women to confess as well. I believe you should not be ashamed of this as he took advantage of you and that is very wrong of him.
If you are afraid to confess then still bring attention to this issue and say that you feel this man may be harming your children. The choice is up to you but please do something for your children.
I can tell you are a very kind hearted and brave woman and I respect you whether you choose to confess to what happened in your past, but you must inform the school and the authorities of what you believe is happening so that your children and the other children will be safe.
Urge your friends who you think have had the same experience to help you with this and reach out to other women in the muslim community or other women where you live who can support you and help you through this issue.
I hope that has helped in some way and please inform me how things go so I know you and your family are safe and well.
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soooo pretty much i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 2 months ago. im still in love with him but im trying to move on cuz i kno its whats best. i havnt had feelings for any guy at all except him in the past 2 years and its like im not even attracted to guys anoymore. (not girls either haha) BUT my best friends brother has always been my best friend and we somehow ended up kissing last night. and it was really weird like it was the 1st time ive felt that much when kissing a guy after my boyfriend and i really love him and care about him. but the thing is, i went behind my best friends back and did this. and 2 years ago her old best friend did that and kissed her brother and they got in a big fight and dont talk anymore. so i really dont want that to happen. i dont wanna tell her but i dont want to keep sneaking behind her back and leaving her bed in the middle of the night to go get in his. like i feel horrible and she means the world to me but i really really like this boy. hes my best friend and we both have feelings for eachother. ugghh i really dont know what to do. i know i should stop but whats done is done and i dont know if i should confess or keep it zipppp. help (link)
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Hun, I don't see why she should be upset. Yeah it's a bit weird for your best friend to like your brother but it's nothing to get mad about. Maybe there was something else that happened with her other friend and her brother or maybe she just has issues with the whole idea of friends dating him.
Anyway, you should think about what you want to happen with this friendship with her brother. Was the kiss just a moment thing or are you considering a relationship? You should tell her as soon as you can because the longer you wait the worse it will be, and you don't want her to find out from someone else because that's just going to upset her even more. If you want to have a relationship with him then tell her that. Tell her exactly how you feel and that you don't mean to hurt her in any way but this is just how you feel about him.
If she's your friend yeah she might be upset for a while but she'll understand and be okay with it. Don't get in a huge fight about it, if she starts getting mad just tell her you care about him a lot and there's nothing that will change that.
At the end of the day though you just do whatever you think is best. If you think not saying anything is best then do that, it's up to you.
Goodluck :)
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so there is this guy i just met and we have been talking on facebook but we never really have any conversations because there is nothing to talk about. we just say whats up and tell each other what were doing and then the conversation stops.
how do i get conversations going with him??
it's also kind of hard because i only met him once so there's not much to talk about and i don't know him too well. (link)
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Well firstly I'd advise you to meet with this guy more often, not on dates necessarily but with friends. It's weird but sometimes I can talk to people non-stop over facebook but in person I have nothing at all to say to them, and other times I can talk to people endlessly in person but on facebook i never say a word.
But anyway..
Try not to force conversation. This is when you pull out those one liners that follow "how are you.. how was your day" like "so do you have any pets... how many siblings do you have?" as these never last very long.
What I tend to do is bring out a bit of my personality when I talk to someone, usually through my sense of humour. I'm one of those people that thinks bad jokes are hilarious and love telling people them. If I'm having a jolting conversation with someone, I sometimes bring up a silly joke and we always end up laughing. One idea that always works is thinking up pick up lines, which usually starts off with "hey I have this great pick up line..." then you both start coming up with really cheesy ones and the conversation can move on from there.
I talk a lot so when I'm speaking to someone for the first time I tend to do more of the speaking at the beginning. If your like me then just start talking about anything, whether it be about your day or about yourself. This way whoever your talking to is learning more about you and they sort of become intrigued and want to know more (which keeps the conversation going).
If your absolutely stuck think of ANYTHING you have in common. If it's a mutual friend, talk about funny times with them. If it's school, talk about teachers or people.
One other thing I sometimes tend to do with people I hardly know is ask lots of questions. Sometimes people don't like it but with whoever I talk to it always seems to work. You can ask anything like "whats your favourite colour?.... if you were stuck on an island and could only bring 3 things what would they be?... if you had kids what would their names be?"
Once you've just started on any topic, you can move to another and have a lengthy conversation. If you have big pauses just start talking about anything else or ask a random question.
If your the opposite of me, then just express your personality in your own way.
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so my long distance boyfriend broke up with me today.
i kinda saw it coming becuase he wanted a "break" three days ago and didn't talk to me for those three days
but I guess I was expecting him to come back to me like every other time.
im in love with him and I'm completing heart broken.
he wasn't a bad breakup at all actually.
he told me he just couldn't deal with the distance and its just too hard for him right now and he can't do it.
i asked him if we could still be friends and he said that he was hoping we can be, so I'm happy about that. but I just wish we were still together
our distance isn't far at all though if you really think about it. its about 6 hours away at the most. and every weekend if we both drove 3 hours we could make it work.
but he always chose everyone else before me. it felt like everything was more important then me. but he always insists he loves me more and all that.
i understand his decision and I respect him for that but I don't understad why he decided after 6 months this isn't going to work out?
also I asked him if we would ever be together again and he said maybe idk. but I believe that he just said that to be nice.
also I told him to just talk to me whenever he wants to then ( as friends) and he said ok bye.
i really want to say something that would maybe make him change his mind. but a part of me doesn't want to contact him at all. I want to wait and see if we trys talking to me first.
what should I do. or say to him if I decide to talk to him? (link)
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I don't think he decided to wait 6 months to tell you it wasn't going to work. If he waited half a year he was probably hoping it would but in the end it just didn't.
I can't speak for this guy but if that was me I would have a problem with 6 hours away. When your with someone and you love them you want to see them any day you want and at any time. In those times when you need someone most you just want them to be with you in 10 minutes, not 6 hours.
From the way you've sort of made this guy sound, he seems like a genuine guy that does love you and does put you before other things. He tried to make the relationship work and when it didn't, he tried one more time with the break. When that failed he didn't want to lead you on in a dead end relationship so he ended it before you got seriously hurt. Sometimes things that seem easy to you are not so easy for another person, so maybe he was putting you before everything else but he just couldn't handle it.
Also having to do this ritual while first it may be romantic and necessary, it becomes a chore which brings tension into the relationship. Not just that but it means on the weekend, the only days he probably has to himself, he'd have to miss out on little things like hanging with his friends. That's not him putting other people before you, it's just him being a boy as boys like and do need time alone with their friends.
If your good friends then stay friends. Maybe one day you'll be together again but that would be whenever you meet again. Keep talking to him because he sounds like a nice guy and its always good to keep a nice friendship with ex's instead of them ending horribly where you never speak to them again.
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ok, so i was with my ex bf for a year, he's the boy i lost my virginity too and was basically my first everything so the break up was really really hard to deal with, anyway, we broke up at the beggining of September, so its been a few months and sense we broke up i've talked to a few guys but always in the back of my head while talking to them was the fact that i knew i was just trying to get over my ex. So naturally none of them went any farther than a friend. Just like a week ago however i started talking to a new boy and things are going really good. like, things are different with him, i actually have feelings for him, and i'm not just talking to him to make myself feel better. The thing is, i'm terrified, i'm so scared to put myself back out there again after being hurt so bad the last time. I wanna know how to, not get over the past because i know its not that easy, but i guesse i just need some help on what to do. Should i just not talk to guys for a while till i'm not scared anymore ? Or is this something that i just need to get over with time.. please help :(
lmb 17/f (link)
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If you really like this guy then go for it hun!
Just go slow and do whatever feels right for you. Don't think too far ahead into the future, think more for the now. If in a few weeks you decide your just not ready yet then its fine, you tell this guy your sorry but your just not ready for a relationship just yet. You might find that in a month you really like this guy and want to be in a serious relationship.
Every girl goes through this so always talk to your friends or someone close you trust if need help. You don't need to do anything your not comfortable doing, and if your not comfortable then tell him that.
It's hard but just take a deep breath and do what you think you should do and what will make you happy. :)
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My mom always said that dirt caused acne and so you should wash your face twice a day. Well, I heard at school from a friend that things you eat (like chocolate) actually cause acne. I had a teacher once to say that hormonal fluctuations cause acne. What causes acne, specifically facial acne? (link)
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Careful when washing your face too much and with whatever product your using. If you over-wash your face it'll become dry and that can cause pimples too. It depends on your type of skin and how much acne you actually have. If you have dry skin and a lot of acne your going to need to exfoliate, cleanse, moisterize and what not but if you have oily skin and only a small amount of acne you can just use a normal daily cleanser.
I have a fringe and find that sometimes, especially in summer when it gets hot, i get small breakouts on my forehead because the oils from my hair are causing the pimples.
There's a million causes for acne but if you eat healthy, exercise regularly and use the appropriate cleansers (or for serious acne, the medication from your doctor) you should have clear skin.
You probably didn't want to know all that but.. I started typing and couldn't stop.
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he hasn't talked to me in three days becuase he wanted a break.
and today I texted him and I'm like tell me if were broken up and he said yes.
and I'm like why? and he's like because were too far away I can't do this
and I'm like well thanks for not telling me. and he's like I just decided. and I'm like can we still be friends and he's like I was hoping we could be.
and I'm like yeah so I'm guessing I don't get to see you in march or when I come down there ( I have family who lives by him )
and he's like maybe if you really want to.,
and I'm like of course I do. and he's like well I don't know maybe.
and I'm like ok well just text me when you want to talk to me I guess :/
and he's like ok bye.
im heartbroken. I don't know waht to do.
i feel like I should say something to him. but I don't know whaat
help meee :[ (link)
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Hunny seriously, it's hard but just try not to dwell on it. There's nothing else to say so don't say anything at all. My advice is to let yourself move on, which everyone does in their own way and time, but it means not trying to think of something to say/trying to talk to him/trying to make something out of nothing.
I like the saying "if its meant to happen, it'll happen." because i think that in some way or another things will work out for you. If your meant to be with him then maybe a year or so down the track you'll meet again and hit it off. Maybe when you do go to see your family you'll bump into him and be great friends again, but right now there is no need for you to not try and be happy and just move on.
Spend some time with your friends and family, reach out to someone close that you trust for a shoulder to cry on if you need it and at this time just try to enjoy yourself. Let yourself be sad but don't let it become a habit.
You'll be alright darl, I promise :)
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i like this guy hes a good friend of mines and i see hes name everywhere and hear it what could it mean i see it on tv hear it on the radio see it on walls what does this mean can some one help me its driving me crazy (link)
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Means he either has a very common name, or your paranoid.
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Ok...Me again..hah
In May I wrote this guy a letter pouring out every single feeling i have for him. We didn't talk for 2 weeks...and then talked again like nothing happened basically. And when I asked him what he thought about what I wrote, he say he was confused and I ask about what, nd he just say confused. (Hes never say anything about liking me, not liking me, or us just being friends > (link)
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I'm not a guy so I can't tell you what guys think but I know a few that have acted like this.
Some guys are a little...how do I put it...thick and emotionally inept, only with women though (assuming you are female). Yes I know, there will be a flood of comments on how guys aren't and whatever but I've known enough guys to see that when it comes to females and emotions, it's an awkward subject and they never know how to deal with it.
With some guys you tend to spill out every emotion and they sort of sit there and don't really comprehend anything you've just said or how you feel. You might have just caught him off guard and scared him a little, so he backed away because it was too much to deal with.
Or, in a less positive light, he might have hoped that after a few weeks you maybe wouldn't be so crazy about him or that it was just a crush.
I don't know what this guys thinking though so I cant tell you.
My advice is, your leaving in two weeks and shouldn't be starting a long distance relationship at this time. You've waited a long time and it doesn't seem like he's ever going to make up his mind. Don't be upset by not being with him because your still young and you'll meet soo many new people soon. You can always keep in touch and stay friends but I really don't think it's a good idea to be starting a relationship when your just going to move away.
I hope all goes well with college and you can settle on something with this guy. Just do whatever makes you happy and what you think is best for you.
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im 16m and ive been with my gf for about 5 months
shes my first girlfriend i like her a lot she says she wants to do more sexual things i like to but im a bit nervous ive never done anything with any girl and well im a bit embarrassed my penis is quite small im worried about showing her or doing anything sexual maybe im worrying to much
will it grow? do girls care much about size? (link)
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Girls shouldn't care about the size of a guys penis, and the majority don't. Your only 16 so of course it will grow, you got at least 5 more years of growing to go!
Your still young and there's no rush into sex. If your uncomfortable with it then leave it for a while. Talk to your girlfriend about how you feel too, it's better to be honest to one another so you can both understand each other better.
It's not about how much you like or even love someone but how comfortable you feel. Don't do anything until you feel completely ready for it.
My advice is, your still young, you haven't been dating an incredibly long amount of time and it might benefit you to just wait a few months, talk to your girlfriend, and when you feel more confident and comfortable, then go ahead. Just do things when your ready.
:)
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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for awhile and have not had any kind of sex. I am now getting more and more comfortable every time I hangout with him. We have been talking about having oral sex for awhile but im just soo nervous. How do I get passed my nerves? I need help! I have only done this once and I was drunk. He has had alot of experience and I havent had any. Maybe thats why im scared. I dont know I just need some serious help! (link)
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Like a lot of things, sex just sort of happens. It doesn't matter how long you spend planning to do it or how ready you feel, when it comes to the occasion you might just realize your not ready.
BUT...You are doing the right thing. You can't just never talk about having any kind of sex or thinking about it and then decide one night it will happen. It's great you and your boyfriend can talk about these kind of things openly but there's no rush. If your nervous, maybe you should wait a little while longer.
I don't know how old you are but just as a precaution, if your under 18 then don't. Don't even consider it. Even if you think your ready and you want to do it, just wait. It's always a worry when teens under 18 want to do anything sexual because they usually seriously regret it, and it's never a regret to wait a little longer.
I think you just need to calm down a little, maybe your afraid if you do it 'wrong' it'll affect your relationship but i think if your getting this worked up about it, you need to wait a little longer before you do it. Maybe you should wait a little longer till you feel more open with each other so you can really talk about how you both feel about these sort of things like how you feel about it.
A relationship should be fun, so just relax and enjoy yourself. If you get worried about things like sex then just wait a little longer, it wouldn't hurt. Take a deep breath and chill :)
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So, basically my boyfriend is going on vacation next month for about a month and a half about 4 states away from me, and I won't get to see him at all! He told me he's going to give me his hat he always wears, that he doesn't let anyone borrow/ or even touch! I thought it was so sweet, but I don't know what I should give him! Any ideas?? (link)
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Hmm i was going to say something like a necklace you always wear but you probably don't want to give him something that's expensive or too personal in case he looses it.
You could get him one of those sort of like...string bracelets i'm not sure on the material (sort of like the W.W.J.D bracelets), they usually aren't that expensive or the material ones and put it around his wrist. Just something he can look at everyday and be reminded of you.
Or what me and an ex did was whenever one of us went away, we would like write a letter or make a little voice clip, give it to them and tell them they can't read/listen to it until they left. We both really loved that because we could read/listen to it everyday and it always makes you feel a little warm inside.
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15/f
this is a VERY long story, but im gonna try to lay this out as short as possible and please, im desperate here, you have NO clue what i've been through these past few months, and i need all the help i can get..
last year i met a REALLY sensative guy. he was 16, about to be 17, and i was 14.. he was soooo shy, hes VERY insecure. when we first started dating, all he said to me was how i saved him and pulled him out of his misery because he has had no luck with relationships and was treated like shit by girls his whole life. hes not even that cute and popular, and i have a waaay higher social status in my grade/ school then he does in his grade.. but ive been known to have wierd taste and i can look beyond looks and things like that very easily. i think when we first started dating him i was just excited over the fact that he had a car and he was a junior and i was only a freshmen.. but i actually did end up falling in love with him. and he was COMPLETELY in love with me. we lost our virginities to eachother and ill tell you, im smart, and not at all a bit naiive.. i knew this kid loved me. & we did NOT have a sex based relationship whatsoever.. we became eachothers best friends. both of us lost all of our other friends because we were only with eachother 24-7. he called my mom 'mom' and i did the same with his mom.. we were incredibly close.. and sense he was older, i felt so comftorbal and secure with him, and i went to him with all my problems, and he would help me.. ive been suffering from depression for years and me and my mother never had a good relationship, and my father left me, and i was molested as a baby.. but when i was with him, he made me feel so comftorbal. we told eachother EVERYTHING. and i was postive he was there to stay. he promised me forever every single day. we dated for a year. i messed it up, biggest mistake of my entire life.. he started getting very annoying and up my ass. you know when youre in a bad mood and you just want to be left alone? well he would never leave me alone. he'd be like 'its okay babe i love you' bla bla. all mushy, when i just want to be mad!. i tried talking to him about this many times and all he could say was im sorry i just love you soooo much i cant help it.. all my friends called him whipped cream and everything.. it was BAD. but anyways, one night i was out with my friends the day before a cheer competition, and my ex was there.. and somewhere along the lines, we kissed.. my boyfriends friend was there and told him that if i didnt tell him, he was going to.. i knew he wasnt going to break up with me or anything.. so i told him.. but the thing is.. i think i was looking for a fight with him because our relationship was so boring. when i told him, it pissed me off how he was crying instead of being mad, yelling at me. so i started saying things to make him mad.. i said TERRIBLE things. like i was gonna keep cheating on him because he basically lets me, and how i know i take advantage of him because he trusts me so much but i shouldnt.. and he was like well maybe i have to break up with you then.. and he was like i really dont want to. and i was like fine just do it idont care! yelling at him and stuff.. and then he did. i was thinking we would get back together in a couple weeks.. so after we broke up, we still talked because we obv. still loved eachother and everything. we acted like we were going out, and we even 'hooked up' a few times.. but when he asked me back out, i kept saying no, i wasnt ready.. because the relationship was SOOO akward after we broke up.. he was acting so different. and i knew why. it was because i broke his heart. and i did, bad. so one day after we hooked up, my friend told me that her brother saw my 'boyfriend, x-boyfriend, whatever u wanna call him' at a store.. and he was saying how he was done with me and he was trying to get with this new girl 'leesh'.. i was FURIOUS. i called him up screaming at him asking for all my stuff back and it was over for good and everything. but really, i wanted an appology from him, not my stuff back. btw, i was very remorsful for cheating on him and saying what i said to him, i mustve appologized a million times.. but he didnt say anything, he justgave me all my stuff back and acted like it was nothing.. and then i kept trying to get him back, but he kept rejecting me. i was litterally down on my knees for this kid. until one day i found out he had a girlfriend. not just some girl.. the girl who dates ALL the boys that i date after me.. but thats a whole nother story.. anyways, i was devistated. i couldnt eat, i couldnt talk, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt go to school,, nothing. all i did was cry and cry and cry and cry. i tried talking to him seeing if we could be friends and stuff, but he hates me now. if i send him one text, he shuts his phone off. he goes all different ways in the halls so i dont have to see him in school, he wont even look my way. he saw me practically drown in my own tears and he didnt even care. i wrote him long long letters, i tried everything i could just to be able to talk to him when i need to, so i wouldnt be so hurt about the situation.. now, i have two weeks left of school and im failing 4 classes.. and im an honors student. i DONT fail. its not me. and im grounded because of it, so i cant even go out and try to forget it. its been sense thhe end of february... and still,all i can think about is killing myself.. people say they are heart broken.. but this gives heart broken a new definition. there is litterally a hole in my chest. and i keep getting maaaassive anxiety attacks in class, and i do go to counceling wich is sort of helpful but we mostly talk about my parents.. three days ago, she broke up with him. and he was very upset from what i heard.. he hasnt tried talking to me or anything but i dont know what to do, i want to talk to him but he'll just ignore me.. i love this kid and care about him with my life. today i thought i was going to DIE. it was the last day of school for the seniors. the last time ill EVER see him again. the last time ill ever get to look for him i the halls so i can walk by him.. that was the only time i ever got to see him, and today was my last day. and when i walked by him for the very last time of my life today, he didnt even look at me. it was so painful. he couldnt even have the heart to say bye to me considering im his first love and helll never see me again. i havent been able to stop crying sense i last saw him. i dont even know what to do with my life any more. someone PLEEEEEASE tell me what to do to get him back. ANNYTHING. I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP. we had such a good relationship till i cheated and we Never ever had one fight. but you dont even understand. this kid wouldnt even look at any other girls, deleted all the girls in his phone book, couldnt go an hour without texting me just saying he loved me, couldnt go a day withouth seeing me, brought me flowers randomly, did EVERYTHING for me. how can you love someone so much and go through everything we've been through together, and then just completely shut them out of your life? (link)
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Your 15. He might be your 'first love' but he won't be your last. Your not even a quarter of the way through your life. The only reason your so upset is because things didn't go the way you wanted for once. Your talking about how you were more popular than him and how your higher in your 'social class' to him. That just shows how conceited you are, especially that you pretty much only wanted him because he was older than you and had a car.
Frankly this is karma. You acted horribly to get what you wanted and it turned around and bit you. He's not going to want to be with you again because he thinks your a unethical, terrible person.
If you want any shred of dignity and respect for him you have left, you should accept what you did and let him be happy. And it is you that's letting your marks down, you Do fail, you let yourself fail, so stop being a coward and face your fears. He's not coming back.
It's a horrible thing to say, but you can't get it into your head any other way. You need to grow up and accept whats happened, do the best with what you have.
Now that that's out of the way, you need to think positive. You'd be surprised how far it will get you. Find something so insignificant in your life, something like a friend, a counselor, a teacher that has been kind to you and realize you do have something to be thankful for. If you want a successful and happy life, YOU have to make it happen, so start doing that. You can't just sit there and wait for things to fall back into place or sit around wondering what if's, take a deep breath and dive in.
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i want to do super nice things for my boyfriend because he's going through some hard times with anxiety and things and i wanna do anything i can to make him feel better. his birthday is coming up too and i want to do something nice and cute for him but nothing too over the top you know? he's turning 17 and i don't know what to get/do for him. i'm not really into those love games like "one free kiss" or whatever, cause he knows i'll give him one pretty much whenever he wants and vice versa haha, so any ideas for what to do for him? we've been dating for 8 monthss. (link)
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I agree with mommydearest, just take him out somewhere nice for the day and have a good time. It'll let him forget about whats bothering him and make him look on the positive side of things. It'll also let him de-stress. As for places and things to do, try to do something he likes or is interested in, or something a bit different, it depends where you live.
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I asked this guy out that I met at the place where I used to work. Well, we started talking on the phone everyday, but about 2 weeks since we had started talking I lost my phone, so for about a week I didn’t have contact with him at all. When I was still in the process in getting a new phone, I went over to one of my friend’s house, and my friend Sarah* said that she knew him AND also knew the fact that he has a fiancé. To be honest I was completely shocked because in a MONTH he had never mentioned or even hinted anything about a girlfriend, much less a fiancé. When I confronted him about it, he said that I never asked him, so he didn’t feel he had to tell me. He didn’t even get her an engagement ring; its just a so-called “vow”. However, BECAUSE he didn’t tell me I just assumed he was single.
The thing is, this past week, we have hung out almost everyday. I get along with his friends and am really starting to like him; WAY more than I should. For me, this is a big deal because I am almost 19 years old, and have been in probably 9-12 relationships over the past 6 years, but have not ONCE felt the way I feel when I am with him. I have a very hard time trusting people, so therefore I have never been heartbroken because I just don’t get attached. When I am around him I can’t keep my eyes OR my hands off him. I get nervous, my heart starts beating 100 miles a minute, people say I act too happy sometimes, and I feel those darn butterflies that people always talk about. I think about him all the time and catch myself in a daze in almost every class. I check my phone every 5 minutes (no joke either) to see if he has called me and I find myself always wanting to be with or around him. I know he likes me, mainly because he tells me and acts like he does in addition. We definitely have some chemistry; and its absolutely one-in-a-kind. We have NOT had sex, and he doesn’t pressure me to have sex, although it has come up a few times in conversation. Every time I see him its 10x harder to leave him… He calls me ALL the time, just to say hey and we talk for HOURS on end. I have this cough thing (kinda like *ahem*ahem*) that he responds to whenever I do it. He listens and responds to everything I say without me asking him to do so; His friends say that "ive got him whipped" and that he should be with me… and im not even trying to give them that idea. He takes me fishing with him and his friends, and picks me up all the time… His own fiancé wont even go out of the house unless its to get food or to go shopping with him.
So I guess my question is, should I stick with him, and see where it leads, or just get out of there as fast as I can? And do you think he really likes me, or is he playing me (even though there isn’t any sex happening). Keep in mind, its hard for me to get attached, so I mean I am emotionally stable and I am NOT worried about getting hurt. Im just wondering if in the long haul, what would be the smarter thing to do… Should I even still be his friend or leave it alone? Thanks for the help! I rate high for good, thought-out answers! =]
Madison
Age 18
(link)
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This guy is in a relationship. He's ENGAGED and your thinking about getting with him. Ok one, why would you want to be with a guy who's dating somebody and finds it okay to be with someone else at the same time? This guy has made a commitment to another girl, do you want to be with someone that doesn't stick with a commitment? Does that sound like he's trustworthy? He didn't tell you he had a fiance because he didn't want you to know. Even if you never asked, you asked him out, he should have said something then. This guy is not trustworthy at all.
And two, I don't care who you are, who he is, who his fiance is but you don't cut someone else's meat. I don't think anything good is going to come out of you dating or being with a guy in that kind of way when he has another woman. Does she even know your with him? Is she fine with this? Imagine how this poor girl feels being tossed aside for some other chick. It's just not right.
You can tell him "Look, I want to be with you and it seems like you want to be with me. Its me or your fiance, not both." And even if you do get him, is he going to be completely over his fiance? Maybe he's just bored with his fiance and whats something exciting on the side.
Look you can do whatever you like with this guy, and who knows, it could turn out fantastic, but your still young and you'll still meet a million great guys. Don't drop everything for a guy you can't completely trust and don't be so naieve.
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I LOVE to draw. Last year I went through 2 sketchbooks just during the school year (about 200 pages together). So yeah, last year was really awesome because I could think of something and just draw it as it came to me. And I could see as I improved. Now, I don't draw nearly as much :( Over the summer, I guess I kind of lost inspiration and just didn't bother getting started again. Well this year I'm taking art again and I love it, but it's so hard to start drawing again. I don't draw near as good as I did last year, I don't draw near as often, and my ideas aren't nearly as creative. I hate feeling like I have to start over at the beginning again, but I'm just not as inspired and creative as I was last year. This year, I've taken to looking at pictures on art sites like Deviantart. I love looking through them and everything just amazes me and inspires me. Unfortunately, it's the wrong kind of inspiration :( It's like, if I see a picture of flowers, I want to try to draw flowers like them. If I see a painting of a circus, I want to draw a circus too. I hate it because none of those are my original ideas and I feel like a copy cat :( How do I get my creativity back? Not only do I love drawing, I'm also going into advertising in the future and that involves a GREAT deal of creativity and originality. Please help :( thanks! (link)
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I know EXACTLY what your going through!
This is creative block sweetheart.
It's not something you can just snap out of and it's hard to get back into. There's no one way to get out of it and everyone learns to move on differently. I went through this last year and my year 11 artwork was atrocious. I hated it and can't look at it. I wanted to do something amazing and it was so frustrating and disappointing when nothing happened. But when you find the way out, you'll get out and never go back.
Firstly, surround yourself with wonderful people! One of the reasons i believe i had a creative block is because i was put into another class with a teacher who wasn't enthusiastic about teaching my class and the kids just weren't interested. You need to get your class so involved in art and just be around people who love art because that energy comes off them and affects you.
Two, try not to focus too much on deviant art. Those kind of art websites are okay for amateur art but you really want to focus on "real" artists. The people on those websites don't just create something out of nothing, they know different movements in art, different styles, techniques, artists and they get their ideas from these other artists and from their works. So you need to research movements in art and different artists, not just the completely obvious ones.
Three, visit galleries!!!!!!!!! In newspapers they usually have things going on in the art world like performances and openings and stuff so check out whats on. A lot of these exhibitions are free or have a small fee so it won't break the bank. Visit galleries and museums regularly, particularly as you get into your final years of school because they show you really what makes great art. Also, putting yourself into the art world can allow you to meet people and let you expand your knowledge of art.
And finally, if you have any galleries near by, try and volunteer there. Most galleries take volunteers and you get to look at all that art for free.
The way i got out of my block was just being around creative people that loved art. It helped me love art again. Don't push it though, your ideas will come to you when your ready. Draw if you feel like drawing and don't if you don't feel like it.
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I'm 15yrs old, female, sophomore in highschool. I'm turning 16 over the summer, and then starting Junior Year. And I want to pursue a career in art or dance. I have a great amount of natural talent in both of those areas. But I was wondering what my best options are?
I'm homeschooled right now, so from jr.-sr. year i could stay homeschooled, or go to a private school. (christian school) whats the best option? I took a break from taking dance classes for a year or two, is it too late to get back into dance? (before college, that is)
and what's the best way to reach my full potential in both these areas, before college? Becuase even though I posess natural talent, I know that nothing replaces proper instruction. help! (link)
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Personally I've never experienced being homeschooled and have spent my entire education in public schools. I'm in year 12 now and I feel that being an art student in a school has really helped me out with my art making. Being around so many other people, peers and teachers, you get so many different perspectives and points of view which are so important when your creating art. You need to see how people respond to your work and there's never too many ideas or opinions.
I think it wouldn't hurt to experience school and the more people you know, the better chance you have of finding an opportunity.
As for dance, I'm no dancer and cannot give you educated advice but i think if you want something bad enough, you just have to work your butt off to get it. Your still very young so don't just pick one career path unless your 110% sure about it. Leave all your options open. In saying that I mean you shouldn't decide whats best just yet. Work incredibly hard in both subjects and then after school you can decide which one you love more and which one appeals to you more. There's no rush as you can always go back to art or dance later in life in things like teaching.
The only objective i have is that in both of these subjects, it is very difficult to achieve a say...high paying career out of. To make it big in either industry is incredibly hard. If you decide to go to school you'll realize how much talent other kids your age have and your competing against a heck of a lot more people than that to make it. If you think you have what it takes and you want it bad enough you'll make it, then go for it!
I'm sorry i can't say what's better for you, that's completely up to you.
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I'm a 15/f who loves makeup!
I usually wear mascara and eyeliner, and it tends to run under my eyes so im always using Q-tips to wipe it off. And when i take my makeup off it usually all runs under my eyes, so i have to rub harder under my eyes. Anyways what im trying to ask is how do i prevent sagging, and bigger eye bags from all this rubing, because im sure from all that rubbing my eye bags are only gonna get bigger.
any advice!?
please and thank you! (link)
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Go to any chemist or store specializing in make up products and find a liquid makeup remover. Since your trying to remove makeup around the eye area, read the packs carefully before buying, as most will harm your eyes if you get any in them. I have seen a few that are removers for the eye area and usually involve some liquid on a cotton bud or Q tip and removes makeup reaaaally easily. Try a few different types to see what's best for your skin and what works best for you. Ask employees what's best and sometimes spending a little more gives u the best results. Apart from that, a nice face mask now and then tightens up my skin and don't forget to cleanse and moisturize your face after you remove makeup.
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