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humorist-workshop
abuse or not?
Hello. I have a very difficult situation and want to remain anonymous please.
I am a 26 year old very devoted Muslim (my father was American Indian and my mother Jordanian). I am married with 2 beautiful girls and a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often.
I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age.
This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice.
My parents sent me and my brothers and sisters to a Quran boarding school for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little. I learned a lot.
You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew.
But this teacher that trained me had sexual relations with me since I was a little girl in that school. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well. But sadly I had to have two abortions before I was 17 years old. He was the only one I was ever with other than my husband. His wife was the one who took me to get these procedures to save my family and myself the shame. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. But this is a shameful thing in my past I never told anyone about. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. It is all in the past. Until now.
My girls are now in Jordan with my family and they are sending them to the same school to learn the Quran. The same man is still teaching there. I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with five children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”. He is still teaching now.
It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other countless girls ?. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. But I don’t know what to do because now my girls are in that same school. They are young I am concerned that the same thing may be happening to them that happened to me. One of my girls, the oldest is doing private things to her body that he told me to do. I confronted her about it and she does not want to talk about it. She is the same as I was when I was her age. I fear the same thing may be happening to them.
I really want them to learn from this very good school, but I don’t know what to do!! Please advise me. My email is jihan.ali@europe.com
Anonymous
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This is a very serious issue and you need to do something immediately. Although you do respect this man and his family, he used his authority and power to take advantage of you. It may not seem like he was but he was much older than you and it was wrong of him to have a relationship, especially a sexual one with him. This man has most likely done this to multiple other women because he knows no one will say anything about it. If you want to protect your daughters you need to bring this issue to the attention of the school, the other parents of the students and to some kind of police or government system (I'm sorry I don't know very much about Jordan, I live in Australia and here we have the board of studies who are like an organization in control of all the schools in Australia) so that they can launch an organization and stop this man from touching other children.
He had a sexual relationship with you when you were very young and according to the law in Australia that would be classified as abuse and even rape (even though he was a very nice man to you, it's classified rape because you were to young to consent to such adulterous activities).
I've heard a little about the Jordanian culture and the huge impact of bringing shame on your family. The choice is yours whether to confess to your story and hopefully encourage other women to confess as well. I believe you should not be ashamed of this as he took advantage of you and that is very wrong of him.
If you are afraid to confess then still bring attention to this issue and say that you feel this man may be harming your children. The choice is up to you but please do something for your children.
I can tell you are a very kind hearted and brave woman and I respect you whether you choose to confess to what happened in your past, but you must inform the school and the authorities of what you believe is happening so that your children and the other children will be safe.
Urge your friends who you think have had the same experience to help you with this and reach out to other women in the muslim community or other women where you live who can support you and help you through this issue.
I hope that has helped in some way and please inform me how things go so I know you and your family are safe and well.
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