A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Whenever my boyfriend is stressed out, I make sure I am there for him 100% and I always talk to him to calm him down and offer to help. This usually happens when he's stressed over work or homework. Basically I'm really verbally involved and supportive. Whenever I get stressed, over homework or just for whatever reason at the time, he often just doesn't support me the same as I do, and that frustrates me so much because I'm looking for the same from him that I give him. Am I over reacting? A lot of times he gets silent and says, what would you like me to do? I dont know if I am wrong or not. 20/f (link)
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Sit him down and explain it to him. You offer him love in the way you want it given. But not everyone works the same way, where some people want words of affirmation like you give him, others need physical touch for comfort, or even acts of service. People show love and understand love in different ways.
He asks what you want him to do, explain it. In detail if necessary. It's understanding that it's frustrating, but you need to put yourself in his shoes for a second. He's probably at a loss for how to give you what you need because he works differently and the things that to you seem natural are not his default method of expressing himself.
Teach him what you need. Work on it. Expect it to be a process.
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My wife used to have very attractive breasts, about a DD-cup. After our second child, though, they just kind of... deflated. She wears a B-cup now and while there's nothing wrong with that, there is quite a bit of sag because they used to be larger.
I would like to suggest that she get implants - not to make them outlandishly large, just to restore them to something like they once were. I know that she doesn't have a problem with cosmetic medical procedures in general because she's had botox and she actually worked for a plastic surgeon once, but I'm afraid that if I suggest she get breast implants, she will think that I am repelled by her body. I am not - I just think that her breasts could use a little help at this point, and I'm not interested in changing her, just in restoring this part of her to what it once was. If she said she wanted me to take steps to try and restore my thinning hair, I would be fine with that (in fact, I would be eager to do something which would make me more attractive to her); but I don't know if she will see this in the same way.
Does anyone have a suggestion insofar as how I might approach the topic? From the women out there, how would you feel if your husband suggested that you get cosmetic surgery? (link)
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This is incredibly sexist and frankly disgusting. Your "I'd work on my bald spot" example does not equivocate to what you think being alright. It just means that you'd empathize with her if she was as shallow as you apparently are.
Women go through changes throughout life, it's part of their natural process. Telling her you want to "restore her to what she once was" is incredibly insensitive and self centered.
Suggest this and there's a high probability that you'll just end up getting a boot up the ass for your trouble. And you'd deserve it.
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Hi everyone!
So I orded two shirts from "365inlove.com" and they were $38. Well I recieved the item in less than 3 days, which I thought was kind of cool. I opened the package and the shirts didn't fit my fiance' and I, so I returned the item. (I had to pay an additional $8 for shipping) well its been about two weeks, and I haven't got my money back yet??
I've called the number thats on the website TWICE, and no one has called me back, and I even wrote them an email with my order number, explaining why I wanted my money back, and NO ONE has replied back to me.
I know several people who have ordered from there and has had NO problems, so my question is,
what am I suppose to do? They aren't going to give me my money back, and it's been before 30 days of the 'returning policy'.
Any advice?
It's making me so mad! (link)
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Call your card company/bank and contest the charges. Explain that the item shipped to you was not as advertised and was the wrong size, that you returned the item, and that their customer service has refused to contact you.
It'll take a few weeks while they investigate but you should get your money back.
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I am 16 years old and I have excellent grades and I'm doing every sport type I can possibly do. I am not a trouble make and not irresponsible. But I can never go out with my friends . All I do is learn and train every day of my life . Now there's this boy I have fallen in love with and I don't know how to tell my dad because he made it clear that boys are just trouble that I should avoid. What can I do ? :( (link)
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Today we add a new word to your vocabulary.
Assert. v.
1.
to state with assurance, confidence, or force; state strongly or positively; affirm; aver: "He asserted his innocence of the crime."
2.
to maintain or defend (claims, rights, etc.).
3.
to state as having existence; affirm; postulate: to assert a first cause as necessary.
You're 16 years old. You're not an adult yet, but you're at the point when you're at least supposed to start trying to act like one. That's kinda the whole point of being a teenager.
Does "boys are trouble and you should avoid them" sounds like a reasonable, well thought out position to take? No, of course not, he's just overprotective. He's treating you like a child and you're responding by acting like one.
You're going to have to stand up for yourself to him at some point. Tell him what you said here, basically. That you're not irresponsible and it's time you started having a life. Tell him what you want to do, go out with friends, meet a guy, etc. Put him face to face with the fact that you're growing up, because he hasn't even begun to start accepting it yet.
If he says no, ask him why. Make him spell it out. If he gives you reasons, explore them. Talk about them. Ask him what his specific concerns are and then tell him that you need freedom and he needs to feel like you're safe, so you have to find some middle ground which will let you go out and have a life but not have him sitting at home terrified of something bad happening to you.
If he just says something like "I'm your father and I say so" or responds angrily to you asserting yourself, you're probably going to have to get confrontational. His limitations on you aren't there because you're irresponsible and untrustworthy, but because he's afraid. You need to tell him that, and tell him that his fear is not justification for not letting you out of the house. Then ask him how much more afraid he's going to be when you go off into the world too sheltered to conduct yourself like an adult because you didn't get to practice while you were at home with him.
Once all that's behind you you can bring up the boyfriend part. That's something you'll probably have to defend no matter what. Just tell him that you're not going to avoid boys because he thinks they're trouble, remind him he used to be one too, and tell him that you like guys and are going to be interested in them even if he wants to pretend you're still an innocent 12 year old girl. Tell him that being in denial about it isn't going to change the fact that you aren't going to be his innocent little girl forever and he'd better get used to the idea that you're going to be a non-innocent young woman soon.
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I am 20 years old, female and my boyfriend is 46! We have been together for almost a year and a half. My parents are forcing me to break up with him! And are taking everything away from me untill I do. like my truck, phone, and are going to kick me out. I just started a minume wage job and can't afford these on my own yet! Not sure what I should do? (link)
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Break up with the guy.
I mean, really? 46? Are you so naive that you have no idea why a 46 year old dates a 20 year old? It's not even about sex, after a year and a half. It's because he's a gigantic immature manchild who's incapable of relating to adults or maintaining real adult relationships with women old enough to have adult expectations.
Your parents have every right to withdraw support. To say "you want to do this, do it yourself". Better that they kick you out and let you realize how stupid this all is and come back on your own terms than to try to manipulate you by partially supporting you and working to undermine things. You may never be able to appreciate the difference between ongoing manipulation and an ultimatum, but trust me the latter is by far the preferable option.
Please don't do something stupid like moving in with your 46 year old boyfriend.
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I've liked this guy for a really long time but I am super shy and I have talked to him a few times and he's popular but I am to just not in the ame way. I asked God today if he could help him to like me more and get to know me and we had 4 classes together but he never even talked to me. Can God do this? Thanks. :) (link)
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According to every sect of Christianity I've encountered god doesn't mess with free will. Who someone likes in a romantic sense seems to fall pretty squarely under free will.
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I dont know if this is the right category but I couldnt put it as abusive relationship because he has never purposely hit me.
Im 18 and female. now please no one judge me but im with a older guy hes 31 and have lived with him for nearly 4 months everythings been great and happy. Til last night he had a bit of beer to drink and we had a little coke and were having fun. Until we went to "bed". Half way through he tried putting it in my ass. we do get a little rough like i was handcuffed and tied down but iv never had a problem saying stop or no. Except last night he wouldnt take no for a answer next thing i know hes in my ass and im yelling for him to stop. He wouldnt til he finished, i was almost in tears. I barely was able to sleep in the same bed after. i dont know what to do. I dont want anyone knowing especially my parents. and i dont want to lose what we have together by leaving. so please help i just need some advice of what to do.
-sleepiesheep (link)
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You have been raped. He victimized you. You should not be in a relationship with someone who did this to you.
What should you do?
Get up, pack a bag, leave. Do not come back except to get anything important you don't want to leave behind, and do not come back alone at all. You should report him to the police. You should go see a therapist.
What will you do? Probably none of those things.
I can tell you that your relationship is fucked up. A normal equal adult relationship would not have you wanting to stay with him. You would be livid, you would have called the cops, you might have gone looking for a gun or a baseball bat. And at the very least, you would have walked out the second you were free and never looked back.
But you aren't in a normal equal adult relationship. You brought up abuse, but I don't think you understand what abusive relationships are. They don't have to involve physical violence.
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/abuse.html
Go read that. Then think about it, and be honest with yourself. No excuses, no rationalizations, no "well that only happened once". Does that sound like your relationship?
If not (highly unlikely) then you need to take a serious look at yourself, because if you aren't in a genuinely abusive relationship then you need to realize that you do not value or respect yourself anywhere remotely near where you should.
You are better than staying with a rapist. You are better than being a 31 year old's sex toy. You are better than not being able to sleep at night because the man lying next to you raped you.
No one deserves to feel the things you are feeling right now. No one deserves to suffer what happened to you. And most of all you deserve to not live with or be around a walking reminder of what just happened to you, to be in a relationship with someone who is capable of doing that to you.
A final bit of perspective. You were both on drugs and you might consider trying to rationalize it away as "he did something really fucked up once because he was really fucked up on something".
Drugs do not make you rape someone. Both myself and a number of my friends have done plenty of them and none of us have ever raped anyone.
Outside of that excuse, it worries me. You don't have the perspective to see it, but there is alot wrong with a 31 year old guy who has an 18 year old living with him who he feeds coke and booze and has rough sex with and now rapes.
You don't have the experience to see this guy for the piece of shit he really is. You don't see that he's with you because you're young and in love and that makes you malleable. You don't see that this guy isn't dating 30 year olds or even 25 year olds because women of that age look at him like a the walking pile of manchild scum he really is. You don't see that he's using you because you don't know any better.
It's time to grow up a bit, and it sucks that this experience has to be the impetus. But you need to muster a little self respect here and not continue to be with this guy. Because he's just shown how much you really mean to him, and it's quite obviously not even in the same galaxy as what he apparently means to you.
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24/f
I'm just curious as to what you guys suggest - I've gotten into kind of a pickle.
My friend is getting married in August, and has asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I'm thrilled, of course, and beyond excited for her, but as my subject suggests, I'm... very broke. I hardly have an income right now, and I'm on my own. I'm working my butt off to finish school (I graduate in May), but I haven't found a new job yet. My parents help me financially when it's necessary, but any extra expense aside from my bills comes out of THEIR pockets.
My friend has asked her bridesmaids to pay for our own dresses, and while they are (just) under $50, that's two weeks of groceries for me...
There's nowhere for me to cut corners, and I'm a bit reluctant to ask my parents for more help. I don't know if I should talk to my friend about the extent of my situation, or...
What do you guys suggest? (link)
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If your parents help, honestly, ask for help. If it won't be a problem other than your pride, swallow your pride and ask. This isn't asking for a new TV or help with a new car payment or something else which is about you. This is about your friend and the fact that your life situation is so tight you're worried you can't do what you need to do to be able to show up in a nice dress and be her maid of honor.
Asking for help isn't a terrible thing to do. If you don't want to ask your parents consider asking your friends. Do what you need to do, she wants you to be her maid of honor and that's kinda important.
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So, Im a 13 year old girl who cuts. I started at 11. Its nothing big. Im happy most of the time. Except at home. Im not looking for people judging. I have about 7 people i talk to about everything. But only 2 know it all. Im just wondering, what to do? How can i stop? Is there an easy way out? How do i avoid questions about scars? Do i just say i cut myself? Or do i stay silent? What can i do to get rid of the scars? Someone?? (link)
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Cutting is a coping mechanism. Something you do which numbs you emotionally so you don't have to deal with emotions.
Honestly, you start by finding new coping mechanisms. Preferably more than one. It can be reading books, playing video games, spending time with friends, watching a show you like, something artistic like painting or drawing, even just writing down what's going on in your head in a journal. All it has to be is something which occupies you enough to let you put a little time between yourself and your emotions so you can calm down and look at your life from a more rational perspective. Something positive which you can enjoy and do while shutting off your brain for a few minutes or an hour or whatever you need.
I don't know much about the scars part and honestly I wouldn't just tell people, but you probably do need to talk to someone about it. Pick someone, or several someones. Find someone you can talk to about what's going on with you who you can trust and maybe get advice from, at the very least just find someone who can listen well and offer some understanding.
Stopping is about willpower. It's about realizing that you don't have to do this to yourself to be OK with your life. So decide, and think up some new things that you can do instead of cutting. And consider talking to a school counselor or something.
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I am a 20 yr old girl. I have girl emotions and I think like a girl. But I am not irrational. As a normal person, I would even go as far as to say above average, I am very emotionally intelligent. My boyfriend (20) on the other hand is an emotional rock. And I don't mean hes strong, I mean hes empty and hard. Has a lot to do with how he was raised and a bunch of other factors that aren't really worth discussing.
The problem is I consider myself a highly rational human being. I listen, and I speak, but because I'm good with emotions I always understand the other person if they are being honest and open. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do with himself. The reason I'm asking for a third party perspective is because no matter what I do here I still get the same result, and I am going around in circles and that's just stupid.
So Miguel (my bf) is very smart. Type A very logical and good with math, not so much on the creative side. Basically entirely left brained and emotionally challenged. He shows in many ways that he loves me and I love him very much. We've been through a lot he went through depression and is finally getting better now. It was hard for us, we almost didn't make it but I helped him and through it he says I saved him. He is grateful and very in love. And I love him back. The problem? He refuses, nay purposely ignores my points when we argue because he is so stubborn and "scared" of talking. A lot of men are like that. But I really cant handle it anymore.
This is the cycle:
Lets say something is on my mind. Like maybe something stupid like I want to talk to him more through the day but he doesn't answer my texts.
I say "hey you know I'd like us to talk more during the day I get bored and think about you a lot but even when I tell you things you don't answer"
Him "I have nothing to say babe. My life is boring"
Me: "Well you could at least answer or just say bs or something"
He then goes to assume I'm complaining about him and shuts down, stops really talking, gets upset, and of course I notice.
I tell him, "Baby I wasn't complaining I was just telling you how I feel."
He then proceeds to keep being quiet. It's a struggle to get him to say anything and when he does its something clever/mean/or annoyed.
I get sad because this behavior makes me feel bad and ugly and basically like a nag because he just wants the conversation to end. Nothing I say can get him to open up, no telling him I wasn't complaining (that's like trying to convince someone you're not drunk), no asking him what he thinks because he wont answer and basically no feeling/reaction/input from him no matter how much I tell him I just want to have an open conversation, I just want honesty. NOTHING. I have to plead and talk and finally he says hes mad because he feels like I'm always unhappy that nothing he does is enough (i was unhappy until recently because he had depression and was overall a very mean man) but not anymore and I told him that. But he doesn't believe me. He also gets mad because I get sad and ask for his comfort and he says "I don't understand why when I get upset, I still end up having to comfort you!?" He is getting better with his depression, he tells me every day, but no matter how much I shower him in love and affection, I basically am the complainer every time I say anything negative, and nothing that I say can or will change his mind of that so basically I can never tell him honestly how I feel about anything that has to do with him.
Please, please, please, I want to be able to talk to him but I don't want to be the starter of problems and the complainer. Please what can I do? I've tried everything!!!!!! He just cannot and will not LISTEN to anything I say. How can I get him to just listen and not jump to conclusions?????? (link)
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From the frustration expressed here I gather this has been a problem for a while and you've tried multiple times in multiple ways to get him to talk to you.
It doesn't sound like he's going to.
The problem here is that it's on him. He has problems, probably worth talking to a therapist about, but he has to recognize that internally and decide himself that he wants to do something about it. I'm sure you've heard the saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
People are like that too. Desire for change has to come from inside, and that includes a desire for the way your relationship works and how you interact to change.
I would imagine that an ultimatum of any kind would just make him shut down and sink into depression. You said his family was a problem, but is there anyone there who you could talk to who could help? Friends? I think that if there was hope it might come from someone else he was more willing to open up to, but I'm also guessing he doesn't really have a confidant if he's not talking to you. Think about whether there is anyone else in his life who he might listen to, anyone else who could help you and maybe approach him with you, kinda intervention style.
Beyond that, you're going to have to figure out whether or not he's functionally capable of meeting your needs. I get the need to be able to talk, you want a friend you can talk to about things as well as a boyfriend, and he's not fitting the bill.
He doesn't want the same things you do. Maybe that will change, maybe he'll come out of this funk he's in, maybe he'll seek therapy. But there's no guarantee that you or your relationship is what could set him on that path. In the end, you might have to end it. Maybe not forever, maybe if he's got some time alone to think he'll realize he wants to get his shit together. And again, maybe not.
Spend some time thinking about what you want and need. Turn that honesty inside and ask yourself if he's ever going to be able to give it to you. And if it comes to an end, continue being honest. Tell him what you need and that you aren't getting it.
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I really miss my ex and we've hanged out a bit but I really want him to want me back and show him what he's missing. His best friend sure thinks he's missing out on a lot for some reason. Should I send him a picture? How would he take it? (link)
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Assuming that you're over 18, that's about the most pathetically desperate thing I've ever heard of. Do you find desperation attractive? What makes him different from you?
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My boyfriend has had really bad luck with girls. Hes had about 20 girlfriends and seventeen cheated and three died. I havent done anything to make him believe im cheating but he thinks I am. He wont believe me and he says if they did I am. I dont know what to do to get him to believe me. I love him so much but he cant see it. My question is how can I get through this rough patch? He basically just says yeah thats what they all say. :/ (link)
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Your boyfriend is a liar who manipulates your actions in order to assuage his insecurities.
There is no man on earth who has dated 20 women and had 17 of them cheat on him. That is a flat out lie, he made that shit up so that he would have a plausible reason to be a controlling asshole and make you feel sorry enough for him that you wouldn't just walk away the second his controlling nature reared it's ugly head.
The only real question here is how much longer are you going to buy his bullshit before you walk. There is no hope for you, he is an unashamed manipulative liar who hold you responsible for others actions because it lets him control you.
Run. Run fast, and run far. Or don't and watch him box up your life and put it in the attic in order to make him "feel secure" in your relationship. He keeps you on the defensive so that you're too busy trying to convince him that you're worthy of trust to see through him and realize that he does not deserve yours.
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Im an 18 year old female and a nympho. The other day I was really horny and my boyfriend was at work so I decided for some reason to look up lesbian porn and old men and young women porn to masturbate to. I'm not attracted to either,girls or older men. Later that night he asked to use my phone and let him,which was probably a mistake. He went to google and it showed the list of things I looked up such as lesbian porn and old men porn. I knew he saw it because it wasnt the last thing i looked up and when he saw it in the google window he clicked on it and left it on that site.The rest of the night it was awkward and then he started talking to me like nothing happened but I knew he saw it so I couldn't help but be quiet. Lastnight he texted me and asked why I was so quiet and I said because of what you saw..obviously. I don't know what to say or why I did it. I feel fucked up in the head for doing it and more the old men porn. Now he wants a few days for space to think. I'm fine with that but I feel like he just found out the biggest secret about me and I don't want him weirded out. Idk what to do or what to think. I love my boyfriend 100% and I don't want this ruin anything. I'm not a lesbian,never will be,I'm not attracted to older men..I just don't know why I looked up what I did..? Answers on all of this please (link)
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Just talk to him openly and honestly. Explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable because you don't know what he's thinking and you're worried he's judging you. Don't be apologetic, there's really nothing at all wrong with what you did/are doing.
If he has a problem with it, move on. Flat out, if you're the kind of person who wants to look at porn and he's either too prudish or too insecure to be perfectly fine with that, you two are going to have problems revolving around sex for the entire duration of your relationship, till death do you part if you take it that far. It's not even specifically about the porn, just about how he sees sex and how you see sex that makes you pretty sexually incompatible. You will, at some point, get sick of being made to feel wrong or ashamed of what you just want to do.
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I have been married for 25 years. Recently my wife asked me about my past girl friends. At first I did not want to tell her that I had been in bed with my first girl friend. However, I was too nervous to hide and my replies to her questions were with many flaws. Sometimes, the answer was contradictory and beyond common sense. At last, I needed to confess my sex past that I had with my girl friend. At that time she asked me about how we knew, the dates, intimate acts in the course of the dates and finally how we came to bed. Especially on the details of our acts in bed where she insisted that I should mention every details. After that, she felt that I was beyond her belief that she had so trusted me before to have done such thing. She began to doubt my morals not matching to what she had thought about me. She was hurt emotionally. Every now and then, she often asked again and again of the in bed details with my first girl friend. She even asked questions of how I felt at the time where I was in bed with my girl friend and compared the things if she was my ex girl friend. She always did the same interrogation and if there was any deviation with what I said before and for even any slightest difference, she would yell at me that I was a liar and a hypocrite because I did not tell her all the things of my sex past. Now, she insists that she cannot forgive me. She hates me and even sometimes asks me to leave the house. However, she finally withdraws and allows me to stay after she calms down in our quarrels. I have tried my best to ask for her pardon by saying that I am wrong not to tell her of my sex past before our marriage. I even beg her to forgive me by saying that I do not mean to hide my sex past. Of course, she keeps on refusing to trust me.
Now I want to know how I can mend this. I love my wife. I don't want to divorce. I know my wife also loves me in her inner mind. However, her grief about my past cannot sweep off. She often says that she hates me. Please advise what I can do.
(link)
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It was 25 years ago, she needs to get the fuck over it. She has no right to treat you the abusive way she is treating you.
After 25 years I know you're probably not going to confront her, but you need to buck up your attitude and be firm about this. It's in the past, and you do not need to beg or wheedle or feel ashamed. You need to stand up to her and flat out say "be an adult about this. It is a relationship that's in my past. It should have come out sooner but with your reaction you can understand why I was hesitant. If you need some time to deal with this that's fine, but you need to grow up and act like an adult about this"
Honestly, it's up to her. She can be petulant and petty and there's really nothing you can do about it. But you don't deserve abuse for a relationship that took place before the two of you got together and you shouldn't sit there and pretend you did something wrong to appease her.
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I took an at home pregnancy test 3 days ago, and it was positive. I instantly began crying, and have rarely stopped. I am 21, and my husband of 1.5 months is 23. I am in my senior year of college, and my husband just joined the army, and we just moved to our first duty station. I cannot stop crying, because I have always wanted to have a career before having kids. It was my dream as a child to be a pilot, and in September I decided I wanted to join the Army to achieve my dreams. But having a kid right now pretty much ruins my chances, and there is no other plausible way for me to become a pilot.
I started to talk to my husband about possibly having an abortion, and he said he would support me in whatever decision I came to, but he also said he would probably view me differently. I know that having an abortion is the right decision for me; it is only when I think about it, that I stop crying. But the thought of my husband viewing me differently, and possibly growing to resent me, that makes this decision extremely hard for me. And it is not just giving up on my dreams that haunts me, I also feel that having a baby now isn't what is best for me, and I know if I keep it, I will grow to resent my husband for having the career of his choice.
I am looking for advice, support, or thoughts of who I should talk to in order to figure out the best course of action. (link)
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Do what you've got to do, then go to couples counseling. Having an abortion isn't easy on anyone, and speaking to at therapist can help you work through it as well as helping you both address any issues that arise between the two of you.
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Hi there, I'm a fan of your column and although I posted this question publicly, I also wanted to send it to you because I would really appreciate you input.
Okay I'll try to make this short.
My friend and I have been friends for about 2 years now. In late September of 2011 her husband, her and I engaged in a threesome, then another one a week later. I visit their house about 2-3 times a week. Ever since the threesome her husband has been really flirty with me (but never in front of her.)
He makes out with me in their house when my friend is in the other room, when she goes to the bathroom he takes his penis out and puts my hand on it. I've given him oral sex about 7 times since September, but never anything more.
Another thing he does is we chat on facebook and have pretty inappropriate conversations about sex and 'things we would like to do to each other.'
I want this to stop, after all, he is my Best Friends husband. I get that this isn't his fault, I am also involved. I'm just nervous to tell him that I want to stop, and I don't know how, so I guess that's what I'm looking for advice on. Also, I don't know whether or not I should tell her.
Has anybody ever been in a similar situation where they engaged in sexual activity with their friends partner? I get that what I have done is a VERY bad thing, now I'm just looking for advice on how to rectify the situation.
So... Do I tell her? and How do I tell him that I want to stop without messing up the friendship that he and I have?
Thank you. (link)
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Tell her.
I really don't have much insight or advice beyond that. What he's doing might be alright with her, it might not. She might know, she might not. She might be in denial about it or she might just not know and get outraged and hate you both and divorce him.
I don't know. I don't know any of you. So the only thing I do know is that she has a right to be informed about what's going on and I doubt he's ever going to step up to that plate.
Go tell her. Before you do anything else, including talking to him about it. Take your share of the blame. Tell her "we did this together" and be honest about his behavior and about yours. That's all you can do. After that, it pretty much all depends on how she reacts.
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Hey. Im jasmine and im 15 im a sophomore in highschool i lost my virginity last year as a freshman and ill be honest i didnt use protection. as a result i didnt get pregnant at all as many times as me and my bf dont use them the last time i had sex was roughly 8 months ago ive been tested and im clean. one question am i lucky ??or what?? answer?? (link)
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Yeah, lucky. Couples are not considered infertile until they've been trying to get pregnant for a year and fail. Trying being unprotected sex several times a week at least for that time period.
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what does it called when having sex whith 5 people (link)
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At the same time is an orgy. Separately is an open relationship.
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This guy and I have been friends for about three years. He means the world to me. He's seventeen, a senior. I'm sixteen - girl, junior. Long story short, we've been through so muh together. He is my best friend. And sometimes, yes, I think I have feelings for him. But we've never ever talked about the possibility of us being together. Not seriously at least. He says I'm like a sister to him, but he would gladly fuck me anytime. haha. I really do care about him though. He just recently broke up with a girl he'd been dating for seven months. He called me right before and I went to go see him right after because he was pretty upset. I never liked him dating this girl but I pretended to be happy for him because I knew he really liked her. I was nice to her because I knew how much it would hurt him if I told him I hated her. He would have broken up with her. We are sooooo flirty with each other and he constantly hits on me and asks if we can be fuck buddies. Even when he was dating her, he'd bring up this inside joke about me owing him a blow job, and how when he's single I better pay up. Sometimes I really think he means it. And sometimes the idea is tempting. Of just letting myself hook up with him. My feelings for him are sooo confusing but we have never been able to deny that we both are extremely physically attracted to each other. We're very touchy with each other. Hugging, cuddling, wrestling, sitting in his lap, holding his hand. Bit we've never kissed. Im almost positive he's never had any doubt about how hes felt about me. He tells me he loves me and he couldn't live without me. I know everything about him. We text everyday, hang out every weekend,but he's made it clear he doesn't see me as someone he could ever be in a relationship with. Somehow, in my gut, I know were perfect for each other. I know well be together one day. But right now I don't know how much longer I can fight off this INCREDIBLE lust I have for him. It's just too many emotions, too many feelings, and I don know what to do or how to handle any of it. Please help me. (link)
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The friendship is doomed. You can't like someone like this and be friends with him. Jump on it now before he starts dating someone else.
Walk up to him. Kiss him. Tell him "That's all you get until you take me out on a date. I can't be friends with someone I like the way I like you."
Either way, that'll get you where you need to be. If he can't date you, he can't date you and you're fucked in the non sexual sense. If he can, that'll put it on the table as "it's time, step up".
You can't just keep waiting for him to make a decision.
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Okay, so im 14. And i started dateing a boy about a month ago. We are so close and we love eachother. But everyone keeps telling me that im too young and i dont know what love is yet. (Family members). I dont know weather i should trust them or not because ive never felt this way about a boy ever in my life. Am I too young for love? (link)
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Think about love like this.
When you're young and inexperienced, falling in love is like filling a cup with water. It doesn't take very long, but once it's full it's full. You feel like you're in love.
As you get older, the vessel gets bigger. You appreciate more about a person, get to know them on a deeper level. You are capable of understanding more about a person and about the world. So your cup is now a bucket.
This keeps going. You get older, the bucket becomes a bath tub, a pool, eventually something like a small ocean. As time goes on it takes more to fill the vessel, but the love means alot more to you.
The perspective your parents are talking about is comparing your cup or bucket to their small ocean. Compared to what they are capable of in the realms of love, no, you aren't really in love. But for you, you feel everything you can and are meant to at that age.
In a few years, what you feel now won't hold a candle to what you are capable of feeling then. But that doesn't mean that what you feel is somehow invalid. It's just not reached maximum depth yet.
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