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How to make my wife get over my sex past?
I have been married for 25 years. Recently my wife asked me about my past girl friends. At first I did not want to tell her that I had been in bed with my first girl friend. However, I was too nervous to hide and my replies to her questions were with many flaws. Sometimes, the answer was contradictory and beyond common sense. At last, I needed to confess my sex past that I had with my girl friend. At that time she asked me about how we knew, the dates, intimate acts in the course of the dates and finally how we came to bed. Especially on the details of our acts in bed where she insisted that I should mention every details. After that, she felt that I was beyond her belief that she had so trusted me before to have done such thing. She began to doubt my morals not matching to what she had thought about me. She was hurt emotionally. Every now and then, she often asked again and again of the in bed details with my first girl friend. She even asked questions of how I felt at the time where I was in bed with my girl friend and compared the things if she was my ex girl friend. She always did the same interrogation and if there was any deviation with what I said before and for even any slightest difference, she would yell at me that I was a liar and a hypocrite because I did not tell her all the things of my sex past. Now, she insists that she cannot forgive me. She hates me and even sometimes asks me to leave the house. However, she finally withdraws and allows me to stay after she calms down in our quarrels. I have tried my best to ask for her pardon by saying that I am wrong not to tell her of my sex past before our marriage. I even beg her to forgive me by saying that I do not mean to hide my sex past. Of course, she keeps on refusing to trust me.
Now I want to know how I can mend this. I love my wife. I don't want to divorce. I know my wife also loves me in her inner mind. However, her grief about my past cannot sweep off. She often says that she hates me. Please advise what I can do.
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There is something wrong here. I cannot put my finger on just what that is but after 25 years of married life to say,"she felt that I was beyond her belief that she had so trusted me before to have done such thing. She began to doubt my morals not matching to what she had thought about me." What could you have possibly done in your youth and sexual past to make her say something like this after living with you for 25 years.
There is something else wrong here and the problem is hers not yours. It could be any number of things that I would not even try to speculate on except for the following:
There may be a physical or mental condition your wife could be suffering from that has brought this on. After 25 years of marriage your wife would be anywhere from her mid 40's to early 50's. There are certain physical and mental conditions that manifest themselves at these periods in ages.
I would suggest you take your wife to her doctor for a complete medical check up to include: screening for depression as well as screening for early onset of some form of dementia. Even a possible brain tumor should be considered. You need to inform her doctor of the sudden change in her and her view of your relationship. This will help the doctor to know what to look for.
Hopefully I am very wrong about this being something medical. Though I see this as the only reason for such a drastic change after a 25 year relationship. If your wife receives a clean bill of health than the problem is something else. I am hard pressed to see where any person could hold anyone responsible for lawful acts prior to their meeting.
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It was 25 years ago, she needs to get the fuck over it. She has no right to treat you the abusive way she is treating you.
After 25 years I know you're probably not going to confront her, but you need to buck up your attitude and be firm about this. It's in the past, and you do not need to beg or wheedle or feel ashamed. You need to stand up to her and flat out say "be an adult about this. It is a relationship that's in my past. It should have come out sooner but with your reaction you can understand why I was hesitant. If you need some time to deal with this that's fine, but you need to grow up and act like an adult about this"
Honestly, it's up to her. She can be petulant and petty and there's really nothing you can do about it. But you don't deserve abuse for a relationship that took place before the two of you got together and you shouldn't sit there and pretend you did something wrong to appease her.
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wow dude,
I'm guessing that your wife is very conservative. Good for you for telling her the truth, but, well... now you're dealing with the consequences. Personally, I'd ask her what the big deal is. you were young, you and your ex-girlfriend were total freaks, it happens. you lived, you learned, you grew up, and you found the right woman for you. If she's this angry about something that happened 25 years ago, she either needs to calm the hell down because thats just unreasonable, or get her real issues addressed. Hell, she should feel proud that she got you despite your ex's feminine charms.
This situation can be resolved, because it's all in her head. getting her to admit to the real issue is going to be the hard part.
Good Luck, buddy.
-Gunner
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You have been married for 25 years and now your wife suddenly comes out and ask about your past sexual experiences? If your wife can't learn to put the past behind her, Then your marriage is doomed. Now you said you've been married for 25 years have either one of you ever had an affair?. If your marriage is rocky to the point where you fear for divorce then I would recommend going to marriage counseling where you two can learn to work past it. I'm sure your wife has her past as well and it is very uncool of her to act so harsh over something that happened years ago. If she can't get past something this small then I would too be a little nervous about the status of your marriage. Your wife's actions are harsh and she needs to get the hell over it
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