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He did something during sex that I didn't want and he wouldn't stop till he was done
I dont know if this is the right category but I couldnt put it as abusive relationship because he has never purposely hit me.
Im 18 and female. now please no one judge me but im with a older guy hes 31 and have lived with him for nearly 4 months everythings been great and happy. Til last night he had a bit of beer to drink and we had a little coke and were having fun. Until we went to "bed". Half way through he tried putting it in my ass. we do get a little rough like i was handcuffed and tied down but iv never had a problem saying stop or no. Except last night he wouldnt take no for a answer next thing i know hes in my ass and im yelling for him to stop. He wouldnt til he finished, i was almost in tears. I barely was able to sleep in the same bed after. i dont know what to do. I dont want anyone knowing especially my parents. and i dont want to lose what we have together by leaving. so please help i just need some advice of what to do.
-sleepiesheep
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I understand your problem. I was in a similar situation myself about two years ago. I loved my ex so much, we had just got engaged when he had a bit too much do drink and didn't take no for an answer.
Like you I thought I could handle it because he was my first and he was very dear to me. However from that moment I no longer loved him the same as I did before hand.
I was scared every time he had a drink or two and then he started working away from town and I started seeing other men.
I didn't feel any remorse and carried on the relationship for another year before I knew I couldn't do it anymore because it wasn't good for either of us.
I am now in a relationship with an older man who is not into anal sex remotely and that suits me fine. I still remember the good times with my ex and there are days I wonder what would have happened if we had an early night instead of staying out.
I understand you not wanting those you love to know about it as its a difficult subject. I did attempt to tell my family but they wanted me to stay because of his job. However they know you best and sometimes I wish I had listened to my friend who told me to leave instead of drawing it out the way I did.
Hope this helps.
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You have been raped. He victimized you. You should not be in a relationship with someone who did this to you.
What should you do?
Get up, pack a bag, leave. Do not come back except to get anything important you don't want to leave behind, and do not come back alone at all. You should report him to the police. You should go see a therapist.
What will you do? Probably none of those things.
I can tell you that your relationship is fucked up. A normal equal adult relationship would not have you wanting to stay with him. You would be livid, you would have called the cops, you might have gone looking for a gun or a baseball bat. And at the very least, you would have walked out the second you were free and never looked back.
But you aren't in a normal equal adult relationship. You brought up abuse, but I don't think you understand what abusive relationships are. They don't have to involve physical violence.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Go read that. Then think about it, and be honest with yourself. No excuses, no rationalizations, no "well that only happened once". Does that sound like your relationship?
If not (highly unlikely) then you need to take a serious look at yourself, because if you aren't in a genuinely abusive relationship then you need to realize that you do not value or respect yourself anywhere remotely near where you should.
You are better than staying with a rapist. You are better than being a 31 year old's sex toy. You are better than not being able to sleep at night because the man lying next to you raped you.
No one deserves to feel the things you are feeling right now. No one deserves to suffer what happened to you. And most of all you deserve to not live with or be around a walking reminder of what just happened to you, to be in a relationship with someone who is capable of doing that to you.
A final bit of perspective. You were both on drugs and you might consider trying to rationalize it away as "he did something really fucked up once because he was really fucked up on something".
Drugs do not make you rape someone. Both myself and a number of my friends have done plenty of them and none of us have ever raped anyone.
Outside of that excuse, it worries me. You don't have the perspective to see it, but there is alot wrong with a 31 year old guy who has an 18 year old living with him who he feeds coke and booze and has rough sex with and now rapes.
You don't have the experience to see this guy for the piece of shit he really is. You don't see that he's with you because you're young and in love and that makes you malleable. You don't see that this guy isn't dating 30 year olds or even 25 year olds because women of that age look at him like a the walking pile of manchild scum he really is. You don't see that he's using you because you don't know any better.
It's time to grow up a bit, and it sucks that this experience has to be the impetus. But you need to muster a little self respect here and not continue to be with this guy. Because he's just shown how much you really mean to him, and it's quite obviously not even in the same galaxy as what he apparently means to you.
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I'm going to be brutally honest, that moment you said "no" and "stop" it became raped. You were just raped. And whether you guys were drunk, high, or having a god damn gun to your head... it was still wrong. I'm sure you love this guy and he treats you... Well, i can't even say that because a guy who would treat you good WOULDN'T rape you or force anything you wouldn't want to do. But because you're in love you may end up staying, but don't be surprised if something like this happens again...
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