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What do I do when he thinks Im cheating?
My boyfriend has had really bad luck with girls. Hes had about 20 girlfriends and seventeen cheated and three died. I havent done anything to make him believe im cheating but he thinks I am. He wont believe me and he says if they did I am. I dont know what to do to get him to believe me. I love him so much but he cant see it. My question is how can I get through this rough patch? He basically just says yeah thats what they all say. :/
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I hate to be so cynical, but I have to agree with Witty on this one:
Your boyfriend is almost definately exaggerating, if not out-right lying, about his rommantic past.
This is not a 'rough patch' for him. This is a pattern of behavoir for him. He is using his imagined bad luck as an excuse to disrespect you and keep you anxious and trying to prove yourself.
You CAN'T prove it to him. I'm sorry. It's impossible. He won't respond to reason. The sooner you give up the better off you'll be.
End it. At best, he's a poor, lost delusional soul who doesn't mean to abuse you, but will. At worse, he's a lying, controlling ass who preys on women who are unfortunate enough to cross his path.
Either way, you deserve better.
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I hate to be so cynical, but I have to agree with Witty And DN on this one:
Your boyfriend is almost definately exaggerating, if not out-right lying, about his rommantic past.
This is not a 'rough patch' for him. This is a pattern of behavoir for him. He is using his imagined bad luck as an excuse to disrespect you and keep you anxious and trying to prove yourself.
You CAN'T prove it to him. I'm sorry. It's impossible. He won't respond to reason. The sooner you give up the better off you'll be.
End it. At best, he's a poor, lost delusional soul who doesn't mean to abuse you, but will. At worse, he's a lying, controlling ass who preys on women who are unfortunate enough to cross his path.
Either way, you deserve better.
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Your boyfriend is a liar who manipulates your actions in order to assuage his insecurities.
There is no man on earth who has dated 20 women and had 17 of them cheat on him. That is a flat out lie, he made that shit up so that he would have a plausible reason to be a controlling asshole and make you feel sorry enough for him that you wouldn't just walk away the second his controlling nature reared it's ugly head.
The only real question here is how much longer are you going to buy his bullshit before you walk. There is no hope for you, he is an unashamed manipulative liar who hold you responsible for others actions because it lets him control you.
Run. Run fast, and run far. Or don't and watch him box up your life and put it in the attic in order to make him "feel secure" in your relationship. He keeps you on the defensive so that you're too busy trying to convince him that you're worthy of trust to see through him and realize that he does not deserve yours.
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Hi there,
The previous answer pretty much says it all, but I thought I would add a male perspective:
Therapy. You have no chance, and I mean literally ZERO chance of getting through to him by yourself.
He needs to seek counseling, and if he will not go to a relationship expert to help him get through this, then you have no hope of reaching him on your own.
He expects you to cheat on him. If you stay with him, and are faithful for 20 years, he will still expect you to cheat on him.
I know from experience that being mistreated even once can leave you in a bad place as far as trusting a new spouse. If it happens two or three times, you start to get the idea that there are no honest people in the world.
There are faithful people out there, and you should find one of them for yourself. As badly as this guy has been damaged by past loves, he is likely to go that direction himself.
There is a certain mindset that says: "This is what is going to happen anyway, so I might as well do X."
I have some experience being on the receiving end of that attitude, and it sucks.
When you are in a relationship with someone, you MUST have fair communication.
You can get mad, yell, scream and flail your arms if you need get that energy out, but when you are both calm, you NEED to be able to talk to each other and RESOLVE things.
He isn't willing to resolve this issue, so can you imagine what it is going to be like if you guys had an issue that actually existed in the real world, and not just in his head?
That is right... it would be an impossible situation.
So, if those weren't enough reasons to seek counseling: PTSD. PTSD is an awful thing. If he has really had the run of luck that he claims, then he should have been seeking help for PTSD issues long ago.
Last thing: I, as a guy, have a hard time believing the numbers he is quoting to you.
How old is he, that he has had time to get into 20 serious relationships? If he is under 50, I would seriously doubt this.
This isn't a rough patch. This is a mental block that you won't be able to budge no matter how hard you try.
God bless you for wanting to, and being willing to try. I hope that after he gets the help he needs, perhaps he will appreciate what you have tried to do. Maybe then you two will have a future.
Warning: If you spend enough time with someone who has a sick view of the world... it tends to rub off on you. Please don't let your kind and loving heart be hardened by trying to fix him. It can't be done by anyone but him, and when he decides to seek help, it needs to be professional help.
Good luck to you. I wish you only the best.
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Leave him.
Trust me on this one. He will always remain to accuse of you something you aren't doing. He shouldn't be making you pay the mistake of his ex's. You aren't them. You are a whole new person. You aren't them. This isn't fair to you.
I know you love him, but sweetie- he doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would give you the benefit of the doubt.
What you need to do, is let him go. Tell him
"Stop making me pay for the mistakes your ex's made. It isn't fair. How would you feel if I always accussed you of cheating, just because a guy from my past cheated on me? Would it be fair?
Let him know, that you deserve to be treated equally, not just half. When he decides that he can trust you, than you will be here. But until then, you aren't sticking around.
He should trust you until you give him a reason not too. A relationship is NOTHING without trust. You will always feel like you are walking on eggshells. Is that how you want to live? You will never be fully happy, because you will constantly be put down for something you never did!
You can't talk to him, because he doens't care to listen. So your screwed. You just need to show him what he has, because obviously he is blind.
He needs to focuse on himself, and not be with you. He needs to learn how to trust again, before jumping into another relationship.
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