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strict dad, no social life
I am 16 years old and I have excellent grades and I'm doing every sport type I can possibly do. I am not a trouble make and not irresponsible. But I can never go out with my friends . All I do is learn and train every day of my life . Now there's this boy I have fallen in love with and I don't know how to tell my dad because he made it clear that boys are just trouble that I should avoid. What can I do ? :(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your father suffers from daddy's little girl syndrome.
If I keep her busy and then lock her up in the closet she will stay chaste and out of trouble. This problem has less to do with you and more to do with him and his memories of what he was like as a teenage boy.
You overcome this by sitting in his lap, with your arms around his neck and head on his shoulder. You tell him how much you love him and respect him. That he has raised to know right from wrong. Now he has to help you learn how to exist in the world outside your home. This is part of growing up and becoming a young women. You promise him that any boy you meet and date will pick you up at home so he can meet him. This is important.
I remember the first time I met my future father in-law. My wife and I were all ready engaged when I met him. Still those eyes spoke volumes and were were long time from being teenagers.
You need to build a case for dad to allow you to go out an experience life away from home, so to speak, but with him close enough to protect and help you. Before you go off to college where you could find yourself lost and confused when you should be studying and getting good grades.
This is an honest argument to make to him. If you make it properly I believe dad will come up with a compromise solution you should be able to live with for a start. When dad sees you acting responsibly with these rules you can negotiate later for more freedoms.
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Today we add a new word to your vocabulary.
Assert. v.
1.
to state with assurance, confidence, or force; state strongly or positively; affirm; aver: "He asserted his innocence of the crime."
2.
to maintain or defend (claims, rights, etc.).
3.
to state as having existence; affirm; postulate: to assert a first cause as necessary.
You're 16 years old. You're not an adult yet, but you're at the point when you're at least supposed to start trying to act like one. That's kinda the whole point of being a teenager.
Does "boys are trouble and you should avoid them" sounds like a reasonable, well thought out position to take? No, of course not, he's just overprotective. He's treating you like a child and you're responding by acting like one.
You're going to have to stand up for yourself to him at some point. Tell him what you said here, basically. That you're not irresponsible and it's time you started having a life. Tell him what you want to do, go out with friends, meet a guy, etc. Put him face to face with the fact that you're growing up, because he hasn't even begun to start accepting it yet.
If he says no, ask him why. Make him spell it out. If he gives you reasons, explore them. Talk about them. Ask him what his specific concerns are and then tell him that you need freedom and he needs to feel like you're safe, so you have to find some middle ground which will let you go out and have a life but not have him sitting at home terrified of something bad happening to you.
If he just says something like "I'm your father and I say so" or responds angrily to you asserting yourself, you're probably going to have to get confrontational. His limitations on you aren't there because you're irresponsible and untrustworthy, but because he's afraid. You need to tell him that, and tell him that his fear is not justification for not letting you out of the house. Then ask him how much more afraid he's going to be when you go off into the world too sheltered to conduct yourself like an adult because you didn't get to practice while you were at home with him.
Once all that's behind you you can bring up the boyfriend part. That's something you'll probably have to defend no matter what. Just tell him that you're not going to avoid boys because he thinks they're trouble, remind him he used to be one too, and tell him that you like guys and are going to be interested in them even if he wants to pretend you're still an innocent 12 year old girl. Tell him that being in denial about it isn't going to change the fact that you aren't going to be his innocent little girl forever and he'd better get used to the idea that you're going to be a non-innocent young woman soon.
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Sometimes you have to take life into your own hands and do what's best for you. Good luck with the sports though. I had good grades in school, never tried sports. You're really well-rounded, im impressed. Take the boy as a new challenge and see if you can handle him too. ;) haha
Hope things work out for you though, dear!
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