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Best Friend - Cheating Husband
Hi there, I'm a fan of your column and although I posted this question publicly, I also wanted to send it to you because I would really appreciate you input.
Okay I'll try to make this short.
My friend and I have been friends for about 2 years now. In late September of 2011 her husband, her and I engaged in a threesome, then another one a week later. I visit their house about 2-3 times a week. Ever since the threesome her husband has been really flirty with me (but never in front of her.)
He makes out with me in their house when my friend is in the other room, when she goes to the bathroom he takes his penis out and puts my hand on it. I've given him oral sex about 7 times since September, but never anything more.
Another thing he does is we chat on facebook and have pretty inappropriate conversations about sex and 'things we would like to do to each other.'
I want this to stop, after all, he is my Best Friends husband. I get that this isn't his fault, I am also involved. I'm just nervous to tell him that I want to stop, and I don't know how, so I guess that's what I'm looking for advice on. Also, I don't know whether or not I should tell her.
Has anybody ever been in a similar situation where they engaged in sexual activity with their friends partner? I get that what I have done is a VERY bad thing, now I'm just looking for advice on how to rectify the situation.
So... Do I tell her? and How do I tell him that I want to stop without messing up the friendship that he and I have?
Thank you.
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Tell her.
I really don't have much insight or advice beyond that. What he's doing might be alright with her, it might not. She might know, she might not. She might be in denial about it or she might just not know and get outraged and hate you both and divorce him.
I don't know. I don't know any of you. So the only thing I do know is that she has a right to be informed about what's going on and I doubt he's ever going to step up to that plate.
Go tell her. Before you do anything else, including talking to him about it. Take your share of the blame. Tell her "we did this together" and be honest about his behavior and about yours. That's all you can do. After that, it pretty much all depends on how she reacts.
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