I have a friend who is like pretty cool and the thing is that I haven't really had a proper guy as a friend before. Every best guy friend I've had in the past was someone that I liked as more than a friend. Pretty much when any guy gets close to me [not physically, emotionally] I end up having a crush on him. It's really rather annoying. So this friend of mine was someone who I thought I liked but now I'm questioning how I really feel. We get along perfectly, but I don't want to mess anything up. Any ideas on how to figure this out? thanks.
My opinion: time is the best test. The long and short of the matter is that, sometimes, feelings have a funny way of changing the better you get to know someone.
For example, you can meet a guy and not feel the slightest hint of attraction. Then one day, you're talking to him... You look at him... And suddenly you realize that he is attractive. Or you meet a guy, you think he's the most fabulous person to have ever walked the face of the planet... Then three weeks later he says something and you begin to suspect he's a moron. Both, and sometimes something inbetween, has happened during my dating lifetime.
So... I would suggest that you take it nice and slow and give yourself plently of time to investigate the personality of this new friend. Start thinking about the qualities you would like your boyfriend to have (dismiss perfection but have some standards) and what you want out of a relationship. Try to find appilcable ways to decide if this guy is a match or not. Also... Be yourself. Talk about what's important to you: your beliefs, interests... And ask about his. Ask yourself if you think that the two of you would be compatible. And until you come to a decision... Relax. (I know... Easier said that done.) Things in life have a funny way of working themselves out when you let go.
And lastly... While basing a relationship on attraction is never a good idea... You still have to be attracted. So... If what it boils down to is that you're not... That's okay. If you are... Well, you may have found a potential boyfriend. ;)
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im 17/f my boyfriend is 18. weve been together for about 6 months but have wanted each other for almost a year. he has a very flirty personality but since he has been with me he's toned down some, i thought. i went on his myspace tonight [i know i know, shame on me, i shouldnt have done that, but i did, it was the first time] and i found messages he's been sending this girl sayin hey sexy n he wishes he woulda had a chance to go out with her [apparently she moved] and that he woulda made her the happiest girl in the world and i love you and all this shit. what the hell am i supposed to do now? we've had some probs lately but i thought we were trying to work through them, he talks like im the only one he wants and im the best thing he's ever had. i cant exactly break up with him without expressing what ive learned but on the other hand i cant tell him i went on his myspace and read the messages. i feel so hurt right now i dont even know what to do and i need some help!
I would suggest:
1. Admit that you logged onto Myspace and read his comments. Apologize if you feel that you invaded his privacy.
2. Confront him concerning the comments that you read. When you do confront him, try to remain calm. Don't automatically accuse him of cheating. Just say that you read his comments, his comments disturbed you, and that you would like for him to explain.
Some people will disagree with me. But before you decide... Allow my to explain myself.
I have watched the marriages and relationships of my friends and family crumble over and over again. I have watched my own relationships crumble over and over again. From all the heartbreak and tragedy I have learned this: no relationship between two people, romantic or not, can survive without communication, honesty, and trust. Further proof: I am now engaged. We've been living together for about a year. The relationship I am currently involved in is the most healthy, successful relationship that I've had (my best friend excluded). I believe the reasons for our success are: we discuss everything, we don't keep secrets from one another, and we trust each other with our lives.
So... In my opinion anyway... If you want your relationship to succeed you _need_ to talk about what's bothering you and you _need_ to tell the truth. And... I would also like to add... While you can take the first step... For this to work he's going to have to reciprocate. If he doesn't-again my opinion-that could be a big, red flag of warning that you see flashing before your eyes.
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it's kind of along story but i'll try to make it quick...
when i was like 7-9 my dad was dating this chick and we were living with her and her son, me and him were great friends and he was my everything, he was like my superman, he'd fly in and protect me from my abusive sister and he was always there for me... then one day it all just stopped, i only saw him once after that like 3 years later, my dad and his mom broke up then my dad got involved in a ton of legal stuff... life was hectic.
but 7 years later (i'm 16 and he's 18) i ran into him through about 7 coincidental friendships, everyone just barely linked together.
so me and him went out for about a month, it was great, it was perfect, i was crazy about him and he was crazy about me... but then it just stopped... again (o i should mention tha the's always high, he's a pot head, like the worst pot head i've ever met he's never not high, i mention this because alot of my friends that i've dicussed this with think that this fact has alot to do with his behavor...o well back to the story)
through conected friends i heard that he stopped seeing me because i wouldn't "put out"... i couldn't belive it... then i saw hiom again at this party (which was at his new house... i was unaware of this at the time) but i got pretty drunk and we fooled around after everyone left, he wanted sex and i still didn't so we went to sleep, then in the morning i tried to leave without him noticing and he woke up and seemed like he was really hurt i'd try to leave without telling him... so we said our goodbyes and he told me to call him later that day (after i got off work) but here's the curious part, one of his bastfriends who i'm good friends with said that right after i left he called him adn he was all pissed off and i "blew my last chance" (like to get with him)
so i deleted his number from my phone and i decided never to talk to im again... but i can't stop thinking about him, it's been about 2 months since that day and i can't ever get him off my mind, he never calls i never call... i'm trying really hard to get over it, i've dated alot of other guys and i just can't stop wishing they were him or comparing them to him... how can i get over him? why can't i forget about him, i'm usually that person that doen't get involved with relationships and i don't get attached... but in a month he made more of an impact then this guy i was dating on and off for like 3 years... i really can't get him off my mind...
When I read this question... I wonder... Do you miss him? Or the idea of him?
Here is what I mean... When you were a kid, he was your 'superman.' He was there to protect you anhd wipe away your tears, right?
And now... He's someone else. He's high all the time... And at least from what your friends tell you... Sex had become more important to him than your feelings.
Do you think that... Maybe... You miss your superman? Not the guy he's become? That the reason you can't forget is that you're trying to re-establish your relationship with the boy you remember from long ago?
It's only a guess and I could be wrong. But if I could be right, then what you have to come to terms with is not the loss of him... But the loss of the person you remember. Obviously he's changed a lot... And I'm not saying that anyone here could really blame him for that... There's no telling what he's been through in the last nine years.
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WARNING: this is long!
I'm 16/f and my sister is rather annoying so my dad somehow favors me. It's kind of awkward because he feels like he can tell me stuff that makes me uncomfortable. Like whenever mom and him get in a fight he comes and tells me everything what he hates about her. Or he'll sit there and curse like a sailor when he knows it bothers me (I tell him it bothers me but he simply says "If I wanna curse in my house I will"). Also he'll tell these inapropriate (sp?) jokes to me and it's just uncomfortable.
About a few months ago he was diagnosed with cancer, he's fine now but now he feels like since he's had treatment and everything I HAVE to sit there and listen to him carry on like a little kid. I love my dad and it upset me that he isn't always getting along with mom, or that he drinks all the time, but I just hate the fact that he unloads all of his fears, problems, and jokes on me. I'm only 16 years old for crying out loud!
How do I make him realize I can't (and sometimes don't) want to be around him ALL the time.
Thnx
Sounds like your dad is having a rough time. Maybe the reason that he tells you all this stuff is because he feels like you are the only person he can really talk to.
Though... I would like to add that it doesn't justify his behavior. He probably has no idea what he's doing... But, most likely, he's violating the natural order of the parent/ child relationship. Some might say that he might be a bit co-dependent.
The only thing I could possibly suggest would be to talk to your dad. Tell him that you understand that he's having a hard time and that you love him and do want to talk to him... But remind him that you're sixteen. Explain that sometimes he says things that make you uncomfortable and that you aren't really sure how to respond.
If he doesn't seem to really understand and his behavior persists... I'd suggest going to see your school guidance counselor. It's advice from a proffessional and it's free.
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19/f
My boyfriend doesn't even care about me anymore. I feel like our relationship has run it's course, even though I want it to keep going. I want him to care about me again. How do I get him to care about me again? Or is this just over?
Other people have their ways of coping: Getting back and getting revenge, like seeing other people to make your partner jealous. A lot of people doing things to get attention, which is usually self-destructive, like drugs, drinking or being promiscuous. I don't want to do those things because I'm not stupid. Those aren't even the right things to do and will only drive him away.
I'm going back to college soon and I thought that'd be reason enough for him to see me more, like he should see me as much as he can before I leave.. but sometimes I feel like he'll be glad to get rid of me.
He makes me all these promises that he can't keep. It's funny because HE is the one who offers to see me on his day off, then ends up canceling after I had been waiting for him for three hours. This keeps happening, and stupid me, I always think he's gonna pull through. When we DO see each other, it's like he only does it so I'll shut up.
Every time I call and confront him about this, I pour my heart out and end up getting yelled at. He says, "This is exactly the reason why I don't want to see you. All you do is whine and nag." I feel like he doesn't try to listen. I DO understand that he's tired, but then again, HE is the one who proposes that we go out in the first place and ends up standing me up for one reason or another.
Am I wrong? Is he wrong? I don't even know what to do anymore. All I've learned is that I gave and gave and gave and got spat on in return. It's like I went against the world to be with this guy and ended up with nothing. I feel like banning relationships for a loooong time.
Wow... This feeling sounds really familiar. His name isn't Matt, is it? God... I hope not.
Listen, hon'... I can guess at his reasons... But I'm not going to because it really isn't important. What IS important is that he's making you feel crap and that just won't do. Sure... I don't know you... But I am thoroughly convinced that whoever you are you deserve a lot better than what this guy is giving you. I am also thoroughly convinced that there are plenty of guys out there that would make better boyfriends than this guy... And you'd be able to find them if you would just dump your current boyfriend.
I know that isn't what you want to hear and really... I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to face this (trust me) and I know how hurt you must be feeling. But you can't make someone that doesn't care about you anymore care... And you'd be far better off cutting him loose and finding someone else. Someone that does care.
Read, 'He's Just Not That Into You,' by Greg and Liz. This book is your dating bible. Read it, live it, love it. I promise that it will totally pay off in the long run. I've been there, I've done that, I own the t-shirt in ten different colors... And I finally found a man that loves me with all his heart that I love in return. Trust me. It's going to be okay.
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Well I've been dating this guy for 2 months now. We have had sex 5 times.. but the thing is I am sexually active and he's not. Often times when I'm in the mood he's not in the mood. I can't help but think that I might not be sexually attractive or something...and I tried to exsplain to him that it bothers me and he seems to get upset and says that he's not like other guys and just doesn't enjoy sex that much.
What should I do?
Whoa, whoa, whoa... That right there... Is. A. Big. Red. Flag.
Let's talk about the male sex drive for a minute... I'm sure sex drives vary for men just as they very for women. And I know that sometimes... Guys just don't want to. Could be that they're stressed out, could be that they're in pain... And that's normal and okay. But it's not okay when you've only been dating for a short period time and you're all ready having problems in the bedroom.
I can't even guess at the reason... But I know that you shouldn't feel like it's your fault. Whoever you are, whatever you look like... I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that do want to have sex with you... And as often as possible.
Run, run, run to the nearest bookstore and buy 'He's Just Not That Into You,' by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo. Read chapter four, 'He's just not that into you if he's not having sex you with you.' Hate to be the bearer of bad news... But it sounds like this guy is a curb-dweller. And when I say curb-dweller, I mean that he ought to be dwelling on the curb because you put (i.e. kicked) him there.
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Male, 25
My girlfriend keeps trying to push me into sexual things I'm not comfortable with. When I say no, she asks what kind of guy I am and such.
How do I get her to respect my decisions and not end up fighting as a result about it?
I agree with Young Grandma.
I'm disturbed by the fact that she gives you a hard time when you say you don't want to do something. That doesn't sound like a healthy, loving response. Try talking to her about it... Be honest and tell her how she really makes you feel. And if she can't respect your feelings... I'm sorry to say that it's time to kick her to the curb and find someone that will respect you.
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How do i get better grades in math.
If you don't understand something... Don't ever be afraid to ask. Whether it's your teacher or your parents, your brother or sister... There is always someone around that's willing to answer your questions and help you with this sort of thing.
If you think that you benefit from tutoring, or attending classes at a specialized education institution like Sylvan... Start asking your teachers or parents what you would have to get some help.
And if you'd like to try something on your own... There is this book called 'Math Made Easy.' I bought it a couple years ago because I had to take an entrance exam for a course that I wanted to take... But it had been a long time since I had been in school and I had never been particularly good at math. This book explained the concepts in a way that really was easy to understand and includes exercises for you to do. You should be able to find it in your local bookstore. If not... There might be other books that may be as equally helpful.
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well see i have this problem and between parents they fight all the time and i want to know how to stop them from fighting ?? please tell me some advice
You can't stop your parents from fighting. Whatever they are fighting about is far beyond your means to resolve. Far beyond the means of anyone to resolve. In the end, the only people that can solve the marital problems that your parents are encountering... Are your parents.
Doesn't mean that you can't talk about your feelings though. If your parents are fighting in front of you don't be afraid to say something. Just make sure that what you are saying is about you, not them. For example you could say, 'I feel upset when the two of you fight. If you need to discuss your relationship, could you please do so in private?' You're stating how you feel and how this problem affects YOU and trying to compromise... Which is the only thing you can do in a relationship.
And if you're upset about your parents divorcing... You should tell them so. I don't mean trying to convince them to stay together... Or trying to help them resolve their problems. I mean discussing your feelings, thoughts, and worries pertaining to the matter. How this is affecting YOU. I'm sure your parents love you, and they probably know that this situation is very painful for you... They just might not know how to approach the subject with you. Whether this is the end of their marriage or not, the three of you need to learn to talk to each other.
And while I know that it's upsetting that your parents are divorcing... Try to keep in mind that all three of you might be happier once this over and the fighting is stop. I know it's really hard to remember that... My parents divorced when I was twenty and it was still a very painful experience for me even though I was an adult and knew that they would both be happier if they weren't married. But sometimes... Envisioning a future where everyone was at least a little happier, and I didn't have to listen to them scream at each other anymore... Sometimes it helped me get through it.
If you ever need to talk you know where to find me. You're in my thoughts and prayers... Best wishes ;)
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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two years now. We've been having since since the second month. I've only ever been on top maybe 3 or 4 times. I don't know why, but I feel wierd in this position. I feel like I can't move. Or I don't know how to. It's really embarrasing because I feel like he's always doing the work. I feel like it should be both ways. Any advice or websites or somethin that I could learn how to move properly. Ha wow this is awkward. THANKS =]
My fiance and I discuss sex a lot. (Wow... I kind of feel weird saying that.) We communicate our likes and dislikes, and any worries we might encounter in the bedroom.
Recently we were having a discussion and I mentioned that when we were first together... I felt akward and slightly embarrassed in certain positions... And that, a lot of times, I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing.
My fiance responded with: 'You've. Got. To. Be. Kidding. RIGHT?!' He proceeded to tell me that I think waayyy too much during sex and the only thing that I should really be doing is enjoying myself.
My point is this... It's okay to feel awkward and embarrassed. The best way to get over it though is to start discussing these things with your boyfriend and for the two of you to get comfortable with each other. You should be able to laugh in your bedroom. And you should be able to talk.
Communication is the most valuable tool in any healthy relationship. So start talking... About everything... No matter how awkward you might feel about it at first. There really isn't such a thing as being 'good' or 'bad' at sex. Different people like different things, and what feels good for one person might not feel good for another. The only way for either of you to know what the other likes and wants is to tell each other. In a relationship, you don't just have to learn the naunces of the other person's personality... But also what it is that they want to happen in the relationship, both in and out of bed.
As for actual tips... You said that you feel like you can't move. Are you sitting straight up? Sometimes it's easier if you lean toward him. If you're nose to nose you should be able to move your hips a little more. And if it makes you feel any better... It took me a while to figure out how to move in this position too. You're not the only one, so don't feel inept. Just keep trying, and eventually you're going to figure it out. Don't get frustrated, and don't worry about whether or not he's getting frustrated with you.
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My friends think I'm going insane because I had a strange, but very true, spiritual experience. I was home alone, getting ready for a school dance. I came out of the bathroom and there was a ghost standing right there in front of me. I couldn't see or hear her, but I knew she was there. She had long brown hair and a ragged white dress on. I just stood there silently, as did she, and I was slightly frightened, but I didn't get and 'evil' vibe off her, so I just stood where I was. After a moment, she asked me where Wall Street was. I described it to her and pointed in the in the direction, since Wall Street is the street that is right by my house. I felt foolish, but for some reason I knew she really needed to know, so I told her. After I was done, she left silently and I went about my business. Three days later, there was a car accident on the corner of Wall Street, and someone was hurt I think, but no one died. I was freaked out because I felt taht the angel had asked me so she could watch over the corner and make sure no one died. Or something like.
My friends were rather uncomfortable when I told them, and they changed the subject after that. For awhile they treated me like I was mentally unstable or something. Do you think I'm going crazy? My father also got angry when I told him, he said something like, "You know ther angels are there, there's no need to talk about them!" My mom was the only one who didn't think Iw as crazy and comepletely believed me. Do you have any say on this?
Thanks for your time-
First of all... No one can tell you that what you experienced wasn't real. The reason why is that our sense of reality is highly subjective... And science and quantum physics actually back me up on this one. Science suggests there are dimensions that exist that we can not perceive because they are beyond the realm of our five senses. That's our limitation... We live in an incredibly complex world and are only able to perceive it in parts. Another limitation... While science has taught us a lot about the world we live in and ourselves... The more we learn the more we realize that there is still MORE we don't know. Simply put... We are primitive creatures trying to understand the infinitely complex universe we live in.
And how is what you experienced strange? Look at some of the things that people believe and tell me what's weirder, the stuff that people believe without questioning or you? For example, most of our nation believes (and I'm not trying to offend anyone I'm merely trying to make a point) that a man was born from a virgin mother two-thousand years ago and that he was God. During his lifetime he conversed with angels, cast out demons, performed numerous miracles... And after he died he was resurrected, ascended to heaven, and now exists as the only way to gain salvation.
Not saying it isn't true. Not trying to disrespect anyone... I'm just saying... When you think about it, it's pretty strange, isn't it? That almost seventy percent of the world believes this without being there to have seen it, simply believing this because of personal accounts written in documents dating bach many centuries.
The only point I'm trying to prove is that what you're saying isn't really that strange. Neither is it impossible. I don't know you... But I seriously doubt that you're crazy.
And if anyone is looking at you like you're crazy... It's not because you are, it's because you're saying something that is outside the accepted 'strange-ness' level of most people and it makes them uncomfortable. A lot of people are scared of what they don't understand or can't relate to. I'm guessing that most of the people you've told, haven't had an experience anything like yours... And that's why their giving you static.
Simply... Don't pay attention. Let it go, and eventually they'll even forget about it or pretend that it never happened. I'm not saying that you should do the same... I'm just saying that if you don't want people to look at you like you're crazy, you need to be selective about the people that you talk to about this sort of thing. Your mother believes you and doesn't seem to be uncomfortable about the idea... So if you want to discuss it, discuss it with her.
If you take anything away from this experience let it be this: that there exists beyond you something greater, something beyond your current level of understanding and there is a real connection there. A lot of people may be unreceptive to your discovery... And that's okay. This isn't about them, this is about you. So discover what you believe for yourself, don't let other people decide for you or get in your way. Because the experience is more important than what people think.
And just a note: I'm not endorsing any religion. I'm endorsing spirituality.
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I know this isn't exactly the right column, but this suits this one more than any of the others... but, some places online there are sites where there are lists of questions designed specifically to help authors make profiles for characters (age, gender, hair color, personality, etc.) and i was just wondering, if they have the same thing for your whole novel in general. Like lists of questions about the setting, characters, plot, etc.
like, "What is the name of your story?",
"What is the name of the World/continents/cities?",
"What kind of animals and plants live on this planet and do they differ from those of Earth? And if so, in what way?", etc.
Is there anywhere online i can find something like this? Because my plot keeps changing, I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my story. Oh, and if this helps its a fantasy.
Also, to go with the story, I am making a myth/legend to go with it. This myth/legend is based on the storyline. Any help or advice on making a great myth/legend would be helpful as well.
I would appreciate any help. Thank you very much to whoever try or do help.
Oh... Creating myths and backstories for fantasy worlds is probably my favorite part of writing stories! My suggestion... Read myths from different cultures and religions. There are a lot of symbols that pop up in many stories from around the world. For example: the tree of life, angels, demons, snakes, dragons... And it's really interesting to see how different cultures portray the same idea. It's even more fun to play around with it yourself. Try www.sacred-texts.com.
Unfortunately... I don't know of any websites that would help with the other parts of writing that you were talking about. But I can suggest some books: '20 Master Plots and How to Build Them,' by Ronald B. Tobias, '45 Master Characters: Mythic Models for Creating Original Characters,' by Victoria Lynn Schmidt, 'Story Structure Architect,' also by Victoria Lynn Schmidt.
As for the questionaire... If you can't find one, why not make up one yourself? Make a template in notepad, and add questions as you think of them. Then create bios for each of the main characters that will answer each question. (I used to do this myself.) Have separate 'bios' for the 'world,' then 'major cities,' and perhaps for animals and plant life as well.
Don't get too hung up on the details though. (I know this is hard being a perfectionist and all. I have the same problem!) Remember that the most important part of writing the rough draft is just getting the basic story on paper. You're going to rewrite and revise, that's natural and expected. You can always go back and edit, change details later.
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16/f
well ther is redness on like my upper cheeks like under my eyes. do you know of any good concerlers or founation. i would prefer foundation so my entire face would look flawless.
thanks
I would recommend Neutrogena coverstick, foundation, and loose powder. You can cover almost anything with that stuff... AND it's good for your skin. AND it's pretty cheap. AND you can find it at Wal-Mart.
You might also want to wash your face with a gentle cleanser and moisturize. I can't say for sure... But it sounds like you might have just really dry skin. Try Aveeno lotions and Dove cleansers. (Both dermatologist recommended.)
If you're skin is really bothering you... You might want to go see a dermatologist. The skin doctor knows all :P
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Why isn't Lilith mentioned in most private schools? For example, during my senior year of high school, I asked my Theology teacher if we would discuss the myth of Lilith. Disregarding the teacher and myself, only three people had heard of Lilith. Why isn't she mentioned more?
You know... I've often wondered the same thing. I think that, probably, it has to do with the fact that you can't find a direct mention of Lilith anywhere in the modern Torah or Christian Bible. I'm sure that both have been edited heavily over the centuries and entire books have been taken out. (For example, the Christian Bible used to contain a book called the Apocraphia [not sure about the spelling] I don't know much about this since this was knowledge I received via my fiance.) Tradionally, I believe that she was largely a part of Hebrew folklore... And the reason why she might have been edited out may have to do with references to Lilith in Sumerian texts that pre-date the Hebrew religion.
I wouldn't even know the Lilith myth had it not been for two references in fictional books. The Christian writer, C.S. Lewis, mentions her in the Chronicles of Narnia. She is talked about in greater extent in 'The Witch of Cologne.'
For more information you might want to try www.sacred-texts.com Great website!
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I'm 20/f, and I dunno if it's like, a hormonal issue (that time of month...), that I'm becoming anemic, or something, but since I ran a mile today, my heart rate has been randomly speeding up and slowing down.
It feels like I'm constantly nervous about something, but there's nothing to be nervous about.
My heartbeat wasn't erratic in any way during my run, it was steady as it always is. I started feeling odd before work, and actually calculated my pulse as 102 bpm a couple of times, which is ridiculously high for me. Normally, it's 78 or so.
I was standing in place when I did the calculation.
Also, I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but my left leg has been killing me for the past two days, somewhere in or around my hip. I had a stress fracture, but I think it's okay now, which is why I went running.
But this whole heartbeat thing is really freaking me out. I know, "stop freaking out, because when you freak out, your heart rate goes up." Got that covered. What could be causing this?
I know no one's a doctor, I'm just looking for nonmedical ideas, unless you think it could be a medical problem. Has anyone had experience with something like this, or...?
Immediately I think of anemia or an anxiety disorder. Both can be treated... Controlled. And neither, in my mind anyway, are considered life altering. (I've had both.)
Or... It could be some sort of medical fluke. Those happen too, even to me. I would say that if the sensation persists for an extended period of time, or if it happens again, make an appointment with your family physician.
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I have liked my good guy friend romantically for a good 2 years now, but the problem is, his parents are super strict and have actually arranged a marriage for him. I think he might like me back, but is there really any point in pursuing him? I don't want to get my heart broken...
What should we do?
My two cents: give up and let this one go.
I know that's hard to hear and I apologize. The reason I say that is because I actually know two adult women from India that have arranged marriages for their children. This is a very old tradition that most of the Hindu people I know still honor. And when the parents are looking for a suitable wife for their children... They will usually choose someone within their own religion (I'm guessing you aren't Hindu) and familiar with their own culture. Both of the women I know, when they started searching, started in India. I know that not all Hindy families are like this... For example, I'm sure that the writer of the book 'The Namesake' came from a very different environment. But if, at sixteen, he's all ready betrothed, his family is nothing like the fictional family of Gogol.
Not only that, but if you were to involve yourself romantically anyway, it could mean trouble for him. I know another girl from a different religion but with an equally strict family when it comes to marriage and religion. She tried to get involved with a young man that was outside her own culture... When her family found out that she was seeing someone they became very upset. They forbid her to see the young man and started following her around. Now, the entire family is moving out of state, and I suspect that this may have something to do with it.
So... Please, in the best interest of the both of you... You can still be friends... But I believe that the two of you would both get hurt if you tried to be something more.
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Im fifteen, female, sophomore this fall.
This boy is moving in less than a month and we've only just expressed our feelings for one another. There's an extremely long story from long ago that's not worth writing, but I still don't think he was really that sincere.
I haven't talked to him in weeks and seen him in months. I may be going through withdrawl or maybe I'm just in denial. Buut, I've convinced myself that I don't like him. I'm only jealous of his confidence, mad arteestic skills, style, and oh that HAIR!
I know it's only summer and there are other guys, but none like him. This one's special [:
So. Whaddya think? I think that if he likes me so much, he should call me for once. Just answering his phone would be nice. If that makes him sound jerkish, he probably is. But that makes me sound shallow and that's really bad. Ahh, I don't wanna be shallow! HELP
Just say, 'He's acting like a jerk.' Then you're not superficial because you aren't passing judgement... (Because you aren't stating that he _is_ a jerk.) But you're still being honest.(Because he is definitely acting like a jerk.)
And... Since we're being honest here... You sound like an extremely sensible 15 year-old with maturity and insight that far surpasses your years. You're absolutely right; if he liked you so much he'd pick up the freakin' phone. And while he might be special, I doubt he's that special. Besides, a special girl like you will find another confident guy with mad art skills, style, and super cool hair... One that knows how to use the phone.
Follow your gut and let this one go. That's my two cents anyway.
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I work in retail and I feel like my coworker has been flirting with me..and I may have been subconsciously doing it also.
He's an overall friendly/funny guy so he's nice to everyone but I feel like he approaches me and makes an effort to talk to me more.
He approached me today to tell me the DUMBEST joke...and I can't believe I started cracking up. He always seems to tease me and makes fun of me esp when I do something wrong (but he smiles while he says he...and it's not harsh; it actually makes me laugh). He doesnt tease anyone else as much. I didn't want to think that he was flirting with me but I started being observant to see if he was treating my other cute coworker females that way...and he doesn't..It seems like he puts more of an effort with me than with others. Also, whenever I'm talking and I think that he's not listening...He catches what I'm saying and may even interrupt or question me about it or bring it up at a later time. ---IS HE JUST HAVING FUN or is he flirting with me? I mean, am I WAY over my head or does he like me? It's driving me nuts because I can't figure out how he feels about me. Help me please. Any other signs that I should notice? Thanks for all your time!
My vote: he digs you. But... I've been wrong before.
My advice: don't stress over him. If he likes you... Eventually he'll give himself away, on purpose, or ask you on a date. But if he doesn't, and you meet someone else, don't wait around. I'm sure there are plenty of guys in the world that would love to date you... May the best man win :P
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Okay, I feel a little naive at the moment or at least misinformed. So, obviously the account I have my money in is not a CD account, but I do know that it is some sort or investment account, which is why i lost 3000 dollars. In that case, is it wise for me to pull the money out now before maybe it goes to zero? thanks
Don't feel niave. The only reason that I know anything about CD's is because I had one when I was a teenager. I hope I didn't offend you or anything... It's just that as I was reading your question this little red flag went up and I was afraid that your family may have taken the money out without telling you.
Truth be told... I don't know squat about investment accounts. I will venture a guess that your decision may depend largely upon _what_ company or product the investment account pertains to. If it is a great company or product that's just fallen on hard times... It could bounce back. If not, you might be better off withdrawing your money now.
I really think the best person to help you would be a financial representative. Since your parents set up the account, you might want to ask them if they have a contact number for the investment firm or the name of someone that you could talk to. If your parents ask too many questions, you could just say that you want to do some research and get some advice... Since it is _your_ account anyway. If you end up talking to someone that has a personal interest in your investment account, and tries to talk you into keeping it... I would suggest that you do some research and then try to make a decision based on the current economic trend.
And while I admit that I still don't know squat about investment accounts... I will say that I know plenty about bills and debt. It may be worth it to go ahead and take the money out now if you need to pay something off. Especially if that something carries an interest rate or fees. 'Pay it while you got it,' is my motto. But then, that's just me :P
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well, this is going to be really long and confusing. so, reader beware, you're in for confusion. here goes:
so, my boyfriend and i have problems like every other couple in this world. but these problems arent about cheating or not calling or ignorance or neglect. these problems are all caused by me. to him, i dont share enough of my thoughts. and thats simply because i dont want to run him off. but thats all over with, because i did.
we were talking on aim earlier and it was getting pretty heated. i told him i didnt mean to hurt him, but i knew i was. i asked him why he was so upset, and he said it was because i dont trust him. but i do! i trust him with my whole heart, but like i said. there are just some things that even he couldnt help with. he said that im giving up my whole life because i bury myself in my head to escape from the outside world. which is sort of what i do? but thats just the jist of it. sometimes, i just escape into thought and dont feel like telling anyone whats really wrong. is that so wrong? apparently to him, it is. and when i said that the outside world doesnt need someone like me, because i simply dont care about people i dont know(i know thats terrible, but thats just my inner feeling). i dont care about the environment(i know thats bad, too. but again. inner feeling), because its going to die, anyways. it was meant to. and when it does, everyone will just start all over. a new beginning. the beginning of the end. all of it. all of this "save the world" nonsense is just putting it off until later, but i honestly dont do anything to help the environment. i also dont care about my health. i smoke and drink when im depressed and i cut and he knows that. well after i told him about all that he called me a sociopath and said i dont care about anyone but myself, which is totally untrue. i care about my sisters and him. and the very few friends that i have. and i dont care about myself at all. God knows how im going to die, and he'll let time do its pleasure and make me die of old age, or make me die of smoking, or whatever. i cant stop what was meant to happen. i dont even know what a sociopath is, but it sounds like a mental illness term or something.
anyways...
we continued on this for a long time, and finally i guess he got fed up. i asked him what i could do to help, because i wanted to. and then he said that i didnt care and that he wasnt the one who needed the help. and then he signed off.
well, after that i just lost everything. my grip on reality. my sanity. all that? its down the drain. hes gone, so now my whole life is gone. i know that pathetic, but i love him. i truly love him and i always will. he was the only one in this whole world that i really, truly loved. this happened at about 3 AM. its not 5 AM and i havent gotten a wink of sleep. i cant sleep. i cant eat. all i can do is think, but barely. i have too many things on my mind right now, and its hard to focus on one little thing at a time.
but thats whats going on on the inside. in the physical world, i apparently ran to my friend's house and knocked on her window. she came outside and me, her, and her friend talked for about 30 minutes while i smoked two of her dad's cigarettes. (considering, im saving mine for when i need them) and while all this is going on, i had an anxiety/panic attack and couldnt stop shaking. its still hard to type right now, considering im still shaking. after i came home, i walked around for a while and ate a banana. now, there is nothing left to do and i cant sleep. i dont know what to do with myself. im scared of getting back on aim, and im scared to even go check my phone to see if he had called or left a message, because i know he didnt. i dont know what im really asking for, here, because i didnt even realize i was typing this until a few seconds ago, but any help or advice would be much appreciated. thanks for reading.
Okay... I have a lot of things that I want to say... And it's going to be kind of disorganized and probably long. Bare with me, here. I apologize.
You're not alone. I can tell by what you write and the behavior that you've described that you don't think much of yourself. Not uncommon. And I can tell you're a person that values their privacy and that you live in an inner world. Not uncommon either. And, honestly, all of these things are more normal than your think they are and...okay, actually.
Well, except for the cutting thing. Sorry, I don't mean to offend you. I'm just saying that really concerns me even though I don't know you... And point blank: stop it. Yeah, smoking's dangerous too... But you could nick a major vein and do some serious damage one day. I don't think you really want that, otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out for help.
I can also tell that someone, or several people, have really hurt you in the past. And that would probably be a lot easier to deal with if they apologized for what they did. But they didn't, did they?
It could be that I'm going in the wrong direction with this... Or it could be that I've hit the nail on the head. If I'm going in the wrong direction then please disregard everything that I am saying and turn to the one group of people that I know can help you...doctors. Actually, whether I've hit the nail or just smashed my thumb, call a doctor anyway. Do it. Do it now! (Can you feel me trying to psychically influence you? No? Crap! Ahem... Sorry.)
Anyway, if I am hitting the nail on the head... Keep reading. You may wonder how I guess and hit so close to home. The truth...
I was once just like you. In many ways, I still am.
If you live in your head... It's because you're an escapist. Being an escapist has it's advantages and disadvantages. And it's also reffered to as a coping mechanism. You escape into your head to get the heck away from reality when it becomes unbearable. There are people who will critize you for this, but what it all boils down to is... Everybody has some sort of coping mechanism. Yes, some are healthier than others. But we're all different, so we deal with the crappy side of life differently... If we didn't have coping mechanisms we'd go crazy. And when I say crazy I'm being literal.
And, as someone who has this coping mechanism and had to learn to live in the real world... I'll tell you that shaking your escapist tendencies are difficult, no matter who your boyfriend is or whether or not he's the greatest guy living on the face of the planet. What HE needs to realize is that all this had very little to do with him and everything to do with you. HE needs to stop creating drama for you (because that's what he's doing) and learn to be patient. If you're going to open up it's going to a process and it's going to take time. One step foward, two steps back. The boy needs to learn to keep pace with you no matter how fast he wants to run.
As for the whole, 'I'm a bad person because I don't care about the environment or people that I don't know,' I disagree. The truth is, you're no worse than anyone else living but you're probably a lot more honest. (That's a good thing!) Why do I say this? Because if everyone, excluding you of course, cared about people they didn't know... There wouldn't be war, sickness, hunger, or suffering in the world. If everyone cared about the environment, our planet wouldn't be falling apart. And if you can accept that the world will one day end and that will just be the beginning of something new... Then you're not morbid, your just being realistic and mature enough to accept that humanity isn't all that important in the grand scheme of the universe. I'm not saying you shouldn't care or that it would be foolish to. I'm just saying that you're no worse than everyone else. The only real difference is that most people are better at pretending that they care than you are.
I'm sure this rant seems pretty morbid. I'm telling you how much the world and people in general really suck. But... WAIT! There's more...
While the world is a beautiful, ugly place and humans are simultaneously both good and evil... You'd be surprised how easy it is to turn things around. For example, you're a stranger and I shouldn't care about you. But see... I read what you wrote, and I related to what you said... And suddendly, even though I don't know you and probably never will... Now I'm trying to reach out to you and tell you that everything's going to be okay. That you're not alone... Why? Because now I care. I know you probably don't care about me, and I'm okay with that. Because when you care, it's not selfish, and it doesn't have to be reciprocated.
So... If you're not sick to death of me... Keep reading.
I used to be depressed. Once I built a wall around my heart to keep people out. And let me tell you... That was one big wall! Think of it like the emotional Great Wall of China. No one could get over or around that sucker.
What changed?
It wasn't exactly one thing or another. And it didn't all happen over night. It was a process. First, I had to acknowledge that people had really hurt me and I hadn't come close to getting over it. I had to admit that I was afraid of the world. I had to look in the mirror and realize that I just didn't like myself.
Then... I ultimately had to realize that, while the world and people can hurt you, break your heart, make you wish to die... If I was unhappy, there was only one person to blame.
Me.
I think that was the hardest part. Taking responsibility for my own happiness. But while it was hard, it was also very liberating. I was finally behind the wheel of my own destiny. Mind you, I was lost and only traveling at about five miles per hour... But at least I was behind the wheel. You make the journey in baby steps. And while those baby steps seem to take so much effort, yet remain so small... There is still a sense of pride in oneself.
Oh... Random, wise cliche: It's not about how far or even where you go in life, it's about how you get there. Corny, I know. But the reason people still keep saying it is because it's true. Cliche's are funny like that.
Once you're behind the wheel, you're going to discover all sorts of things about yourself and the world. You're going to discover your myriad of flaws... And you're going to discover that you can accept those flaws. Once you accept those flaws, you're going to discover that once you accept them, you begin to understand how they got there and what you can do to heal those scars.
And once you've managed to discover yourself... You'll discover that you were never empty. That the hole you felt in your heart was just a great big lie. You'll discover that you were always complete. That you never needed anything or anyone to survive except for you.
Then you will be free. Free to be happy.
Once your happy, you'll discover the rest of the world. You'll discover that so many people believe the same lie that you once did... That so many people are sad and empty. You'll discover that people do awful things to each other because of the emptiness they've imagined. That all the people that hurt you didn't hurt you because it was about _you_ but because it was about _them_ all along. You'll forgive all those people that hurt you and never asked for forgiveness, never knew they even did anything wrong...
And once you've forgiven... The wall will crumble and you'll discover the many people that were standing, waiting outside that wall-trying to get in all along because they love you.
Then you'll realize... That the world does need someone like you. You, and I, we can't save the whole world, not overnight or in our lifetime... But we can touch lives, even if only in a small way. Because we can share our experiences... We can say, 'You're not alone.' We can tell each other, 'Everything is going to be okay.' And we can make it true...
I don't know if what I've said has touched you or not. If it hasn't, I apologize for wasting your time or anyone else's who has taken the time to read this lengthy rant. I guess what I'm trying to say is... There is a reason to be happy. There is a reason to live. The reason is very simple, so simple that most often we overlook it.
The reason is _you._
Not your boyfriend. Not your family. Not your friends. You. So... I'm sorry that he upset you... And I'm sorry if it doesn't work out. But if it doesn't, it's because he can't help you. And the fact that he can't help you is okay. The only person that can help you _is_ you....
And a doctor, of course. Call one NOW!!
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