A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Okay for starters I am 17 and he is 27 going on 28. (yes big age gap but i am okay with it and i think he is warming up to it). It all started on (myspace) we gave each other our numbers since he didn't get online much. he told me he has had dreams of he and I together and so have I. like being together and living together. I cant even get him out of my mind. one night after work he was parked next to my car. i know its stalkerish but i liked it! i though it was cute. tonight I am going to work an hour early to see him. Is this love at first sight? (link)
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Oh Jesus Christ...
No, this is not love at first sight.
The age gap is too much. If at 27 he is comfy with a 17 year old, he is way too immature. You are still high school age and he should have finished college.
Oi. You aren't in love sweetheart, you just want attention. The one thing he knows much better than a guy your age is how much girls love being the subject of attention.
::Edit::
I think I need to explain that.
At 17, it seems flattering that a 27 year old would be interested. At that age, everyone wants to feel older. Hell, half the problems with teenagers these days come from them having exposure to and the opportunity to try adult behaviors before theyre ready, and doing it because having sex or drinking or any of a hundred various other things makes them think that theyre adults and ready for that sort of thing.
Thats what he's playing on. As Rahzie said below, a girl who's been through a few years of college, living on her own, etc would see a guy his age doing what he's doing as pathetic. And creepy.
If you two had been dating for a few years, maybe lived together, etc, it would be ok for him to show up at work. Meeting on myspace, talking on the phone, and showing up to work an hour early to see him is not a comfy committed relationship.
::/edit::
That being said, he shows stalkerish tendencies and is way too old for you.
I'll put it this way. In 4 years you will look at guys like him as pathetic, for being 27 and being attracted to who you were at 17. Right now, it seems great, becuase you ARE 17. In a few years when you've grown up and he hasnt, it won't seem nearly so charming. Its not that you're that grown up to be able to relate to a 27 year old, its that he isnt grown up enough to relate to anyone but a girl around your age.
Thats not an insult to you. No 17 year old is capable of having an equal level relationship with a truly mature 28 year old. Theres just too much difference in years and in stages of life.
You're old enough to make your choices, but I predict crashing and burning in the future.
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How do Christians deal with what they consider inappropriate sexual urges? I am a teenage girl and I have desires that I know are wrong to fulfill until I am married, and because I am Christian and believe the word of God.
For example:
Desires for a person that a Christian is not married to.
Desires for a person who is not Christian.
Desires for a person who is of the same gender.
I understand that I cannot make the sexual urges suddenly go away since they have to do with hormones and maturing, but how can I keep them under control as a Christian? I love God and I do not want to disrespect Him or my body by giving into sexual desires in this inappropriate time.
I want to be the best Christian I can be and I know that means controlling myself when it comes to sexual activity. Are there ways to limit these desires to very infrequent times or are they something I cannot lessen no matter what?
I am also considering speaking to my pastor about this problem but I would like to know if that is appropriate to do in the first place.
Any advice is appreciated! (link)
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hmmmmmmm
A preface: I grew up Catholic. With the kind of parents who would have kicked me out if they found out I was having sex (I'm a guy).
I don't buy into half the rules about sex and everything else in Christianity. The way I see it, premarital sex used to be a very bad idea because there was no birth control. Having children born to unwed couples constantly was a potential source of difficulty.
So you were supposed to be married and committed to family before having sex.
Anyway, you have your beliefs, I have mine, but thats not the question here.
Desires are part of life. Desires are biological. Your body reacting to the conscious or unconscious recognition of someone as a possible mate based on whatever criteria you have.
These don't go away. Even priests and ministers and such have these desires (though I think only priests are disallowed a family and thus a normal viable outlet)They aren't going anywhere, and you aren't going to be able to just make them go away until a convenient time.
My first suggestion would be masturbate, but I have no clue if you'd consider that disrespect or not, or what have you. Masturbation is the most common healthy, normal outlet for sexual desire that you don't want to involve others in.
It allows you release without any of the risks or issues associated with sex.
Other than that, occupy yourself. Get a book, put on a movie, play a game, go outside. Physical activity is good, often times if you tire yourself out you don't have the energy to be horny. Go ride a bike, jog, roller blade, or play a sport or something.
Though, you should be warned. Humans build up what is called "sexual tension"
That is, we have desires that grow with not addressed. Hunger and sex are two examples. This means that the longer you go without some kind of release, the stronger the urges get.
Usually this results in dreams about sex and midnight orgasms. If you've heard jokes about guys with "wet dreams" its usually because they aren't getting laid and aren't masturbating. Women do it too, you just don't leave as much evidence.
A build up of sexual tension is going to bleed over into the rest of your life.
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I am 21 and a few months ago i became engaged to my boyfriend of several months. I went to college in another state where he was playing in the minor baseball league. My parents had never met him and when i called to tell them that not only had i met a guy but we were engaged they were pretty upset. The wedding is now 2 weeks away and my fiance and i are leaving tomorrow to go home for the wedding. (We decided to get married in my home town)Yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. I'm not sure if i should wait until after the wedding has happened before i tell my parents or tell them right away. They are very conservative and since they didn't take to well to me marrying someone they haven't met yet, i'm pretty sure they won't take it to well that i'm already pregnant.
My thought was to just wait and tell them that it happened on our honeymoon thinking that they would at least feel better about the fact that it happened after we were married. Any other ideas? (link)
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Lie.
1) Its really not their business.
2) They don't have to know the baby wasn't early. Its not like they're going to get to interview your doctor, and your gyno isnt going to tell them anything you don't want him to.
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Ok so there is this girl at my high school that NOBODY likes. She's obnoxious, rude, full of herself, and mean! She doesnt have many friends so one day she was sitting alone and she asked to sit at our table at lunch. And being a nice person, I said Yes!! She is being extremely rude, annoying, etc. So me and two other girls decided that this was enough and we left the table. I really want to sit with my other friends at the lunch table, but we dont know how to get this girl to leave without being so mean. What should i do? (link)
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Meh.
There are two ways to be nice.
You can choose to try to lie to her, coddle her, and let her think that its ok for her to be the way she is.
Or you can be honest with her. Tell her politely that she was rude to you after she asked to eat with you and that you don't want to sit next to someone who you don't know who is going to be rude to you.
Truthfully, I think blatant honest rejection helps these kinds of personalities. Don't be mean, don't call her names, just let her know that you don't want to associate with someone who treats people like she does.
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Hi. I'm 18, and yes, I am an adult living at home with my parents.
I hate being here. My parents try and live for me. I know that while I live under their roof, rules apply, and that I need to respect the rules and my parents. But I think my mom's too controlling. I still have a curfew (usually around midnight. EVERY night). My mom insists on meeting every friend I make before she allows me out of the house with them, and I'm FORBIDDEN to go to dance clubs or even the hookah bar a lot of my friends chill (even though I don't smoke, and she knows that). Everytime we argue, she ends up screaming at me, and when she gets really mad, she'll take my bedroom door away. She has to know where I am at all times, and if I'm not doing something she approved of, she'll take my cell (she pays the bill), my car keys (she pays for my car insurance), and my debit card (she's cosigned on it).
If I had enough money left over from paying for school, I would support myself and move out. But I can't afford anything besides school right now, and that's a priority. But I have NO freedom, and mom and i fight constantly.
tonight she actually wouldnt let me visit my boyfriend because he and I recently fought and mom thought it'd be best if i "didn't forgive him yet".
She's controlling my life completely and I'm on the verge of a breakdown. The very thought of coming home to her after class each day makes me want to cry, and I often do on the way home. She insists all my emotional stuff is "drama" and that she is never wrong.
What do I do to cope?
please help. (link)
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...
My parents and I don't speak anymore for reasons like this. So, to be honest I don't have much advice to give you about coping and not going insane.
You're old enough to make your own choices, but parents often don't remember this. I had that too. I moved out, I began supporting myself and making my own choices, but they still saw me as the high school kid with the curfew. Plus, my parents are Catholic, so I had the added religious bullshit like "are you going to church?" and "youre not having premarital sex, right?"
Anyway, my reaction to this was to establish as much independence as possible. It was much easier being in another city, but I still began to take things out of their control. Mostly through having a job and not having to worry about them cutting off my phone service, things of that nature. I eventually even arranged to get a car in my own name so they couldn't repo it when we fought.
Being at home is going to be difficult, but you can do little things to establish your independence. Phone is an easy one. A part time job would more than pay for phone service and a few extra goodies, and not being able to threaten your phone is a way you can say "No, I am an adult, and you will not place childish limits on me "for my own good" because I still live in your house"
One idea that I have, that worked a little bit, is that I talked to my parents and told them that I would be more than willing to work on things that cause house disruption.
If you do things that disrupt the household alot, you know bring friends over unannounced or stay out till 5 am without saying anything before hand, eating things planned to make dinner with, etc, they have every right to be pissed off.
But your boyfriend? Taking your bedroom door away?
Oh, and how to argue with your mom? Out-mature her.
1) Do not yell or cry. Don't even be frustrated. Be tired and exasperated because your mother is acting like a child. When she starts yelling ask her if she can please use a civil tone.
2) When she starts yelling, just stop talking entirely, don't give her any acknowledgement, and just wait for her to wind down. When she stops talking entirely WAITING for you to respond, continue as if the yelling never started.
3) If she interrupts you, ask her not to. Parents do this alot, because obviously being older whatever they have to say takes precedence.
If she interrupts you try to continue speaking. If she doesnt stop, wait for her to finish and tell her that you aren't going to discuss things with her if she can't stop herself from interrupting you.
Be willing to raise your tone a little and tell her "Stop! Stop Interrupting me!" Ive bitched my parents out (thus getting to vent and not get in trouble for it) for interrupting me several times.
Demand to be treated like an adult and refuse to accept anything less, and she won't have a choice.
Get a separate bank account. Take a job, and pay for your phone. Hell, if the car is in your name, get the insurance in your name as well and refuse to hand over your keys.
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Ok well there's this guy, named ummm B. Yeah, it was a wednesday that I met him. Sometimes I instantly like people. Sometimes I instantly dislike them. Besides that though he was one of the ones I liked. Well we started dating later that night or whatever. See he doesn't live in the city I do. It's kinda the next one over but it's kinda close. Well Friday I asked him to come to my school's football game. I'm 15 and he's 17. So he graduated already. & he showed up and everything was good. Later Friday night though he tells me that we rush into a relationship. Which I understand. & That he'll need time getting to know me. Well the only thing he's asking is for me to send him "pictures". Only because he wants to see if he trusts me or I trust him. Some bullshit.
Am I being used though? (link)
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Yes, you are being used.
He doesnt want pictures because he wants to know you trust him, he wants pictures because he's a horny little bastard and wants to brag.
Guys are full of shit. I am one, and I would know.
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I am a full time student through a community college but since I registered late, it's independent work I do at home. So I'm at home like all the time, my boyfriend works full time (we live together). I can't find a job. My friends and his are all away at school so at night are seriously bored to tears and get very very irritated with each other and frustrated that there's nothing to do. I seriously get so upset that we are such losers...we're only 20 and we live like 70 year olds! The days are just so long and monotonous because I'm stuck at home doing school work (and because I can't drive) and the nights are depressing and boring and awful. The spark is like gone from our relationship, seriously, because we are so pathetic and bored and there's nothing to do together at night. What can I do? I seriously can't go on like this, it's awful... (link)
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You're in a rut.
Been there. I live with my girlfriend, we work at the same place, have the same days off, and every day is almost exactly like the day before it.
The trick is, to work up the energy and motivation to do something fun.
- Develop a hobby. You need something you can do on a regular basis thats just for you, and just for your own fun. Go start buying books. Get a bike. Get a video game. Build something. Start renting TV series from blockbuster.
- Develop some easy duo activities. Go see a movie together, or go play miniature golf, or anything you can enjoy. A blockbuster membership does wonders, because even if you're always watching movies you can always be watching NEW movies.
- Spice up the bedroom. Try something new. Spark isnt something that stays, its something that must be worked, even fought for. You have to take it upon yourselves to maintain the passion with each other. It'll help everything, because couples who have lots of sex usually fight less.
- Be more affectionate. Give him headrubs, backrubs, take a second out of what you're doing to go kiss him and rub his neck. Try to get him to do the same, ask for a backrub or a neckrub while watching a movie or something together.
- Communicate more. Talk to him about how you feel, and ask him how he feels. Tell him that you don't want to be upset around and with him all the time, and you don't want to piss him off or upset him either.
- Make friends. It can be terrible when you only see one person every day. Maybe consider investing in a bike and riding to campus for classes so that you meet some new people. Bring someone home to hang out, or go visit some new friends. People are good, I'd go crazy if the only person I saw every day was the GF.
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So i have inverted nipples and i have never told anyone about them. well this guys likes me and I like him but he is one of those guys who has like had sex already and all that so he is like a player i guess you could say. but he claims this time is different so he wants a relationship with me. the other day we madeout alot of times. and he started to go down my shirt. I stopped him b.c i didnt want to tell him. I am afraid that if we go out and i tell him he will break up with me and tell everyone. cuase he usually tells everyone everything. ahh hellp me (link)
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Stay away.
He's an immature little brat who uses the "I want a relationship this time" line. He's already showed you that he's going to make moves as fast as he can.
Avoid him. Even if your nipples don't become conversation everything else you do will. Do you really want stories around your school "oh yeah she let him do this and this and this, shes a total slut" as is pretty common in high school and middle school these days.
Find a guy who wants to date you, who would rather talk to you than just make out endlessly or more.
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I'm 17 years old and was adopted a little over 10 years ago by people I love very much. I can't help but wonder, though, about my real family. I have so many questions I want to ask them and I just want to know who they are. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship - I don't think I could ever even consider calling them mom or dad, but I just have so many thoughts going on.
I'm afraid of hurting my parents - my adopted parents, that is. I don't want to tell them that I want to search for my birth parents because I don't want to upset them. I'm happy that they adopted me and even though we don't always get along, I know I have a better life here than I would have.
Would I be hurting my parents too much if I tell them I want to search for my birth parents? Should I just give up and try to forget about it?
I don't know what I'd say if I found my biological parents, I just feel like it's something I need to do, but I don't want to hurt my mom or dad.
HELP?! (link)
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Having adopted you at 7, I'm pretty sure theyre expecting this of you at some point.
Heres how you cushion it.
Don't call them "your real family" call them "my biological parents" or something to that effect.
You won't forget about it. I mean, if you want to wait on it, you should, but you will always be curious. You will probably make that search some day.
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16/f
Okay, well the guy i like says that i am pretty and he wants to get to know me first before anything happens. We haven't really talked that much so i'm not sure, how he is. But anyways, at a party i went to friday night, he came up to me and talked to me some and then gave me two hugs and said that he would call me that night. Well, he never called me. He hasn't called me all day today either. Also, my friend (camille) called me and she dosen't get signal where she is at right now and said that my friend i was talking to friday after the game (sandra) said that i told her that he was going to ask me out monday at school. I never told her that, i told her that i liked him and I HOPE HE ASKES ME OUT. I think she mis understood me because it was loud at the party and when i was leaving she called me on the phone and i told her. She is his friend to and she rides his bus and i hope she dosen't say "Brandon! Lindsey (me) told me that you were going to ask her out today." I don't want her to say that because i don't want to have him think that i think that. I can't call her and tell her because she is out of town. What do i do? (link)
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Hah.
Don't worry.
Next time you talk to your friend, ask her if she saw him, and what was said.
If she gave away that you want him to or think he is going to ask you out, just go talk to him. Stay around him and flirt an consider dropping a hint that you'd like to go do something some time. Let him know in case he's worried that you like the idea of him asking you out.
From there, he probably will. It can be nerve wracking trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. Just smile at him alot and moan about how you don't have _anything_ to do this weekend and wish someone would make some plans with you to do something.
If he still doesnt ask you out and becomes really nervous, just ask him if he'd like to take you to a movie.
::Edit::
The below advice from "He's just not that into you" is incorrect. If a guy expresses interest and hugs you and says he's going to call you and doesnt, he either forgot completely (we do that, even on important things) or he's really, really nervous.
As to him actually not being interested, its possible, but unlikely. Guys who are douche bags and flirt around without caring much usually don't hug you twice and promise to call. The hugging is a sign of wanting to be physically close to you without wanting to do anything presumptuous.
Give him some wide openings the next time you see him and see how well he reads between the lines.
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Heyy! please answer this, im so confused on what to do and i need to handle this situation.
the first boy ive ever loved, kissed, gone out with, all of that is still in my head. we started daitng 3 years ago (wer both 14 now) and hes been in my head ever sense. i know he feels the same way and its scary because no matter how many times we break up we aways go back to eachother. it feels like we were destined to be together. and ithink we might be eventually. but...
whenever we have a relationship it gets so serous that im scared to even talk to him. if i do, we flirt nonstop, make all of these plans, and im scared where ittle leade. ive never been able to really get over him, i get butterflys just looking at him and i know he feels the same way. but i dont want to lose a high school experience by being with him, it hurts to talk to him because i feel it getting more serous and stronger by the minuite, but it hurts not to becayse i miss him so much. and i see him in shcool everyday and he just makes me laugh and hes never broken up with me i always break up with him because i feel myself getting too attached and i get scared and run away. i think i might really love him even though i know its not likely at this age. i know i love the way he makes me feel but icant let myself accept it. and he says he dosent want a relationship now but i know i could talk him into it but im not sure whats best. do you think theres a way i could really get over him? not talking to him isnt really an option, it would just be really awkward. hes in my classes so i have to see him everyday. i know i could try to get over him, but im not sure how to get over him for good. the second he looks at me or texts me all is lost and i fall for him again. please help (link)
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Its virtually impossible to get over someone you see every day unless anger is involved. Basically, you have to not want them anymore in pretty much any way. Then seeing them reinforces anger.
Point being, you probably can't just get over him.
Also, a small point.
The "High School Experience" is pretty overrated. Everyone has a different trip, but as someone who HAD a pretty interesting experience, it wouldn't have been ruined by having the same girlfriend rather than several as I did.
You love him. It happens. The "plan making" thing is normal. When you're with someone it makes you think about the future, and eventually you both talk about what you think. Just realize that its all a fantasy and make sure he knows too. Statements like "I think I'll get married sometime after I turn 25" are a good general way to let him know that you aren't going to be engaged during or right out of high school.
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ok, my boyfriend of like 2 weeks told me today that he loved me.. i was kinda speechless and didn't end up saying anything because i was so taken back by it. its not that i don't love him, i just don't really know yet, its only been 2 weeks and this is my first relationship. anyway, what does that exactly say about him (saying that he loves me so early in the relationship) and what can i say next time he says that to be that won't hurt his feelings or anything like that? if anyone could help me out a bit, that would be great, thanks in advance for your advice :) (link)
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Men aren't emotional creatures.
So, when young men find themselves in the grip of strong emotion, its kind of an "oh shit, whats going on with me" reaction.
He's inexperienced, he doesnt really know what love is, all he knows is he likes you alot and its one of the strongest things he HAS felt and he's probably hoping that thats what love is.
Basically, what it says is that you're slightly more emotionally mature than he is (which is pretty normal below... well if youre the same age below about 25)
Be honest with him. Tell him that its your first relationship, and you aren't even sure what love feels like. You want to know that whats going on in your head actually IS love before you say it (because thats just important to you) and it is obviously going to take you a while to figure it out, so please be patient.
Follow it up with reassurance. "I like you alot. Don't think that I don't like you that much. I just want to be sure of myself"
Something like that. He could be a bit insecure, so make sure he knows you are still very interested in him and want to get to know him more.
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I'm a married woman. My husband is a great man. He is the only person I can see myself ever having children with. However, I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I constantly think about him. I dream about him. I want to see him, smell him, feel his skin against my cheek. This is all crazy because my ex is not a good man. He used to choke me whenever we got into a really bad argument. I was afraid of him...but I loved him. I moved across the country so that I could get away from him and move on with my life. There are many good things about him, but he doesn't possess "husband-like" qualities. My husband is close to perfect in my eyes, but I don't feel the same way about him as I do towards my ex. How do I stop these feelings? Am I crazy for loving a man that is not good for me? (link)
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Hmm.
Heres a guess, off the top of my head from what I've encountered in people.
You are still "in love" with your ex because he represents something that you don't currently have in your relationship. From what you've told me, and the mention of choking, I think that you are a somewhat submissive personality and seek the excitement of a dominant male.
And your husband is probably not the commanding or forcibly compelling persona your ex is. Hence a lack of excitement.
Again, I could be completely wrong in this, but from the information provided that could well be a very accurate guess.
The way you described it, you seek the excitement. "feel his skin against my cheek" right there had a bit of a ... Id almost say breathless tone.
Your ex excites you in a way your husband doesnt.
If I'm right, the seemingly logical thing to do is find ways for your husband to generate that excitement you seem to be searching for. You repeatedly describe him as "great" and "Perfect"
Neither of those descriptions strike me with the breathless tone you used in regards to your ex.
Talk to him about what you want, that can be a good starting point.
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i'm eighteen years old and i've had two boyfriends - one in eighth grade and one in tenth grade,.but when people ask me, i say i've never had one, because they hardly count.
i've always been really, painfully shy when it comes to dating. i'm not insecure about my looks, i'm actually pretty conceited, it's irritating. i'm more insecure about my personality. i'm like, weird. i'm socially awkward and i play a lot of video games. i don't get along with most people. all my friends and most of the guys i've met like myspace and taking naked pictures of themselves. i like reading and watching cartoons. i know there are other people out there who are more like me, but where?
i don't know how to get over my anxiety. i freeze up and stop talking when a guy i think is cute, or anybody new, for that matter, comes around, because i'm scared i'll open my stupid, weird mouth and they won't like what comes out.
help? :( (link)
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Lan Parties.
You have no idea how serious I am. You need a nerdboy. A guy who you can argue with about whatever games you play. Plus, nerd boys will love you for and try to compete with your weirdness.
You'll soon be seeing who can out-weird the other one.
Personality is the spice. No matter what kind of girl you are, theres a guy who will be interested. You don't need to worry about that. If you're looking at the guys who are with the girls who like taking naked pictures of themselves, you're looking for the wrong guys.
You won't fit well with guys looking for a piece of meat.
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17/f
Yeah, so, English classes pisses me off. There's this 'gangsta' kid who sits behind me, and his friend. Pretty much they throw things at me. During a diagnostic, he threw an eraser at me, and something else. Today, he threw a piece of paper at my head.
And I'm pretty sure it's him and not the girl who sits beside him, because he's always laughing with his friend.
Seriously, what the hell is his problem? (link)
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As stated below, immaturity.
Young stupid guys often pick on people whom they want the attention of. 1st graders hitting girls? Same thing.
What you can do?
Well, there are the obvious solutions.
Like pegging him in the head with something that would raise a lump.
Or stopping him in the hallway, grabbing his balls, twisting them, and telling him you'll rip them off like a paper towel next time he decides you make an inviting target.
I can't say I suggest these things, but often times theyre pretty effective, especially the balls thing.
Alternate solutions could include speaking to the teacher about it and asking to have him moved away from you and closer to the teachers desk. If the teacher ignores the situation, go to a counselor next. If its ignored there, ask your parents to speak to an AP or the principal about why the school can't seem to address or pay attention to the harassment of a student. Dropping the word "harassment" usually gets things done, as schools hate being sued.
Ignoring him won't work, because hes found something that will amuse him even if you don't react, he knows it pisses you off and thats enough to keep him doing it. Action of some kind has to be taken.
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im 15 and i have a serious boyfriend.
but i really wanna experiment with girls.
me and my girl friend hooked up a while ago when we were drunk but that was just a dumb thing.
when i say i wanna experiment i mean like eating eachother out, strapons, etc.
i know i dont have feelings for girls im not bi or gay, but i feel like the sex part would be cool because girls know what they like.
what do i do about this.
is this weird or common?
i think about it all the time. (link)
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relatively normal.
Everyone has a variety of sexual desires. The thing that separates most people from each other is what theyre willing to try or contemplate liking.
For instance, I'd hazard a guess that less than one in five people who identify straight and have possible interests or who could have interests in the same sex ever even consider exploring it.
Well, its probably more like one in four for girls, and one in twenty for guys. Men and women are just as image conscious, but in different ways.
What do you do? Well, if you want to experiment you probably will at some point. Its not something you have to go out and figure out at 15, though. One of the biggest misconceptions of teenage hood is that you're supposed to know who you are in life by the time you hit puberty. Every single person who pretends otherwise is lying to themselves and everyone else (possible exceptions would include people who are just incredibly stupid and one dimensional, and practically never mature emotionally past age 13)
Are you gay, or bi? Who knows, and it doesnt matter right now.
Figure out what you like, and don't worry so much about labels. Instead of trying to figure out "am I this, or am I that" you just just answer questions like "are you" with "I am me" answers.
"Are you bi?"
"Well, Im kinda interested in girls."
"So, youre bi"
"Not really, just interested"
Though, some good general advice for right now.
Work on relationships. Don't care which sex you choose, but at 15 a good thing to focus on figuring out is how to coexist with another person. Date people for a good while, pay attention to them, learn what ticks you off about people and what you like and can live with.
It will serve you better later in life, as most girls begin to find in college that the guys they are attracted to aren't the guys they want to date, and have no clue what to do. Its usually because they don't have a relationship past 4 months in experience to tell them that the bad boys and the popular kids don't always make the best dating material.
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alright soo i was on my other computer today (not this one) andd i was trying to download aim+, but i think when i went to the website, it was a fake aim+ website that made me download a virus! because all of a sudden these weird things started popping up and it said "virus detected" blah blah blah and when i pressd cntrl+alt+delete it said "Task Manager Disabled By Administrator" which i definately did not disable it! anyyways now theres this weird "MSvista security center" thinggy on my computer and it keeps telling me i have viruses and that i must buy a pakage to delete virus threats? and i keep trying to get on my internet and what not and it wont let me.. idk what to do can anybody help me? (link)
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1) Get on another computer and download Mozilla firefox. Find a way to get it onto your computer. If nothing else, flash drives are cheap.
2) Firefox SHOULD let you access the internet.
3) Follow the instructions of the guy below, or else follow what I'm about to copy/paste from a previous answer of mine.
rograms to get and run.
http://free.avg.com/
AVG Virus scan.
One of the best out there, updated regularly. I'd say second only to Norton, but better imo because you can uninstall it without destroying your computer.
Its a trial version, worth buying but if you want to just install and run it once completely free.
http://www.malwarebytes.org/
Malware bytes. Good anti spyware program.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html
Spybot search and destroy.
Absolute must. Best program I've found to date. Its updated sometimes almost daily. Teatimer is great, it keeps track of your system for you and logs changes made. It automatically blocks a bunch of sites and you can scan for hundreds of thousands of possible spyware.
http://phoenixlabs.org/pg2/
Peer Guardian 2. Directly blocks IP addresses known to be associated with anti P2P (anti piracy groups) and with spyware. Good thing to have running alot of the time, it blocks hostile IPs from being able to access or be accessed by your computer. If you download anything via any kind of program this should be running, always.
http://www.neuber.com/taskmanager/index.html
Security task manager. Also a trial version, but it monitors your processes and shows you anything thats out of the ordinary. Spyware running? This can tell you what the program actually is, and can show you what all your system processes are and what theyre connected to so you recognize the processes listed in your task manager.
If you don't use mozilla firefox you should be.
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/
and get Noscript
http://noscript.net/
These two are your front lines of defense, as most keyloggers are designed to exploit internet explorer in order to load onto your computer.
Noscript kills the programs that try to invade your computer. Good program, though you'll have to tell it to allow alot of websites you go to frequently.
Once all these come up clean (let AVG do a boot scan, takes like 45 min) and you've used the immunize function on spybot and run a bot check, you should be OK.
4) If you are unable to clear your computer of infection, then you should reformat and reinstall.
Hopefully you have install discs. If not, there are a myriad of ways to get an OS. I recommend windows XP for now, vista is still a monster POS inefficient OS. I used to have a copy somewhere I bought for 5 bucks from the college tech store (that was great, Microsoft sold them cheap to my University and I only had to pay for the discs themselves)
Anyway, hit F10 when rebooting, choose "Boot from CD" and follow prompts to reinstall.
Then come back here and follow this post again to get programs that will protect you.
Oh, and AVG is really worth buying. The task manager one is just kinda nice to have.
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15/female/sophomore in high school
Lately I feel so stressed to the max, like I'm to the point of breaking. The new school year just started a few weeks ago, and I already feel like I'm drowning in most all of my classes. I've always thought of myself as smart, but it just seems that my new classes (which are all either Honors or AP) are just too hard for me- basically impossible. I can hardly ever focus on my work, and if I even try I don't understand what to do- which prompts me to lose focus again.
I've missed four days of school already, all of which have been because of working so late into the night (it takes forever for me to complete my work, since it's so difficult for me) that I either don't get it all done (and repercussions for unfinished homework are brutal in all of these advanced classes) or I'm simply too tired and feel awful the next morning.
I had a similar problem last year, which caused me to get way behind in school and miss 30 days. I ended up making it all up with all A's and B's, and began to feel fine just like I did before high school started over the summer, but as soon as school started again last month all my issues came rushing back to me, despite my vows that this year would be better.
These problems have had affected my mental health in strange ways. I find myself crying all the time over the littlest things, I can't find any motivation to do what I know I must at times, I'm always feeling nostalgic towards the times when school wasn't so impossible for me, and I hardly ever do anything social anymore. School just seems like a giant looming tower whose shadow I constantly live in, threatening to crash into my unstable life. I think I may be depressed, but I have no idea what to do about it.
My mother is at her wit's end with this whole scenario. I don't think she fully understands how I feel- to her, I simply am too lazy to do my work, and would rather stay home and watch TV all day. She's been resorting to a somewhat "tough love" approach, which is in all honesty making my situation worse. I know she's trying to help, but I don't think she understands (nor wants to understand) what I'm going through. I'm not sure she would even listen if I told her everything from the paragraph above- she would just start screaming and tell me that the only thing I can do is just be normal and do what I need to do.
I really think I need to look into alternative options besides traditional schooling. High school really isn't working out for me, but I have a lot I want to do with my life, and dropping out is absolutely not an option I even want to think about. Of course, I really do think that there is also something wrong with my mental state that needs taking care of, though I have no idea how. I just need some help to get my life back on some sort of track (even if it is a slightly non-traditional track) so I can start living the kind of life I want to live. (link)
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I'm going to try not to turn this into a massive wall of text answer.
The best advice I can offer is to accept your limitations.
That sounds terrible...
I hit my cieling at a different point. First year in college, after a 3.97/4.0 gpa through high school I almost failed calculus twice and had to drop an engineering class outright to not have an F on my record.
I hit a point in complex thought I wasnt ready for yet.
Thing is, I had a similar experience previously. I took algebra in 7th grade. Or tried to. I made mostly C's, I had trouble keeping up with the work and understanding everything.
Two years later (they refused to let me retake algebra even in 8th grade) I almost slept through that class with a 98. I aced Geometry, got a low A in algebra 2 (honestly mostly due to laziness) and actually did sleep through 3/4 of precal.
I wasnt mentally ready for what I put myself through. My mind didn't work, wasnt organized enough and grown enough to handle what i threw at it.
Same thing happened in college. I pushed myself too hard too fast. Took Economics, Calculus (the advanced version for engineers) computer science 2, and Electrical Engineering 1.
Thats what you're doing. Slow down, take it a bit easier.
I'll ammend the earlier statement to be
"Accept your current limitations"
You're human, you arent a robot and theres only so much you can handle. Take some regular classes or just take some classes later.
And take some time to enjoy your life. Anyone can get burned out if they don't do something to relax once in a while. My escapes were Celebration Station (Go karts are just as fun as a teenager) Lazer tag, pool halls, football, and video game related events. Find your own.
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Growing up, the cornerstone of my being and identity was thus: Do good, and good things will happen.
I'm a religious guy, and I always, always, do what I think is right.
Up until 7 years ago, no matter what happened or whatever came my way, I stood my ground and persisted.
Then I met a person, who I thought I could trust and trusted me. And this person, in time, wronged me in response to me doing what I thought was right. And in the process, they tore the foundation of my self-belief down, and made me out to be essentially a bad, horrible man.
Traditionally, it's been my experience that karma, or justice, always does its thing. But in this case, there was no vindication for me.
I've recently checked in on said person who wronged me through the wonder of blogs, and discovered that while I'm a graduate who is jobless, love life on the rocks, and his dreams increasingly out of reach, they are happy in their love life, have a good job, and everything is going their way.
While I've been trying to still live like a good person, this person who is selfish and cruel is happy, while I'm still second-guessing the motivation behind every good thing I do.
I'm not asking how to get my self-belief in karma back. I've accepted that nothing I do is going to change my life to a happy one, even if I remain a good man (in my mind at least). All I want to know is, where do I go from here now that I know that being a horrible person apparently gets you happiness and being nice leaves you hating yourself? (link)
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Wow.
Just...wow.
The experiences of my life have been far different, but what you just described has probably been one of the hardest truths I've had to grip with in my own life.
To be honest, I still don't have a full handle on it.
The world is absolutely full to the brim with self interested people. Its human nature, but it also varies like the wind with different people. What varies the most are people's lines they refuse to cross.
What won't you do in order to have a good life.
For you, theres alot. You refuse to profit from others loss on purpose. You refuse to ignore other's issues to focus on your own. You refuse to put yourself first in every situation regardless of whether you deserve it and often refuse to put yourself first even when you deserve it.
Most people don't live their lives by your standards, some unwilling, some unable. Hell, I would definitely describe myself as more self interested by far than you.
My lines are, that I will not hurt others to make my life better, and I will not through inaction let the lives of those I care about get worse. But I still put myself first in most situations, but the way it is expressed...
Example. Everywhere I work is like high school 2.0. Perosnal drama, immaturity, bickering, etc.
I avoid all that. I go to work to work. I steer clear of drama people completely and focus on getting through my shift. I don't get involved in all the BS that goes around and I don't create any of it.
I ignore the dramamongers, I don't really help them out, or do anything for them. I try not to do anything to hinder them. They go their way, I go mine. I live and let live and treat people I don't like as I want them to treat me. Polite indifference and pretending that I'm/theyre not here.
Thats how I live most of my life. If I like you, I'm your best friend. If I don't like you, I bear you no ill will, I just don't want to have to be a burden on you or waste my energy helping you.
Thats cynicism. I used to be ALOT more like you. I wanted to help everyone. Still do, to a degree. I want to be a family/marriage counselor and psychiatrist. I want to help people, but also make a great living.
See? Self interest. I don't want to be a school counselor, I want to be something that makes 250k a year.
A few hard facts that you will learn, but the transition can be easier.
1) This world truly has no sense of fair play. Sometimes great people get great, and crappy people get crappy. Sometimes, great people get crappy and crappy people get great. Its completely random most of the time.
2) You have to be willing to put yourself first. You don't have to hurt other people to do it, and you can set your ethical boundaries whereever you want, but you have to set your priority.
Mine is family first. I will help myself or my family, or friends who I consider family before anyone else. I would put a roof over their head and clothes on their back, money in their hand if I knew they truly needed it. I will suffer for family. I won't for anyone else.
Yours might be a bit different, but you need to ask yourself where your boundaries lie. Know thyself and to thine own self be true. I don't remember where thats from but its damn good advice.
3) Recognize people who WILL profit at your expense. Prepare yourself for it. Watch your back and your ass, and learn that you truly cannot trust everyone. So pick the people you trust well, depend on them, and do your level best to make sure that no one can use you or take advantage of your good nature for their own selfish profit.
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so let me just say that im 16 years old and so is my boyfriend and im about 99.9% sure im pregnant im taking a test when i get paid in couple days but my boyfriend and i had sex when i was ovulating we were using a condom but he must have not put it on right because it broke and we didnt notice it until after he came .. anyways
i need to tell him and my parents, my mom will be upset a bit but she would get over it quickly and i know she would help me she already said if i every got in this situation she would and im not worried about telling my parents its my boyfriend im worried about he has this whole plan to go to college and graduate and start a business and if we had a baby together at 16 then thats going to change, his parents are the opposite of mine, they don't like me to much because i dont go to church.. and they told him if he got me pregnant he would have to drop out of school and it would ruin his life and i just feel bad my friends said its not all my fault but i just feel like it is and i dont want him to have to ruin his plan he has and ah im just so stuck what should i do or say?? (link)
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You're both responsible.
What I have to say next, is probably going to sound a little screwed up.
I'm pro choice for a reason. Beyond "a woman's right to choose" I also believe that too many people bring children into the world that they are not ready to raise. I fully support the right of any woman or couple who is not ready to be a parent making the choice not to be.
If you aren't ready, adoption or abortion. Any other choice is going to negatively impact everyone, including the future child. You aren't ready to be a role model, arent ready to support a child.
If abortion doesnt fit into your belief structure, isnt preferable, is an abomination in your eyes, etc, consider adoption. It is retardedly easy to find people who want to adopt newborns. Remember Juno? If you havent seen that movie, you probably should now. Its the most relevant to the topic at hand I can think of.
If you start early, you have almost 9 months to find a suitable family thats well off and in search of a child to adopt. You can find people who are searching for a child to love and who are ready mentally and financially to have and raise a child. They can take the baby out of the hospital nursery and make it as easy on you as possible. You can choose whether or not to even see the kid or just let his/her parents take him/her home.
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