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Should I search for my real parents?
I'm 17 years old and was adopted a little over 10 years ago by people I love very much. I can't help but wonder, though, about my real family. I have so many questions I want to ask them and I just want to know who they are. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship - I don't think I could ever even consider calling them mom or dad, but I just have so many thoughts going on.
I'm afraid of hurting my parents - my adopted parents, that is. I don't want to tell them that I want to search for my birth parents because I don't want to upset them. I'm happy that they adopted me and even though we don't always get along, I know I have a better life here than I would have.
Would I be hurting my parents too much if I tell them I want to search for my birth parents? Should I just give up and try to forget about it?
I don't know what I'd say if I found my biological parents, I just feel like it's something I need to do, but I don't want to hurt my mom or dad.
HELP?!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Having adopted you at 7, I'm pretty sure theyre expecting this of you at some point.
Heres how you cushion it.
Don't call them "your real family" call them "my biological parents" or something to that effect.
You won't forget about it. I mean, if you want to wait on it, you should, but you will always be curious. You will probably make that search some day.
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I don't think it would hurt your parents
if you looked for your bio parents. I'm
sure they would understand. They may even
have info you could use in your search.
If you were adopted a little over 10 years
ago then they didn't adopt you as an infant.
I'm sure they are even expecting you to have
questions.
Assure them that you love them and that
you aren't seeking that in wanting to know
your bio parents.
There are important things to be learned from your bio parents. Medical history is good to
know.
What you would say if you found them, you
will have to see what happens. You parents
may be able to help with that.
My brother-in-law recently found his birth
father using Search Angels. They help for free
and are everywhere! For more info on them...
Good luck. :)
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I'm adopted also, However, I will share my opinion.
Finding you're parents is completely up to you. Once you turn the legal age (18) The choice is yours too make and you have that right. However, I'm not saying you plan on it, and whatever the reason to finding your parents is your personal buisness. Just keep in mind, that sometimes it doesn't turn out the way you hoped, or wanted it too. If you do decide to look for you're birth parents exspect the worse to happen so you don't end up being suprised, shocked, or hurt in the long run.
BahaiMa22
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You have every right to find your birth parents.
When adopting you, your parents probably knew you one day might like to find out who your biological parents are. It's something many children who are adopted would like to do. A friend of mine has an open adoption, but she still feels she would like to get to know her birth parents better. It is quite natural.
You are going to have to tell your parents you desire to research your biological parents. Explain that you have questions you would like to have answered, and it will in no way make you love them less. They most likely will understand. In some adoption agreements, however, the child cannot search for their parents until they are 18. Ask your parents how to go about finding them.
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Hi ,
I t hink that if you don't tell your adoptive parents about your desire to find your biological parents you will regret it for the rest of your life.
I'm sure that your biological parents love you very much and want the best for you. They would understand your natural curiosity. It's perfectly natural at your age.
They have probably been waiting for the day that you tell them that you want to look your biologial parents up. Have a little more faith in them.
Have a discussion with them and tell them what you want to do. They know you love them and I'm sure they will support you.
Good luck with your search!
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You've got every right to search for your birth parents, and I think that you should involve your adoptive parents as well. You wouldn't necessarily be hurting them because you're just trying to find out where you came from and who you really are. And even though they were great parents, you'd still like to know who gave you up.
But you've also got to consider the fact as to whether your real parents want to be found. I'm not saying this in a harsh and hurtful way, but you need to keep in mind that your real parents may never want you to find them. I don't know, you'll need to ask your adoptive parents.
It won't be easy to talk to them should you find them (and I hope to God that you do), because naturally, you'd want to ask them so many questions as to why they gave you up. Telling them that you're their daughter/son will never be a piece of cake because you'll never know how they'll react. But telling them gently that you're the son/daughter which they gave up I think would be the best thing.
Never ever give up on a question which is as important as this, especially for you, otherwise you may end up spending the rest of your life wondering the real reason behind the adoption, and never knowing the answer is something which nobody should go through.
Who knows? Your adoptive parents may be pleased that you want to find your birth parents, but if they aren't and they ask why, the simple answer is is that you want to know who they were. Remember, you've got every right to find out who your birth parents were.
I wish you the very best of luck in your search and I hope that you'll find your parents one day and may it be a joyous reunion.
triquetra
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