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love at first sight!


Question Posted Sunday September 21 2008, 1:59 pm

Okay for starters I am 17 and he is 27 going on 28. (yes big age gap but i am okay with it and i think he is warming up to it). It all started on (myspace) we gave each other our numbers since he didn't get online much. he told me he has had dreams of he and I together and so have I. like being together and living together. I cant even get him out of my mind. one night after work he was parked next to my car. i know its stalkerish but i liked it! i though it was cute. tonight I am going to work an hour early to see him. Is this love at first sight?

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WittyUsernameHere answered Monday September 22 2008, 2:00 am:
Oh Jesus Christ...

No, this is not love at first sight.

The age gap is too much. If at 27 he is comfy with a 17 year old, he is way too immature. You are still high school age and he should have finished college.

Oi. You aren't in love sweetheart, you just want attention. The one thing he knows much better than a guy your age is how much girls love being the subject of attention.

::Edit::

I think I need to explain that.

At 17, it seems flattering that a 27 year old would be interested. At that age, everyone wants to feel older. Hell, half the problems with teenagers these days come from them having exposure to and the opportunity to try adult behaviors before theyre ready, and doing it because having sex or drinking or any of a hundred various other things makes them think that theyre adults and ready for that sort of thing.

Thats what he's playing on. As Rahzie said below, a girl who's been through a few years of college, living on her own, etc would see a guy his age doing what he's doing as pathetic. And creepy.

If you two had been dating for a few years, maybe lived together, etc, it would be ok for him to show up at work. Meeting on myspace, talking on the phone, and showing up to work an hour early to see him is not a comfy committed relationship.

::/edit::

That being said, he shows stalkerish tendencies and is way too old for you.

I'll put it this way. In 4 years you will look at guys like him as pathetic, for being 27 and being attracted to who you were at 17. Right now, it seems great, becuase you ARE 17. In a few years when you've grown up and he hasnt, it won't seem nearly so charming. Its not that you're that grown up to be able to relate to a 27 year old, its that he isnt grown up enough to relate to anyone but a girl around your age.

Thats not an insult to you. No 17 year old is capable of having an equal level relationship with a truly mature 28 year old. Theres just too much difference in years and in stages of life.

You're old enough to make your choices, but I predict crashing and burning in the future.

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SoNuLiCiOuSsS answered Monday September 22 2008, 12:31 am:
No... I dont think this is love at first site, because if it was you would feel it, and wouldnt have to ask others for advice. I'm not saying it can't develop it something. Maybe you should get to know eachother and see how yall feel. Take your time with everything. Also i sure do hope u turn 18 soon... even tho i don't think the age gap is a big deal, your parents or his might.

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Razhie answered Monday September 22 2008, 12:18 am:
No... It’s an intense, possible unhealthy, and in a few place illegal, infatuation.

At least, I sincerely hope for your sake that it isn't ‘love’

A 27 year old guy who thinks it's okay to show up at a girls work this early into knowing her, and talks about a lifetime together... there is a reason he isn't dating someone is own age. A girl his own age wouldn't put up with that shit. A girl his own age would recognize that as a creepy, not cute. A girl with a few more years then you have would have the experience with men to know that a guy who starts off behaving that way… gets worse in a hurry.

When I hear of a teen and a twenty-something getting involved, it’s NEVER the maturity of the teenager I question. What I question is the maturity level of a 27 year old who would seek out a high school student, rather then his own peer, for a relationship.

I’m 24 myself, and I have to say, any of my male friends found themselves showing up at the work of a 17 year old or talking about their life together before even dating her… they would check themselves into the nearest mental health facility. That behavior is worrisome.

If you can’t realize that there is an problem when an adult seeking out a high school student for a relationship, at least realize that this guy is ten years older then you, that means he has lived eight more years on this planet then you have, has more experience to draw from and vastly different needs and expectations from relationships then you do.

Age is not just an arbitrary number; it’s a solid gauge for life-experience and a loose one for self-awareness.

This guy’s behavior is not normal, or cute. I pray to god that you are not hiding this ‘friendship’ from your friends and parents. Please, keep yourself safe.

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Jami answered Monday September 22 2008, 12:02 am:
Well, only you would know if you are really in love, but you seem to be in love with the thought of him. Most mysterious romances are very exciting. If the two of you remain interested in each other it could become love. Right now you are taken by the ideas and possibilities. You are experiencing the best part of getting involved with someone. Once the two of you get to know each other better it could fade, or become stronger. Only time will tell. Be careful with meeting people you talk to on the Internet, it is not safe these days and I can't stress that enough.

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