Brandi_S's advice column

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

The only way I know how to handle an argument with my husband is to ignor him and sleep in the other room, he does not care or listen to a word I say and our communication sucks. We do not want a divorce so about twice a month this we ignor and I sleep in another room until we both feel comfortable with each other again and then two weeks later we do the same thing again, he also holds me down with money, because I am a stay at home mom and I am not to worried with that because my name is on the account, although he does threaten to take all of the money out and leave with nothing, need I say this is ONLY a threat and he never follow thru, I know its a cyle we are going thru and I am fed up!!! By the way we have a 4 year old that we try real hard to not involve her but I know she is effect and it breaks my heart. My husband throws out all the time that he wants out of this marriage but he does nothing and then in a few days he acts like nothing is wrong, how can that be?? I am not going to say I am incoscent in all of this, but I am the only one who is seeking help! Female 38

WOW.

Yes, you are right that this effects your daughter. When she sees you fighting and unhappy, she feels unhappy to. If you are going to argue and ignore one another, don't let her see it or hear it.
She is learning from your marriage. She knows no different, so she will think this is how it should be to be married.
You don't want that.

As for you and your husband, marriage is a two way street. You have to be able to communicate with one another. You have to figure out a way to do that in a manner that doesn't involve all of the coldness between the two of you.

He shouldn't threaten you with the money. Though he goes out and earns it on the job, you earn equally as much by staying home and caring for your daughter. (I know how hard that is- I'm a stay at home mom, too.)

You have to find a way to break this cycle. This is extremely unhealthy for your marriage.
I don't know what you are fighting about, but you have to stop and think, is it really WORTH fighting over?

My marriage has it's ups and downs, but thankfully the downs are very few and far between. We are both in agreement that if it isn't worth fighting about, why argue over it? And that works for us. Maybe it wouldn't work for you, but if you haven't tried it, it is at least worth a shot. What else have you to lose right now? If he wants to argue over piddly things, then just say you don't want to argue, you would rather enjoy his company.

I don't think that it would hurt one bit to try marriage counciling. A councilor can reteach you to communicate with one another as you should. If you can't communicate, then you don't really have much.

If neither of you want a divorce, then both of you have to put your heads together and figure out what needs to change in order to make this marriage work. Then both of you need to make the effort to change it.

ygs-29/f