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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello. I am a teacher and this past year, I worked at a terrible school! I was paid very little and could barely survive (I didn't even have enough money for groceries). So, my co-worker told me about how she was making ends meet. I applied and was hired as an online part-time english teacher teaching children in China to read. I am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity. I make about an extra $1000 a month. This past year, it has paid for my groceries, my electric bill, and my phone. It has been a real blessing. Over the summer, I had no job and I was not getting paid from the school I was at last year. So, I've continued to work for this company through the summer. The only problem is that we only get paid once a month. Therefore, it's been a little bit of a struggle.

This coming school year, I got a job at a much better school! I don't have to worry about next summer, because I get paid. I've been able to purchase a small home and I just feel a lot better and more independent. However, this summer, I have found the job to be incredibly difficult. The classes are only 25 minutes long. However, I could barely concentrate. Sometimes, the children just don't pay attention. They are usually at home on their ipads, laying in bed. They don't focus. Many times, they scream really loud. I don't know why they do that. But, they do! Then, because there's the pressure to finish the class in 25 minutes, I just feel really frustrated.

I need to keep this job during the coming school year, because honestly, now that I have a mortgage, I need the extra income. But, during the school year, I don't book as many classes. I usually just do 2 classes early in the morning and I'm finished. But, this summer has been exceptionally brutal, since I do 4-5 classes in a row.

My question is:
- Why do you think that it is so difficult? I teach a class of 22 students on a daily basis. So, why is this 1-1 25 min. class so difficult? If I could discover the reason for this, than maybe I can try to figure out a solution to make it easier on me?

If you're used to 2x a day to teach a class and now there are 4-5, that's twice as many or more so of course it's going to take it's toll. If I read you correctly though, it's not really twice as many classes but one particular 1-1 25 min class that's so difficult? By 1-1, I assume this is not a class of 22 but one on one, meaning you only have one student. All I can think of in this case is that when one question is asked in a larger class, others may have wondered the same but did not ask or ask first, so their question is also answered when you answer the one. I remember this from school myself. I was shy and it was nice if someone else asked the same question I had. So you may be answering/clarifying for the one in the class of 22 as you see it, but may have answered for 5 or half of them all at once so it may seem you aren't asked as many questions as you are when its only one student. Unless a student really requires the one on one or its more pay, you might encourage students to be part of the larger class. If just wondering why it seems one person has as many question or more than in a larger class, now you know why it seems so. If I totally missed what you were trying to ask, then please rewrite your question differently for us.

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Does a girl get pregnant if she is fingered and kisses in vagina

Kisses do not cause pregnancy. It is sperm from a male that causes pregnancy when it unites with the females egg. There is o sperm in saliva but there is in any cum from his penis. There are fewer sperm in his pre-cum when liquid beads up on the tip.

if a male gets any of his pre-cum freshly on his fingers and then carries that to her vagina via his fingers, then if she is fertile at that time, there is a chance of becoming pregnant.

if a female doesnt have her period, it doesn't necessarily mean she is regnant. It could be delayed by worry about getting pregnant, stress, sickness, either recent or starting.

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Hello, I am 22, female and dating a 24 year old male. He and I have been together for a little over two years now so it's safe to say I know quite a bit about him as does he, though you can't really time stamp that kind of thing. However, I know that he can get into moods, very similar to me on my period so we pretty much know what we need to do when the other gets like that. I'm an open book so I'll cry to him about getting sad over a television commercial or something when I'm on my period, whereas him, not so much.

So, this past week he's been in a funk, he hasn't been talking much, he's been getting irritated at very small things....we were out yesterday to a local park for an event and he wanted to bring his dog but his dog had to be home by a certain time to take his seizure medicine, on our way to the event, there was a very large accident which caused all of the main route to be shut down so it tripled our time of getting there so he was just worried that the accident wouldn't be cleaned up in time so he timed it that if it weren't we would still have time to get his dog home. My parents were telling he and I what their plans were for the night and that kind of thing as we were leaving and he was just getting so frustrated that "nobody was helping him get home by 6" he felt like everyone was against him in getting his dog home so he face walked all the way to the car, I walked normally and then he got irritated with me in the car that I was walking too slowly, therefore I wasn't helping him complete his task of getting home in time either. So, I know I shouldn't have, but I got angry and I yelled that he's been in a mood all week, what is his issue. He still wouldn't tell me.

Meanwhile, this same time last week, I was asking him what his problems were and telling him that I would be there for him and he literally said "geez, get off my case, would you?" I got so hurt that I stopped caring, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to even know what was making him that way anymore. So, like i said again, I asked him and he still didn't tell me so when we got back to his house, he asked if I was just going to wait outside and then we could do what we had planned which was to grab dinner and a couple drinks but I was just so, hurt I guess you could say, that I told him I was walking back to my house and that he can just stay at his house that night. He had texted me a couple hours later, ensuring my safety and then he asked if he could come over so we could talk about what happened. I told him no because I just wasn't in the mood to get yelled at again.

When he gets in these moods, he says things that he would either regret or things that I know he doesn't mean - like his brain thought was before his mouth and that's when he yelled at me to get off his case because he said he felt like I was "interrogating him" and he felt "extremely overwhelmed". But then I told him that I don't like that when he gets in these moods, he takes it out on everyone so he'll just be short and very sassy to my mom and I do not appreciate anyone talking to my mom in a negative tone so I brought that up to him too like "hey, i know you wanted to get lucky home and my mom didn't know that you were on such a time restraint, she just wanted to let you know they were going to a concert and that we would have the house to ourselves until really late" because all while she was talking to him, he was sighing and giving one word answers and looking very unenthused. She cooks extra dinner for him every night, she lets him take showers at my house when he needs to, she is just the last person that he needs to be giving attitude to, when I made it abundantly clear that no matter how bad my mood is or how bad I feel, I would never disrespect his mom and his response was "yeah, well you aren't at my house half as much as I'm at yours".

So, it's the next day - we had gotten invited to go see a Grateful Dead cover band, something that he was excited to do before this whole thing went down, so I texted him to remind him, I'm really still not in the mood to see him yet but we are together and I thought that if I saw him, we could just talk and get everything out, I don't know. But he texted me back that he was going to pass, he was out hiking with his dog, something that we used to do with both of our dogs together.

I know it isn't a lot and I know I'm painting him out to be this awful person but he really isn't, he gets in these moods not as frequently as I do (my period, mostly). He is very sweet 97% of the time, for our two year anniversary, he planned us a whole trip to Niagara Falls and then we continued to road trip all the way through Canada. For my birthday, he wrote me this whole big letter about all the things he loves about me. When my car battery died, he jumped me and even took me to four different places so I could price match batteries and then even drove me all the way back to the first store because it wound up being the cheapest. He has never, ever hit me, never even got anywhere close to it or anything similar. We just have big arguments that last for a few days and then everything is fine after we talk about it. But lately, I've just been thinking he is dealing with something and he isn't telling me. My mom said she really believes that he has a mild form of anxiety, she'd had it for about 30 years so she really is keen on that kind of thing. His mom even said to my mom after we got back from Canada that she is shocked he drove the entire way because she really thought that his "anxious thoughts" would cause him to not want to drive further anymore. I just need help so I know how to help but I'm not even sure how I can help him if he won't ever talk to me about anything. I just feel so stuck. Please don't just tell me to leave him, I know that I get into moods that turn me into a raging bitch sometimes and he has dealt with every single one of my tantrums and yelling matches about things so I just want to be there for him and see if there's anything I can do.

Thank you.

First of all, non of us can diagnose him as we are not doctors. I had anxiety, I have had very short bout of depression a couple of times in life and know how that feels too. So just by my experiences, it doesn't sound like just anxiety or depression. It may be neither, or it may be one with a diagnosis of something else like 'distorted thinking' or some kind of personality disorder or even some kind of mental illness in there.
Before you think I don't know what I am talking about, I saw some comparisons in your bf to my ex husband.When the ex was your ages, he wasn't too bad yet, he had the episodes and we fought sometimes. But as the years went on and he didn't get evaluated and treated by a doctor, he kept getting worse and the attacks against me 'verbally' grew and he picked fights more and more often.
Here's a comparison I saw: "nobody was helping him get home by 6" I may be wrong but the BF sounds like he had a plan in his mind with the dog thing and had expectations for the way he wanted his day unfolding. So when things did not go as he envisioned in his thoughts, he got upset and felt everyone else was to blame. Most anxieties, depression and other disorders start with distorted cognition which also means thoughts. I have read “When Panic Attacks”
by David D. Burns
Males tend to not want to show any weaknesses. So if they have something they know isn't right, they will do whatever they have to to cover up, never admit, and refuse to go see a doctor because until diagnosed, they can keep pretending there is nothing wrong and others are the ones causing all the problems. I was blamed a lot by my ex when we were married for things I did not even do to cause him stress. Here's an example: He did not like where I had chosen to keep cup, mugs, dishes, foods in our cupboards. It had been that way for years and Now? he was finally complaining?
So I asked him what he thought would be better as it wasn't logical enough for him. I was willing to do whatever to keep the peace and keep him happy.

His reply was angry yelling, that I was the wife and that was my domain and I should figure it out. So I rearranged cupboards and showed him. He called me a child and stupid for not being able to put something as simple as cupboard storage in a logical order. He said I was the one causing all the issues here. So I decided to go along with it, using his description of me. "Yeah, maybe it's not coming to me,, the best plan, so tell me what you want me to do and I will do it. That took several days to convince him to tell me. Finally he broke down cus he was angry and frustrated and told me exactly what he wanted. I did it that day. I worked full time as he did but had it done by time he got home from work and was so excited that I would now have peace and he would be in a good mood again. He took one look at the arrangement of cupboards and laid into me with all sort of insults, yelling, even though I had done exactly what he wanted. That is when I finally realized that no matter what I or anyone else did when it concerned him, we were damned if we do and damned if we don't. In other words, there was no pleasing him, ever. this was how he acted after about 15 years together.

I shared my story to show how some people who have issues that are not being treated by a professional can be extremely hard to please. It goes beyond that to disrespectful treatment of all other people. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and he isn't doing that with your Mom, or you. I don't care how bad your PMS is, you can get treatment for that too. Don't let that be what you use as an excuse that each of you have issues, so you feel better about the things he does.

Going back to the dog. I do not understand why he could not take the medicine with him for the dog just in case he didn't get home in time. Unless the medication requires refrigeration, there is no reason why he could not think ahead and plan for anything not going as he planned.

Another comparison comes with this statement:
When he gets in these moods, he says things that he would either regret or things that I know he doesn't mean'
When I was your age, I felt exactly the same so I can't blame you there. However now that I am older and remarried, I know that I was thinking incorrectly on that. No matter what a person has happen to them, they still have control over their tongue, their emotions and how they treat others.

Lets take pain for example. If he was in great pain, and lashed out at you during that pain, you'd excuse his behavior because it was the extreme pain that caused him to lash out, Right? It's sounds good. I remember coming home with a migraine and the daughter rushing up to chatter at me and tell me about her day. I was in extreme pain. So was it ok if I lashed out at my kid? We always have a choice to do things the right way or wrong way. I reacted in the right way. "Hon, I am in great pain right now and need to lie down. Please do not try to keep talking to me right now. Because if you do, I might just yell at you cus of how I feel and I don't want to do that. I know you are eager to talk to me, so I will let you know as soon as I feel slightly better so I can handle listening to you." The daughter understood and all was well. Heres another recent one. My 2nd husband went with me to emergency cus he thought it was appendix but it was a kidney stone and those are excruciating pain. I did not expect him to be his best and perhaps be short with me as I asked him lots of questions, how he was because I love and care about him. He never once raised his voice at me and even thanked me for all I was doing for him. He could have snapped and said I was interrogating him, but he made a choice, even though he was in extreme pain and you could see it in his face, to treat me respectfully because whatever issue he was dealing with, should not be connected to how he treats me.
So as far as I can see, there is a big gap between how the bf could be to vs how he acts right now.
I recommend that he see a professional to determine what is going on for him. There are four basic ways that cause a person to have anxiety if that is one of his issues and 3 of those do not require medication because the majority of issues when it comes to our emotions and how we act are caused by distorted thinking. So I also recommend seeing a Dr. who is trained to spot and handle the other 3 causes without medication but with CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Anxiety doesn't usually cause a person to lash out and disrespect others so a Dr. would have to keep looking to see what else there may be if anything. He may refuse to seek help saying he is fine. My ex did that. Thats why after staying 30 yrs, I decided it was time to leave. I am not saying you have to. You need to decide if you plan to stay and see nothing improve and things get slowly worse over the years if he refuses help saying theres nothing wrong with him. You need to be able to put up with it as is, without it ever getting better cus it won't without some kind of counseling or CBT or medication, whatever the need is. Since you wrote in, you are concerned enough about it. Either he gets help and gets better or resign yourself to living with it like this for ever. It is easy to look at time and say, I can handle this not improving for another year, maybe 5 years. But when I asked myself if I could handle my ex for the next 10 years or til the end of my life, without any improvement, I broke down and cried. i knew I could not handle it. Maybe your tolerance level is way higher than mine.
Now as for yourself personally, if most your anger or irritability is related to your cycle, I'd like for you to look over this link.

http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/09/17/how-to-eliminate-pms-in-5-simple-steps/

A natural Dr. is talking of alternative to helping women with PMS. So if you are not as bad off as that and the woman in his example is cured by her next cycle, I don't see why any of his ideas won't help you as well. You need to scroll past the video, that's just an ad, and read on. Even if you don't always have your emotional issues around a cycle, and it occurs other times, going by his list may still help, especially if its lack of crucial supplements, or diet related.
Good luck dear.

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So I met this guy on facebook yesterday.
He told me that he is poor and needs a better job but every job requires him to be fluent in English. His home language is Hindi and he isn't good in English. I had to guess what he was saying a few times.

He asked me to help him with his English through voice calls so he can get a better job. I told him I won't be much help and I am just a student in grade 9! He then acted all sad and said everyone says that to him and he was crying, he also told me that if I don't help him I won't sleep comfortably and I will dream about him asking me for help. That freaked me out so much and I felt really bad for him I said I would help him.

I realize now what a horrible mistake I did. I won't be much help. I am not good in English either and I don't know how to teach, I never taught before!!
How do I tell him I can't help him? He said he tried using apps but it didn't help and he is too poor to attend classes so he was looking for someone to help him through Facebook.

So like we will be calling everyday and I have to teach him through the call!

When I told him I would help him, he was so grateful I don't know how to break this to him! Help me please!!!

Generally, when someone contacts you on Facebook wanting help of some kind, they are up to no good. I am not sure if he's the same age but most contacts I get are all from other countries, or someone 'borrows the photos on the net of some guy in military uniform and puts it in there. I twice went along with chatting for a while to see what they were up to. Even though they wrote in English they used terms and words we don't use in English. I am mostly asked if I want to date them, a total stranger. See the thing some not so on the level people do is work first on reeling in females with befriending or saying they are in love to tug at your heart strings and then later ask if you would as a friend send money to help them out. They dont just target one person but as many as they want at the same time, cus not all will fall for it. It's like they assume everyone is rich. I certainly am not. But if you are still living with your parents, the new ploy may be to not target older females who know better and never accept the friendship but to go after teen girls in hopes she'd do anything for a so called friend or boyfriend in supposed trouble and to steal the money from parents to send to some con artist whether living in this country or another. Do not feel bad about it. If he is supposedly wanting to learn English and in the U.S. , our country offers tons of classes to immigrants settling in ours and it doesn't matter how poor they are, our country throws all sorts of services for free or low cost at immigrants. So no matter if he is a kid or an adult, he can get the help he needs. So that is just a line he is feeding you, hoping to sucker you in.
You wrote "I have to teach him through the call!"
Says who? Where is there a law that forces you to help teach people English on the internet? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. "Have to" means an obligation you can't get out of, that you are perhaps forced to do due to laws forcing you to do so. You may feel obligated to help because you promised to help him. That does not mean that you in a moment of weakness or not knowing any better has to keep a promise to someone who is basically feeding you a line full of BS. Trust me, males who target females for whatever in Facebook should not be trusted. Even when I have said that if they write me again I will contact Facebook because they are not supposed to be doing this, they will beg and plead and ignore and talk around my saying I was going to block them. They would say anything to keep me talking. I delete them and then they may create another profile and try to sucker you again. You need to report them then to Facebook. He may not say he is the same person, he may not be but if the story is exactly the same, and these FB con-artists are real stupid and use the same type of photos or brand new profiles, less than a year or same 'woe is me' stories, then you need to take steps to get this to stop. As I said, give Facebook the info, name, etc on the person who is bugging you, then block them and let facebook know you've done that. If you have something like this happen again and you need an answer on the spot but no one here may see it soon enough, you might want to tell your parents and maybe they will report the guy if you feel strange about doing it.
Good luck.

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I recently found out that my father has gotten married for the sixth time. I haven't seen him in five years. I am currently seventeen and live in Kentucky. I know that my father is an abusive, selfish man. He cheats constantly. He has a thing for young girls. Girls my age, and he's around forty now. I don't know his wife's age, but I do know that she will be abused emotionally and physically. I am honestly amazed that someone as lazy as him could put so much effort into tearing down another person. He never keeps a job for longer than a month, never pays child support, and just generally does little to support his children or anyone else. He preys on vulnerable women, finding younger girls with low self esteem, who are easy to manipulate. I need to know, is there anything I can do about this? Anything at all? Legally or otherwise. I feel responsible for this, for this woman's safety and for my father's actions. I know I'm doing nothing wrong myself, but years ago I watched this man put a young woman in the hospital. I need to do something. So please. If there's anything you can think of, any way I could make the authorities intervene, please tell me.

I know how you feel. My ex husband was verbally abusive all our marriage until I finally left him after 30 years. I see him at family functions still and he is pleasant enough due to fact I am remarried and new husband wouldn't stand for that.
On the the comparison. I have seen him go through 4 girlfriends already. I know how it all will end. He is relationship challenged, abusive and also has some mental issues. The latest one came to my daughters baby shower I hosted at the exs as he volunteered cus no family has a place big enough.

My daughter said to me, "I really like Jane, she's such a sweet nice person. I hope she isn't hurt by Dad. Lets go back to when I was with him, not a single one of my friends ever said a thing to me about how he treated me and to get out and leave him, only my parents. People don't like to get involved in warning a person not to date or marry someone. Most of us have already learned in life that until the woman herself is ready and can see the problems for herself and wants to get out, that it is too early to intervene.
It bothers me too but after saying something to warn some women long ago when I was earlier, I saw it made no difference. Here's two reasons it didn't make a difference. In the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is on their best behavior and sweet. It isn't until they feel they have snagged the fish on the hook that they feel okay to let their true self show. So someone warning a lady during this early honeymoon period start of the relationship, she will not see the advice as anything but meddlesome, being a trouble maker for nothing. The second issue is once the person has shown their true colors, the abused person does not feel strong enough to leave the relationship, they are too scared, etc. It is only when a female goes around asking people who know both of them for their opinion of the abuser and shares with them what is going on and saying she's had enough that a person can say something and be supportive and help her get away.
This is why I believe self confidence to be the best thing a young woman can have. Not only will it keep most abusers from approaching her cus she is too much trouble/not an easy target, but the self confidence attracts good men who find that quality in women to be an aphrodisiac. In general one must be careful when confronted with a potential partner who has been married before or in a long string of dating relationships that don't last long because unless the female was the problem, then there is something the guy is doing that is detrimental to healthy relationships.
All you can do is see if she wants to befriend you. Then keep close watch on her for signs of abuse. If you see any after she's already been with him a while, you could mention you noticed bruises, or whatever and ask if she is being abused. Even if she says no, she has experienced it and deep down does know it. This is tricky as to what to do next. I may be wrong but I might say that the guy she is with, has been married multiple times and each female eventually left him due to abuse (only if that is true) and then offer to help her if and when she is ready to leave him.
I would be the first to jump in if lets say a person was attempting to kidnap a child who can't speak for themselves yet. But when it is an adult, they need to learn this for themselves. If you save her from your Dad but she hasn't changed inside, still low self esteem and easy to manipulate, then the next guy and the next will all be abusers as well, until she learned the lesson to grow as a person and no longer place herself in such situations.
That hon, is what I had to learn. Even if I left the husband for good, I had to know that it wasn't a fluke, that I got lucky. I had to know that I could repeatedly stand up for myself and leave if it happened again. And so the very next guy I dated and shared a place with, became verbally abusive too after being sweet the first 2 months. Once sharing an apt and with no place else to go, I had to decide to leave him anyways. I told all my friends about my situation and finally one friend said I could come stay with them while I saved up money to get into a place of my own.
The very fact that I left and had passed this test with flying colors, meant I was now ready for a really good man. And I met that man 2 months later. He is now my husband. Sorry, but this is all I have on the subject and I know its not what you were hoping for but trying to warn her now would not work.

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A guy said i like it when you're cocky and over confident. I also like when you're being caring towards me. Appreciate it but you don't need to worry about me he said, I said OK I'm sorry for looking out for you then, and he probably sensed that I'm bit off so he started to comfort me by touching my arm and saying Oh you complain heaps. What does he mean by he likes me being cocky and caring but asks me not to worry. After all we are friends.

My best guess is that he said not to worry because he is trying to make sure you are not offended.The dictionary says cocky means 'boldly or brashly self-confident' Self confidence is something that many men are turned on by in women. There are not enough women who are like that. In a study done with single men and women all in a room together thinking it was for something different, researchers were watching to see what kind of women men were attracted to and went to talk with. Maybe initially they went by the looks but found the model types to be insecure or drama queens. In the end they ended up wanting to hang around the confident women.
So you're in a good spot. It would be a compliment from any man. You don't just have a little self confidence but alot accordng to him and that is good.
Now I can't say if as a friend he has any deeper feelings like romance but a male friend or male partner will both appreiate this quality in a woman.

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First thing, I'm not attempting to lose my belly fat for anyone. I've always been quite insecure with my "over-sized" belly pooch, so I feel if I could do things to flatten it a little more that I'd be more secure in my own body. :)

Basically, it's just to feel better about myself && look && feel more healthier! :D

So far I've been eating healthier. I've completely cut out all junk, fast && processed foods && all sodas/diet sodas. I don't eat white bread anymore, instead I eat multi-grain. I drink only milk, cranberry juice and water.

I workout a lot, but have a rest day after every workout day. I mostly do it because it greatly helps my depression (&& yes, I do do treatment and have found my miracle pill).

The thing is... I can't run. I've tried, but with the medications I take... running && those medications heat me up far too much && I usually end up passing out.

I do walk everyday, but is there any other ways I can lose my pooch and be healthier?

Thanks in advance!! :'D

I will post one link to 'exercising for firm tummy' which is what I put in on web search. This is one of the hits. If you don't like, do a search and pick another.
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/standing-abs-exercises

There's an article first and a video at the end.
Good luck.

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So I was at a small get together a couple days ago with like 4 other people, there was one acquaintance there that I noticed was super outgoing, she could start a convo with anybody about anything and never had awkward silences and pauses. Meanwhile when she talked to me, (having social anxiety/socially awkward) I would try so hard to carry the convo but I ended up having the awkward silences, they're not awkward for me cause I'm used to them but for the other person they prob are. I didn't really talk much at the gathering because I didn't really know the people except for the host and the acquaintance, but either way even if I know the person I'm still really quiet and I hate it. I want to be outgoing so bad but I'm not, thanks in advance if you've read this far and answer.

Befor I start, this will be long but I have a lot to share in trying to help you. I had social anxiety when a child thru my teens. But then I got sick of being that way and wanting to do anything that would help me overcome it. I have a saved document of the steps I had to take to overcome it. This was at a time where a Psychologist who wrote about how to handle anxieties had not yet written a book of how. But I read that book a couple years ago and saw it was the same as the steps I followed that cured me. So I will post what worked for me. If you have any questions after or times it doesn't work for you, I am willing to help, not as a psychologist but a person who overcame the same issues. Not knowing which is more your issue 1 fear of talking to people period or 2 not knowing what to say , I will post both informationals in order starting here:

It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.

In case, your issue is not about fear of talking to people but how to start conversations, then read on for how to do that.

How to Make Conversation

The things I will mention are not for doing with those you already know and are comfortable with but to be learned by practicing with strangers, those you don't know like the clerk at check out, someone on same elevator as you, any where in public, friends of your friends. Before you start, I want you to know that I once took a seminar on personality types which covered 4 basic types, rather than the current Myers-Briggs split up into 16 different types. And those 16 spring from the basic 4 so though the older version isn't easy to find, its much simpler to study and here is a link:
http://www.nipreston.com/publications/excerpts/personalitytypes.pdf

This I feel is important for you to know going in because it will show that the majority of people out there are very friendly types if spoken to first.
In my class, the teacher gave the basics of traits, a detailed list of each of the four. You had a paper with 4 squares to represent the types and the traits that were true for you would always fall stronger into 1 or 2 types. He then assigned corners of the room to each type and asked you to go sit there and try to talk with the others. I ended up being the supporter type. I thought it would be an equal split of the 4. But no, Promoters/cheerleaders, and the supporters were huge groups of people while the leaders and analysts had probably a handful or less each. Its the same in real life. Most the people you will be talking to are the friendly, accepting and encouraging types who do want to hear what you have to say, its part of their personality type. The other 2 are loners who may be anti social, very private or just don't enjoy meeting people or don't like talking as much as the other groups.
Since fear of people reactions to you are what is holding you back, if you realize that the majority of people you speak to, even strangers are going to light up and smile and seem to enjoy speaking with you, there's nothing then to hold you back. It is very seldom I ever talk to a stranger who is short with replies, doesn't smile and tries to looks away or walk away. Don't let it bother you, that is just their personality type and it's not you.

Prep work done, the rest is easy.

Start with practicing complimenting people. Be sure it is genuine. So every time you see jewelry, hair, outfit, shoes you like on someone, compliment her. Some get squeamish about trying to compliment guys you don't know but males love to receive compliments too. A good compliment is true for you is that you like the scent of the cologne he is wearing and ask the name so you can get it for your boyfriend. Mentioning a bf, lets them know you aren't hitting on them. Males naturally all want to feel appreciated and needed so compliments to your bf could be “I like the way you think” or “I really appreciate how you are so willing to help with anything and so caring not just with me but anyone.” It shows him you noticed his efforts, even something small like in a group when a question is directed at both of you he turns and says, “Go ahead, you answer first.” He is thinking of you instead of trying to get attention drawn to himself and that shows how much he really cares. When you really look for it, there are lots of things you can compliment guys on.

Do you have to introduce yourself before you start talking to someone who doesn't know you? NO. However if they ask your name, no reason not to give it.
Most people are never going to have the chance of running into you a second time ever unless you have a favorite haunt that a certain person always seems to go to. I go to Starbucks a lot and so the workers at the few I go to are some I have had friendly short convo's with. Some have names I don't dare try to pronounce so I might ask how they pronounce their names. Greeting someone you see regularly by name even if you are not friends, will help them have a better enjoyable day. Sometimes I compliment them. Lets say of all the shifts there are 15 people, at the Starbucks. As busy as they are they can't take time to talk much but about 4 will actually take time to take with me when their break time occurs. One sat with me during her break. Another told me that she was leaving soon and going back to school full time and just wanted me to know this before she suddenly disappeared. I love have friendly acquaintances like this. As much as you enjoy talking to people, I have a feeling you will rack up a lot of friendly acquaintances real fast.

Another way to get used to starting conversations is to ask questions or ask for help. Here's a good example. When I was younger and didn't yet know much about choosing the best produce at grocery, I found myself trying to pick out a cantaloupe and watermelon at the same time another older woman was at the same display. She was tapping the melons and listening to them. So I asked what she was doing.
(If you glance their way and they don't sense you looking at them and look at you, then get their attention by just saying, “Excuse me!” ) For example, the lady said she was listening for a certain sound to know the watermelons were ripe. So I asked again what it would sound like. She picked one that was ripe and one that wasn't as good and tapped them as she held them up to my ear to listen and I heard the difference. I learned something helpful that day, simply by talking with a stranger. She saw me later in another aisle and smiling says, Hello again. Do you buy this product? (she pointed) I said yes and she said she had an extra coupon to save on that and proceeded to hand it to me. Most people don't mind answering questions or being helpful. So be brave and do it. Only once was it awkward when we turned a bend in a road while exploring somewhere on the weekend. There before us was a car parked with a Chinese woman standing in the middle of the road waving us down. This area didn't have much traffic and we were the first people she saw. I thought perhaps they had car trouble but when I rolled down my window, She halting said the only English she could speak, You speak Chinese? I said no. Next she asked you speak Spanish? Again I had to say no. I was surprised when next she asked, you speak German? I do, but not well, but said Yes. A little and did the motion with fingers to show 'a little'. She was looking for a turn off to a Ferry and had just missed it. So I knew all the words but the word for 'Sign' and told her she had to go back a little. She would turn right at first sign and for sign I shrugged my shoulders and drew a rectangle in the air. But she understood. So whether someone asks you or you ask them, rarely will it ever be awkward.

The only times it is awkward to talk to others is in grade school, middle and HS when all the other students are not mature and grown up yet and have no idea how to act and treat others. Many just follow the example of the few who are leaders but doing wrong and laugh at tease, bully, or whatever. That is behind you now. From this point on, you will be dealing with people who are much more mature since they are out of HS, college age, and older. So if you've had bad experience in the past, don't let that hold you back now. This is another important thing I learned when I was 20 or so.

Now, on to tricks to keep conversation going. It helps to really remember what others are saying because you can base the next thing you say on something they said that brought a memory back to you. Lets say a friend is telling you about all the stuff they did last weekend and it included going to a you-pick Blackberry farm. If you have any experience going to any you pick farms, you can tell them about that, you could ask where it was located and how much it cost, or I would be focusing on the word Blackberry and share a story from older childhood when too young to baby sit but wanting to earn money, I'd go to pick coffee can's full of Blackberries that grew along the abandoned railroad tracks and how I'd go door to door asking if they wanted to buy a can full for a dollar. Yep, that was long ago but a dollar was a good reward and would buy a lot more back then. Even if you don't personally have a story but have read a story related to, share it, or maybe it the experience of someone else who once told you and you don't share any name but just tell their story anonymously. I still after years and years use this way to keep conversations going. If you are asking friends something, and don't want the conversation to end after they answer your question, remember there are open ended as well as closed ended questions. Here's an example:

Did you have a good weekend? They will answer yes or no. Many stop right there and won't go on to elaborate what they did unless you ask. You can ask them though.

A better way to ask is 'So, what did you do this weekend?' Notice that question can not be answered with a yes or no. You want to choose carefully how to ask them something because if they have yes or no answers, there is no information you can glean from that to base your next story on. But if they describe their weekend, you have a better chance of finding a word or a subject from it to use as a spring-board for the next thing you speak about.

This is all that I do, there is nothing else and I have found I don't need any other tricks to start or keep a conversation going. Pay attention to how many times you answer someones question and the next thing they talk about is based on a word or subject in your answer. Its quite natural and does not come across as contrived or awkward. Here's an example of using something a person said to make a joke/be funny.

I once worked in fast food and it was slow at the moment and somebody was complaining about the cost of their apt rent being so expensive. That got a guy to mention he used to have to pay big bucks for a tiny studio. He wanted to feel like he had a 2nd room in there and his closet was huge so he put his bed in there to have the feel of a bedroom. I thought that was funny, and while someone else made a comment, my mind was whirling to see if I could say something related to what he said. Bed and closet stood out so I made a joke and said, So if a friend called and asked if you were up yet, you could actually answer with, 'I haven't come out of the closet yet.' Which would be true but that is a term gay people use for whether they have shared their sexual orientation yet with family and friends or not. All of them got it and they were laughing hard. I did this on purpose because people need more to smile or laugh about. Hope this helps.

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I suffer from the WORST generalized anxiety disorder known to man. It's my genuine, legitimate disability. I am super anxious every. single. second of every. single. day. I can't work. I can't drive. I can't function like normal people even though I've tried therapy a billion times and too many different anxiety meds to name. I *CAN NOT* stress enough how *NOTHING* works to even lessen my anxiety. At all.

My dad knows this for a fact and always says he understands.

But every day he says the MOST irrelevant comments to me. He knows for certain that it triggers my anxiety horrifically. He tells me all the time that he understands that he stresses my anxiety and makes it worse.

I literally mind my own business all the time. I do my part in my family's household. I'm the one who cleans so my parents don't have to do it. I help my dad with yardwork.

I will literally be minding my own business whether it's just watching a movie or studying or cleaning or talking to my fiance. And then he'll say something so insulting to me and so unnecessary which immediately triggers my anxiety and boils my blood to the heat of lava.

For example, I'll be watching my favorite television show after I took my antidepressants. And he'll just angrily shout, "Take your pills! I know you haven't took them, I'm not as dumb as you think I am!" And that'll immediately trigger my anxiety. When I'm yelled at, especially for no reason, my anxiety is so severe that it'll just explode.

Another example, I'll go outside to spend some father-daughter time with my dad, then he'll randomly say something to trigger my anxiety.

The thing is: he's told me a BUNCH of times that he KNOWS that he triggers my anxiety and stresses me out too much. So why does he still do it?!

Please do NOT tell me to get a job and move out. I'm too sick and fucked up in the head. I've tried working countless times, but I'm always fired because they say I'm obviously "too sick to deal with it." I have MAJOR panic attacks whenever I try to work. Hell, I even have them when I'm behind the wheel of a car!

Even if I had the money to move out, I would be freaking out and probably would end up killing myself in the process of trying to live on my own. I'm TOO sick mentally to live on my own.

I'm respectful to my dad. He's the one who always starts these fusses, because he's TOXIC.

We've tried therapy, but stopped because the therapist believed him instead of listening to my side of the story.

I don't know what to do. He makes my anxiety and major depressive disorder infinitely times worse than it already is. I can't deal with it anymore. I ALWAYS am my sweetest towards him, but he just yells at me and insults me and talks behind my back. I just want to die.

Any advice, please?

It is hard to know whats going on when we are not there to observe it first hand for ourselves. So what we say may not be relevant. We can only go by what is shared and what possibilities crop up in our minds. I know you may find the other advice giver seemed to pick on you but I used to have anxiety, and I've known people with anxieties or depression and people with mental illness. And of all those, I still don't think I have ever come across a person for whom their disabilities took such a strong toll on them to where they literally could not function and do Anything. I was a caregiver of people with mental disabilities and many of them, even with all their issues, were able to work with a job counselor for the mentally disabled and find something they could handle. Any issues or training of such an employee had to go closely through their job finding advocate/councilor. So my guess if that you have been just going after regular jobs on your own in the past, and not with a councilor of DSHS working on your behalf to fit you to a job where the employer is okay with hiring a physically disabled or person with mental disabilities. If you get disabilities checks, then you qualify. Just call your DSHS representative and ask for a job councilor if you ever get better in the future and want to try work. Not pushing you into that cus I agree, in your current state, you are not ready.

I know nothing of any kind of treatment you have recieved or what type of doctors you have seen, but clearly, if what you have can not even be made manageable with medications, then perhaps like someones already mentioned, you have not seen the best doctors in the past. There are psychologists who find what the problem is and then medications are prescribed. There is mental illness in my family so I am familiar with it. I also had severe social anxiety as a child long before Drs began to give out meds for anxiety. I followed a simple program to get healed of it.
If a doctor told you that you have a terminal illness, wouldn't you want to get 2nd, maybe even 3rd opinions and be rechecked to make sure that the first doctor wasn't quite right. Maybe its not terminal? Maybe theres a way to recover and not die. If you can say yes, then I believe you may be ready to do as suggested and see a professional. But I am not talking of just any psych councilor but some one who is trained in the CBT version of Psychiatry. CBT is short for cognitive behavioral therapy. Remember, at the end, you simply asked for advice...this is My advice. Considering how crippled your condition makes your life, don't you wish you could live a more normal life and actually find yourself enjoying it rather than feeling as you currently do?? I would hope so. I am assuming that you may be ready to try one last time something that Might bring some normalcy to your life. I do not know of anyone who has received the CBT treatment which is non medicinal who hasn't gotten completely healed, and normal without meds. Its actually very few people who with this treatment still need meds. But if their condition is already way better but they still need medications, they will still be ahead of where they were before treatment. The sad thing is that most of us do not realize that in cases like this, our mind is our worst enemy. It is our own distorted thinking that gets us like this to begin with. If you want to scoff at distorted thinking, I had it a-plenty before I was healed by following through on the assignments I was given to do that would help me to realize all my thoughts were not true, and nothing bad ever happened. True, I only had one anxiety and not everything you deal with. But I have read comments of other people who have dealt with much more an varying situations and all thanking the Dr. who helped them.

This brings me to sharing a site calling 'Feeling Good', created by a now author, past psychiatrist who only gave out meds and saw so many patients like you never get any better. Colleagues decades ago told him of a new treatment called CBT and he scoffed at first but finally agreed to try it with his worst off patient. He was amazed when that patient healed and became normal.

Here's an interview where if you start at around 8 and half minutes again, he speaks of another method, T.E.A.M. which helps to melt away any resistance from patients before they use the CBT method.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wZWH_26Fvo&list=PL1r5LOqwnHgpQ-_2ehr4vlMVU1e5HmBCd&index=5

Resistance is some times merely a person's belief system. Once any negative, untrue beliefs can be dealt with, a person is ready for CBT. So it is important to find a Dr. trained in both. We may be going on 40 yrs that this info has been out there but still so many Drs. do not know this or believe it. In one interview he says it is now the standard for all therapists in England. They all use these therapies. Unfortunately, it is not yet so in the U.S. Well meaning family Drs. end up recommending therapists who do not know this stuff and so patients continue to suffer. There are many you tube videos of interviews with David Burns MD, just put in a search and You will see very many.

On his website,
https://feelinggood.com/
you can find some places to go for referrals of Drs. Just click on referrals and begin reading. The referrals are at the end, but he does mention one of the locations that will do therapy via Skype i suppose for those too fearful to leave their homes. So either way, there is no reason you can not get help that really works for you.You already know this is not an optimal way to live life. You have nothing to lose and only better mental health to gain. What if something so simple as these methods can actually turn a person's life around? Heck if even David Burns was a skeptic and thought this was a bunch of crazy foolish stuff when he first heard it, but now totally believes in it, then so can you. I do, I believe in it because it helped get rid of my anxiety. And I know there are people way worse off than me who have been healed by this.
Don't focus on what your Dad is doing or you may never get the help that could turn your life around. I won't even go into whether your Dad is being more hurtful than helpful. But don't let him hold you back. It is your life. YOu are an adult and so it is up to only you to reach out for the right kind of help. I so hope you will even at least take the next week to go over any and all youtube videos you can of Dr. Burns to gain at least a small glimmer of hope for yourself, to at the very least, get a little better or get totally healed. But you must be willing to work with a therapist trained in TEAM-CBT to even have a chance of getting better if there is such a thing as you being able to be healed at all. I don't know it and neither do you. Even the professionals have issues at times and have benefited themselves personally from the TEAM CBT method. A Dr. trained in only CBT which there are many of, enough to find someone near you, may not be enough for you. You may require someone who knows who to use and is licensed to start off with the TEAM method of breaking down resistance if you have any. I did not have any resistance and was so ready to be healed which is why going straight to CBT worked for me. Don't give up before you start dear. You deserve a wonderful life just like the rest of us. Don't let your thoughts hold you back. Just start doing the opposite of what your thoughts tell you, like don't bother watching the videos, you'll be disappointed in the end, or it is just a bunch of hype and someone trying to make money or whatever negative thoughts come to mind. Try to do this to get some hope that there might be relief for you and then contact the people on his website. If you do not have insurance, don't let that stop you from contacting them and finding out if there are any alternatives for people unable to pay. Just Do it!

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My dad is 75 years old and he has had a poor diet for most of his life. He believes that because he goes to the gym every day, he is at the peak of condition. But for the past five years or so, he has been struggling with severe chronic constipation due to his bad eating habits. He has had colon cancer twice (both times we were lucky and the doctor cut it out before it started to spread too much) but cannot get himself to stop binging on burgers and ice cream. Over and over again, I have tried to explain to him the importance of eating fruits and vegetables. I have tried creating menus for him to follow and came up with all sorts of ideas to make this as easy as possible for him. He always agrees, but abandons the plan within 2-7 days. Part of the problem is that he also has dementia, so he always forgets. When I remind him of the agreement he made, he says, "stop telling me what to do!"

It became clear that he had no willpower to stop himself from becoming sick again. So our family made arrangements to put him on a strict daily allowance and have my mom go out and buy all of his groceries. Except that he always turns his nose up at all of the vegetable dishes she makes and runs out to get ice cream even when we give him just $5 a day. I continually remind him of the agreement he made, and he always either says he'll do better tomorrow, or he acts like he never agreed to it at all.

My mom has given up. She said that you can't force someone to want to make themselves better and it stresses her out to have to police him all the time. The truth is that he's going to kill himself with bad food and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

This is simply not acceptable to me. My dad is literally the only person I have in the world. The idea of him not being around is not imaginable. Yes I know that we all die someday. But I can't just sit by and watch him actively destroying himself. I was thinking of simply cutting him off of all money so that he can't go out and buy ANYTHING at all that he's not supposed to. But my mom said that this isn't realistic. He would need to have money on him in the event that his car broke down somewhere.

What can I do to ensure once and for all that he intakes the nutrition he needs every day to stop his colon cancer from returning?

We only are given the ability to govern ourselves and first want to change and then carry out that change for ourselves. There never has been and never will be a way to make someone do something that is better for them if they do not have a desire within that realizes they have an issue and then the want to change. He has neither. Could someone convince you to sell your car tomorrow and do all your travel and commuting by bicycle? Many living in cities do. Or maybe a family member decides you need some toning up and drags you to the local pool every day to swim or signs you up for zumba or maybe yoga classes. They can do all that but unless you are willing to go through and do those things, you are not going to do it.
The bigger issue is his dementia. His lucid moments may still be many but at some point when he no longer recognizes any of you and doesn't recall where he lives, it is even more dangerous to him to not have a safe place to live out his life for people with dementia. I remember a dementia newspaper customer trying to pay me with a couple hundred dollar bills, having no concept of money anymore and she lived alone. I knew she had family as they'd built a walking ramp to her door and she could't navigate steps any more. But try as I might, she couldn't provide me with the name of a relative to call. this was an adult paper route, I was an adult trying to help an adult. I saw her often wandering around town, inappropriately dressed for weather in winter clothes on extremely hot days, and summer clothes during the winter and I worried for her but I was not her family. You and family may want to focus your energies on some plans for the inevitable when it comes to have plans in place. Will the family hire a caretaker to live 24/7 with him. Will family take turns rotating staying with him days here and there or just get him placed into a facility where the doors are locked and monitored so he can not just walk off and get lost? Once he is further along as mentioned so he had no recollection of what he'd prefer to eat, he will be eating whatever his caretaker or a facility for dementia patients serves him for meals. If you don't know now, you will someday realize how draining it is energy wise and emotionally to deal with a dementia patient. Its like having an adult baby, totally reliant on you for everything. Except, unlike an infant that can't crawl or walk yet, they can walk. And just like an infant, all they knew as an adult can be partially or all forgotten due to the disease, so sometimes dealing with dementia patients is more like struggling with a child at the terrible twos who is as big or bigger than you. It is sometimes more than one person can handle. It may take a team to take care of his needs in the near future. I used to be a caregiver to mostly those with mental disabilities and believe me, they can have temper tantrums of the astronomical kind, etc. I watched my mother in law deal with her mom going thru dementia. SHe now has it too. And someone my husband works with has the earlier stages, still thinking he can do everything for himself but more and more is falling on my husbands shoulders to pick up the slack when the guy continually forgets things like even the time line in which things need to get done. Its a small company and those in charge do not see the other guys problems and wouldn't believe it cus they can still look and seem to act normal in the public eye at this stage unless you spend hour after hour with them or day after day.
We even moved in with our old apt. manager friend when she was looking for roommates for the trailer park home she bought. We only lasted 3 weeks because we discovered in the first two weeks that she had dementia and how bad it was. It wasn't visible in the little chats in passing or on the way to the mail boxes. Seriously, your family needs to focus on the dementia rather than what he eats. You will lose your father from dementia long before he actually dies. The man you knew as your father will slowly slip away. I know, its sad and I hope it never happens to my loved ones, but as bad as his diet and health due to diet is, is diet hasn't killed him yet, I still believe that he may live long enough for the family to suffer seeing him as an empty shell of who he used to be. That is much much worse in what happens to you all emotionally.

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Hey.
Never thought I would ever have to ask a question. But just recently, my old man died. And we went through his safe and got his will. I went down the list with my family. All though we aren't going to do anything yet. I found out what I was getting.
Before I was even born, my grandpa owned a plane. A Cessna 177 cardinal. Now the thing is I heard about this legendary plane. And my sister, my mother, everyone thought my dad sold this long back. But turns out he had put it in a hanger for all these years. It looks pretty good. It looks almost brand new. But I am not so sure whether it can run or not. I'm going to call a guy after me and my family deal with my father and everything.
My question is though for you people who know how to fly a plane and got their license. How can I get my license? what do i need to know? I really, really, really wanna get this metal bird flying high in the sky again. And pass it down to, or rather, if I ever have children. Can anyone tell me what I need?

I suggest you get in touch with CFO, Cardinal Flyers Online, a group you can join and get helpful information on your craft. Here is the webaddress:
http://www.cardinalflyers.com/members/_members.php

You'll want to locate a really good plane mechanic familiar with this type of plane to really go over it and get it ready to fly BEFORE you take any flying lessons. If you try to start the plane and it starts up, that does not mean it is ready to fly without any problems arising while up in the air. After sitting so long, anything mechanical will have problems.I had a vehicles sit only 2 years and it had things that needed work. Lets talk about something older like grandmas old singer sewing machine. I could't get that sucker to work for anything once it was given to me. Turns out it was all gummed up, needed things oiled, tweaked, a new belt. Think of it as a tune up. Once worked over by a professional, I was able to use that antique to actually sew with.

I would think that choosing a flying school and then a particular flight instructor of that school would be the easiest to do. Whatever you do, don't try to do the tune up and check out your craft for flight readiness or you may be playing russian roulette with your life.
Good luck.

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So... I recently found this thing online, a kink called ddlg. If you're not familiar with it, it's short for daddy dom little girl. Of course, this isn't actual incest or pedophilia. If you need any more information, some quick googling will give you a good answer. I think I might be kind of into this. I love when my boyfriend tells me what to do, when he "punishes" me during sex, and when he calls me kitten, doll, baby girl, or other names like that. I like acting child-like with him, and he likes when I dress like a kid, like when I wear cat ears. He takes care of me, in a way, like he reminds me to do my homework and makes sure I'm responsible. I'm sure this isn't the best description. I'm wondering if I should bring this up to him. We're very open about sex and everything else, and I feel weird not talking to him about this. It doesn't seem like a serious thing to me, but I do want to know his opinion of it. I don't want us to actively participate in this kink, I'm very happy with our sexual relationship, but it feels weird not to know where he stands on this. I would really like him to know that it's a turn on for me to somewhat act out the child-like part of this kink, but I'm afraid to tell him. So, basically... do you think I should bring this up to my boyfriend? Would it be easier to maybe send him a link about the ddlg thing, or just to explain my particular interests to begin with and not mention the ddlg kink at all? I'm afraid either way he'll think it's odd that I want to be treated like a kid at times. I don't expect this kink to take over our lives and I don't want it to, so in a way I feel like I'm making too big of a deal of this. Should I tell him and how should I tell him?

Hon, it sounds like he is already naturally doing some of this stuff so I don't think it would be a big leap for him to go over any specifics you find and decide with you to try whatever you have not yet been doing.
There are few to none when it comes to young male teens knowing of this stuff let alone being pretty comfortable and good at sex. So my guess is there's a possibility he is 18 or way over. If so, you need to be prepared for him getting caught and going to jail, no matter how willing you were. I already can tell from how you write that there is no turning back for you to go back to sex without a partner and waiting til you are older so I won't even try. As long as age wise, he is around your age, parents might not be okay with it but even without their knowledge or moms help, you are going to need to get on some kind of birth control besides trusting on just condoms if he is even using them as they are not fool proof. Accidents happen with them. I remember two occasions when it happened to me.
You said you both are comfortable and open about sex. If so, then it doesn't hurt to ask for what you want. Even if what you want is more like a fetish and not your run of the mill average sexual practices. Lovers should be mature enough to listen to each other and wanting to discuss and give each other what the other would like in sex. Although, teen boys are not likely to be driven as you to want this. They just plain old want sex but don't usually have any specific likes and dislikes unless they have been sexual a lot already with lots of experience. Your bf is already doing lots of the parts of what it is to be DDLG. At your age, you may not end up with him for the rest of your life. You may yet date others before you settle down to the one relationship you have for the rest of your days. All I can advise is that you make sure in future guys, you do not train them to what you want unless they already show signs to be that way. Then confirm it by showing them any sites on it and getting their feedback. Any guy forcing himself to become this way to please you and keep you will work for a while but not forever. People tend to grow resentment if they feel they are unable to be themselves and have to change to be perfect for their mate. I know this from marriage already. So do find guys who already have a streak of wanting to play Daddy. We could be reading your bf wrong. Perhaps he won't be into it at all. But you need to find out. Other than guiding convo's during sex of I like that, do more of that or Ouch, please go lighter, or stop for a minute, i need to catch my breath, is all good and important. However any major discussion to bring up something big like this should be done at a time when you are not having sex. I can't tell you how to bring it up, other than, hey I have some ideas rolling around in my head that I want to share with you. Then share.

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What are these documents, will they help? I dont know how to really carry on conversation

Ok, here's the basics on how to get used to making conversation.

Start with practicing complimenting people. Be sure it is genuine. So every time you see jewelry, hair, outfit, shoes you like on someone, compliment her. Some get squeamish about trying to compliment guys you don't know but males love to receive compliments too. A good compliment is true for you is that you like the scent of the cologne he is wearing and ask the name so you can get it for your boyfriend. Mentioning a bf, lets them know you aren't hitting on them. Males naturally all want to feel appreciated and needed so compliments to your bf could be “I like the way you think” or “I really appreciate how you are so willing to help with anything and so caring not just with me but anyone.” It shows him you noticed his efforts, even something small like in a group when a question is directed at both of you he turns and says, “Go ahead, you answer first.” He is thinking of you instead of trying to get attention drawn to himself and that shows how much he really cares. When you really look for it, there are lots of things you can compliment guys on.

Do you have to introduce yourself before you start talking to someone who doesn't know you? NO. However if they ask your name, no reason not to give it.
Most people are never going to have the chance of running into you a second time ever unless you have a favorite haunt that a certain person always seems to go to. I go to Starbucks a lot and so the workers at the few I go to are some I have had friendly short convo's with. Some have names I don't dare try to pronounce so I might ask how they pronounce their names. Greeting someone you see regularly by name even if you are not friends, will help them have a better enjoyable day. Sometimes I compliment them. Lets say of all the shifts there are 15 people, at the Starbucks. As busy as they are they can't take time to talk much but about 4 will actually take time to take with me when their break time occurs. One sat with me during her break. Another told me that she was leaving soon and going back to school full time and just wanted me to know this before she suddenly disappeared. I love have friendly acquaintances like this. As much as you enjoy talking to people, I have a feeling you will rack up a lot of friendly acquaintances real fast.

Another way to get used to starting conversations is to ask questions or ask for help. Here's a good example. When I was younger and didn't yet know much about choosing the best produce at grocery, I found myself trying to pick out a cantaloupe and watermelon at the same time another older woman was at the same display. She was tapping the melons and listening to them. So I asked what she was doing.
(If you glance their way and they don't sense you looking at them and look at you, then get their attention by just saying, “Excuse me!” ) For example, the lady said she was listening for a certain sound to know the watermelons were ripe. So I asked again what it would sound like. She picked one that was ripe and one that wasn't as good and tapped them as she held them up to my ear to listen and I heard the difference. I learned something helpful that day, simply by talking with a stranger. She saw me later in another aisle and smiling says, Hello again. Do you buy this product? (she pointed) I said yes and she said she had an extra coupon to save on that and proceeded to hand it to me. Most people don't mind answering questions or being helpful. So be brave and do it. Only once was it awkward when we turned a bend in a road while exploring somewhere on the weekend. There before us was a car parked with a Chinese woman standing in the middle of the road waving us down. This area didn't have much traffic and we were the first people she saw. I thought perhaps they had car trouble but when I rolled down my window, She halting said the only English she could speak, You speak Chinese? I said no. Next she asked you speak Spanish? Again I had to say no. I was surprised when next she asked, you speak German? I do, but not well, but said Yes. A little and did the motion with fingers to show 'a little'. She was looking for a turn off to a Ferry and had just missed it. So I knew all the words but the word for 'Sign' and told her she had to go back a little. She would turn right at first sign and for sign I shrugged my shoulders and drew a rectangle in the air. But she understood. So whether someone asks you or you ask them, rarely will it ever be awkward.

The only times it is awkward to talk to others is in grade school, middle and HS when all the other students are not mature and grown up yet and have no idea how to act and treat others. Many just follow the example of the few who are leaders but doing wrong and laugh at tease, bully, or whatever. That is behind you now. From this point on, you will be dealing with people who are much more mature since they are out of HS, college age, and older. So if you've had bad experience in the past, don't let that hold you back now. This is another important thing I learned when I was 20 or so.

Now, on to tricks to keep conversation going. It helps to really remember what others are saying because you can base the next thing you say on something they said that brought a memory back to you. Lets say a friend is telling you about all the stuff they did last weekend and it included going to a you-pick Blackberry farm. If you have any experience going to any you pick farms, you can tell them about that, you could ask where it was located and how much it cost, or I would be focusing on the word Blackberry and share a story from older childhood when too young to baby sit but wanting to earn money, I'd go to pick coffee can's full of Blackberries that grew along the abandoned railroad tracks and how I'd go door to door asking if they wanted to buy a can full for a dollar. Yep, that was long ago but a dollar was a good reward and would buy a lot more back then. Even if you don't personally have a story but have read a story related to, share it, or maybe it the experience of someone else who once told you and you don't share any name but just tell their story anonymously. I still after years and years use this way to keep conversations going. If you are asking friends something, and don't want the conversation to end after they answer your question, remember there are open ended as well as closed ended questions. Here's an example:

Did you have a good weekend? They will answer yes or no. Many stop right there and won't go on to elaborate what they did unless you ask. You can ask them though.

A better way to ask is 'So, what did you do this weekend?' Notice that question can not be answered with a yes or no. You want to choose carefully how to ask them something because if they have yes or no answers, there is no information you can glean from that to base your next story on. But if they describe their weekend, you have a better chance of finding a word or a subject from it to use as a spring-board for the next thing you speak about.

This is all that I do, there is nothing else and I have found I don't need any other tricks to start or keep a conversation going. Pay attention to how many times you answer someones question and the next thing they talk about is based on a word or subject in your answer. Its quite natural and does not come across as contrived or awkward. Here's an example of using something a person said to make a joke/be funny.

I once worked in fast food and it was slow at the moment and somebody was complaining about the cost of their apt rent being so expensive. That got a guy to mention he used to have to pay big bucks for a tiny studio. He wanted to feel like he had a 2nd room in there and his closet was huge so he put his bed in there to have the feel of a bedroom. I thought that was funny, and while someone else made a comment, my mind was whirling to see if I could say something related to what he said. Bed and closet stood out so I made a joke and said, So if a friend called and asked if you were up yet, you could actually answer with, 'I haven't come out of the closet yet.' Which would be true but that is a term gay people use for whether they have shared their sexual orientation yet with family and friends or not. All of them got it and they were laughing hard. I did this on purpose because people need more to smile or laugh about. Hope this helps.

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My wife was raped when she was 15 by a 25 year old construction worker. She made a date to go to his house. When she got there the guy ripped her clothes off and raped her vaginally and anally. On top of that his roommate was watching discreetly. Sounds horrible and in some ways I'm sure it was but she orgasm d intensely, went back the next day knowing what would happen. She thought about that every time she masturbated for years after that. She also liked to be dominated, treated like a slut, and does to this day.

With no question listed i have no idea what you wanted, just to rant or wanting our opinions on the situation.
I will say I have heard of this from many people, the husbands of such women and from the women themselves. It seems that psychologists have lots of research on women becoming frigid after being raped and never wanting sex. I just did another search to make sure there wasn't new info on the web, but there are very few professionals who will even list the fact that a 2nd reaction by women to rape was being launched into having a high sex drive. I'd have to say that this is almost 'hush hush' information that no one professional talks about. But there are a lot of women writing in to various sites asking if rape could have made them hyper sexual.
Professionals will say that women who have the high sex drive after rape are really feeling worthless and going for lots of random meaningless sex. Hmm, I don't know about that. Of actual people I have talked to, I found these women to be having a good sex life with their husband. I will say i met some bi-sexual women thru a friend. I am not bi-sexual but an overwhelming amount of women who were bi, were also sexually violated by a male in their past.
You know that saying, "If something ain't broke, then don't try to fix it". I feel that applies here. If she isn't feeling broke, she may not want to be fixed. So many women have gone on with their lives and this is part of them now and they would not relish losing this part of themselves if lets say a professional worked with their psyche on their past rape. There will be the wondering if the sexual drive they have now will go away after counseling so they may not wish to do so. I can't say that is the situation for you. So I think It comes down to whether you are okay with how she is right now. There are many women who have never been raped or treated badly as a child who like the things you mentioned she likes.

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I am a fourteen year old girl and I have started to develop feelings for my step brother. My dad has only recently met his girlfriend and even though they are not officially married we call her my step mom. At first me and my step-brother were very awkward around eachother but over the past few months we have grown very close. We tend to play fight and wrestle a lot more then we used to and when we are the only ones up we talk for hours on end. I have grown to really like him and I am not sure what to do, I am not even completely sure these are romantic feelings. I just noticed myself acting differently around him then I do around my other siblings. What should I do?

Since you mention not being sure if the feelings are romantic ones, i will talk about that. For your age, 14, it is very normal for a female to observe certain males or one male and like the qualities she sees in him. Over our teen and college years, we continue to be around and date people and learn more. It isn't usually the first person or two we have interest in that we end up in a couple relationship with. This period of time before and during dating is a time for people to learn what they like and don't like about a potential mate based on your real life experiences with someone of the opposite sex or same sex if you're gay. So you may want to start keeping a list, write down what you do like about your step brother. Your list will also at times end up with things you want to avoid in your next partner. Then when ready to marry someday, follow your list closely to end up marrying a person where you know you are not settling for less than the person right for you. When you are around any male you interests you now that the hormones of puberty are flowing, it is normal to find yourself also acting different around such a person and since he is not a blood relative, there is no reason that once you are of an age your parents said you can date, that you could not date him. Even if it feels awkward to both your dad and step mom, it is okay and legal. You don't know if Dad will end up staying with her but if they do part ways, you could still keep in touch with and maybe even have chances to date. You didn't mention his age. So I will mention that if he is older, 18 or so, then you will need to wait until you are 18 also before it is legal and he can not get a jail sentence for having sex with a minor. Just saying, in case both your feelings turn that way. Wishing you the best.

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I have noticed I can't maintain relationship with women. This year, I said I wanted to make long lasting relationship but I lost two friends. It hard because for some reasons these girl triggered my inner child. They hurt me but as much as I want to blame them, I see part of this is my doing. I really want great and long lasting relationships but I don't know why I am easily triggered. If someone is blunt with me, I feel that they don't care enough about the way I feel. I often feel left out which makes me feel jealous. So far, I know I have abandonment issues. But how can I begin to heal my inner child. I have been writing about it and talking it out. I am aware of that the neglect I experience growing up has a major part in this. I know it's a process but can you give me practical way to heal theses wounds? I been to therapy for other issues but I am just now realizing this is my main issue. I need some encouragement as well.

This I have personal experience with and will share thoughts and what i learned. My ex husband had abandonment issues. But he also had mental illness. I am not saying you are like this because of mental illness. I sense you do not have any.

While my ex also had abandonment issues, his stemmed from overhearing a Dr. in the hosp. telling his Dad that his Mom might not pull through and could die. In his child mind, he felt Mom was planning to abandon all of them. Even when she recovered, he still carried that with him. As he grew older and began dating, that issue was still there in his mind, believing now that all females he'd meet, he would eventually lose and become abandoned by them. What i did not know until we went together on friends recommendation to see a therapist, that what he had been doing his entire life, even with me, is that every time a woman fell for him and wanted to stay, his subconscious heard that distorted thought that all women would eventually leave him, so his SM would cause him to treat them in very poorly in an attempt to drive them away so that he could self fulfill his prophesy that all women would leave. I stayed much longer, 30 yrs of marriage and was verbally abused the whole time. His issue was a scenerio made up in his mind, one of mental illness while yours is due to your treatment of neglect and maybe more, as a child. Children come with coping mechanisms to make it thru childhood until they become adults at which time they can get help for themselves. So that is when the majority of buried issues from childhood arise, once we hit adulthood.
However there is distorted thinking going on. Again, I am not pointing fingers at you. You are no different from all humans because a great majority ALL have distorted thoughts at some point through out their life, no matter how good or bad their childhood. It is however fairly infrequent, not occurring on a daily basis like 24/7 or close to it. There are those who have gotten into the habit of doing this all the time. I did not realize until the end of our marriage when an retired counselor friend urged him to go for therapy and insisted he find one trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. It could be your therapist does not use that method or even believe in it. However its been around for decades now. I read some books authored by Dr David D. Burms who also once upon a time in his practice as a psychologist did not believe in it either when colleagues told him about it. In desperation for one of his most unresponsive longest patients, he finally tried this method and she became cured. He tried it again and again and always had great results, seeing depression, anxieties and distorted thinking all go away for almost all his patients. Only a few actually did not respond and required medicine. Medicine masks the issues, doesn't heal them. Once medicine stops, the issues are still there. I sense you also want to be rid of this issue as you can see how it is affecting your life. You are making that connection and understanding it. A mentally ill person would not see the correlation and do everything to take the focus off of them, blaming every one else, saying they are the ones with issues, not their self.

I will share the website of this Dr. for you later.
First, my thoughts on how the inner child fits in here. Remember, these are my own personal thoughts and I am no professional but in life, I have found this to be true for me. I believe our inner child is tied closely to our subconscious mind (SM) as well as all our emotions are tied to our SM. My story: I talked to myself as a kid and I answered myself sometimea. It was as if my question was being answered by another person. It was as if I felt this was part of me but didn't understand my SM's role in my life until much later. However, I did acknowledge at times the existance of this part of me. It wasn't until I met my 2nd husband that he taught me what he'd learned in psychology plus his own studies that things began to make sense. At one point, he told me the name he had for his SM, like a separate person. Then he asked me what the name of my sub was. I had only gotten halfway thru saying "I don't have any clue at all" when an indignant voice rang out so clear in my head I was shocked, "My name is Teresa" (not the real name) Our sub controls things we don't have to think about, like taking our next breath, blinking our eyes but also our emotions. Think of a movie that scared you or made you angry or cry. You know with your logical mind that its just a made up story with actors but our SM feels the emotions just as if it were real. I also learned some things from books he gave me to read, that the SM pays close attention to our thoughts. So if one has distorted thinking and it is centered mostly on thoughts of fear and doom situations, the SM will assume incorrectly, (like a child might) that what takes up most your thoughts is what you want the most, your SM will do everything in its power to talk your awake/logical mind into following through on actions that have a greater chance of making your thoughts come true. It can work for the good or for the bad depending on the thoughts. Like a child, my SM doesn't always have the reasoning and understanding of an adult level, more like a child half the time. I see this as being my inner child and SM all wrapped up in one. I will state that I started as a child having severe social anxiety, maybe why I preferred talking to Teresa rather than others outside my family. But I was cured by asking God (as a teen) to help me and he gave me step by step things I must do to become better. Big surprise later in life, when I came across the book "When Panic Attacks" where he covers 8 different issues. The recipe for overcoming anxiety, was exactly the same thing I heard from God so many decades ago. I was so surprised. No wonder I was cured so easily.
So all I can think is that either your Dr. is not trained in CBT or doesn't beleive in it, or if your Dr. is trained in that, they are not a very good Dr. and You should be seeking out a different therapist. with the right one, you WILL get over these issues in your life. I know it very strongly. Why? Because of the website I will be giving you.

https://feelinggood.com/

Reading everything you can on that website won't heal you but will give you hope, knowing you can be cured. Checking out his books at your library or if not there, buying them will give you more hope. Please watch the video of how Dr Burns got started, and the tests they did with CBT. Find and read peoples testimonials, some who suffered life long and were finally healed in their 50's wishing they'd heard of this sooner.
God Bless and I hope to hear an update from you one day in the future that you have been healed.

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Why is 2% fat milk called 2% fat milk when 45 calories from fat divided by 120 calories = 0.375 x 100 = 37.5 calories from fat and not 2%?

I don't know the answer. But if you are concerned abut the dairy product you use, I think all packaging has at least a contact phone. Or if not, best place to look is the internet. Lets say it is Darigold milk. So I put in a search for 'Darigold consumer questions' and up came many links. I chose the one I am listing here.
http://www.darigold.com/contact-us

You can put in your equation and ask them how they come up with the whole, 2 % or non fat on labeling.
But please don't accuse them of anything bad because they may not answer your question.
I know many people who have had to call companies of all sorts of products to find out what a particular ingrediant was when it wasn't clear like the term 'natural flavors'. If they are allergic to certain flavorings, they need more detail and companies are happy to answer your questions. Then you can decide if you want to continue using their product or not.

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I'm not going to diet to lose my body fat, I want to change my lifestyle into a much healthier one.

I've started:

- drinking *only* water; *no* soda, diet soda or any sugary drinks.
- eating a protein-filled lunch and dinner; I snack on natural crunchy peanut butter and nuts; *absolutely no* junk food, fast food or processed foods.
- lifting 5lbs dumbbells to tone my body (before that I was lifting 3lb).
- doing the "bike exercise" where I lay on the floor and pedal my legs in the air *intensely* for about an hour.
- (for a couple years) I have already been taking walks everyday for an hour. (***I would run, but I have been told by my psychiatrist that I shouldn't because my medication heats me up real quick and I pass out.***)
- getting 8 hours of sleep every night.

Will this help me tone my body and burn my body fat if I make this my lifestyle?

By the way, I'm a 20 year old female. I'm like 10 pounds underweight, but I still have A LOT of fat in my tummy area that I'm trying to flatten. Also, I'm 5"5 if that matters.

If you have any tips for me to lose my body fat and tone my body, please tell me, I'd appreciate it infinitely!

(I'm trying to get a healthy, fit body.)
-

If you are underweight as you say, then it's not toning and burning body fat or what you eat that you are most concerned about. I believe it is an issue with your self image and what you think about yourself, in particular, your tummy. Totally flat tummies are unnatural. If you look at the painting of nudes by painters long long ago, the women all had rounded tummies and average to small breasts because they were painting what women realistically looked like. Boob jobs and liposuction for tummies is the way most women end up looking even somewhat like media portrays women should look like. Media is wrong and only trying to help hawk every product for sale that claims it can make you more beautiful, more desireable, more confident, more healthy, etc........
Everything you are doing is way more than most people who want to be fit. You can be fit and still have a non flat tummy. You may have been totally flat as a child but at 20, you have the rounded curves a woman is supposed to have. But don't take my word for it. Ask your regular Dr and your Psychiatrist if they believe you have tummy fat you need to get rid off. If 9 out of 10 professionals all say you need to lose tummy fat, only then should you be concerned about it and follow their instructions.

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I tried warehouse, but that still involves a lot of people. Do you think that a person with anxiety can work overnight at a gas station?

I think by now you are realizing how crippling an anxiety is to your life and how it can keep you from even having a job. I know medication is out there for it. However I know several people with anxieties who even though on meds for it, still suffer anxiety to a degree. Since you are trying to avoid 'people' in general, may I assume that your anxiety is a social anxiety? I used to suffer from that one growing up as a kid. By my senior year of HS, I found a way to get cured of it forever without meds. And no, I am not hawking anything here. If you are interested in what helped me, let me know.

If there are any phobias as well as your anxiety, that makes it all the harder to find a job. If you do not want to or do not believe there is a chance you can over come it, then you are very limited. The best jobs for you will involve not leaving your home, just working out of the home. So you'd basically need to have some kind of skill where your help is needed on line, a work from home situation. I don't know of any jobs outside the home that don't involve needing to interact with other humans, whether just one or two or more. My Dad worked for a while as a security guard for a gated community and he had to be friendly and greet residents who drove up and buzz the gate to let them in. I also know of someone who worked night security in a building long after all employees were gone but they still had to interact to get trained and still have interactions with their boss. If you have some kind of phobia's of fear of bad things happening, then just the fear of possibly having a break in and needing to call police will make that job miserable. All jobs involve interacting with people on some level. If you think that the number you interact with is the solution, you're free to try, but as a person who used to have social anxiety, I can tell you, I had fear and anxiety of even needing to interact with just one or two people. Avoiding people isn't the answer. Medication is a better choice but still not the best as it is only a band-aid solution and doesn't cure you of your anxieties. I know how scary an anxiety can be. I am glad I came across a way to overcome it because medications for anxiety were either not known or popular back when I suffered. But don't believe me. Believe a professional, ex psychologist turned author to educate and give hope to those who suffer depression, anxiety and phobias that they can be cured. It all depends on how they go about helping. A method called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. If you are interested in info on that Dr and his books and website as well as how I overcame social anxiety, let me know, I'd be glad to share.

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why does a guy friend keeps saying he likes my company, he enjoys my company whenever we see each other? he has stated that he likes me as a friend but really sometimes its so hard what boys are thinking actually. we have a good banter. I like him. however, is it another way of saying that he likes me and spending time with me? or am I over thinking things? thanks a lot!

The word 'like' covers too many things. We use it to apply to why a friend enjoys being friends, we 'like' each other. Then there is the 'like' that females tend to use to apply to 'attracted to, in love with, want to be romantic with, etc.' So unless you know what interpretation he has behind using the work 'like',you can't know for certain just by hearing it.

So the question here is to ask yourself if you'd be open to trying to see how it works if the two of you were more than just friends.
In any really satisfying,long lasting relationship, there are two foundations it rests on, one is being best of friends. The other is the romantic side of it. So it is important you get along really great as friends and want to be around each other and have lots in common. The stronger feelings aren't always there right in the beginning but start slowly for some, like a live coal that grows eventually into a blazing flame.

If you are not interested in him that way, then do nothing but enjoy the friendship as just friendship and stop overthinking and accept the word 'like' as simply enjoying, not as being in love.

If however you believe your feelings for him are stronger than just 'friends', the best way to ask without it being awkward is to ask, "We do so well together as friends, that it makes me wonder if we could do just as well if we tried being more than friends. What do you think?" Stating it this way, in no way says that you already have feelings which can scare a guy not ready for that level of commitment yet, or one who doesn't feel the same in return who may feel too awkward from then on around you. Asking for what he thinks of that thought of yours is a safe way to find out how he feels without him having to reveal too much if not yet ready. If he thinks or knows he feels like more than friends or wants to be more than friends, a smart guy will see this as his opportunity to go for it without the stress of any 'expectations' on your part. You set the situation up as an either/or one. You are okay with just being friends, but if it turns out there's something more, you are also okay with it. This encourages a guy who has feelings to make his move in some way.

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