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What are these documents, will they help? I dont know how to really carry on conversation
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ok, here's the basics on how to get used to making conversation.
Start with practicing complimenting people. Be sure it is genuine. So every time you see jewelry, hair, outfit, shoes you like on someone, compliment her. Some get squeamish about trying to compliment guys you don't know but males love to receive compliments too. A good compliment is true for you is that you like the scent of the cologne he is wearing and ask the name so you can get it for your boyfriend. Mentioning a bf, lets them know you aren't hitting on them. Males naturally all want to feel appreciated and needed so compliments to your bf could be “I like the way you think” or “I really appreciate how you are so willing to help with anything and so caring not just with me but anyone.” It shows him you noticed his efforts, even something small like in a group when a question is directed at both of you he turns and says, “Go ahead, you answer first.” He is thinking of you instead of trying to get attention drawn to himself and that shows how much he really cares. When you really look for it, there are lots of things you can compliment guys on.
Do you have to introduce yourself before you start talking to someone who doesn't know you? NO. However if they ask your name, no reason not to give it.
Most people are never going to have the chance of running into you a second time ever unless you have a favorite haunt that a certain person always seems to go to. I go to Starbucks a lot and so the workers at the few I go to are some I have had friendly short convo's with. Some have names I don't dare try to pronounce so I might ask how they pronounce their names. Greeting someone you see regularly by name even if you are not friends, will help them have a better enjoyable day. Sometimes I compliment them. Lets say of all the shifts there are 15 people, at the Starbucks. As busy as they are they can't take time to talk much but about 4 will actually take time to take with me when their break time occurs. One sat with me during her break. Another told me that she was leaving soon and going back to school full time and just wanted me to know this before she suddenly disappeared. I love have friendly acquaintances like this. As much as you enjoy talking to people, I have a feeling you will rack up a lot of friendly acquaintances real fast.
Another way to get used to starting conversations is to ask questions or ask for help. Here's a good example. When I was younger and didn't yet know much about choosing the best produce at grocery, I found myself trying to pick out a cantaloupe and watermelon at the same time another older woman was at the same display. She was tapping the melons and listening to them. So I asked what she was doing.
(If you glance their way and they don't sense you looking at them and look at you, then get their attention by just saying, “Excuse me!” ) For example, the lady said she was listening for a certain sound to know the watermelons were ripe. So I asked again what it would sound like. She picked one that was ripe and one that wasn't as good and tapped them as she held them up to my ear to listen and I heard the difference. I learned something helpful that day, simply by talking with a stranger. She saw me later in another aisle and smiling says, Hello again. Do you buy this product? (she pointed) I said yes and she said she had an extra coupon to save on that and proceeded to hand it to me. Most people don't mind answering questions or being helpful. So be brave and do it. Only once was it awkward when we turned a bend in a road while exploring somewhere on the weekend. There before us was a car parked with a Chinese woman standing in the middle of the road waving us down. This area didn't have much traffic and we were the first people she saw. I thought perhaps they had car trouble but when I rolled down my window, She halting said the only English she could speak, You speak Chinese? I said no. Next she asked you speak Spanish? Again I had to say no. I was surprised when next she asked, you speak German? I do, but not well, but said Yes. A little and did the motion with fingers to show 'a little'. She was looking for a turn off to a Ferry and had just missed it. So I knew all the words but the word for 'Sign' and told her she had to go back a little. She would turn right at first sign and for sign I shrugged my shoulders and drew a rectangle in the air. But she understood. So whether someone asks you or you ask them, rarely will it ever be awkward.
The only times it is awkward to talk to others is in grade school, middle and HS when all the other students are not mature and grown up yet and have no idea how to act and treat others. Many just follow the example of the few who are leaders but doing wrong and laugh at tease, bully, or whatever. That is behind you now. From this point on, you will be dealing with people who are much more mature since they are out of HS, college age, and older. So if you've had bad experience in the past, don't let that hold you back now. This is another important thing I learned when I was 20 or so.
Now, on to tricks to keep conversation going. It helps to really remember what others are saying because you can base the next thing you say on something they said that brought a memory back to you. Lets say a friend is telling you about all the stuff they did last weekend and it included going to a you-pick Blackberry farm. If you have any experience going to any you pick farms, you can tell them about that, you could ask where it was located and how much it cost, or I would be focusing on the word Blackberry and share a story from older childhood when too young to baby sit but wanting to earn money, I'd go to pick coffee can's full of Blackberries that grew along the abandoned railroad tracks and how I'd go door to door asking if they wanted to buy a can full for a dollar. Yep, that was long ago but a dollar was a good reward and would buy a lot more back then. Even if you don't personally have a story but have read a story related to, share it, or maybe it the experience of someone else who once told you and you don't share any name but just tell their story anonymously. I still after years and years use this way to keep conversations going. If you are asking friends something, and don't want the conversation to end after they answer your question, remember there are open ended as well as closed ended questions. Here's an example:
Did you have a good weekend? They will answer yes or no. Many stop right there and won't go on to elaborate what they did unless you ask. You can ask them though.
A better way to ask is 'So, what did you do this weekend?' Notice that question can not be answered with a yes or no. You want to choose carefully how to ask them something because if they have yes or no answers, there is no information you can glean from that to base your next story on. But if they describe their weekend, you have a better chance of finding a word or a subject from it to use as a spring-board for the next thing you speak about.
This is all that I do, there is nothing else and I have found I don't need any other tricks to start or keep a conversation going. Pay attention to how many times you answer someones question and the next thing they talk about is based on a word or subject in your answer. Its quite natural and does not come across as contrived or awkward. Here's an example of using something a person said to make a joke/be funny.
I once worked in fast food and it was slow at the moment and somebody was complaining about the cost of their apt rent being so expensive. That got a guy to mention he used to have to pay big bucks for a tiny studio. He wanted to feel like he had a 2nd room in there and his closet was huge so he put his bed in there to have the feel of a bedroom. I thought that was funny, and while someone else made a comment, my mind was whirling to see if I could say something related to what he said. Bed and closet stood out so I made a joke and said, So if a friend called and asked if you were up yet, you could actually answer with, 'I haven't come out of the closet yet.' Which would be true but that is a term gay people use for whether they have shared their sexual orientation yet with family and friends or not. All of them got it and they were laughing hard. I did this on purpose because people need more to smile or laugh about. Hope this helps.
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