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Someone help I don't know wether I should let a boy finger me?
So I'm 13 and I'm about to move in to year 9 and turn 14 in January I know legally you have to be 16 to have sex but I really feel like I want to explore my body through another boy doing it? What age is the best?
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General rule of thumb about anything sexual with a partner is that if you aren't sure whether you want to or are ready means you aren't and shouldn't yet. It is not about age but rather maturity of both partners, boundaries, being in control and knowing for sure you want to do this and above all trust.
If this is something you want to do eventually and have a partner you trust try talking about things first and work towards. There's no rush. It's fine to want to explore one's body but for you right now nothing wrong with it being alone and learning that way until totally ready and okay with the idea of a partner. For now you are waivering on this which is indicator you're not there yet.
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You are writing to us because you feel you are not ready or too young. This is good. I'm going to explain things to you in a manner that others may not have and at the end I will have a suggestion for you to help you wait until you are alder and ready to let a boy touch you below the waist.
Fourteen is too young to have any type of sexual relations. When you let a boy finger you they eventually want to go further. Also it is most likely going to feel good and you may orgasm from his fingering. I say most likely as there are two types of women when it comes to sex. Women that are clitoral and those that are vaginally stimulated.
If you’re vaginal being fingered by a boy will feel good for that is what he knows to do. If you’re clitoral you will need to have your clitoris stimulated in order to climax or have an orgasm.
I realize you have sexual energy and feeling usually referred to as feeling horny. This is puberty at work and all the new hormones pouring into you. We all go through this at about this age both boys and girl.
At your present age what I suggest is first you learn about your body. How and where and how you like to be touched and caressed before you let a boy touch you. You do this as part of masturbation.
Contrary to what others may have told you there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is actually good for you as you will not go blind as some mothers tell their children. Hair will not grow in the palm of your hand. Masturbation is a safe way to relieve the sexual tension we all have. To that end a recent survey reveals that 85% of us masturbate, this includes your parents. Sometimes it is singular masturbation other times its mutual masturbation as part of foreplay. Oral sex, fingering and hand jobs are masturbation.
When you’re older and able to have a sex life with someone you truly love you are going to need to teach your partner what makes you feel good. We are born with the knowledge of how to procreate but to have a great sex life we need to teach each other about our bodies.
To do this you need to caress yourself when masturbating. You do this in the privacy of your bedroom or in your bath. The only time masturbation is bad is when it becomes an all-encompassing activity to the detriment of everything else. Otherwise relax, dim the lights, if you’re in the bath light some scented candles and just let one hand wander over your body while the other is fingering you.
As a father and Uncle of teenage girls this is what I had told them at your age. It is far better than wrestling with a boy your age or older who will want more than you’re willing to give him. That is how teenage girls end up pregnant. You cannot get pregnant for masturbation.
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