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ok over the summer i was raped by this kidthat i was kinda friends with but not like best friends but i didn trust him and we were at a block party and he was like "do u want to go see my new computer?" and i was like "okay?"
and so when we got there he like locked the door and pulled out a condom and pushed me down and wouldnt let me go. i said no over and over again but he wouldnt stop. then i started cutting myself and crap bc my parents like beat me and cps is even involved with my family...so i cant tell them bc they wont believe me. i still cut and i dont know how to deal with the rape bc thats all i ever think about and i dont know what i can do. (i dont know where he is now and i dont know his last name and there is no proof so i cant press charges) what else can i do to deal with this?

sweetheart..im so sorry first of all. Is professional help an option? Its a great way to deal with this. Iff not..what about a school guidance couselor? If not.. what about a group where peoople who have been raped can alk about it? Expressing yourself to others who have been through the same thing is very helpful. Maybe go to chatrrooms wwhere people have been raped and talk to ppl nline...expressing yuorself wwill make u feel better.
-melissa0

how can i give up the foods i love like ice cream, dots, and soda. i've tried so hard but i cant, whats an easy way?

The easy way is to not give it up..but to cut down. Example : If you eat ice cream twice a week..try and cut it down to one..or once every couple of weeks. Instead of soda..drink diet..and drink only one cup(can) of soda every two days..then try and cut it back to every 3 days. Dont try and cut it out all together..because the human brain craves things..dont deny your cravings..limit your servings and your frequency of having them.

I know this sounds totally gross but since I'm from Sicily Italy and i have really dark brown hair. There is almost black hair on my arms and I dont like to wear t-shirts cuz it shows off my arms and im afraid someone might say something. What can I do?

You have to learn to not care what people say! Be proud that your Italian..and dont be afraid to wear t shirts! We are all different..some has light hair..some dark..some are tall..some are short ..etc. If we were all the same life would be boring! Dont worry people wont say anything. I have dark hair and hairy arms too..but its just part of me and im ok with it. Whatever you do..dont shave them because it will grow back hairrier and darker than before!

I have intense hair flaking. The skin on my scalp is coming off and causing dandriff. Its really gross and a few people asked me if I had lice and I said no its just hairspray but the fact is I dont even use hairspray.. This is really gross and Im constantly worrying about it so I dont know what I should do..

Maybe your shampoo is irritating your scalp. Try a mild shampoo..maybe try head and shoulders. If it doesnt get better ask your mom..she might know some good products. Dont worry about it though..it will go away
-melisa-

I cut myself. When i feel super bad i cut myself. And i know it's a horrible thing to do. I need to stop. Does anybody have any suggestions about how to stop? Going to an adult is not an option. Please help.

I'm really glad that you know what your doing is ewrong and you want to fix it. Thats the first step so pat yourself on the back because your getting there already :)
From now on when you want to cut yourself..punch a pillow,scream (if your alone), write down your thoughts, go for a walk, talk to a friend..or anything instead! There are lots of wayys to avoid cutting. If you join karate,a gym, a sport..trust me you get a lot of emotion out when your doing that. Even if you go for a walk to get your mind off things while listening to mmusic..its so much better than cutting. Dont feel stupod about punching a pillow or yelling..sometimes we all need to blow off steam. And hey, if it means not cutting yourself..then its a good idea right? Well im very happy your ready to change and good luck with everything.
Write me in my inbox if you need anything else
-melisaa-

Hi. I met this guy at work. He was really adoreable and hott. So, later on in the week, I'd look up and see him looking at me.
It was like that for weeks, and finally after much advise from my best friend, she convinsed me to ask him to the movies. I did, and he was going away that weekend. He dissapeared for like 2 weeks and we didnt see him at work. I was very depressed, I had gotten very attached to my little curly headed surfer.
Finally he showed back up at work and quit. Me being the stupid person I am, I forgot to get his phone number. ( I was so kicking myself for that later). So my best friend tells me to look it up in the phonebook. I did, and called him. We hung out the next day, and hung out alot ever since then. We've partied together and everything, and he acted like he really liked me.
Finally we made out. Nearly had sex but I stopped myself. We were hanging out another time after that and he told me that he asked a girl out, that he used to go to school with. He had mentioned her before, but just said she was his best friend! I was like WHAT? I was so hurt, but decided I'd let it go. Next thing, was he was moving back to his home-town state and going to college there. Where SHE lived. So (again advise from my friend) I was told if it made me feel better, to write him a letter and let him know how I felt. I did. A LONG LETTER! I didnt give it to him right away, and then I went and hung out at his house again and we made out and did some pretty serious stuff...WHILE he had a girlfriend now. I gave him the letter and I called him two days after and acted weird..of course, I understand, it was a pretty emotional letter. He moved away, and thats been nearly 2 months ago and I'm still now having difficultys getting completely over him. True, we never 'had anything going'. But he came and picked me up everytime we hung out, even when I said I'd drive over there to hang out, and he didnt try kissing me or anything EVERYTIME so he wouldnt just be using me. My friends all say he's a jerk and to forget about him, but I can't! I've thought I've been in love before, but I never knew what "falling in love" meant until I met him. What do I do? I can move on, but I can't forget about him? What do I say to him when I do get in contact with him. WHAT DO I DO?
I need advise, HELP!

I would try and get over him..because theres just nothing there. He decided to pick up and leave..and to go back to another girl. Its his loss. I know how deeply you feel for him..but sometimes you just gota let it go. Just because you get over someone..doesnt mean you'll forget about them. You'll always remember him..you just have to remember the good times. Its not meant to be right now..hes flocking to another girl..so you just have to let him. He doesnt sound like that great of a guy because he cheated on his gf with you. My motto is ..once a cheater always a cheater. He could go and do the same thing to you! This kind of stuff is hard..i've been through it. Having the guy you really like move away. Yep i've been there. Getting over him will take time but your never going to just forget about him..and thats fine! As time goes on it will be easier for you to think about him and smile rather then get upset. Theres plenty other guys out there who arent going anywhere and arent cheaters..go for them :)
Hope i helped out..if you have anything else to ask please feel free to drop me a line
-melissa-

My fourteen year old daughter has been going out with this nineteen year old boy since the beginning of January, first of all she lied to me saying that he was sixteen. I am quite worried about this. Can somebody help me and tell me what I should be doing. She is my only daughter, in fact my only child. I am worried. Help.

5 years is much too big of an age gap right now. When shes in her 20's..fine. But not now.Crack down and be the "mean mom" trust me you'll be glad you did. Its your job! your daughter will apprecuiate it..maybe not now..but in the long run she will. I've seen tis happen to my(once) best friend. She dated an 18 year old (she was 14) and all he did was use her for sexual activities..then broke her heart. She could be lying to you bout other things as well. Take control before its too late! When your dauhter goes out ask "who,what,when, where why."
hope i helped
-melissa-

I am a 39 y/o female with a question about a budding relationship.
First we are both cops, different agencies, but work the same patrol area. He is state and I am county. My "friend" is a 42 y/o male that is divorced and has a 12 y/o daughter that he doesn't have custody of but has visitation with. I have never met her, and hoping if things go well with her dad, I will get the chance.
At this stage we are just friends, but I think that it will go somewhere eventually. Should it, I would like to know from my friends in this relm, how to be nice with his daughter when it comes down to meeting her, and not make her feel threatened with her relationship with her dad, or make her think I am replacing her mom. I would never ever do that. All advice on this is welcome! Thanks so much :)

Ask your friend how his daughter feels about the whole divorce. (when the two of you become an item)Is she still very emotional? Or is she warming up to the idea that mommy and daddy arent together anymore. When your together..ask your friend to gradually bring the idea of meeting you up. Dont just show up one day with him and introduce yourself..doing it slow would be best. Then, when you finally meet..be friendly..and not too clingy to your "friend." As time goes on..and if you and your friend really hit it off..try taking out his daughter for a girls day out or something..i think she'd like that. Just remember to take it slow and not to overwhelm her.
-melissa-

yes.. ok so i poked my mom's eye with a clothing hanger.. it was by accident. we were taking about how she sits at home and does nothing while my grandparents hafta take care of my brother and sister who is 2 and 5... ya she started hitting me and then i was all like "stop hitting me" and then i accidently poked her in the eye and then i said sorry and then she started crying really loudly like how she does when my dad and her start fighting and they make eachother bleed and bruise all over.. yes.. screwed up.. neway ya.. after she called my dad to gimme crap about poking her she started dragging me across the floor and hitting me and crap and then i told her to go to hell.. ehh.. ya.. so wut am i supose to do now? i'm not calling child helpline or w/e..

Why do you want to leave yourself exposed in this kind of enviroment? WHY? Its not going to get better hun. Do you have a relative or close friend you can live with? wHy dont you just call a hotline just to talk to them. Tell them your problem and see what they have to say. This is not an enviroment that any child should have to live in. Get yourself out of there! Dont you want to? Either that or at least some professional counseling. Maybe family therapy. Or at least therapy for your mom. If you decide not to do any of that..your stuck at square one with no options except to live in the mess your in until your 18...that doesnt sound like a great idea. I would get out o there.

I loathe myself, every tiny detail about myself. I hate my appearance...My
hair, my face, my teeth, my hands, my eyebrows, chest, stomach, back, arms, etc...I
hate every characteristic of my personality, every last one. I think of my self
as stupid, incompetent and worthless. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. I
suck at every thing I do. Seeking professional help is not an option for me, and
neither is getting help from a trusted adult. Even if either were an option, I’m
much, much, much to timid to ask for help...I don't think I even deserve to have
people waste there time on me to help me anyway.

Aw, thats not true! Everyone is beautiful in their own way ..and everyone has a purpose! You cant get down on yourself like that! Try doing something to keep your mind occupied..maybe you'll feel good about yourself if you join a sport,club,gym, etc. I think thats the next best thing if your not willing to reach out for help from a professional or doctor.Take a short trip to someone to get away! Learn to like what God gave you..nobody is perfect!
=melissa

several years ago, I was best friends with this girl , we were each others confidant, and could tell anything to each other. The rest of the crowd really didn't matter if we were together. It was after a year of knowing her that I realized that I was absolutely in love with her. I didn't do anything at that point because I was in the middle of applying for school.

It's been a couple of years now, and I'm still in love with her. She went off to college in another state, and our lives have gone off in different directions. Her life has changed (she's popular, beautiful etc. which she wasn't in high school), so i don't talk to her anymore, but I still can't get her out of my mind. I haven't been able to date or even be interested in another girl- because I know that she was the one for me. We both graduate next year, and I'm wondering if I should just lay it all on the line, and offer her my heart. WHat do you think? I rate well. -LloydDobbler-

P.S. This is a really complicated story and if you want to help me beyond this, i'd appreciate it.

Dont let her slip away without telling her how you feel! This will be one of the greatest regrets of your life if you dont let her know the way you feel! Just think..in 20 years you wouuld STILl think.."what if i talked to her about how i felt?" It will bother you to the grave! Even if she does reject you..its not the end of the world. You can live your life knowing you didnt keep your feelings bottled up..and you wont have to live life wondering what could have happened if you told her how you feel. Go for it..dont hold back!
If you have anything else you would like advice on feel free to drop me something in my inbox..i would love to help more if you need
-melissa-

hi, uhhh its kinda hard to talk about this but, I dont know what to tell my boifriend, I mean he asked me if I was a virgin or not n i keep aboiding the question, you see when I was 13 I was rapped, what should I tell my boifrien? should I lie or tell him the truth, do you think it will effect the relationship?

thanks so much (I rate well!!!) HaLeY

How long have you been going out? If its been awhile and you feel comfortable with him knowing..as well as trusting him not to tell anyone..then tell him.
If your not comfortable with him knowing you can tell him "its a long story" or.. "yes im a virgin" and wait until you've been going out longer. being that this is a private and serious matter, i dont think it will ruin the relationship. When you decide to tell him he shouldnt be mad at you that you lied..just tell him you werent comfortable about telling before. Your bf should actually suport you and comfort you when you tell him. I dont think it will be an issue about lying to him until your ready.
-melissa-

i know this girl, and i care about her more than anything in the world, but i can tell shes going down the wrong road, i can notice changes in her that i've made, in a good way, but its not enough, shes getting into alchohol now, and that could lead to anything, i've tried talking to her about it but i just cant let out how i feel, PLZ HELP!!! SOS

You reeeally care about her right? So you cant let her do this without you telling her how much of a mistake it is to you. Dont be afraid to tell her how you feel. Dont wait until its too late! Sometimes all a person needs is for that one person who cares so much (like you do) to talk to them and let them know what they are doing is wrong.
-melissa-

Would you share with me your words of wisdom? I'm 20 and I just want to hear from anyone the important lessons in life they have learned so far.
It could be about work, love life, spirituality, money matters, passions, dealing with problems, beauty routine/secrets, etc. thanks!

i've learned that once you drop your head in defeat..you defeat yourself. So keep your head high because life has good and bad times. When its bad, get through it and wait for the good, because it will come.

I have a friend that ive known for several years. She lives a very long distance away from me and theres nothing i can do physcially for her. Her father makes her have sex with him on a nightly basis. Is there any way i can help her get help. Shes afraid of going against him, because he is paying for her college and everything. I love her to death. What can i do?

Tell her not to worry that she wont have the college money. Theres so much financial aid and scholorships..anyone can go to college! Try and convince her to go to the police about this. Tell her putting her sick father in jail and having her safe again is priority. If she doesnt listen..you have a choice to make. You could go to the police about it yourself. This is a horrible situation and your friend needs to get out of it!! Your friend will be fine between scholorships, etc. Its very important that her dad gets locked up!!
-melissA-

I'm depressed because my life has evolved to be all about studying (I am a dedicated nursing student), I have low self-esteem, the crowd in my school I do not get along with (there is a term in the philippines called "jologs" meaning they are poor), I'm super bored, i feel overscheduled (my class is from Mon-Sat), I come from a dysfunctional family (can't talk to anyone about problems) and life just seems so empty and a burden. Everyday it is hard just to get up, and it is hard to sleep too. I've been depressed since December. Now, I think I need help to snap out of it.

Are there sure-fire remedies for depression?

You need to go to the doctor..he can prescribe some anti depressents and you'll be back on track again. Dont feel ashamed or embarassed that you have to go to the docotor over depression. Depression isnt something you can help. Its just like a heart attack, brain tumor, etc. and theres good medicine out there that can help you feel yourself again. Thats the best way to go.
-melissa-

In your opinion, is 13 years old too young to be fingered? If you really can't get any STDs then what's the harm?

The harm isnt always about getting pregnent or getting an STD. The harm is the emotional aspect of it sometimes. Guys at that age arent always so mature and after a 13 year old gets fingered the guy might tell everyone , dump her right away, etc. But hey no suprise right ..because the same crap happens to girls who are 15,16,17 + People also act concerned when a 13 yr old asks about getting fingered becauuse they think it will lead to other sexual activities..and eventually to a slut. Buit this isnt always the case. Thjats mainly why people make a big deal about a 13 yr old getting fingered. If your completely ready and you have the right guy..then the choice is yours.
-melissa0

Okay, in the state that i live in, there is a really good highschool. i took the entrance test to it and i think i did pretty good. I got the letter telling me if i got in or not today and i cant open it until my dad gets back from California. i want to stay where i am because of my friends, but i want to go to the other highschool because its a really nice school and i feel that i can get more out of it. I'm afraid that if i go to the new highschool, ill lose all my friends. But im afraid if i stay, ill be missing out on so much.(education wise).So my question to you is: Which school in this case should i go to?

The school is in the same state as you are? So maybe you could keep in touch with your friends andd it might not be so bad. You sound like education is important to you..which is really great. I think you should take this opportunity because you will benefit from it so much more. You would make a whole bunch of new friends in the other high school who will have a lot in common with you. Hopefully you'll make the new friends and keep the old. I think if you call once a week and arrange to visit your old friends a couple times a year at least..you'll be fine. Making a list of negatives and positives for each would help you decide.

Okay so here's my problem...I have a lot of friends, and i would say 50% of them are males. YOu're probably wondering what the problem is right? Well the problem is, i have a tendancy to fall in love with my guy friends because they are so sweet and the perfect boyfriend material type for me. Sometimes i think they like me by how they act around me, but then i find out they only like me as a "friend" I'm sick of being just the "friend" and i want to show guys i can be more...how can i should my guy friends that i can be more then just friends with them? That i want to be seen as girlfriend material? Thanks in Advance!

I know how you feel..I seem to have the same thing happen. Good things happen for those who wait for them..so we just have to wait. Be yourself and a guy will realize your the one he wants to be with..until then you just have to be yourself. Dont change anything about yourself..just keep doing what your doing ..and dont worry the wait will be worth it.

i Have a boyfriend and he isnt alound to go to this dance at school..so i asked him if it was okay if i went with someone else..he got mad at me..i know why..but is it a good idea to go with another person?-SammyT-

Its normal for him to be a tad on the jealous side. Try talking to him again and let him know how much you really like/love him and how its just friends between you and your date. Did you think about maybe forgetting the dance and having a romantic evening with your bf? I think he would really like that...put yourself in his spot..if your bf did that for you it would be sweet. If you decide to go to the dance without him..promise to make it up to him the first time.

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