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Moving Closer
I am a 39 y/o female with a question about a budding relationship.
First we are both cops, different agencies, but work the same patrol area. He is state and I am county. My "friend" is a 42 y/o male that is divorced and has a 12 y/o daughter that he doesn't have custody of but has visitation with. I have never met her, and hoping if things go well with her dad, I will get the chance.
At this stage we are just friends, but I think that it will go somewhere eventually. Should it, I would like to know from my friends in this relm, how to be nice with his daughter when it comes down to meeting her, and not make her feel threatened with her relationship with her dad, or make her think I am replacing her mom. I would never ever do that. All advice on this is welcome! Thanks so much :)
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I think getting dad to smooth over the first time meeting will help. I would also tell her what you told us about not wanting to be a mom replacement. That you are just there to provide extra support. Tell her you aren't her mother, but you do care about her.
Don't push meeting her on the relationship yet. The last thing the daughter needs is a bunch of people floating in and out of her life. It is really great that at least dad was thoughtful enough to tell you about the daughter without just springing her on you. It might do you some good to talk to a professional about how to approach this very touchy subject. Kudos to you for being a sensitive person. Good luck.
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well first off, don't seem like a threat to her. she has a close relationship with her dad, like most girls do when there is only one parent, and its nice to keep it special. but, if you do get to know her, don't spoil her. just be yourself around her. have fun, and if there is some kind of a problem, then work it out with her alone. do not go through her dad. i hope i hepled.
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Ask your friend how his daughter feels about the whole divorce. (when the two of you become an item)Is she still very emotional? Or is she warming up to the idea that mommy and daddy arent together anymore. When your together..ask your friend to gradually bring the idea of meeting you up. Dont just show up one day with him and introduce yourself..doing it slow would be best. Then, when you finally meet..be friendly..and not too clingy to your "friend." As time goes on..and if you and your friend really hit it off..try taking out his daughter for a girls day out or something..i think she'd like that. Just remember to take it slow and not to overwhelm her.
-melissa-
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Well have the dad talk to her about it before you even come over to visit. Her dad can say things like "She's a nice lady, and she wants to be your friend..." stuff like that. So then, when you come over...she'll be open to have a relationship with you. I hope it goes well! Maybe you should get her a small gift or something? Just to show her you want to be friends...good luck:)
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