Brandi_S's advice column | Page 80

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

124838

Favorite Columnists

hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

alright. so im gettin a tattoo very soon. & i dont really know what i want. or where at. some places that i would like to have one is my foot, lower back, neck, right above the waist, or maybe even ankle. i was just looking at tattoos and i became interested in lip tattoos. I just want a cute, small girly tattoo.
question 1: does any have there lip tattooed? did it hurt??
question 2: Any ideas on where or what to get?
THANK YOU!!!!

p.s pictures are appreciated!

I don't know about the whole lip tattoo thing, but I know I thought about it for a long, long time before I got a tattoo. I wanted to be sure the tattoo was what I wanted. If it ends up being something you hate, then it is a permanent mistake.
You need to think about what tattoo YOU want YOURSELF.

ygs-29/f

I like this guy lets call him "Phil"(random name). I have a crush on him, he's at my new school. He plays guitar, is short, but cute, he luvs the same music i do(fob, mcr, p!atd, and to top it all off my locker is right next to his and we sit next to eachother for every class because of the seating chart. So today he sits next to me and my friend Tori for lunch. He says I remind him of his ex girlfriend. Now, from what I know from talking to him, he only has had one girlfriend and she and him were together 3 weeks ago, but he asked her to go to homecomeing with him, she said no and she brokeup with him. He was evidently head-over-heels for her.

FYI: I have a short attention span. So i just hear him say creepy and point at me. So i turned my head and said 'What's wrong with me being creepy?' He threw his hands up in surrender and said "You're not creepy at all! I said it's just creepy how much you are like my ex-girlfriend"

He's SO nice and cute! There's a Sady Hawkin's dance comin' up, so i was wondering what do u think he meant by that I'm like his ex, is that good or bad given the past.

I want him to know that I'm not some carbon clone of his ex if he does like me. How should I go about this.

All I can tell you is what I think is best for you.
That being, you are NOT his ex girlfriend, and if he DOES go with you, it is most likely solely based on the idea that he finds you so much like her.

I know you like him and all, but is it really worth it if he is going to think of her the whole time he is with you?

ygs-29/f

Please tell me the truth, and the REAL truth!

Is limewire illegal or legal?
Because I hear so many things and it's confusing?
If it was illegal, why would iTunes sell songs for 99cents, are they just doing that to get money?
or what?
please tell me the truth, and give me the RIGHT answer.
Thanks!

iTunes sells songs for 99 cents so that the artist gets paid for their song.

I think limewire gets away with being legal because it is a file sharing program, not specifically just music.

Really, downloading songs from limewire is illegal considering folks are getting music without even supporting the artist who makes it.

ygs-29/f

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He's a really sweet and intelligent guy who could have a lot in life. It's great...about half the time. The other half of the time, he just leaves junk all over our apartment and doesn't bother cleaning up. He leaves me to do it. I do most of the cooking. He doesn't give me the quiet time and private space that I need, which to me is disrespectful of my needs. It's even worse, then, that we live in a tiny efficiency; I can't exactly leave the room when he won't give me quiet. Last week, he bought me a book and a computer game, and then used it to guilt trip me about why he doesn't have his own laptop. Then, the other day, he whines about how we haven't had sex in a week, when I'm clearly stressed out from my new job and tired half the time.

Today, the first thing he does after he comes home from work is to complain. He doesn't say hi, or ask me how my day went, or anything. He just starts complaining.

I love him a lot. He can be a really great guy, but his inconsideration and clinginess is driving me to my wit's end. Also, these are things we've discussed multiple times: what we both need and want out of this relationship. And he always promises to fix the problem, but he doesn't delivier. I want to leave him, if only temporarily. Maybe it'll help him get himself straightened out, and give me a chance to think.

The problem is this: we just signed a lease together in August, so if I leave, or if he leaves, one of us is going to have our credit totally screwed over. I'm unhappy right now, but I don't see that as enough merit to risk my financial future. Also, I don't have a car, and right now, I'm walking distance to work. But if I stayed with someone, I don't know how I'd get to work or anything.

I guess, really, that I'm also afraid. I'm 18. He's 23. This is my first apartment, and I don't know if I could do it by myself. I don't know if my check would cover the bills. Or if I'd get lonely sleeping in my bed by myself. I'm really young though, and I know that, so sometimes I just think that I never had enough adventure. And now I feel like I'm stuck in a situation I never wanted.

Anyways. Sorry about the long, tediousness of this question, but now I'll get to the point:

Should I leave him, if only temporarily? And if I do, is there some way I can avoid the financial rammifications of that?

Sounds to me like things are going sour. Weather it be permanent or temporary, I think I would leave. You guys have tried to work out the problems, but you can't do it on your own. He has to hold up his end of it.

You are 18 years old. Realistically, you should play the field a bit before settling down. Otherwise, how are you going to be sure of what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I'm not saying this to say you should break up with him, I'm saying for you to keep that in mind.

As for your lease, you can talk to your landlord and explain the situation. In special situations, a landlord can let you out of your lease. The way they see it is, they can always rent it to someone else.

ygs-29/f

I'm 15/f sophmore, let me start off by saying I'm straight. I Love guys! I think they are the hottest thing on the planet! However... there is this one older girl on my volleyball team who's a junior and well, all of the sudden I'm looking at her longer, can't get her out of my head the whole nine yards. Here's my question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?! I don't like girls. It's just her and it's screwing with my head. Someone help...

p.s. please don't say "seek help immediatley or something like that...please."

Thanks,
Thoroughly confused

I think it boils down to being natural curiosity.
Don't freak out or anything.

ygs-29/f

Im 19 years old, my boyfriend and I bought a house last month, meaning so far we've only made one payment. My name is on the house only. Today during his lunch break he signed up for the Coast Guard at one of those booths they randomly place in areas. He signed a contract.. Meaning its un-doable. He didnt mention it to me until AFTER the fact. I cant move out of this house, Ive only made one payment, it will destroy my credit. He just expected me to up and leave my home one of month without ever even asking me. I wont go. So even if he can get out of doing this. What should I do? We plan on spending our lives together, getting married and having children, but this, today was unacceptable.

Well I fully agree with you. On a life changing decision such as this, it involves BOTH of your lives, so he should have given you the respect to discuss this with you before signing up.

The bright side is, he WILL be making money. He will probably get a sign-on bonus and the like. He needs to be sure to apply money towards the home so it isn't piled on only your shoulders.

You shouldn't be expected to move from your home. Nor should you be expected to take the fall for a foreclosure. You need to talk to him about this and let him know he best be DAMN sure to help you pay for this house with his money earned from the military.

You definitely need to sit down and talk to him about your feelings on this. He can't go on making such decisions without talking to you first. You can't have such things if you plan to have children. A part of a marriage or a committed relationship is that BOTH of you are involved in huge decisions.

He probably just wasn't thinking.

ygs-29/f

When I go to burn a cd now since I have updated my windows media player it says the songs may not fit. Why Can't I burn cds?

Your media player shouldn't be telling you that your songs don't fit. Something must be glitched in the program.

If you don't hear from theymos, ask him in his inbox. He is great with answering computer questions, and he may be able to help you figure out why your media player isn't working properly.

Here is a link to his column:
http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=theymos

ygs-29/f

do you need help with how to use a computer?well i am here to help. write me if you need help.

Go to the following link to start your own advice column.
Nobody can write you for help, because you are offering your assistance in the form of a question. Nobody knows how to even write you, so you need to start an advice column so you can look for computer questions to answer, and allow folks the ability to seek your help.

http://www.advicenators.com/register.php

ygs-29/f

Mk so i'm 15 and i'm not really that strong..i can prolly bench like 40 pounds if i really tried..and i was just wondering if its cute when girls are all weak or if its better if they're strong. Like how much should a girl be able to lift?

Listen. It isn't a girl's physical strength that appears cute compared to her inner strength.

I know that doesn't answer your question, but I had to say it.

ygs-29/f

i am on the jv squad at my high school. next week, my coach will be choosing a captain and a co-captain. we have to write a one page essay on why we should be captain, get a teacher recommendation, and show good leadership skills. i think i would be great as captain, but i am really worried. two girls are planning to make/buy stuff for all the cheer coaches, sort or as a bribe. i am worried my coach wont realize its a bribe and let them be captain or something. also, there are some other good leaders on my team. anyways, what can i say in my paper to really convince her i would be good! i have experience and i am a motivated, good leader, but i feel like i need more. also, she said she will be watching for who is being a good leader throught this week until next week. what things can i do to show that?? i want this so bad! THANKS SO MUCH!!

Well, being a good leader isn't that hard. You be kind to all of your fellow students. You show that you care about your peers and your school. A cheerleader doesn't just cheer the team on, or lead the pep squad. They care about everything about their school. You encourage your fellow cheerleaders to show such caring towards school and peers.

Don't fret over them buying things to bribe the coaches. I'm sure that the coaches are no fools, and those girls will most likely NOT be chosen. Well, unless your coaches are total assholes.

Just do your best, and as for your essay, write what your heart tells you.

ygs-29/f

I hate argueing but lately ive just been arguing about every little thing. how do i control my anger. i never used to get mad, i used to be more laidback. how do i become happier and calm. do i need see a counselor. i feel mom doesnt love me enough? i just want to sit in my room all day. sometimes i say mean things to people i dont mean. im like the nicest person ever, and i dont kno what i say mean things. i wouldnt never say those mean things when im not mad. i hope god forgives me. will he? i need help. i hate when ppl walk over me, and i think because i stay quiet my anger builds up so how do i control it and stay sweet. im a taurus. does that have to do with it lol

Well, being a Taurus may be an excuse for stubbornness (I too, am a Taurus), but not for feeling angry and argumentative.
If you feel like your mom doesn't love you enough, then that is probably exactly where your problem is stemming from.
You should talk to your mom about how you feel and what you are going through and see if something can be talked out to help you.
Otherwise, a councilor is not a bad idea at all. You can't go through life being angry all the time, and they can help you get past it or help you learn to deal with it.

ygs-29/f

My boyfriend is being ajerk. i really care about him but i think he might be getting tired of me. we have a four day weekend this weekend and i left for california. all week before i asked him again and again to call me, just because i knew i was going to go nuts being caught with my family that long. he hasn't called once so far. we may stay longer than we originally planed which would mean i would miss some school. he'll notice if i'm not there. i'm really tempted not to tell him that i'm not going to be there, and instead tell his friend whom i think has a crush on me, and i think he knows it. i really care about him, but it's really making me mad that he hasn't called. i don't know if i should aggrivate the situation by involving the other guy.

Aggravating the situation will only make matters worse. I wouldn't do it.
However, I would call him and tell him you may be longer and miss some school. Then, while you have him on the phone, ask him when he had planned to ever call. It could be that he got caught up and hasn't had a chance to call. You never know, so until you DO know, don't assume.
Hell, anything could have happened. Maybe a family member got sick or hurt and is in the hospital. That's why you can't just assume the worst.

ygs-29/f

Christopher Columbus didn't DO anything! He DID NOT discover America! Its should be Rosa Parks day BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING!!!!!!! Does anyone know any websites that I could go research that kind of stuff? To proove that he didn't do anything and that it should be Rosa Parks day?!!??!!!

I doubt it. They will never change the day from Columbus Day.

The best you can do is contact your governor's office and propose they make a day for Rosa Parks. Keep pestering them. Start a petition in favor of a day to recognize her standing up for her rights and send it in.
Realistically, the best day to celebrate her achievement would be December 1, because she refused to give up her bus seat on December 1, 1955.

I agree she should get recognized. By God, she was NOT going to move to the back of the bus, and she should have never been told to. She refused to be segregated, and she started a ball rolling to end racial segregation in this country. She played an important roll in our American history.

ygs-29/f

i have a gorgeousss black silk dress, but its a few inches too small. if i bring it to a tailor, could they possibly add onto it to make it bigger?

Yes.

OK well if you live down a street that is a small road and by a pond do you think they can still do it? ah help i'm confused!

I don't see why they can't. Best you can do is apply. If you don't, you'll never know.
Only the show's producers can decide if you qualify. Everyone else can only take stabs in the dark trying to answer your questions.
Here is a link to the application, and all instructions you must follow to even have your application reviewed:
http://a.abc.com/media/primetime/xtremehome/apply/emheapplication12122005.pdf

Best of luck to you and your family!

ygs-29/f

i really like this boy we are really good friends.. theres sort of an age diffrence between us.. well 3 years. i wanna ell him so badly but everyone tells me i shouldnt.. cause then itl ruin our relationship... i dont know what to do i liked him since last year and im so tired of keeping it in .. i really wanna tel him but im scared he might not act or be the same maybe not even talk to me please help ?

If he is a true friend, he won't let your feelings come between your friendship, weather or not he feels the same.

It is true, however that if you date a friend, you hold a high chance of losing the friendship after a break up.
They say the best way to lose a friend is to date them.

ygs-29/f

Well, here's the thing.
I've been dating my boyfriend Fred for 2 months. It'll be our two month anniversary tomorrow! Nothing has ever gotten in the way of our realationship, at least nothing until I went to Massachuttes. I mean, I've attracted other boys before, but I've always shrugged them off. I would say, "I have an amazing boyfriend, what else could I ask for?" But then I met Brandon. It was an instant attraction. So we would talk. Flirt. Talk. Flirt. And Flirt. I don't usually trust people but I instantly trusted him. When I left he gave me a hug and all his contact info. We like all the time and we both like eachother. He's the the type that I usually go for. He's been through alot but he's really mature but at the same time so funny. I think that's what attracts me to him. We're so different, but at the same time, so much alike. Opposites attract. I mean, It's not like I don't love my boyfriend anymore. It's just differnt. I've talked to him about how I'm feeling, but I don't seem to say the right thing. Does this mean I've fallen out of love? Do I really have a choice anymore. Maybe I'm too young for anything. Please help. All advice is accepted.

In hope of help,
cheapxphotography

Here is my advice:
While you are young, you should play the field. Otherwise, how are you ever going to know what kind of guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with when the time for that decision comes?

I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend, per say, but I am saying you need to keep that in mind.

ygs-29/f

Hi to every body.I am from Kuwait
really i m in trouble thats y now a days i m searching internet for my solution. Problem is that i have hairs on my whole pennis. i started using Hair removal cream but after 2 or 3 days my hairs get hard and after two months i will be a married person. if i will shave my whole pennis then it may cause injury in my wife's vagina. Plz can any body help me that how can i get rid of those hairs completely.

This is a link to NetDoctor.com, where a man asks the same question, and it is answered by a doctor.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/menshealth/205408.html

You are right in not wanting to shave it, because of stubble as it regrows.
This doctor suggests plucking the hair being the best solution, considering the hair is coarse with deep roots. They say it is a painful process, but a doctor could give you an anesthetic cream.

If you haven't already spoken to a doctor about this, I would recommend you do. Your doctor can give you great suggestions for hair removal.

ygs-29/f

My b/f's homecoming dance is next week, and i need some ideas on how to dress. Im not exactally sure as to how to dress 'semi formal.' Please answer quickly, im going to the mall tomarrow.
Please and thanks.

Well, of course you don't want to go all out and wear something formal like a prom dress, but you want to wear a nice dress.
Nothing floor length, because that is considered formal.
Nothing that you would wear on a daily basis to school or anything- needs to be a little more dressy than that.
Some sort of dress you would wear, say, as a wedding guest, dressing for being in a school program, something "Sunday Best" for wearing to church. You know, the sort of dress you only keep in your closet for wearing on special occasions.

ygs-29/f

First time Ive asked a genuine question. Hmm. How to start. This is going to be long. Apologies in advance.

So Im in a relationship. Been together 3 years this January. Ups and downs usual to a relationship that long.

Im trying to figure out how not to tell my life story and give you the details you need here.

For the last year, Ive been worthless. Family drama, losing all support including my car, and losing a job that was actually keeping me quite nicely afloat until I could get back to school last summer left me drifting. I have barely had ends meet ever since.

She moved in with me at the beginning of the summer. Shes supported me and has helped me try to get myself back on track but I still hadnt found the motivation to get my life back on track. Add on that she isnt a whole lot more motivated than I am, and we ended up working a job where we could both skip work and no one noticed or cared. She tried several other jobs but quit each one after a week.

Shes sick of it. Shes sick of living paycheck to paycheck and not having any stability in our lives. Shes sick of me not having the willpower to pull myself out of the mud. And shes planning to move out, move away, and she says "I just dont want to be in a relationship right now"

I really dont want to lose her. Ive worked and Ive tried. I let down my responsiblities to the practical side of our life together but I always tried to keep up the relationship side with her.

This weekend she went home to visit family. She left on good terms. She still hasnt come back. She was originally planning to come back on saturday to move out, she has said that instead she will come back and stay a week until the saturday after next. But she says 98% chance shes also leaving.

I dont know what to do. She wants time to be alone, to not have to be stressed out about me or us or anything. Her parents (with whom she was on bad terms until about three weeks ago) are now offering to support her, give her an apartment, get her back in school, and even let her move back here after a semester as long as shes not living with me.

And it should be noted, I am slowly getting my shit together, but its a long process. I have a few small debts that are still somewhat large to someone of my meager income. I need a better job than I have now and have no way to obtain one. Its just... its not enough together that she doesnt feel stressed out about it.

Shes taking them up on it. I cant blame her, I mean I cant exactly afford to send her to college. But in the process shes dumping me. We had planned for her to move back in december, and I might move up there with her if a job opportunity were found that would let me support myself. Else Id stay here and shed move back and wed continue.

Now she wants to move back asap.

I know that if she leaves in a week, it will kill us. I mean, shes going to want space. Shes going to put boundaries on any contact we can have. And the longer it goes on the longer Im going to resent her for it. I know that I will eventually drive her away because I am going to cling and I wont be able to help it.

If we go completely out of contact, its the same thing. We just wont talk anymore, and that will be that.

I have to convince her to stay and fix our relationship, then she can leave. But I dont know how. She doesnt think that it can be fixed right now.

I just dont know. I thought I was going to marry this girl. And Im closing on 23, so this isnt exactly moony eyed college kids. We've been in it for the long haul.

I just... Shes my best friend. She completes me and I trust her more than Ive ever been able to trust another human being. Ive never encountered that before. Im not the kind of person who usually ends up in relationships with any depth to them.

I could let her go. I could get over it. I could eventually fall in love again. I know I could get past it. I just dont want to. I refuse to.

I also dont want to face the concept that I have fucked up the best relationship Ive ever had to the point that I cant recover it.

Help. I dont care what you have to say. Im hoping for the slightest bit of inspiration.

Well, you can't let all of this weight fall on your shoulders. A relationship is a two way street, you know. SHE has to do her share of making it work. It isn't all up to you. It isn't all your fault. It isn't all your problem.

She won't hold a steady job, so the whole financial issue is half her fault.

This is a huge lesson to you and you haven't yet opened your eyes to it. A marriage has many ups and downs as well as a committed relationship. Finances playing a HUGE roll in the downs, but only because people let them. Financial problems are what causes most divorces in this country. Because people let money put a wedge between their marriage.

Lesson: Sounds to me like she is bailing out on you because things are getting tough. Better to learn this now, or later in life when children are involved? Of course, best to learn this now.
You've had a hard go recently, and she bails on you. Money is tight, she bails.
She is going to her family because obviously support is important to her. That is not how love works, I'm sorry to tell you. :(

I know my husband and I have had our ups and downs, but we don't let the downs get to us. We are happy with one another, not with how much money we have in the bank. We would be happy living in a box under a bridge, because money is only material.

You could try to go to counseling together to try to work out these issues. Without BOTH of you recognizing these problems and BOTH of you going the extra mile to work them out, then your relationship is at a dead end.

ygs-29/f

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>