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May 16, 2008Answers:
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about
I was on this site before recording my first single. I will stay a member of this site. I am asking that each of you support me by visiting my webpage. I have posted music that I have written and recorded. Check out Wildside featuring Father Jah, and I want, created in memory of 2Pac.http://www.reverbnation.com/Venomtheonly1
I am open, honest, truthful yet also insightful and understanding. I am a Strong woman with morals, belief, and character. I value life, myself and life of everything, everyone and all. I am mature, caring, giving, straight up and real!
I am not harsh, rude, or disrespectful but I am going to tell you the truth because you are asking for that. If you want a lie or support that you know is invalid because you question it yourself, please don't get mad at me for the truth because that is what sets us ALL free!! Peace, Venom
advice
I was with this guy who i really like but we would always have problems because he used to be a player so he says "used to" and he always talks to his ex girlfriend who he likes and she would tell me all this shit that he supposidly said i dont know it was just a lot of drama. So i caught him with her one night when he wasnt supposed to see her and i broke up with him well i love this boy i have forgiven him for everything but we alway have problems anyway. i got with this other dude we arent together anymore i realised it was so not right and i couldnt get the first one cuz i care about him so much and all i want it to be with him now hes being a dick. i asked him if he wants to get back together he keeps saying he dont know. im like do you want to be with me? and hes like yeah im like ok so are we dating? and hes like i dont know.. its really irritating cause he says there is no reason.
Girl he is still a playa for real and he is simply stringing you along because he knows that you are going to be right there at his disposal and for his convenience.
If he wanted to get with you, he would know. Now, why do you even want to deal with the drama? because of a challenge? I am suggesting a book, called why women love men who don't want them. check it out it's a good book and it's true. It made me mad it was so real but it opened my eyes and made me realize some important things about him, myself, relationships, and our relationship too.
LET HIM GO... they all say they USED to be a playa but until he has some internal change within himself to the point that he realizes it, he is going to be who he is. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Use your mind and follow it but most importantly follow your soul. why?
because a mind can be wasted, a heart can be broken but your soul is something that Satan and God want so it must be powerful, right?
Good Luck
so i dont know really know what my problem is exactly. i have just been feel really "empty" lately. i don't know why this is happening, but i just feel like my life has no meaning right now. i mean i go through my day smiling and laughing, acting all happy. and then night brings this feeling of complete emptiness and i dont know what to do about it. i feel like i am missing something, like there is something important taht i need to be doing but i just feel blahh. i feel like i am always on the verge of tears no matter how happy i look. there has been talk of moving in my family, and it hasnt really been bothering me... but do you think maybe like subconsiously i am worried and that is what is making me so down? if not, what is going on with me? and how can i get out of this funk that I am in?
any advice is much apprectiated. thanks!
It all starts with loving yourself and yes, it does involve INTERNAL CHANGE. Based on some past questions and histories, I have honestly identified some reasons as to why this is happening to you. Emptiness comes from always emptying your vessel and not filling it up. What happens if I have a cup of sugar and I keep pouring it out without filling it back up? It gets empty. You feel that you are missing something because you haven't yet begin to search for anything and you won't open up to receive anything internally. If you don't stand for something, you fall for anything and to fall is to be held down, lowered. The talk of moving in your family HAS been bothering you, so why are you saying it hasn't been bothering you? GIRL,LOOK You are going to have to accept, acknowledge and admit or you will not get the help you need because of your refusal to help your self and I AM REALLY TRYING HERE! I am not going to beat you down or point fingers at you, I want to build you up and encourage you while supporting you. You are lost, ALL of your questions asked display that and I have been where you are (with just about all of your questions in some way or another). The first step of getting out of this funk is to reach out and grab the hand that is trying to help you, IF you really want to be helped. I am done with it. I have given you my contact information and again, I am here. I will wait until you are ready.
I am just going to give you my email address, once again dear heart.
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
I need some help. My 14th birthday is coming up and I dont know what to do for my birthday...We are on a very tight budget and most of my family isn't near at the time...What are things I can do with my mom and brother??? Also is there anything I can do to avoid the feeling of being forgotten..My birthday wasn't great last year. Everyone was gone and I was home alone...I don't want to go through that agin...any ideas???
Please Help
Have a pot luck! Ask to have a party inside or outside based on your preference it's your birthday. If outside,fire up the grill. Have friends bring different cd's, get some of yours (avoids dj costs), tell each friend to bring something like buns, hamburgers, hotdogs, corn on the cob, things that you can put on the grill, ice, chips, brats, sausages, simple things. Ask your mom to provide the charcoal, paper plates, napkins - You could go to the local park if they have grills there. Good luck and HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!!
I'm 17f. Last weekend I was sleeping over my best friend's house. We're really close and she knows everything about me. But since we're both religious Jews and our families are too, we're very modest. We never change in front of one another or anything like that. One of us goes to the bathroom and other changes in the bedroom. Anyway, On Saturday I woke up at like 7;30 because I heard a noise. I looked around and saw my friend in her hed. She was on top of the blankets and her p.j. pants and panties were off. She was playing with herself. She must have thought I wouldn't wake up. Anyway I didn't move at all, and sort of squitned so it would look like my eyes were closed but really I could see her. Since her beds are in a L shape design, I saw everything.
I was never sure if she did that, but since I know I do, I figured she must do it too. But it's not something we would EVER discuss. Now I kinda feel guilty for watching her, but at the same time I'm kind of interested in talking to her about it since I don't have anyone I can talk to about that stuff. But I'm afraid she'll be totally embarassed and I might lose my best friend. At the same time, I'm scared because seeing her like that . . .get me VERY turned on. I keep thinking about how she looked and then I have to relieve myself. What do I do? How do I start a conversation about it? Remember in our religious community, sex is NOT and I repeat NOT ever talked about except before marriage.
she wanted you to see it or she would've done it in the bathroom or under the covers - completely opposite of NOT changing in front of you, right?
She also made noises to make sure you noticed her. You feel guilty from watching her because of a previous incident involving you changing clothes (I can see previous questions asked). Since you feel guilty, apologize to her for watching her, next ask her reason of doing it while you were in there and why noises were made. I think you will be surprised at the answer you get. She may be curious about you too. If you guys are as close as you say you are, then you two can talk about whatever.
In your religious community, much is sheltered, hidden, covered or not acknowleged. This is not the 1940's any more so, with that being said religion is important but it is also important to remember that you are also still human and without sex no one would be here on earth, right? OK THEN.
So, without telling her that you got turned on which is understandable regardless of sexual preferences - wait and let the conversation go as it will, pay attention to the details of the conversation and take it from there. 2Questions to you: why did you post the question again?
What are you confused about?
are flirtatious girls... undateable? i have an extremely flirty personality.. i cant really help it. its just who i am.. but often guys are like "i see you as a girl i can hook up with... but never anything serious" i am SO sick of being everyones random hook up.. even if i dont hook up with them, i still feel so dirty? i mean i dont do random hook ups but guys still think that they can get away with stuff like that with me. how can i get guys to take me seriously in a relationship without changing who i am?
thanks in advanced
AH HA! CAUGHT YOU..
YOU JUST SENT THE OTHER question too that I answered. I am not going to call you out on which question, but you know exactly what I am talking aobut! My answer and information pertaining to you is in the original question you asked and it still pertains to this question too.Email me sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
I am not going to call you out on which question you asked but we need to talk- real talk.. email me girl and before you do, read what I have asked you about change in the original answer, it still applies too...
i have always been known as the school slut. but the truth is... ive only kissed two guys, and i had real feelings for both of them. its because i have a very flirty personality... but i am NOT slutty.
how can i get people to stop thinking of me this way...? please dont tell me to tone down my fliring because it is who i am. and i cant
If you aren't willing to make any changes to your personality, ways, thoughts or actions then you have no concern or care of being considered as a slut so why even ask the question? seriously. I am not being smart with you but asking you for the opportunity to talk to your mind a little bit. I have never been considered a slut, but I was considered as other things which caused me to look at who I was or what it was that I was doing to be classified or judged and I realized something, they were right and I needed to start caring more about who I was and what I needed to focus on within self in order to first love myself. Once I did that and became happy with myself I didn't care what who thought of me - get to this point for those reasons and then you're onto something sista.
Do you love yourself? Do you like being considered as a slut? If not, and you INTERNALLY feel that you need to change something then change it. If you don't care about what you do, or how you are viewed then change nothing as you have already said you weren't. I wouldn't care much about what people thought of me, but I would care of the reason behind the thought then is when it becomes internalized to measurement of self.
People are judgemental, they are going to think whatever they want to think about you and everyone else, it's usually formed from perception. The image given. The way a person carries themselves. There is a reason you have ALWAYS been KNOWN, not thought of as the school slut. (you said this yourself), now ask yourself why? you say you flirt, so this means that you may make people think you are out there like that, getting down and doing more than kissing, if you don't like the perception, why would you keep casting it off to be like that. Be real and true to who you are. If you are not a slut, do not act like one, dress like one or carry yourself like one. If you do slutty things but don't want to get called out for it, then there is nothing you can do but accept it- again, because you aren't willing to stop doing what you do because you have said that this is who you are.
You have control over your ways, image, respect given or not given, and control over the things you do or not do in your life. I hope you are more loving and considerate of yourself. Being considered as the school slut is a hurtful thing and is NOTHING to be proud or boastful of. I encourage you to do some soul searching and make some changes for yourself without input from school mates, words, opinions or comments. OK?
Hey
i'm 14/f
Well i recently got a new bf and we've been going out for about a week and well i want to start spending more time with him like after school and on weekends but i haven't told my parents about him yet because they always make fun of me when i get a boyfriend so i don't really like telling them but i don't want to lie. How could i tell them without just coming out and say "I have a boyfriend?" like just slip it into the convo or something..
thanks in advance
p.s sorry its so long!
Your parents need to be involved with this because you are 14. So, with that being said, tell your parents that there is someone you would like them to meet and that you guys like one another and are considering dating and that you would like to get their opinion of him. This will let them know you are serious because you are handling it maturely and differently. This way they won't make fun of you and you will be telling them the truth at the same time!
good luck
I am alone in home for more than 12 hrs. I would like to know how to utilize this leisure time usefully?
utilize this time for self improvement. I love improving self more and learning more about self.
Read, internet surf different columns supporting and advising how to accomplish and acheive more out of life so that you can be happy. The fact that you are claiming to be lonely tells me up front that you have some internal issues that you are dealing with and not mentioning. Start working on those issues causing loneliness.
Introduce yourself to different types of music. Think of some interest and hobbies, and do them. Think of some things that you really want to do and do them - swimming lessons, dance classes, social groups, writing poetry, songs, books of experiences. I wish I had 12 hours in the day that I could do anything I wanted to do - but since I don't and you do, why not make the best out of it.
Try getting a job. I am not sure of our age, but that's an option. hope this helped. If you want talk about something that you didn't want to post here since I am feeling like more is going on than you have shared with us, feel free to email me. sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
do you ever really get that buttergly in the stomach, tingly feeling that you read about in books and see on movies? i have kissed many guys, and all my kisses are well... dissapointing? i am a hopeless romantic, but am i ever going to get that "perfect" kiss? or is it all a myth and should i just settle for what i got now?
experiances and advice is much appreciated. thanks in advanced!
U asked me how I knew your age: I am able to see ages and it states 15, maybe it's wrong, and if it is I apologize for the error.
I have felt it and guess what? it turned out to be fake as hell because it meant everything to me and nothing to him. just being real with you.
These feelings you speak of do exist only with someone special who is willing to open up and go there too. It takes compatibility - if the person isn't a hopeless romantic, then you would be the only one feeling it which means jack crap. You are still 15 years old which means that you have plenty of time in your life to find that and feel that- but please make me a promise: don't go kissing everybody hoping that they are the one you feel this magical feeling with - because they could be frogs and stay frogs- understand what I am saying?? So, for now, I am encouraging you to settle, and wait - it takes time and you still have plenty of it. Be happy and use your time constructively, wisely, cautiously, carefully, responsively and patiently. Patience is a virture!
Life is precious, value every moment of it!
Me and my boyfriend dated a year & 3 months & he broke up w/ me [ 2 ] weeks ago . & he has been so damn mean to me , all i try to do is keep him in my life & everything . He tells me he doesnt want anything to do w/ me & just acting horrible. He told me i was his first love when we first broke up because were both eac others first real boy/girl friend . I found out he likes a girl who is 17 & has a year old baby & my ex is 16 . He has already kissed her and everything . It kills me , i try to ignore it & act like i dont care but i dont see how you can love someone & act the way you do i asked him if he did & he said " i dont know why i should ". & that literally broke up heart , i try & keep my self busy w. friends & going places. How can i make this easier on me , please tell me . im 15 & he was my first love ; its hard to love someone knowing they like someone else , so fast ''/
OK. You have to love yourself more than you loved him or even love him.
First: He may have broke up with you but now you must break up with him in your mind, heart and soul b/c you haven't.
Second: If he wants to be grown and step in a relationship with a ready made family, then allow him to do it. It's hard, not easy and wish him luck. If he makes it, commend him be happy for him and now find happiness for you.
THRID: YOU SHOULD NEVER FORCE OR PRESSURE ANYONE TO BE WITH YOU OR DEAL WITH YOU IF THEY DON'T WANT TO. and he has told you he doesn't want to -accept that, acknowledge that, admit that and let that go. He expects you to chase him, kiss his A, and beg for him- do not lower yourself anymore by doing this.
Fourth: sure, he is kissing and everything as you said, he is with someone who already has a baby, therefore she has the experience - OK? now, the only way you would know this, is if you saw it, or he told you. If he told you, it's because you continue communicating with him- so my question to you that I want you to ask yourself: WHY WOULD I KEEP COMMUNICATING WITH HIM WHEN I KNOW HE IS INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO HURT ME? right?
Another thing: He was already talking to her behind your back which is how he moved on so fast, girl. Also, he was your first love, but you may not have been his if he can do you like this.
BE SMART and don't let him come back to you because a damn cycle starts - off, on, break up, make up, on on and on. IT ISN'T WORTH THE DRAMA OR THE STRESS GIRL.
Now, start loving you more - do some things for you. Start reading more - even if it's books on how to deal with break-ups"? How to love myself more and better? start thinking about colleges, and life - you are getting older and don't have time to waste thinking of this jerk who hurt you.
Time is precious and valuable, you have plenty of time in your life to be loved and to love but before you can love anyone else, you must love yourself. OK??
Please don't let him step out, step in, step out and step back in. I did it for 17 years girl and it hurts more and more and more. There are too many damn diseases out here today to be involved in an in and out relationship. You never know what the other one is doing while broken up so once it's broke, don't fix it- FIX YOURSELF INSTEAD.You feel me?
CONTINUE staying busy- don't talk about him anymore when you are out with your friends - get a journal, write how you are feeling and then tear it up- that way your feelings got released and no one knew them but YOU. You are 15 dear heart which means you have many more break ups to go through. Use this one as a learning life lesson in order to deal with the other ones to come just have control over how you deal with them. They get easier as time goes on.
LAST:FLIP IT! He is expecting your call - don't call. He is expecting you to contact him, don't contact him in ANY KIND OF WAY. He is going to contact you(playing games only so don't read into it)- IGNORE him. You guys have nothing to talk about anymore on your terms and control because once you tore up that paper with your feelings on it, you tore up that hold he has over you, and you tore up your desire to even deal with the silly games and mess because you broke up with him mentally,and spiritually he broke up with you physically and emotionally - you feel me on that?. oh,and NO, there is no way you guys can remain friends - just in case you were thinking it! "smile" email me, if you still want to talk or need to talk -I am here.
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
Im a female, turning 16.I had been very good friends with a girl across the street4about 9 years,her name is Jess.When I say very good friends I mean we were REALLY REALLY best friends.We were unseperable.Jess and I would do eVeRyThInG together,whether it b sitting together in class,drawing,dancing,going swimming,having girl talks,doing homework together,taking walks,having sleepless sleepovers,whatever it was,we did it together.I'll tell you now,that I am not a very popular gal.It is sort of hard for me to fit in with a crowd for they don't see me as 'good enough' 4them.I do like who I am,its just others dont see that.The only one that does is Jess.I would have 2change who I am in order 2fit in at my school.So,whenever I do try making friends it only lasts a while because they always end up stabbing me in the back (most of the people here are under bad influences I must add)All the friends that I have known 2trust always ended up stabbing me in the back.When I met Jess,I knew I had found the perfect friend.I know friends arent always perfect,but she is pretty dang close.She was trustworthy.I believed we would always be true 2achother since we always told eachother everything.Until I found out she liked my brother.Then,she did not tell me they were dating(they started goin out on my birthday,and made out on the couch that night)lets just say it was pretty obvious they were datin4she would use me as an excuse 2see him(since her mom didnt want her to date him)then come over afterwards even+totally ignore me.Not 2mention the making out in front of me in my own house later on...My point being is that she is the only true friend ive ever known.I've always done everything with her,and all of a sudden a shocker like this happens.Right now I am friendless because she totally dumped me 4my brother.Everyone would always ask me 'hey,wheres jess?' afterwards.And people would always end up asking her 'hey wheres gr8fruit?' I can't stand being dumped by Jess 4him.First because i live with him,and second because he treats me like a total jerk,because he is one.Now that he has her he acts like he has the prize and is cocky.I dont know what 2do.Right now r some of the loneliess days in my life.I can't stand doing everything by myself all the time.Its just not worth living a life with no friends.I need someone to be close to.I have no one close to talk 2anymore. I need a true friend.Believe me,support groups,councellors(who i dont trust),and others i have already talked/been to.Right now I am trying to find a good penpal so I will have someone.I've already talked 2her and tryed moving on.I know she has(with my brother)already.. its just, the only thing that has ever been true to me is her.And the thing i've always prayed for was a true friend. I believe He showed me her.And we were meant to be best friends.I miss her. And right now,what I need most,is a true friend. What can I do now?
Thanks for reading my VERY long story. Any advice would help ;)
You said she lived across the street for 9 years, but you never said how long you two were friends. If you were friends the whole 9 years, she didn't use you to get close to your brother, she was just attracted and interested in him from being around him so much and he was attracted and interested in her. If she lived there for 9 years and you weren't close the whole 9 years but only like recently, then yep she used you to get to your brother.
there is much that I will say to you in regards to the whole thing. You are shy and you have self esteem issues. First start working on that becase there is NO reason to feel less than anyone else, and you don't have to change to be accepted either no do you have to fall victim to peer pressure so I respect you for already knowing that much.
The fact that they kept it a secret from you was to keep you from feeling the way you feel now. If you were really a true friend, then you would be cool with her dating your brother - you know him and you know her too. Wish her the best and allow her to be happy. Don't do the guilt/blame game because you aren't dating anyone right now.
Instead find other interests. Join clubs, do some charity work in your community, Volunteer to be a big sister or go to the library and volunteer to read to the children if they have the program set up there.Check on joining some clubs at your school,or check on establishing a club at your school. You aren't the only person who feels like they have no friends at your school. I am not sure of what the whole grapefruit thing is, but if you don't like being referred to as that, stop it. If that's your nick name and you don't like it, stop it, change it, and advise what your name is.
You aren't loving yourself enough my dear. Sometimes, alone time is good for you because God is working through you and showing you different things and you are able to concentrate on the message he is sending you. Do you go to church? if not, why not join one, there are youth activities there? get involved and stop feeling pitty on yourself. it does nothing. On your birthday, you chose to stay at home on the couch, instead of getting dressed up, fixing your hair, putting on a little make up and stepping out or doing something, even if it was by yourself you still did something! Do you know how many times I have dated my damn self? seriously, and at first I felt stupid, but eventually I realized that I was loving myself as well as finding myself to know who I am and where I am going in MY LIFE. I realized that I CONTROLLED my happiness and depressions. Until you come to that point, you will stay depressed, upset, hurt, outcasted, so on and so forth.
If she doesn't want to hang with you anymore, fine. That's her right and choice, but think of it this way - she lost a great friend, instead of you losing a good friend.
Also, check this out: this sounds corny I know but it's real: Before claiming someone to be a best friend, be sure that it's mutually agreed that you two are entering into a friendship and they both have agreed to be bestfriends. Just because you were her best friend, doesn't mean that you were hers. Meaning: just because you accept the role and responsibilities of being a best friend to someone doesn't mean they accept that same obligation in return (which means you end up getting used)
Another thing, I thought of, as teens grow up, they began dating and that friend they once had usually gets less time, conversation and activity because they are dating or seeing someone, the thing about being a friend is understanding that and wishing happiness for that friend who is dating. The friend who is dating should also consider their other friend too, and make time for them too instead of dedicating all of their time and conversation to the boyfriend.(vice versa. Many friendships are broken as a result of this not being practiced and reciprocated.
I hope this helped and I pray that you have a different outlook on things. GOOD LUCK!
hi i have this friend who is in my class(we are in grade 7) and for some reason all of the girls like him i don't know why cause he is a show off a big one and yet he still has nearly every girl in our grade falling for him. hes got a girlfriend and all but its just annoying how all of them like him and follow him around at lunch there is like 10 of the girls following him but it still seems like alot of girls to me. i just want to know why they all like him hes not that hot or nice and he can be a bit of a d#ck head sumtimes and i also want to know a way to stop my jealousy.
First, do you have a girlfriend? I am asking becase I have never heard of someone not liking the fact that someone else has girls following them, unless they are single and hating on the fact that the friend isn't-
How to stop the jealousy - ask yourself what you are actually jealous of and work on it. You said you are jealous b/c people like him and follow him around, it sounds like you don't have many friends and feel left out at times. Is that the case? If so, start making friends. just talk to people and see what their interests are. Ask your parents if you can have a small party or get together- Do some cool invitations yourself and invite people including him and the people who hang with him.
There's no reason for the jealousy, it's childish and you are becoming a young adult which means jealousy has to no longer be a factor.
Start focusing more on you, your life, your school, your friends, your happiness, fun and family instead of worrying about what he does or who hangs with him or around him. If you aren't involved in any school activities, do so- find something that interests you like different social clubs, organizations, band, sports, etc., things that promote growth within yourself so that this jealousy doesn't turn into a self confidence thing or anger or depression.
I really hope this helps you see that you have bigger things to deal with in life than the friend in your class. Also, if he is a friend, then there should be NO jealousy-maybe you are just curious to know and understand why these girls are falling for him.
stay cool, calm and collective, focused, happy and goal oriented... and just do you.
im a female and im 15
ok well i kinda cheated on my boyfriend. what can i do to get his trust back that i will never do it again?
TRUST is earned, not just given. Once it has been given and betrayed or deceived, it takes A LONG time to gain it back. It takes doing things differently than you used to do. It takes spending more time with him, it takes talking more, it takes communication. It takes telling him why you did it and it takes more than claiming not to do it again, it takes telling him why you won't do it again. It also takes understanding as to why he doesn't trust you, and patience to know that he isn't going to trust you for a really long time.
Offer him space to heal if he feels that he wants it. If he doesn't then he is willing to work through it. Ask what it is that you can do to start helping him re-build his trust in you. I wish that you didn't do it, but you did it but at least you learned from it and you have a conscious from doing it.
It also depends on how he find out about it: Were you mature enough to tell him or were you a coward and didn't tell him which led to someone else telling him or did he investigate you and find out on his own? I am asking because that also plays a role.
If you told him yourself, then you have a chance at restoring your relationship and trust levels. If you didn't tell him and he found out, then I doubt if he ever trusts you again - because not only was trust destroyed, you manipulated him (if you didn't tell him yourself)which would make it questionable as to if your apology was sincere and you most likely won't do it again or if you apologized and were sorry for getting caught - if that's the case, he thinks you will do it again most def. See the differences?
Hurt is a hell of a thing, but healing is a bigger thing and you both need to heal as the relationship has been wounded, regardless of who did it, the bigger picture is healing those wounds and to stop the bleeding for good not temporarily.
Good Luck and next time you are in a situation as they will come, please think of him, his feelings, your feelings afterwards and the hurt it causes - stop the pattern now so that it doesn't become a habit or challenge of interest.
16/f
i have two best friends. one is a girl, she's my sister, my life, my everything and i love her dearly. the other is a guy and for all the time we've been best friends we've told people we're married because thats just the way we've always acted. i can't describe the relationship, we bitch and fight and nag but in the end it always results in a hug and an "i love you". he told me he liked me in 7th grade but little did we know we had both liked each other on and off since then and we have now just finished junior year.
so after spending the entire last weekend at his house i decided that i would finally tell him i liked him. we spent the weekend in his hot tub until 1am, driving around in his truck, he picked me up and spun me in the air which was adorable and then we sat in his field and watched the sunset, then when it was dark we sat and watched the fire flies, just talking until i had to leave. the weekend was so amazing and it took all my strength not to kiss him because i thought he thought of us as a brother/sister relationship.
so i come into school monday, the day i decide to tell him, and i see him with his ex girlfriend who he has broken up with nine times. NINE!! in 2 years. i don't get along with her too much and whenever he's with her he starts being a jerk to me and i've told him that and he doesn't believe it. so anyway i found out that his ex girlfriend who he had just gotten over...once again, decided to break up with her boyfriend b/c she missed this guy(my best friend). now from the best friend point of view i didnt want him to go through this bullshit again so i called him after school to complain anyway while on the phone we both ended up saying that we both like each other and we both think we would be an amazing couple and he goes on to say that when hes with his on again off again girlfriend he thinks about me and thinks how much better it would be. so im thinking "ok hes going to finally listen to me and not go back to his girlfriend" but no, then he says "i want to be with you but i feel like i should be with HER. but i know i'll keep liking you because i always do, so we'll see where it goes and we have all of senior year and college to be together." so at first im thinking, ok what the hell is this but then i'm just like whatever i'll deal with it like i always do. next day in school they're going out and he has the nerve to bring her over to our lunch table and he's being his normal "got my ex back" jerk personality that he denies he has. and its like he was rubbing in my face that he was with her which is not something he normally does...ever. so he was being an ass and i decided that i was feeling a little devilish so i decided to bring up the topic of me being over at his house almost every day for the past two weeks. his girlfriend wasn't happy but i was satisfied.
SO, i cant wait around forever right? even though my best friend is the perfect boyfriend and everything i've ever wanted. now, this guy that i've hooked up with in the past wants to start a friends with benefits relationship...again. he's incredibly hot and sexy and he thinks the same of me so im deciding to go for it but im still a little cautious because my best friend says the only reason he didn't tell me he liked me sooner was because i was hooking up with this guy and he didn't think i'd want to be with him after being with my hook up buddy?
so, do i wait it out alone because i know the relationship won't last long or do i have a little fun and go for this friends with benefits relationship??
sorry this question turned out to be so long.
Damn girl! You know what? I have been through some BS like that too. So first let's focus on YOU. Remember how you say he keep going back and has been in and out well, so have you been in and out with him- meaning: you all kick it and then he's a jerk, you all spend time together and then he's with her, right? A friendship IS a relationship. I tell people this all of the time. So, here's the deal, you told him you liked him. He has told you he likes you. - now, here's what's up. He thinks you are going to WAIT on him.
He also has already predetermined that he and miss girlfriend are going to break up again eventually, hell he knows it and she knows it, YOU know it too. "smile" Would I wait on a guy, I'll take a hell no for 5000 Alex - seriously, don't wait on him, he doesn't have it like that and don't give him any reason to believe he does. He is wrong for how he is doing you but YOU are wrong for letting him do it. Time to reverse this mess: Ready?
Back away from him. Still speak and be respectful because you are a lady, even though you called him out about the weekend but oh well, I feel you. Anyway, back away from him. No more time to kick it with him. Mentally tell yourself that you deserve happiness, and NOTHING less. He has chosen her over you. Accept, Acknowledge and Admit it. "The 3 A's", and move on sista.
Now, about the friends with benefits thing - don't put yourself out there like that- you would only be doing that out of spite or as a rebound - If you are good enough to have sex with, why are you not good enough to be considered as more than a friend who I can get it from? "Because why should I have to be involved with her when I can just get it?" you feel me? please start thinking as some guys think so that you DO NOT GET GOT.. you feel me? If you wanna hang with this guy, cool hang with him but see if he's still interested in hanging without the benefit? offer friendship only - benefits aren't free darling!
Do you wait it out alone? Don't wait it out period, hell who is he? Do you focus on self? Yes. Start doing things that interest you, spend time with other friends (leave your panties on), start going to movies, answer his calls when YOU feel like it (not every time) - be sure that he notices that you don't deal with him as much and let him know why? ALSO when he and miss girlfriend break up, don't be there for him as a rebound chic. OK?
If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you now, not after they break up AGAIN. Relationships are like a puzzle - if the piece doesn't fit perfectly, why jam it? jamming it only causes it to buckle? understand? once he realizes that piece doesn't fit, he will realize the piece that does fit, as he knows NOW but again, he can't let go of her. If he can't let go now, he won't let go later, so why be open to a relationship with him later when he is only going to dog you with his ex OR break up with you to run back to his ex? Get someone who cherishes YOU, wants YOU, RESPECTS YOU, and puts YOU first!
good luck girl and remember STAY STRONG AND AHEAD OF THE GAME! I just told you the game, now don't fall for any of it, LOVE YOURSELF!
My family (husband and 2 kids) have not had a real family vacation in 8 years. My kids asked to go to Disney World. They are ages 15 and 12. I booked a 1 week vacation about 4 months ago. We are scheduled to leave June 28th. My mother has since been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Her surgery is June 27th. My only sibling is flying to NJ from CA to be with my mom. I told my husband to go on the Florida trip without me because I felt that the right thing for me to do would be to stay with my mother. He is refusing to go without me and blaming me for ruining our vacation. Is it right for him to blame me? We can’t cancel without losing a lot of money. We will not be able to book another trip anywhere in the near future because fuel prices are sky high, and we would have already lost a bundle. Do I go on the trip or stay with my mother who may be dying in the near term?
I am sorry to hear about your mother and your husband too.
He is selfish, inconsiderate and out of order for his thoughts. Being that Disney is so important to him, let him go without you. Your mom comes first. She has made many sacrifices for you and it is important that you make sacrifices for her as well. He should never force or even pressure you to make a decision between your family and your mom.
If it were reversed, what would he do? catch 22 question. If he is as selfish as he seems, he would go to Disney. If he still as selfish as he seems, he would stay with his mom and then expect you not to stay with yours!
Stay with your mom. I am not sure if you read the bible or not, but if you do, read the chapter of Ruth. You will be blessed for putting your mom first because you will be honoring and respecting her and she deserves it, as well as needs it. Spend as MUCH time with her as you can. We only have one mother and once our mother is gone, we sit back and think of what we could've done or should've done - not only are you going to be there for her, you will be also eliminating any regrets in the future!
I am praying for your mother, and your family over all. I am also praying that God touches your husband, his thoughts & views so that he is more supportive & encouraging of you. I am also praying for your strength throughout this. Continue being strong and May God Bless you!
I am 30 years old, female, and I have been married for 10 years. We have two children, ages 7 and 8. I love my husband and I would describe our relationship as a good one.
My problem is I think about my ex boyfriend. A lot. As in every day a lot. Where this starts to become strangely pathetic is the fact that I haven't seen him or had contact with him in 13 years. He was my boyfriend my junior year of high school. We were only together a few months. Our relationship ended when he dumped me, and I (being 17 and completely emotional) was heartbroken. I got married when I was 20, and I dated a few guys between this ex and my husband. I never give any of the others a second thought.
It really bothers me that I still think about him so much, especially after SO MUCH time has gone by. I know they say you never forget your first love, but this has become beyond ridiculous. I'm far too humiliated to admit this to any of my friends and family. This may sound trivial, but it's become a minor form of torture and is interfering with my life and peace. Please tell me, what can I do to stop this stupidity?
The first thing is not to consider this as trivial or stupid because it isn't. I understand - I have been there and done that, hell we'll talk about it if you want just email me at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com, and let me know that you wanna know about it. LOL
Well, here we go:
The reason you are still thinking about your ex is because at 17, there is no real closure because at that age, we don't know what closure is. The second reason is psychological- meaning because you were hurt so bad - when we hurt as people we don't know how to let go and release the hurt, we hold on to it forever and ever regardless of what the hurt is or why the hurt was caused and you are also combining this with association - because it was him who hurt you, you are remembering the hurt and him too. Sounds really crazy but I am a psychology major in addition to an accountant (CPA) and I promise you that this is what it is.
I am sure you love your family, however I am also sure that because a certain percentage is focused on your ex, that your husband isn't getting 100% of you. Normally I would suggest writing in a journal but you can't do that because your husband my find it, so with that being said, I am going to suggest reading and listening to music, should you have any spare time ALONE- WHY ALONE? because you need to cry one good time or as many times as it takes. Your mind must be at a meditating state in order to release whatever pain it is that you are feeling. Also, when you are thinking of your ex - are you thinking of good times, or him dumping you? I am asking this because if you are thinking of good times - then something is wrong - especially if you have a good marriage- I'll hit on that in a sec.. if you are thinking of being dumped - then we must go through a release process - and this is better than if you are thinking of good times with him.
If it is ONLY being dumped, or even just how he is doing, this is normal and you can pull through that one because it isn't him that you are thinking of, it's being dumped and how you felt when you were dumped. The word dumped is a NEGATIVE word, this means that you were hurt, pissed and upset because he broke up with you and you have clung on to that for years and so it's time to move forward.
If it's the good times you are thinking of, then there are SOME type of problems in your marriage- even if it's something as small as feeling like you have not enough time alone with your spouse because of the children. I would suggest a get away with just you and your husband - upon doing this, please be sure that internally you are realizing that you are rededicating yourself to your husband- marriage consists of mental, spiritual, physical and emotional. you feel me on that part?
Moving forward- if you are focusing on hurt from the breakup - Usually I suggest 4 books- but I can't suggest these books because your husband may find them and begin thinking and questioning why you have these books so we won't go there today - if you still want to know the names of these books- email me. When you have some alone time- go to the park, get out of the car (don't sit in the car) - why? getting out of the car is psychologically releasing instead of keeping it in the car- sit on the bench, get a tablet and first write how you are feeling - don't leave out anything or worry about length, just let it out.
Next, on a new sheet write a letter to your ex- tell him exactly how you are feeling - when you are done with this, walk to the trash can rip both up (this is breaking this hold mentally within)- breaking holds, mentally require action of tearing or breaking- this is why people who go through things, tend to break things, throw things, so on and so forth- anyway, tear up the paper, now THROW it away in the trash. If you need to cry, go ahead and do it.
Next, realize that GOD is in control and is the center of your marriage - get into the car - and PRAY- This stays in.. and is being received, not released. Pray that God strengthens you to move forward, forget the past and focus on your future. Ask him to help lead and guide you into being the wife that he has ordained you to be. Tell Satan he is a liar because anything negative, is Satan. Also when we think of something, even if we didn't do it, we still did it mentally and spiritually- it's in the bible, therefore based on the thoughts, you may need to ask forgiveness. "smile"
Start spending more time with your husband, when the kids are sleep, sit outside, and talk. Take walks, concentrate on building your marriage stronger, and better - if it's already good, set goals to make it great, and greater, better and better. you feel me? once you start doing these exercises and bonding more with your husband and self as an individual, then the thoughts, concerns, questions, worries, everything associated with your thoughts, will pass.
I hope this helps and I hope that I have helped.
Sophia - "Venom"
I need help. So my dad got remarried like 5 years ago. Well, my stepmom is kinda cool. She really tries to be nice to me and my sister and i like spending summers there. Well, id like to be closer to her but my mom all she does is talk bad about my stepmom. She is always making nasty comments about her and my dad. I love my dad and my mom and my stepmom and I want a relationship with all them. How can I get my mom to stop talking about my Dad and stepmom? Ive told my school councelor and she told me that its really bad to say hateful things about the other parent to the kids. I told my mom this but she does it anyway. I need advice
OK - I am going to point out some things. When I first read this, it hurt me emotionally for you because I believe in positivity. First I am going to commend you for having the desire to be closer with your step mom and dad. Most children are reluctant to deal with the step mom and tend to not want to bond with us at all. So, I can appreciate your maturity and your heart.
Your mom is still upset about the separation from your dad OR she is upset that he has moved on. Humans are territorial just like animals are. We aren't really aware of how the situation went down with your dad and step mom hooking up which also could play a huge factor in her feelings towards your step mom.
We aren't going to go there but I will say this - There is animosity and there is a reason for it. I suggest that you first tell your mom that you respect and understand how she feels about your step mom and that she is entitled to her own feelings, just as you are entitled to your own feelings. Advise your mom that as you respect her feelings towards your step mom that you are going to ask that she also respects your feelings too.
Tell her that your step mom has done nothing to you and that whatever the issues are between them need to stay between them or with just herself because you have no issues with her or your step mom or your dad. Tell her that her negative talking plays no role in your decision to be involved in their life and her life too.
Ask your mom to support you and let her know that you love her and that no one will ever take her place. Remember when I wrote humans are territorial? well, she is thinking that your step mom has taken your dad (if she didn't TAKE him), and that now your step mom is after you too. So she needs to be reassured that won't happen. "smile" I know she is the adult but know this, before adults become adults, they were children first and sometimes we revert back to our childish ways and behavior without trying or realizing that we are thinking on a childish level. Your mom loves you and means NO harm at all, and let her know that you know that also. once you have reassured her, and let her know that you love her and what it means to you if she would support your decision and goal to be involved in your step mom and dad's life without her intervention or negativity, she will chill out. Be sure to let her know that she is the adult and that you are looking to her for guidance and that you think that her comments are childish and it shocks you that she is doing this. "Gotta get into her head a little bit so that she has a good look in the mirror and sees it's childish". "smile"
Good Luck Sweetie and trust me it will all work out and again, I am so proud of you!
okay don't say anything like, your under age or anything, I KNOW!!!! so anyway, i was going out with this guy, Andy, i'm 15, then we had been going out for like 3 months, and i was staying at his house for a dance, we live on different islands, but there right next to each other.and we were talking then he told me he loved me, anyway, we ended up having sex... but then later, like a couple months later i found out he had cheated on me twice! then he asked this guy, iain, to start flirting with me and stuff so i would stop liking him and start liking iain. anyway i broke up with Andy, and started going out with iain, but two weeks after we started going out, i slept with him! it just sort of happened! so, i slept with him on the friday ans he didn't talk to me the whole weekend, then on monday, he asked if we could meet up, but he broke up with me! now i feel like everyones looking at me and thinking... slut, my friend says no one cares who i sleep with and that its just in my head but i cant stop thinking it! do you have any advice on what to do to make me feel better? i'm soooooo depressed! ='[
OK - here we go:
A slut is someone who sleeps with many people and has no standards or care about who it is. Boys, talk about different sexual experiences with girls, especially when young,hell some of them do it as adults too. They are just like that. They even pass females as it seems like your x did. Catch it, be aware now and stop falling for the game - play no games and be real to yourself. LOVE YOURSELF and DON'T LOOK FOR IT IN SEX because it DOES NOT exist there.
I would stop having sex right now because you already know why since you say it in your first sentence and because you said it, I won't say it since you asked me not to. You already know!
People do talk and judge women, girls, young ladies old women, I am saying this, DO NOT WORRY about what people say about you or think about you, worry about how you feel about yourself and what it is you do to give people thoughts of you. If you give no one nothing to talk about, they will still talk about you, now imagine what they will do once they actually have been given something to talk about. CHANGE your life, forget the past and focus on your future. NO one is perfect, we all make mistakes but it takes maturity to realize it, accept it and change it. It sounds like you have already started realizing it, now focus on changing it for the betterment and uplift of self.
Good Luck and if you need to talk email me.
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
Ok so I have a best friend for 10 yrs. We met when we were 12. Opposite sex of course. Ever since the first day, he has wanted to be just more than friends. But I didnt want a relationship at the time and I was the sweet innocent girl who loved bad ass jerks all through school. So anyways, we have been best friends for 10 yrs. We have both dated other people and done the whole serious relationships, but none of them worked out. I moved a state away when my parents moved to be closer to them. Its been 4 yrs since my friend and I have seen each other but we talk all the time. Through all this time, he has been in love with me and has always hoped that I would feel the same way. He is almost done with college and wants to start a career and looking for Mrs. Right. And really wants me to give him a shot.
I have always loved him. I just never could be with him back in school because we were best friends and I didnt want it to change. Even after we graduated and went separate ways, I always knew in the back of my head that some way, we would end up together. But every time I think I can even try to go on a date with him, I chicken out. I just get so scared and I dont know why. When I look back on my life, one of the best things that have come out of it so far has been having him in my life. According to him, we have not been friends for 10 yrs. but been married for 10 yrs. We have so many things in common, we have the same outlook on life and relationships, I know that he is the perfect guy for me. So why do I keep chickening out? Why am I so scared? He is coming to visit me this week and I am excited and petrified. Even though we talk all the time through phone calls, email, instant messaging, web cam, etc. I just get so many knots in my stomach and just get so nervous. I need some advice.
You have answered so many questions within yourself already that you know what's up and so does he girl!
1. You love each other
2. You have already developed a friendship which has lasted for years not just suddenly
3. You know that he is the one for you and he seems great for the fact that he has set goals for himself and is aspiring to meet them.
4. You both have already had relationships that didn't work out - the real reason is because you two weren't with each other and no one else could compare to the other.
It's perfectly normal to be scared or feel anxiety - you haven't seen him in over 4 years! I think that all you have to do is be yourself and he be himself. You all are going to be fine! I am firm believer that it takes friendship first before a relationship can be implemented. A friendship is a relationship already; therefore you have already been in a relationship with one another and now you both are considering going to the next level.
It's great because you both are already on the same page with one another, it isn't as if one of you are coming into this blinded, not knowing the other's expectation, or feelings for the other. Have fun this weekend and be ready to feel a sense of relief from the bad relationships that didn't work out, the stress from moving and not seeing each other for 4 years, and the fact that he is going to be something in life. Good Luck, take it easy, relax and go get something cute to wear and think about fixing up your hair girl!@ Focus on the positive only because everything else would be less than civilized. "smile"
You aren't a chicken, you are a young lady, now claim it and do you!!!! be like Nike, and just do it!
hit me up on the email if you still wanna talk about it or feel the same way. sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
okay, my friend A went out with this guy T, but then they broke up. it was a mutual desision; anyway now my friend is really happy with this other guy, her on - off boyfriend, anyway, now i REALLY like T but my question is, is it wrong to flirt and maybe if im lucky more than that woth T seeing as he's A's ex? i know the whole ' never date your friends ex's,' but if she's happy with this other guy; i was wonderingif it's okay?
No,it isn't ok. Why? it's the whole moral of it. Your friend may be happy with the other guy and I guarantee you that if you talk to her about your interest in her X, she isn't going to like it. She may act as if she's cool with it but seriously she won't be - reverse it and put yourself in her situation, Would you like it? or would you question why he or she would hook up after you were with him? be honest with yourself if you chose not to be honest with me.
It's not an easy situation and it causes confusion, and distance in your friendship when this happens. How would you share things with her about what you and him have done or have planned? It would be awkard, you would also end up feeling guilty as time goes on which would cause you to break up with him or him to break up with you. Many people feel differently on this subject as I have read their answers. I do believe in doing what makes you happy as a person, however I also believe in longevity,which means happiness later on as well not just for the moment. It would also raise a ? with your friend, which would be - did she like him while I was with him? which leads to trust issues. NO MAN OR GUY IS WORTH A FRIENDSHIP or even taking a risk with a friendship.
guess what else? the fact that you are questioning the situation tells me that inside you are questioning self as to if it's right or wrong - remember this: anything questionable is not worth doing, seeing, wearing, saying, or acting upon in general. I promise!
Hope this helps!!