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my stepmom and mom
I need help. So my dad got remarried like 5 years ago. Well, my stepmom is kinda cool. She really tries to be nice to me and my sister and i like spending summers there. Well, id like to be closer to her but my mom all she does is talk bad about my stepmom. She is always making nasty comments about her and my dad. I love my dad and my mom and my stepmom and I want a relationship with all them. How can I get my mom to stop talking about my Dad and stepmom? Ive told my school councelor and she told me that its really bad to say hateful things about the other parent to the kids. I told my mom this but she does it anyway. I need advice
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i think that you mom is just trying to hold on to you. sometimes it is hard for divorced parents to let their child become close with the other parent and step parent because they are afraid of losing the child to the other parent. your mom is probably afraid that if she lets you become close with your stepmother, you may like your stepmom more than her. that may be why she always says negative things about her, to try and get you to think those things about your stepmom.
i think that you have to talk to your mom about it. try to explain to her that you love her, your dad, and your stepmom, and that you want to be closer to her. telling your mother how you feel will let her see it through your point of view. also letting her know that you love her, your dad, and your stepmom all the same might be comforting to her. that way she knows that you will never love your stepmom more than her and that you will always love everyone the same amount. you may have to have multiple talks with you mother until she really "gets it" that you would like to be closer to your stepmother and that you will never leave her.
tell me how everything works out!!
xoxo
mandyx3
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OK - I am going to point out some things. When I first read this, it hurt me emotionally for you because I believe in positivity. First I am going to commend you for having the desire to be closer with your step mom and dad. Most children are reluctant to deal with the step mom and tend to not want to bond with us at all. So, I can appreciate your maturity and your heart.
Your mom is still upset about the separation from your dad OR she is upset that he has moved on. Humans are territorial just like animals are. We aren't really aware of how the situation went down with your dad and step mom hooking up which also could play a huge factor in her feelings towards your step mom.
We aren't going to go there but I will say this - There is animosity and there is a reason for it. I suggest that you first tell your mom that you respect and understand how she feels about your step mom and that she is entitled to her own feelings, just as you are entitled to your own feelings. Advise your mom that as you respect her feelings towards your step mom that you are going to ask that she also respects your feelings too.
Tell her that your step mom has done nothing to you and that whatever the issues are between them need to stay between them or with just herself because you have no issues with her or your step mom or your dad. Tell her that her negative talking plays no role in your decision to be involved in their life and her life too.
Ask your mom to support you and let her know that you love her and that no one will ever take her place. Remember when I wrote humans are territorial? well, she is thinking that your step mom has taken your dad (if she didn't TAKE him), and that now your step mom is after you too. So she needs to be reassured that won't happen. "smile" I know she is the adult but know this, before adults become adults, they were children first and sometimes we revert back to our childish ways and behavior without trying or realizing that we are thinking on a childish level. Your mom loves you and means NO harm at all, and let her know that you know that also. once you have reassured her, and let her know that you love her and what it means to you if she would support your decision and goal to be involved in your step mom and dad's life without her intervention or negativity, she will chill out. Be sure to let her know that she is the adult and that you are looking to her for guidance and that you think that her comments are childish and it shocks you that she is doing this. "Gotta get into her head a little bit so that she has a good look in the mirror and sees it's childish". "smile"
Good Luck Sweetie and trust me it will all work out and again, I am so proud of you!
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I agree with LOL. You have to really
let your mom know that you don't like
her talking bad about your dad and
step mom.
Tell her you realize they aren't her
favorite people, and thats ok. You aren't
asking her to like them. But your
relationship with them is different.
If she doesn't hear you after talking
to her again, then walk out of the room
when she starts in or simply don't
comment at all on her remarks. Sooner
or later she will stop, I hope. :)
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Tell your mom again. Tell her that these mean, hateful things are really hurting you and you'd REALLY like her to stop. Be firm about it, and let her know that you really really don't like her saying mean things.
Tell her you love both her AND your dad, and that you really like your stepmom. Just explain to her that saying these things is just making HER look like the mean one, and making the things about your dad or whatever she's saying seem completely irrelevent, and there's no reason for it to continue.
-Laura. (16-f)
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