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best guy friend vs. my love life
16/f
i have two best friends. one is a girl, she's my sister, my life, my everything and i love her dearly. the other is a guy and for all the time we've been best friends we've told people we're married because thats just the way we've always acted. i can't describe the relationship, we bitch and fight and nag but in the end it always results in a hug and an "i love you". he told me he liked me in 7th grade but little did we know we had both liked each other on and off since then and we have now just finished junior year.
so after spending the entire last weekend at his house i decided that i would finally tell him i liked him. we spent the weekend in his hot tub until 1am, driving around in his truck, he picked me up and spun me in the air which was adorable and then we sat in his field and watched the sunset, then when it was dark we sat and watched the fire flies, just talking until i had to leave. the weekend was so amazing and it took all my strength not to kiss him because i thought he thought of us as a brother/sister relationship.
so i come into school monday, the day i decide to tell him, and i see him with his ex girlfriend who he has broken up with nine times. NINE!! in 2 years. i don't get along with her too much and whenever he's with her he starts being a jerk to me and i've told him that and he doesn't believe it. so anyway i found out that his ex girlfriend who he had just gotten over...once again, decided to break up with her boyfriend b/c she missed this guy(my best friend). now from the best friend point of view i didnt want him to go through this bullshit again so i called him after school to complain anyway while on the phone we both ended up saying that we both like each other and we both think we would be an amazing couple and he goes on to say that when hes with his on again off again girlfriend he thinks about me and thinks how much better it would be. so im thinking "ok hes going to finally listen to me and not go back to his girlfriend" but no, then he says "i want to be with you but i feel like i should be with HER. but i know i'll keep liking you because i always do, so we'll see where it goes and we have all of senior year and college to be together." so at first im thinking, ok what the hell is this but then i'm just like whatever i'll deal with it like i always do. next day in school they're going out and he has the nerve to bring her over to our lunch table and he's being his normal "got my ex back" jerk personality that he denies he has. and its like he was rubbing in my face that he was with her which is not something he normally does...ever. so he was being an ass and i decided that i was feeling a little devilish so i decided to bring up the topic of me being over at his house almost every day for the past two weeks. his girlfriend wasn't happy but i was satisfied.
SO, i cant wait around forever right? even though my best friend is the perfect boyfriend and everything i've ever wanted. now, this guy that i've hooked up with in the past wants to start a friends with benefits relationship...again. he's incredibly hot and sexy and he thinks the same of me so im deciding to go for it but im still a little cautious because my best friend says the only reason he didn't tell me he liked me sooner was because i was hooking up with this guy and he didn't think i'd want to be with him after being with my hook up buddy?
so, do i wait it out alone because i know the relationship won't last long or do i have a little fun and go for this friends with benefits relationship??
sorry this question turned out to be so long.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know High school can be tough. But if i was you right now, i would quit going all lovey dovey in high school, wait until Collage. Its much better there. I can guarantee that something better will happen there.
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Damn girl! You know what? I have been through some BS like that too. So first let's focus on YOU. Remember how you say he keep going back and has been in and out well, so have you been in and out with him- meaning: you all kick it and then he's a jerk, you all spend time together and then he's with her, right? A friendship IS a relationship. I tell people this all of the time. So, here's the deal, you told him you liked him. He has told you he likes you. - now, here's what's up. He thinks you are going to WAIT on him.
He also has already predetermined that he and miss girlfriend are going to break up again eventually, hell he knows it and she knows it, YOU know it too. "smile" Would I wait on a guy, I'll take a hell no for 5000 Alex - seriously, don't wait on him, he doesn't have it like that and don't give him any reason to believe he does. He is wrong for how he is doing you but YOU are wrong for letting him do it. Time to reverse this mess: Ready?
Back away from him. Still speak and be respectful because you are a lady, even though you called him out about the weekend but oh well, I feel you. Anyway, back away from him. No more time to kick it with him. Mentally tell yourself that you deserve happiness, and NOTHING less. He has chosen her over you. Accept, Acknowledge and Admit it. "The 3 A's", and move on sista.
Now, about the friends with benefits thing - don't put yourself out there like that- you would only be doing that out of spite or as a rebound - If you are good enough to have sex with, why are you not good enough to be considered as more than a friend who I can get it from? "Because why should I have to be involved with her when I can just get it?" you feel me? please start thinking as some guys think so that you DO NOT GET GOT.. you feel me? If you wanna hang with this guy, cool hang with him but see if he's still interested in hanging without the benefit? offer friendship only - benefits aren't free darling!
Do you wait it out alone? Don't wait it out period, hell who is he? Do you focus on self? Yes. Start doing things that interest you, spend time with other friends (leave your panties on), start going to movies, answer his calls when YOU feel like it (not every time) - be sure that he notices that you don't deal with him as much and let him know why? ALSO when he and miss girlfriend break up, don't be there for him as a rebound chic. OK?
If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you now, not after they break up AGAIN. Relationships are like a puzzle - if the piece doesn't fit perfectly, why jam it? jamming it only causes it to buckle? understand? once he realizes that piece doesn't fit, he will realize the piece that does fit, as he knows NOW but again, he can't let go of her. If he can't let go now, he won't let go later, so why be open to a relationship with him later when he is only going to dog you with his ex OR break up with you to run back to his ex? Get someone who cherishes YOU, wants YOU, RESPECTS YOU, and puts YOU first!
good luck girl and remember STAY STRONG AND AHEAD OF THE GAME! I just told you the game, now don't fall for any of it, LOVE YOURSELF!
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My heart hurts for you, sweetie, because I went through all kinds of similar drama whem I was in high school. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but please try to believe that crap like this will not matter at all once you're my age, which is 30. Your "friend" sounds selfish and somewhat cruel. If I were you, I'd put some serious space there. Guy/girl friendships are complicated no matter how old you are, and this one sounds like more trouble that it's worth. You say he is "the perfect boyfriend", but believe me, he's not, otherwise he would treat you with more regard! Always respect yourself, and surround yourself with people who will do the same. This guy's not one of those people. And as for the "friends with benefits" thing, please don't do that. It is the exact opposite of respecting yourself. Hold out for someone who values you and treats you right. You don't want to get to be my age and have people thinking you're "used goods." Best of luck to you, and God bless.
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Same here. I wasn't bothered by the length either. That's strange. Anyway, I think your friend is a jerk. I think he is using you as his fall back girl. Someone he'll come back to when times are tough or when he breaks it off with his girlfriend for the umpteenth time. Sounds like you been through this more than just once. You said he was "perfect" well if he is, then he'll be your Mr. perfect and not someone else's. I'd give him an ultimatum. I'd tell him either get his head out of his you-know-what and that you don't have forever to wait.
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For some reason, I wasn't quite bothered by the length, as I normally am.
I think that you need to decide if it's REALLY worth it to wait it out for your best friend. Because if it is, well then that's what you should do. He sounds like a good guy, and you probably would be together had that girl not existed =P.
If it isn't worth waiting to you, then don't wait. You have your entire life ahead of you to date, and if it isn't worth it to wait, I don't know, a couple of months, maybe, then don't do it. It would be a waste of your time.
I personally wouldn't go for the friends-with-benefits thing, but that's just me. If having fun is better to you than waiting, then why not, I guess.
--Jack
(16/m)
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