TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: my mom thinks that ever since i got my heart broken about 2 or 3 years ago, i like any boy that tells me nice things. that's not true. i had a boyfriend after that and it's been six months that i broke up with him after i found out he was gay. but, i really like this boy and she made me swear on everything that i wouldn't kiss him next time i see him or not to let him kiss me. and i kinda like this boy. and she's just being a pain about it. i don't see what's so bad about it. talking to her isn't going to help. i already tried

2 questions:
- how can i keep the kiss from happening that night? (like to make it seem like i want it but not at this moment--- kinda like play hard to get with the kiss)
- how can i stop my mother from thinking this

ps i already talked to her!!! she doesn't listen

PLEASE HELP ME
THANK YOU

I think your mom really does need to back off of who you are with when it comes to how you're feeling about this guy, but what she's honestly worried about is that you'll instantly fall for him when he tells you what you want to hear and suddenly everything becomes blinded around you which happens to a lot of people.

About the kiss with this guy: If you want the kiss from him, don't try and stop it. I think the best way to prove to your mom wrong is to go about your love life in the way you always have. The next time she starts to pick at you about it, just say, "Well I know you feel that way, but I honestly wish that you would think more of me and let me decide whether I think a certain guy is really into me"

Please note that that is not talking to her. It's simply replying to nagging about it and you should use that all of the time. And when she continues to argue the point, just tell her you don't want to talk about it and everytime she nags you about it, you don't feel like you can be open with her with boys.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am 18 years old and i have known my boyfreind for about 3 years now and he has always had a crush on me and we just started dating 3 months ago .. we dont fight much but sometimes we get aggrivated with eachother. A few days ago I went to Connecticut for the summer and i used to live here, i am having a wonderful time but it seems like everytime i talk to him i get in a bad mood and we are always finding things to argue about. He dosent call me as much as i would like him to and when i am sad or confused about something he always says he has to go but he is the one in the relationship who "loves me more" and all in all he is a very good boyfreind. He was supposed to graduate with me but he didnt and he has a month to get his work done so he can get his diploma. He needs to get his priorities straight and frankly, i dont understand him. When we talk on the phone ALL we do is fight. Thats it and when i get back home i dont want things to be bitter between us. I do everything i can to try and help him but he dosent seem to get it and he keeps telling me that i dont care, when all i want to do is talk to him. When we fight on the phone he always "has to go" or do something else and i want to make up with him then and there, but i cant seem to, ever, so when he calls back a few hours later, im STILL mad and cant have a normal conversation with him. I really dont know what to do. Please help.

I think the next time you talk to your boyfriend you should tell him that you really want to work things out between you both without fighting over it. Tell him that you don't like fighting and then hanging up because it keeps you upset for the time being and you just want to talk it out and make up instead of later.

Let him know that you do care for him and his feelings and you try as hard as you can to make him see that you do and you want the same treatment in return. If he seems to argue it and try turning this into another fight, tell him that you're trying to settle this and let him know what your upset about and if he's not going to listen then you'll hang up. Make sure that you give him a chance to explain to you what's wrong in his mind.

It's normal for a relationship to have fights, but a lot of times you have to fight and then hang up to cool off and then say, "Ok, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm upset because I felt bad when you...." and then finish it off. And then say, "What were you upset about?" And give him a chance to explain.

Maybe there is tension between you both because you havn't seen each other a lot lately. You're on vacation and it seems like maybe he's just sitting at home with nothing to do. If you really just want this vacation to be fun for you, then just explain to him that it would be best to talk when you come back and then you can work everything out.

If you're sad or upset about something and he's always hanging up, let him know that it hurts your feelings. When you're sad, tell him you need him to comfort you and when you're confused you need him to help you figure things out. I believe that if he's constsntly running away when you get upset, he isn't a good boyfriend or a good listener. And I honestly say that if his behavior like this continues, you shouldn't tolerate it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: What would you do if you hated your body so much that you would't let your partner see it?
What are your thoughts?

I'd wait until I was more comfortable with my partner to see my body before I had sex.

Usually relationships that are ready for intimate and sexual activity are comfortable with being undressed in front of them. If you aren't comfortable, then you aren't ready in my opinion because the sex probably won't be at all enjoyable for you because you'll be stressing about your body and what he's thinking of it.

So before you rush in and decide to interact sexually, make sure you have talks with your partner about these feelings you're having about your body so that he can help make you feel better. Maybe the both of you aren't as open as you should be and you should open up a lot more if you hate your body to that extent you're describing.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My boyfreind and I used to smoke together a lot. Like all the time and i didnt like it so i tried talking to him about it and all he said was "You think your better then me because I smoke" and i dont think that at all, i just want to have a normal, fun relationship w/out drugs. How do i get him to think more positivley??

Smoking pot can really cause problems in relationships and as you can see they are now beginning between you and your boyfriend.

Usually when people start getting into drugs, that's just about all they care about. Getting high and finding out how to get more is all what really matters to them. Besides, he's probaby smoking pot with other people and you never know what he could be like around other people when he's high.

My point is that if you want to continue a relationship with this guy, then him smoking pot is something you'll be dealing with. The chances are very small that he'll ever quit because you want him to. And if you don't want to be in a relationship with drug use, I consider that a great reason to put an end to the relationship. Nobody should ever have to settle for less than what they are looking for in a relationship.

And I think that you shouldn't have to settle with this guy. You may feel very close to this guy, but if he's doing something that really effects and interferes with your feelings, then maybe it's time to think it over. Plus, he sounds touchy about the situation. You tried talking to him about this and he jumps at you and accuses you of thinking you're better than him? Should you really have to deal with that kind of behavior from a boyfriend?

The truth is that with this guy, you won't have just a normal fun relationship without drugs. Remember to think about yourself and your feelings in this relationship. If you're unhapy with the drugs, then you need to stand up for yourself and get out, find someone else who isn't into that kind of stuff and who has the kind of personality you like.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm Thai. 24. Male.

I've been talking to a girl for several months and things appear to be good. I asked her sister that she likes me or not. Her sister told me that she likes me a lot. However, I am not the only who have been talking with her. There is another guy who is also chatting up with her. Her sister told me that she is still thinking of her choices (another guy and myself) and not yet making any decision.
Few days ago, I hung up with her and her phone was ringing. The first call she didn't take it. I asked her to take the phone, but she said she doesn't want to pick the phone because she is focusing on shopping. Very strange to me. Then the caller called to her friend's number and her friend just pretended that she is not with her and doesn't know her number. Finally, she took the last call in the evening by walking away from me like she doesn't want me to hear the conversation. I got frustrated and her noticed that. Next days she didn't pick my calls at all.

My questions are:
1) Does she angry at me due to my reaction few days ago?
2) Should I tell her directly how I feel or pretend that I don't know about another guy and beter wait for the right time?

My opinion on the matter is that if she really is interested in you, then she'll call you back instead of you having to keep calling and hoping she'll answer.

I think she might seem a little selfish for taking a call and getting distant from you to take it. She probably doesn't want you to know that she does have another option aside from you because that might chase you away. But my suggestion is that you stop with calling her and make her come to you if she wants to still talk.

If she does end up callng which theres no doubt in my mind that she will, then tell her what her sister told you. Let her know that you are aware of this other guy and that you don't really like that she got as far away from you as she could just to talk to him.

Another thing that you have to consider is that you both aren't together. Which means that she can talk to other guys and flirt with them until then. So you can't be mad that she's considering options, it's nothing she's meaning to do to hurt you if anything. She's being a girl by doing this. But I also think that you should try meeting other girls too so that if this girl just takes too long at her choice, then you can honestly move on with someone else.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 13/f It seems like my life has gotten a little out of hand in terms of my friends. My "group" always gets in a lot of fights, i mean come on we're teenagers we live on drama. I always seem to get in the most fights though. Also, I'll blow off my family sooooooooooo much to hang out with my friends, just because I'm afraid that if I don't hang out with them, my best friend especially, we'll get so much closer and find a new best friend or something. I know I'm paranoid but I can't help it, it's just the way I am, especially since my best friend is very close with a lot of other friends and I have a feeling I could easily be replaced (even though she swears I cudn't). I don't know how to get out of these paranoid, always having to be with my friends, habbits. HELP!

I know that there must be a lot on conflict coming between you and your friends and no matter what it's not going to stop, but you can get yourself out of it and that is what matters. A lot of times people will say things to other friends about some other friend and then it will get around to them and they'll find out that you were the one who said it.

The best that you can handle this gossip and bad talk is when someone starts to say something bad about a friend, just say, "I understand where you're coming from, but she is still a great person" or simply change the subject to avoid the backstabbing. And when you get upset with a friend, don't backstab. Just say to another friend, "It really upset me when she did this.." If you go and call that friend a slut or a whore and a lot of bad things, that friend will likely know about it later. The best that you can do for the sake of your group is when if you have an issue, you should let them know, not through a friend, just let them know what's upsetting you, and when you figure out through a friend that another friend is having an issue with you, just say, "Listen, I have a feeling that you may not be very happy with me, can we talk?" Instead of "Lisa told me that you called me a whore, what's up with that?"

All girls who have a best friend will always have other good friends no matter what. Your best friend has time with her family, so why shouldn't you be able to spend time with your family and not worry about her getting too close to someone else?

The fact is that if your best friend truly likes you and respects you as her best friend, then she won't let other friend jeopardize the friendship you have. I can't promise you that she won't find another good friend that might be closer with her than you both were, but that happens a lot. We meet friends and they become best friends, and then maybe that best friend will find another friend they love spending their time with. It doesn't make you less fun to be with. There will be times when you and a friend won't be as close, but if it ever gets to the point where that friend completely drops you, then maybe the friendship wasn't ment to last and the only thing you could do was let them know you miss them.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My mom and I used to have a great relationship. This might be long. I'm sorry, but I need advice. 13/f.

I was never embarrased when she would come and have lunch with me, including hugging and kissing me in public. Now, over a period of time, I feel like we're slowly drifting apart. One minute, we can be laughing, the other, we'll be arguing over something like clothes. I'll give you a scenario. We're at the store and I like this shirt, so my mom buys it. A couple weeks later, I'm wearing an older shirt that I had before the new shirt to a restaurant, and my mom completely flips out and tells me that I should wear the new shirt that I bought. Now, I have two problems. I can be selfish at times, and I will say 'Mom, I don't want to wear this shirt to the restaurant'. And she'll complain every day and give me a lecture about how I never wear clothes that she buys me, and that she's afraid to buy me any other clothes because I will forget about them. Sometimes, I put on a fake smile and say that I love the shirt, but I'm putting an act for my mom, to save the arguments. It seems like we're fighting every day now because of a shirt that I don't want to wear. I hate myself for being so stubborn and ungrateful. Sometimes, I feel like I can't even talk to my mom. I talk to my stepdad about boys. I'm so scared that I'll get punished for even thinking about boys since I come from a strict Russian family. My 20 year old cousin doesn't even talk about boys around her family members, especially her mom, my second aunt, who will probably yell at her in Russian. I don't want us to drift apart and not even speak to each other when I'm older. I want us to remain close for as long as possible. I've tried talking to her and telling her that I appreciate what she's doing for me and how hard she works. I just don't know what to do now.

What you're going through is what every teenage girl will go through with her mom. Constant fighting over really stupid things or it could be things that really matter.

What you should decide is whether this is really a fight over shirts and clothes or is it a bigger problem that hasn't been dealt with. If you aren't really sure, then maybe it's the shirt and clothing problem. If your mom buys you a new shirt, then try your best to wear that shirt so you can show it off in public with your mom.

If you honestly don't like the shirt that you and your mom are looking at, let her know so that she won't waste money on a shirt you won't wear. Just be nice about it and say, "It's alright, but it's not really my style, I like something more like..." and then show her a shirt you like or describe a shirt you like. If your mom really likes a shirt and wants you to try it on, it couldn't hurt to do so and if you don't like it, just say that you aren't really into it as much as she is.

About the boys issue: Being from a strict family can be hard to have talks with and be more social with. What you have to realize is that even girls from the most strictest families can be boy-crazy and are always thinking about them. It isn't something to be ashamed of or afraid of. You'll be dating a lot of guys or who knows it may be just a few guys, but no matter what the situation may be, you'll always like boys and it's normal.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok. I've been dating this guy alittle over a week now. My cousin hooked us up but his ex girlfriend is my cousins bestfriend. Well my ex boyfriend and his ex girlfriend wont really leave us alone. Shes been callin him,textin him and goin over to his house and everything like that but he ignores her calls and texts and everytime she has come he makes her leave. NOw shes leavin me emails tellin me how lucky i am and all this. i know that seems like shes bein nice but i have this feeling shes tryin to break us up because she made it clear that she still cares for him. Shes wanting to start hanging out with me and him but im not comfortable with that at all and i told her that. Now peoples trying to start stuff so ill break up with him. He's telling me that he really wants this to work and that he really likes me and all that...but im scared im going to get hurt in the long-run. I really like him and everything and im gettin out of a 2 year relationship with this guy so im really falling for the new guy. Should i wait it out and see how it goes or should i just leave him alone?

What you should do is state your feelings one last time in an E-mail to her and then block her. Be upfront. say:

"I know you still have feelings for [Jared], but he is with me now and I'm not ok with us all hanging out because I think you need to get over him and try moving on. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this is how I feel and it's going to have to be this way."

And as for your ex-boyfriend, again be upfront. Let him know that you feel like it's not going to work out between the two of you anymore and you want to move on. Let him know that you're sorry about the way things are now.

As for your current boyfriend: If you both really want this to work, work at it. Ignore the people around you that try to break you up. Make a plan and be open with each other. Have no contact anymore with your exes. Also make him let his ex know that he is done with her in friendship ways, and relationship ways. Make a plan with this guy.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay let me start out by saying that im 13 and the middle child in my family. Well, my mom and me used to get along all the time..like she used to be my best friend and ever since i turned 13 everything my sister (7) does..gets blamed on me. When my sister once called 911 to see what would happen when i was in the shower, the police came to my house when i was babysitting her, and i got blamed for "not watching her." When duh she should know better not to do it. i hate getting blamed for everything. what can i do to help the relationship between me and my mom..and not get blamed for everything?

Well, I am the middle child in my family too, it gets pretty complicated, doesn't it?

Well what I think you need to do is get your showers and everything you need to do before you babysit her because you say that she knows better, but apparently she doesn't. You have to be able to keep your eyes on her at all times and make sure she's not getting you into trouble. Besides, if your sister is hurt or something goes wrong with her, it is technically on you because you are the babysitter.

About your relationship with your mom: Try asking her for just the two of you to go out and do something together. Talk to her more and be a little more open about whats going on in life. If you've got a crush, talk about him with her. OR just let her know that you've been stressed out lately and you feel like things have changed between you both. Sometimes you might find it comforting to let your bad feelings out and she might come around and consider your feelings more.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am a 15 year old girl in Australia. My boyfriend is getting really serious, He has started talking about how he's going to ask me to marry him sometime soon and i'm getting really freaked out. When i tried to tell him how i feel, he got all upset thinking i don't love him. I really do, but he wouldn't listen. He got sp upset he started hurting himself a little and when i apologised and everything he finally calmed down, he told me he could have killed himself, and he kept using that against me, Until i was crying.
Later he told me he was sorry and shouldn't have said any of that stuff. But every time i try to talk to him about how i feel, he threatens me with suecide. I can't do anything because i am scared he will do something really bad.

Your relationship is very unhealthy. This guy is unhealthy to be with. If he's threatening to kill himself when you try to explain or disagree in a situaton, you need to put an end to this.

-Get your parents involved or an adult you know. Let them know what he's been doing so that someone can get him help.

-Don't let his sweet talk and apologies suck you back in. He will do whatever it takes to get you back and you need to stand up to that strong current.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Mmmkay. How to begin...

So, my best friend is the guy in this situation. We've been friends for a few years, and I'm closer to him than anyone else, and he feels the same. We can, and do, talk about anything comfortably. But I have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. Sometimes I think he feels the same way. People often ask if we're going out. We tried the 'friends with benefits' thing for a while. Meaning we made out a lot, no commitment, but then he got a girlfriend. But really, beside the fact that we don't do anything that would count as cheating, our relationship hasn't changed at all.

But his girlfriend HATES me. When I hug him, she gives me dirty looks(but I hug everyone, it's not a weird thing). She ignores me when I try to make friends with her. Not to mention she's bad for him. He's always walking on eggshells around her, constantly afraid he's saying the wrong thing. She is extremely manipulative and has him a hundred percent whipped.

We always joke about how we're going to get married; we even have the names of our children planned. But the other day, Lucas said something about it that sounded dead serious. I remember his exact words: "You know how some old married couples are just so content? That's how we would be. We'd never fight. It would be perfect."

The other day something happened that really confused me. We were laying on my bed watching a movie(well, it isn't really MY bed. I recently had foot surgery so I'm crashing on the futon until I can climb the stairs to get to my room). I sat up for a second, I can't remember why, and he put his arms around me and pulled me down. I apologized because I thought I was blocking his view of the TV and that's why he moved me, but he said "No, I just want to hold you." So we were cuddling and he kissed me on the forehead. And there have also been other situations since he's been with her where we came close to doing something we shouldn't have been doing.

So the actual questions here are:

Should I tell him how I feel or wait until he's single again(I have a feeling it'll be soon with her jealousy)?

Should I talk to him about not getting intimate, or should I just stop it if the situation arises?

Any other advice you can offer about the situation would be helpful as well.

This one is definetly complicated, but you deserve an answer because you used great grammer, thank you.

Well to me, it sounds like you should back off of your best friend a little because he needs to actually get rid of his girlfriend before he decides to cuddle you in bed together. To any girl that would be cheating and it absolutely is. It makes me wonder how he may be toward you when it comes to other girls. If he's cuddling and kissing girls while he's with this girl, are you sure that he wouldn't be doing the same thing to you?

About his girlfriend: She is threatened by you. She knows that you and him have a very close friendship that obviously has the chemistry of beyond friendship. Her feelings of jealousy and being snotty toward you is probably common. I know that it would be very hard for me to be in that girl's situation. But the thing is that you are saying how bad she is of a girlfriend, and yet he's staying with her. That is his choice if he wants to let her walk all over him and that is his fault that he's choosing to stick with her, so her being bitchy or unfriendly and controlling is no good excuse for cuddling with him or any of that.

About him: First off, let him know that the feelings are there and hopefully he will come around and take you. Especially after what you described that happened on your bed. Just let him know that you really do love him and you want something more than the friendship. No friends with benefits, you want the real deal. A relationship.

So here are your answers to your questions in my opinion:

Should I tell him how I feel or wait until he's single again?: Tell him how you feel. Be calm and let him know you have feelings for him.

Should I talk to him about not getting intimate, or should I just stop it if the situation arises? At this point, I wouldn't let any cuddling or kissing go on between the two of you unless you both end up together.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey! well i have always thought this one kid was really adorable, sweet and everything but i have never talked to him in my life well i was over at my friends house and he i/m her and said somethin and i was like heyy this is lexie my friend is upstairs and then we kinda started talkin but then....he had to go :[ and he saw what i looked like and said i was only alright...well then the next day i added him on myspace and left him a message saying hey werent you the one i was talkin to the other night tryin to act stupid and i was like well yeah i was just checkin! but he never responded back..and now i feel like a total idiot!! what do you think i should do?...because i really wanted to talk to him again and was hoping he would send me a message back or something but does this mean that he does not want to talk to me or what?
thanks..

Who knows what he's doing about your comment that you left. He could be not checking with his MySpace lately or maybe he is trying to ignore the comment but it honestly shouldn't matter.

Besides, if he's going to be a jerk and not even add you as a friend then I think you should be happy that he's not talking to you anyway. If he does happen to respond later then that's great I guess, but he sounds like a jerk. I really don't see how you can view yourself as an idiot. All you did was 'act stupid' about the situation to strike up a conversation over MySpace which is normal. It's ok to approach a guy the way you did, sometimes the technique works and if it doesn't, move on!

There will be tons more of guys who you will talk to and like. I know you really wanted to talk to this guy, but why talk to someone whose not even willing to talk to you as friends?

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hi I am 15 years old and female...

My problem is, as what I had stated on the subject, that I am way too guy crazy, and I am always in a bad mood unless a guy talks to me or I am flirting with one.

I have a boyfriend, which it shouldn't really count because we have been only dating for 2 days and now he doesn't even call me anymore(because said he doesnt have phone so he didnt give me his number because he have to use payphone, so we decided he was doing all the calling) and now he's seeing his ex girlfriend so I know this one's already down the drain.

However, I am always squealing over a guy that I happen to find cute. I know this is typical, but no, I ALWAYS do that to practically every guy I see that is around my age and sometimes that aren't even close to my age.

And I am always in a bad mood and depressed, unless I am talking to a guy or flirting with one. I mean I was hanging out with my friend, shopping for cute clothes, which is thing I really love to do, and I had EVERY RIGHT to be happy, but I was just so sad and couldn't figure out why. Or so that's what I told my friend because I KNEW why I was sad, it was because no boys talked to me that day, and I know my friends get really annoyed when I tell them that because I mention too much.

And I wish I can find a decent enough of a boyfriend who would treat me right and isn't always after sex!

What is wrong with me and what did i do wrong and why am I so guy crazy?

Thank you so much in advance.

I'm not really sure why you have these depressed feelings when you go for quite a while without talking to a guy, but I kind of have a theory for you:

I think that you might be feeling depressed because you mentioned that you wish you could find a decent guy and that's probably what makes you feel sad. You might feel like you'll never find a guy whose interested in more than just the physical attractions in a relationship.

Being very guy crazy is 100% normal for a girl around your age and it's normal that you flirt with a guy and move on because you should probably try your best to keep from settling down because it's not easy to get in a serious relationship young.

I think what you need to do is absolutely relax and cool down from this guy stuff you've got going for you. You said that the boyfriend you have is 'seeing' his ex-girlfriend now or something. If you think he's finding her interesting again, then end things with him. Just take things easy and keep yourself busy when those depressed feelings start to come back at you again. You need to learn that you can't flirt and be flirted with every second.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I love my best friend to death! Lately it feels like we're not as close though. We go to the same camp, but I feel like I'm always fighting for her attention against this other girl who she is good friends with from school. I feel like everytime I bring it up, she only ends up getting upset, and its not doing any good, its only pushing her farther away. I dont want to lose her, but it feels like theres nothing I can do, she seems from past expierences to go through her her "best friend" is rather quickly. last year, she was best friends with a girl she now barely talks to (no fight, they just grew apart) and a girl she was best friends at the beggining of the year they are now just rele good friends (once again no fight just grew apart...well thats not true they got in a lot of little squabbles which also scares me cuz we get in squabbles to). a few weeks ago we were getting in a lot of little fights, and I asked her if she thought we were ok, and shes like yeah there not that big and its just cuz i talk to you more than most people. Im very confused, I dont want to try talking to her again and end up saying the wrong thing, that will just land us in another fight, push her farther away, or make me seem clingly and needy. please please please give me some guidence.

I understand the feelings you are having about you and your friend. In fact, a lot of people know what you're feeling because not all friends stay good friends or even stay friends forever and they do grow apart.

You know for sure that she's always going through best friends pretty quickly and that might be what's going on since it always has been. Let's face the facts by saying that you've basically tried everything you could to keep this friendship burning as well as it used to and it doesn't seem to be working. What you have to do is accept that you and your friend won't be as close as you used to be and that's what happens a lot. Friends will come and go, people in your life will come and go. That's why we meet new people, new best friends, new boyfriends or girlfriends so that we can move on with those people instead of trying to go back in the past and trying to figure out what made her move on.

Moving on to new people and letting go of the old is apart of life and it's something you'll always be dealing with.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: (f/15)
well my best friend and i have been friends for like 2 1/2 years. we usually get along suprisingly well and never fight, although we did get into some arguments and there are just little things she does that annoy me . i've tried to talk to her about it but she is frustratingly stubborn and wont see anything from anyone elses side but her own. she also makes it blantantly clear about the little things i do that annoy her and try to stop, but cant quite since they just happen involuntary. in the past week or so shes been acting weird and telling me differnet things, such as pointing out if i have acne on my face...which obviously isnt a huge self esteem booster. she told me i had gained weight since last WEEK, that i havet oo much fat on my stomach (which i know i dont because im 5"7 and only 115 lbs) and that i have too skinny of arms and man hands. i try talking to her about this but she freaks out and says it was a joke. it wasnt a joke...and if it was why didnt she laugh? why didnt i laugh? she didnt say it in an easygoing voice she said it matter of fact and i dont know what to do because i want to remain friends with her but the fact that she wont listen to me is really irritating.
i need to know what i should do.

thanks for anyone that answers :)

I think you both have always had a strong friendship, but now it's time to settle down with being around this friend so much and try spending your time with another friend.

Your friend is being absolutely selfish and you need to say, "Hey, it really hurts my feelings that you have to go and let me know whether I have acne or if I've gained weight" And when she starts freaking out and says that she's joking, just say, "It's not a joke if you are the only one laughing" and then send her home or hang up with her if you're on the phone. Get away from her when she starts acting stupid. I'm sorry, but your friend knows eactly what she's doing and if you don't stand up and let her know that you don't tolerate that kind of treatment, then she'll always continue to think it's ok to put you down.

If she's not listening to you, don't listen to her. If she freaks out on you in a confrontation, then freak out on her when she does the confrontation. Give her a taste of her own medicine or just leave and let her know that you aren't sticking around to listen to it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay i am haveing major boy problems please help me. Here is goes. Theres this boy that i have known for 4 years that i am completley in love with. He has a bad temper problem,he says rude things,gets jelouse easy, & has trouble showing his feelings about me. Well we have gone out SO many times in the past for years. For about 1 year and 7 months we haven't talked but at school he always looks at me with this kinda i miss you look on his face. well we started talking again and went out about 4 times this summer already. But we broke up all those times. like 3 times me and 1 time him. He gets mad so easy though.Okay now to the next guy. This guy is my ex-boyfriends best friend. Me and this boy went out 2 times and he is amazing but our relationship lasted like 2 days. i just couldn't go out with him cause i had feeelings for the other boy and this boy was like my best friend. But my emotions keep switching and i don't know if i like this boy but i don't know if i don't. Well me and my ex boyfriend had a big fight because i smoked weed for the first time and we stopped talking and i actually thought i got over him wel he called me and he told me he missed me and he loves me so much and i got off the phone with him and started crying. i don't know what to do please help me ! Give me your opinion and read this carefully ! Thank You !

I am very concerned about the first guy that you've known for 4 years. If he gets angry, says rude things and gets jealousy easily, and has a bad temper problem, then he needs to be out of the picture when it comes to having him as a boyfriend again.

All of those are really big signs of a controlling relationship. And even if he weren't being controlling, it's still not qualities in a guy you want to deal with. In order to have a good relationship, you have to be respected and trusted and he will not give you those things and you know that too.

You've stated that you had to break-up with this other guy because you weren't over the first guy. That tells me that you still aren't over him and you should probably ditch both of these guys. You should take a break this summer and let yourself heal from this first guy that you aren't over.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm fourteen, and I've never had a boyfriend. I know alot of girls havent yet, but also alot of girls have many boyfriends and are in serious relationships. I'm not at all bad looking, and im not very shy, so i was just wondering how to get the guys to like me? I know its a dumb question. I try to flirt alot, and they flirt back but they never really like me. I have a nice body and I'm athletic. I'm just afraid of going through my highschool years boyfriendless.

I know that it's hard not to question your appearance just because you may not be getting any boyfriends, but don't be hard on yourself about it. People who are in serious relationships at fourteen likely won't last. The chances are small. Besides, you don't want to get in a serious relationship until later on because you have so many years to come before you have to date, get serious and get married and that whole other life that's waiting.

What you should be asking is: How do I get guys to talk to me more? There's no solution or answer to: How can I get a guy to like me?

A lot of girls have boyfriends or flirt a lot because they are loud and get a lot of attention. They talk to the people around them even though they have no idea who it is. That's basically people's ways of making new friends and developing new crushes.

Don't start to question your looks and your body. There are a lot of girls who won't get a boyfriend until later on too. You aren't the only girl in your age range and your grade that doesn't have a boyfriend. Sure, they may have had past boyfriends, but who cares what your past is? If you have to lie to make yourself feel better, then lie. Say "Yes I've had 2 or 3 boyfriends in the past" it's not a big deal.

If you do end up going through highschool without any flings or serious boyfriends, which I seriously doubt that you won't, then people around you aren't going to care or even notice that, and if they do, then are they really worth lidtening to? The only people that will know are your friends, and as friends, they will stand by you and come to you when they have a relationship problem. Plus, you say that you do flirt and the guys flirt back but they all end up not liking you that way. I really don't think that you know that. If you really think a guy is interested, talk to him everyday you can.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: can you be in love with someone you're not even going out with? this may sound retarted and corny, but you know that song have you ever by brandy?
the part when it goes"have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry. have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night. have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right.have you everr" lol because theres this guy i really reallyyy really like( and its not like we've barely talked before. we were really friendly this year and i think he might like me too) and when i thought about those lyrics i realized all that was true about him to me. am i being stupid or could it possibly be "love-ish"?
and dont give some smart ass advice. im serious.
thanks

I think it's all in a matter of opinion. To me, you have a huge crush on this friend, you probably aren't in love. Love is a really strong word, and I believe that love happens between two people that are actually in a relationship or previously was in a relationship.

I think that you shouldn't really dwell on what it is that you have on this friend. Crush, love, whatever. It's obvious that you have strong feelings for him. When you start convincing yourself that you are in love with this guy, you are really risking your feelings out there. If he were to tell you that he didn't feel the same way, you'd go through a long time constantly convincing yourself that you're in love. You have to think of this as a huge crush because honestly it is. You may care for this guy very much considering the fact that he's your friend, but you have to not cast your feelings out so far that if he were to break your heart, it wouldn't be as devastating.

Songs are songs. Basically your feelings are feelings. Songs and feelings are usually different. So don't convince yourself of that either.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hi i'm a guy and one of my best friends is a girl. i'm usually the one giving the advice but this time i don't know what to do. you see we have been friends for 3 years and this year both of us have been very close. now that we are just a few days away from graduating she seems to have changed. we don't talk a lot anymore and everytime i try to strike up a conversation it seems she doesn't talk much. the thing is that i think that she's been stressed with her family life and she usually tells me everything i've had bad experiences with fake friends and she's not like that. we both care for each other a lot. and i'm just wondering if this is a faze that she's going through. we used to talk everyday but the past week we have been drifting apart. i need help!!

Well you could be right. She might be stressing over something in her family, and if you feel like you've tried reaching out to her, then it's probably best to give her some space until she's willing to talk about it or just moves on and lets it pass.

If you havn't already, tell her that you've noticed for a while that she's been upset and down about something and ask if she wants to talk about it. If not, let her know you're here if she needs someone. But don't be offended if she doesn't want to talk about it. I know you're used to helping her, but she probably needs space and wants to deal with it in her own way.

If she tells you that nothing is wrong, then just say that you feel like your friendshp is a little distant lately and if she still doesn't come around, then leave her alone and give her time.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm in my first serious relationship with an amazing guy. My family & friends all like him, and of course I like him very much. The problem is, since him and I have been together, I've spent less time with friends. They have been trying to hangout with me, but for some reason I have more fun with my boyfriend. I feel like a horrible friend because these girls are great friends. Is it so wrong that I'd rather be with my boyfriend at this point in my life? (17/F)

Usually when we get caught up in relationships, we tend to think that nothing else around us matters and you become so attatched because we love the feelings we get when we are in relationships, especially serious ones.

But, the biggest mistake that you can honestly make is to ditch friends and family things for your boyfriend. Your feelings of wanting to be with him constantly are normal, but don't let them take over you. It not only hurts those around you, but it won't be long until the both of you get sick of each other faster and it's harder to get along later on.

Another thing you have to realize is that you can have fun with your friends. No, you can't kiss them or cuddle them like your boyfriend kind of fun, but you can shop, gossip or whatever it is you do that you can't do with your boyfriend. If he doesn't like shopping, go with your friends. Let your girly side come out with your friends and other parts of you that isn't really apart of your relationship. Besides, try going out for a day and come back late at night and you'll see that those exciting feelings you get with your boyfriend is even more intense when you havn't seen him in a while and you miss him.

The point is that you both have to have lives around each other. There has to be your life, and then there's your relationship life. There has to be his life, and his relationship life. If you don't take time off from him to be with your friends, then soon you'll realize that your friends havn't been calling you and without him you're sitting around bored with no life behind your boyfriend.

Even though you may not want to, call a friend and ask her to a movie or something you both like to do. Let her know that you're sorry that you havn't been out that much anymore, but you're geting settled in your relationship and you're coming back out.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.