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My Mom & I
My mom and I used to have a great relationship. This might be long. I'm sorry, but I need advice. 13/f.
I was never embarrased when she would come and have lunch with me, including hugging and kissing me in public. Now, over a period of time, I feel like we're slowly drifting apart. One minute, we can be laughing, the other, we'll be arguing over something like clothes. I'll give you a scenario. We're at the store and I like this shirt, so my mom buys it. A couple weeks later, I'm wearing an older shirt that I had before the new shirt to a restaurant, and my mom completely flips out and tells me that I should wear the new shirt that I bought. Now, I have two problems. I can be selfish at times, and I will say 'Mom, I don't want to wear this shirt to the restaurant'. And she'll complain every day and give me a lecture about how I never wear clothes that she buys me, and that she's afraid to buy me any other clothes because I will forget about them. Sometimes, I put on a fake smile and say that I love the shirt, but I'm putting an act for my mom, to save the arguments. It seems like we're fighting every day now because of a shirt that I don't want to wear. I hate myself for being so stubborn and ungrateful. Sometimes, I feel like I can't even talk to my mom. I talk to my stepdad about boys. I'm so scared that I'll get punished for even thinking about boys since I come from a strict Russian family. My 20 year old cousin doesn't even talk about boys around her family members, especially her mom, my second aunt, who will probably yell at her in Russian. I don't want us to drift apart and not even speak to each other when I'm older. I want us to remain close for as long as possible. I've tried talking to her and telling her that I appreciate what she's doing for me and how hard she works. I just don't know what to do now.
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I've been through exactly the same thing from both directions.
When I was your age my mother would buy me clothes and be upset if she did not see me in them nearly all the time. It would be either that she had bought me something she thought I would like but didn't, or something I had seen and liked but not enough to ignore everything else I had. I felt awkward telling her as I did not want to hurt her feelings and possibly start an argument.
Now I have two grown daughters and found myself doing what mine did and still does occasionally. I now know that it is not always that the item is not liked. However, it can still hurt if it feels like your gesture is being rejected. This may be why your mum is questioning why you are not wearing something she has bought you.
It also seems that this is about more than a shirt. You are growing up fast, maybe too fast for your mum to cope with easily, you're not her little girl anymore and she may feel a bit lost and unsure how to communicate with you now. Although you're not yet an adult, she no longer has a say in every decision you make and it is difficult to back off and leave you to make your own mistakes.
Boys are the biggest threat as far as a mother is concerned. More so in some cultures than others. They are the potential enemy that threatens to defile their precious daughters. Dramatic? Absolutely, but the maternal instinct is one of the strongest around and you just can't mess with it. Mothers generally, will lay down their lives for their children. It sounds as though this is something you will just have to accept for now. Continue to talk to your stepdad about boys if this helps, give your mum time to come to terms with your maturity and show her in little ways that you can be trusted. Over time the trust you build up will affect other areas of your life, and she should become a little more relaxed. In a few years, after getting through this difficult transitional stage, your mum and you will be the best of friends again.
Just remember it is difficult for your mum as well, carry on telling her you appreciate her etc, and give her time.
I wish you both the best of luck.
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I think ALL teenage girls go through this stage. I went through it too. Dont be embarrassed by her she's your mother. Learn to appreciate everything she does do for you. If you dont like the shirt, then be honest with her. You dont have to be mean about it, just be honest and tell her that you would rather not spend money on it if you arent going to wear it. And another thing....save the arguing for things that seem more important than clothing because it's not worth it. You're lucky to have a mom that wants to do those things with you and wants to buy you clothes. Enjoy it and let her know every once in a while how much you appreciate it.
Hope that helped.
♥ Me
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What you're going through is what every teenage girl will go through with her mom. Constant fighting over really stupid things or it could be things that really matter.
What you should decide is whether this is really a fight over shirts and clothes or is it a bigger problem that hasn't been dealt with. If you aren't really sure, then maybe it's the shirt and clothing problem. If your mom buys you a new shirt, then try your best to wear that shirt so you can show it off in public with your mom.
If you honestly don't like the shirt that you and your mom are looking at, let her know so that she won't waste money on a shirt you won't wear. Just be nice about it and say, "It's alright, but it's not really my style, I like something more like..." and then show her a shirt you like or describe a shirt you like. If your mom really likes a shirt and wants you to try it on, it couldn't hurt to do so and if you don't like it, just say that you aren't really into it as much as she is.
About the boys issue: Being from a strict family can be hard to have talks with and be more social with. What you have to realize is that even girls from the most strictest families can be boy-crazy and are always thinking about them. It isn't something to be ashamed of or afraid of. You'll be dating a lot of guys or who knows it may be just a few guys, but no matter what the situation may be, you'll always like boys and it's normal.
-TheTeenGirl
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The thing is your becoming a teenager and thats a stage where you will fight with your parents. Everyone does I did you do and your friends will. It's completly normal.
What do you have to do about it? For now agree with her even when you might think shes wrong and trust me it might be hard at first but you'll get used to it. And if you fight don't worry about it too much. Do you care about your mother any less after fighting? Right after the fight you might be mad at her but then later you feel guilty. And I bet your mother is going through the same thing.
So don't worry, it is a phase and you will get passed it.
Hoping the best,
Greenlalablue
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