Perhaps you're looking for "Projection"?

As in, a person projects her feelings onto other people to avoid being accused of feeling the way she does.

i.e., a cheating husband accuses his wife of cheating to avoid being accused of cheating himself.

Good luck finding your word, if that wasn't it.

Siren

Let me first put it out there that I'm not anti-drug as long as it's controlled and doesn't cause problems. I also have nothing against you for doing drugs. But I'm probably going to give you an answer you don't want.

I understand that you don't want to give up any part of your life, but if you're doing hard drugs, particularly hallucinogens, you need to stop right now.

All recreational drugs can exacerbate mental problems. Mark Vonnegut (Kurt Vonnegut's son (If you haven't read Slaughterhouse Five or Cat's Cradle, do so. They're fantastic books.)) had a psychotic break when he dropped acid, and wrote an entire book from the POV of a schizophrenic. Haven't had the chance to read it yet, but I'm dying to. Granted, this was eons ago, but hard drugs can still cause psychotic breaks. That is to say, if you're prone to any kind of mental condition, a drug can bring it out.

Kudos for taking a test and accepting the possibility of a serious problem, but until you're diagnosed by a psychiatrist, you can't be sure you have it. But, if you think there's a good chance, again, get off the drugs, or find different drugs. Like endorphins. From exercise.

You said you accept your possible condition, and yet you aren't dealing with your current problems - paranoia, anxiety, etc. If you don't deal with these problems, they will absolutely get worse, and you could very well have a psychotic break, which would cause you even MORE trouble than getting off the drugs. You do not by any means have to go to group therapy. If you need therapy, it can be individual, with a therapist you like, with whom you can speak comfortably. If you're having trouble with paranoia and anxiety, you need to seek therapy. And again, discontinue your drug use. He or she will instruct you to do the same thing.

Did you know some of your described symptoms can be attributed to certain drugs? Some can cause paranoia and anxiety. You can't possibly diagnose a mental condition when you're high.

Just throwing it out there, none of us are doctors here, I don't think. I can't accurately diagnose you, or tell you whether or not you'll wind up in a mental institution if you don't see a real doctor. I can't even tell you for sure that your symptoms sound like that of paranoid schizophrenia. If you stop doing drugs, and you still have these symptoms, then yes, that could be the case. Are these symptoms you've had since before you started doing drugs?

Either way, you need to consider the possibility of seeing someone to help yourself find a way to deal with what you're feeling, get past it, and live a healthy, happy life. Insurance often covers the cost of therapy for awhile, too. So consider it.

In the future, please provide us with your age and gender so we can better answer your question.

Good luck,

Siren

Running is always hard when you first start to do it, even if you ran before and took a week off (like me...>.< ). Running is incredibly hard on the body, particularly the knees.

What concerned me a little was that you said there was hard pressure on your lungs. Does your chest feel tight? Like there's a weight on it? Or is it just that you can't catch your breath and your heart is racing?

Out-of-breath and heart racing are normal things to feel while running. Running is cardiovascular exercise, meaning it works your heart. Your heart is a muscle just like anything else. As you curl a dumbbell, your bicep works harder to make the motion. When you run, your heart works harder to beat. It gets stronger as a result. So being out of breath and even your racing heart will, in fact, get better the more you exercise.

If your chest feels tight like there's a weight on it, or if you wheeze, or if you develop a phlegmy cough after running (or during), you may be looking at exercise-induced asthma. It's nothing too serious, and can be controlled with a rescue-haler taken before running. You'll need to see a doctor if this persists.

In the meantime, when you run, make a point to breathe in through your nose for three counts and out out through your mouth for three counts. Your nose will force you to take in the air more deeply, so your lungs will fill and you'll keep breathing. Stay relaxed.

Keep it up! Running is hard to get into, but well worth the effort. Good luck.

Siren

I actually think these ideas could be melded into one book. I don't want to write your story for you, but they sound completely different. I don't understand how they could be a series if they're so unrelated...and no offense, but I don't think I'd buy either of them just based on what you said.

I'm an extremely picky reader. Just a good storyline isn't enough to reach me. The writing has to be way beyond par as well. It's a good idea, but if not done well, it could be a complete flop. As a columnist below me mentioned, there has to be something more than just "spending time with her mother" to keep the reader's attention. I'd read a short book - maybe a hundred pages - dealing with something like that, but not a whole series, and not if the next book in the series had nothing to do with the first book. When I read a series I expect each book to be a continuation of the last one. Take the Harry Potter books for example (for the record, I don't like J.K. Rowling's writing). She had a fantastic idea. The first book was innovative, captured the attention of millions of people, and each book after that was a continuation of the idea of the first one - a wizard school, an arch nemesis, and the entire series deals with Harry's encounters with Voldemort. The last book is The Last Battle, and it also ends the series. Granted, I never read the last book because I was sick of the series by the time it came out, but the story, over seven books, was well-formed and (to most) intriguing.

In your position, I might consider ways to tie in the historical event with her going back to spend more time with her mother. Maybe the historical event is how they wind up spending more time together, for example.

Feel free to inbox me or IM me (SirenCytherea) if you'd like someone objective to bounce ideas off of. Good luck!

Siren

Hey, I'm so sorry it took me forever to get back to you. It's no problem at all to answer your questions, this is what I do. I appreciate your ability to type. As long as your questions are written in a readable way, I'll respond in as much detail as I can.

Continuing...

If he isn't changing the way he's treating you, and you've talked to him many times many different ways, then he doesn't understand. If he hasn't asked you questions about it or made an effort himself to understand, then he doesn't care enough. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. Out of curiosity, does he have a psychological disorder like depression? Is he bi-polar? Is he going through a rough patch in his life? Those could all be reasons he's so easy to upset. Often people who emotionally abuse their partners have their own issues. Not to say that he has an excuse, because it's in no way acceptable for him to treat you like a piece of gum stuck to his shoe.
Having felt "not good enough" for a guy in the past, I know exactly how you feel right now. I'm sure you realize, however (unlike me), that that's not the case. The fact of the matter is that he isn't treating you right, and you need to walk away.
By no stretch of the imagination is it okay for anyone to verbally abuse another person for no reason, or for a bad reason - or even a good reason. Verbal abuse is NEVER okay. What's worse is he's telling you he loves you while doing it. He may feel affection for you, he may want to be with you, but he's certainly not showing it at all. You've told me nothing good about your relationship with him.
Be strong about this. Drop him like a hot potato. No man is worth a woman's tears.
Good for you for being able to admit when you're wrong. Most people can't. From what you tell me, the problem here is not with you. I'm glad you can realize when you don't do anything wrong, too. A lot of people in abusive relationships allow themselves to feel like they're in the wrong when their partner says they are, even if they're not. Good for you for knowing the difference. Now do yourself an even bigger favor and get out of this before it gets to you more. don't let anyone EVER make you feel that you're not good enough for them.
If you want to talk to me via AIM (SirenCytherea), you're welcome to. Just make sure you IM more than once so I don't think you're spam, and if you don't catch me, I'll respond as soon as I can.
If you choose not to contact me again, I wish you the best of luck, and strength. You'll pull through. Know yourself, and know you're worth more than this.

-Siren

Wow, this sounds disturbingly familiar. Don't worry about the length; I prefer long questions. They often give me more information and therefore more insight. =)

Everything you're feeling is absolutely valid and rational. What raises a red flag in my mind is that he "says" he gets it, but changes nothing. I don't think it's a lack of understanding. I rather think that he doesn't see how he fits in with the hurt in your past. I think he doesn't realize how he's hurting you, and I think he doesn't realize what he has to change in order to keep you in his life.

I understand that you love him, but you have to take into account what's going on right now. He's treating you like shit, he's saying degrading things to you, he yells at you, swears at you - why is he with you, if this is how he treats you? Why are you with him? Actions speak stronger than words.

You absolutely deserve better. There's hope for the two of you, but he has to come to the conclusion that he needs to change on his own. You need to give him a "change or lose me" ultimatum, and make him believe that. Let him see that if he doesn't change his ways, he will lose you. Ask him for some time apart so you can decide whether you're happier with him, or without him. You aren't trapped - you're not married to him. You can leave him, and you CAN survive alone, without a boyfriend.

Part of the problem here might be that he doesn't know how to change. Maybe you could help him find something to say instead of giving you his "warnings." How, exactly, have you been talking to him about these things? Have you explained to him how they make you feel? Does he know why they make you feel the way you do? Does he realize that you hear his "warnings" as degrading? (I do, too, by the way - you're right.) Can he come up with another way to say what he's thinking without being patronizing?
He doesn't deserve to have you if this is the way he's going to treat you.
Normally I wouldn't give a definitive answer as far as whether to stay or leave, but I believe that he needs some time away from you to realize he's been an ass. You need some time away from him to figure out if it's worth your pain.
It might be good for you to be alone for awhile and come to terms with the pain you've felt in the past so that you can move on, and have a healthy relationship with a good man.
I can't see any good coming from your situation at the moment. How can you truly love a man who treats you like the dirt on his shoe?

Please consider everything you're feeling right now. You feel this way for a reason. Figure out what it is. If you need someone to talk to or have another question, please don't hesitate to contact me here or over AIM.

-Siren

Okay, I'm not going to tell you you're stupid. Just so you know. You can't change the past, but you CAN change your future.

If you haven't had a blood test to confirm your pregnancy - and I suspect you haven't, as you're only 14 and your mom doesn't know about this - you need to have one. That is the only absolute way to find out whether or not those other tests were right. That being said, you also need to tell your mother. You're right in thinking that she wants the best for you. She will disapprove of your situation, she will be angry, and she may lose some respect for you (be prepared for this), but she will still help you. You're still her baby girl, and she'll still love you no matter what.

If you are indeed pregnant, you must take your situation into account. You're fourteen. You're still living with your parents. Your mom probably doesn't want to be a grandmother just yet. Neither you or your boyfriend are prepared to be parents at this time, I don't think. If you're still early in the pregnancy, the fetus can be aborted. Don't listen to me if you disagree, but I really think that's the best route for all of you at this point in your lives. The ultimate decision is, of course, yours, but realize that you are extremely young for this kind of responsibility. Be careful.

If you're against abortion, or feel that you want to go through with this, you can either put your future baby up for adoption, or keep it...but if you keep it, you have to take into account the stress, the funds, the responsibility - you're still a baby yourself. You're barely in high school. Do you really think you could take care of a baby if you can't even take care of yourself? Not to say that you're incompetent or incapable, simply that you still depend on your parents/mother, you still live under her roof. There's no way for you to afford a baby, and it wouldn't be fair to ask your mother to do so when this isn't something she's prepared for.

Please talk to your mother. Sit her down, warn her that you have something serious to discuss, and tell her just what you told us. Your mom is your best advocate, and cleaning up after her daughter's messes is in her job description. Let her help you.
I wish you the best of luck, and courage. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me or drop a question in my inbox. Be strong.

-Siren

First, I have to point out to you that anything we say as far as what we "think" is going on is pure speculation. We don't know you, we don't know your boyfriend, you haven't provided us much detail about your relationship with him, other than the problem of him just wanting sex or a blowjob. Your age matters. Next time, please include your age and gender.

I must point out that what seems to be missing here is COMMUNICATION. People are suggesting to you that you just say "no," but your boyfriend can't read your mind. He won't know why you're saying no. I don't know how old you are, but you need to sit down and tell him how you're feeling. Let him know that when you feel like all he wants you for is sex, it hurts. To have a relationship, you need to also have a friendship. To have a friendship, there needs to be a certain level of trust. Trust implies conversation, so have one.
Let him prove to you that this isn't all he wants you for - have one day where the two of you do nothing more than kiss, and do something fun together that you can both enjoy as a couple. Something that doesn't involve anything sexual.
There's no reason for you to feel this way.
Remember, keep an open mind, heart, AND mouth. =)

-Siren

Yeah, "slut" isn't the correct term. She could be labeled "easy" (as in, easy to get in bed) because she's so young, but sleeping with the person you're dating, no matter how old you are, isn't slutty. As long as she's not sleeping with many people, "slut" definitely doesn't fit.
Check this out:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/slut?r=75
That's the dictionary.com definition of "slut." Your friend does not fit this description. You should memorize one of these entries to throw back at the people who tell you your friend is a slut. They can't logically argue with the dictionary, can they? =D

-Siren

This isn't exactly one of my specialties, but I'll try to work with you. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Because this site is a 13+ site, I can't really go into a lot of detail, but I can suggest to you that you explore your body. "Fingering" doesn't necessarily mean internal stimulation. Some women can only feel pleasure from external stimulation.
http://www.clitical.com/

Aww, I know how you feel.

You must, must, MUST keep in close contact. Call each other every day and talk as if you were right there next to each other. E-mail each other. Get an instant messenger so you can leave little "I love you"s. Write good old fashioned love letters to each other - I'm actually doing a study on how this can enhance romantic relationships and help relieve discord. Compare your school schedules and find times where you can just sit down, get on the phone, and talk. You can even do study sessions on the phone together if you have a similar subject. Invest in a pair of webcams so that you can see each other. That's probably the best thing you can do, but I dunno how much money you have.
You're absolutely right in thinking that things will be stressed between the two of you. He needs to be aware of this as well. You both need to acknowledge the distance and the stress it will undoubtedly put on your relationship, and adjust for it. The fact of the matter is that not being able to touch one another will be very, very difficult. If there's a connection other than physical - which, from the way it sounds, there is - you two will be fine. If not, you may have some problems. You especially cannot just pretend that there's no distance. The first step to fixing a problem is to be aware of it. =)
In summary, the best advice I can give you is to stay connected through whatever means you can.
I wish the two of you the best of luck. If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. =)

-Siren

Rainbowcherrie has some great ideas. I have to put my two cents in, though, because I've had that exact same problem. I used to play flute a lot, so my lips would have to be in mint condition.
Marylin Miglin's tissue cream.
https://www.marilynmiglin.com/product/tissue-creme-1025.cfm
It tastes absolutely TERRIBLE, but if you wear it at night, you'll see results immediately. It moisturizes incredibly well, and helps loosen the dead skin - you can use chapstick to supplement it during the day so you don't have to deal with that taste - and it's incredible.
You can also use it if, for instance, your nose gets sore from blowing it when you have a cold.
I've managed not to pay for it (my mom gave it to me), but if you can find it and afford it, I guarantee it will work.
Tissue cream. Get it. Trust me. =)
-Siren

First, I have to tell you that while I'm sure you have his best interest at heart, you may not actually know what's best for him. A breakup may not be what he wants at all.
There is no "supposed to" as far as finding "the one" goes. I know a couple who have been together since middle school who are married, having a baby, and very happy. I can understand how you'd be freaked out by him saying that, if you're not as sure as he is that you two are right for each other, though.
Depression is an incredibly difficult problem to deal with. It's very, VERY draining and causes the person to lose motivation for everything, even eating. That could be the reason he never calls you. You need to talk to him about this if you're concerned that you're the only person doing the contacting. But realize that he may actually be unable to call you right now, if he's having a lot of trouble with his depression. Or, he might be thinking along the same lines you are - he might think you'd be better off if you didn't have him to drag you down. You're right that it's not good for only one person in a relationship to be fighting, but you also must take into account that having a depressed significant other is not a normal circumstance. It happens all the time, but chemical depression makes things a little different.
If you two love each other, there's no reason for you to break up unless the relationship isn't working anymore. If he grows weakened because of his depression, you need to be the strong one. Don't let him bring you down - enjoy the little things. Smile when it's sunny. Be happy that you have a guy who loves you so much, even if he is depressed and having trouble opening up to you. Show him that he can open up to you, that he can rely on you and doesn't need to push you away. That trust will come in time, and your relationship will be all the stronger because of it.
You're right in thinking that 8 months is a little soon to be certain that you're going to get married, but don't let it scare you away from him. People with depression often have extreme ways of thinking - they feel things very intensely.
No, you can't relate to his parents completely, but as I said, he needs to learn that he can lean on you. The only way for him to come to that conclusion is to experience that you understand him. I think you two need to have another talk to discuss what you're feeling. Tell him what you told us - that you feel like you're the only person fighting for this relationship. See what he says.
Open lines of communication are the most important aspect to any relationship. Open your mouth, not just your mind and heart. =)
-Siren

When love is real, you're acutely aware of the fact that you'd stay with this person through bad times as well as good times. You have no doubt that you'll be together for an infinite amount of time. When they're sick, you want to be right next to them, waiting on them hand and foot. When you're sick, they're the first person you want to call. You want to make them smile, whatever it takes. You're okay with looking like a moron in front of them because you know it won't change the way they feel about you, and you know nothing they do or say could change the way you feel about them. You want to be with them, regardless of their obnoxious habits and stupid jokes - you can overlook the bad things because the good things just outweigh them. There's nothing about them you'd change. You love that person for who they really are - ALL of who they are. They're your best friend.
It's not necessarily thinking of that person constantly, not eating, not sleeping, etc - that's infatuation. Lust is a physical desire. Lust is a part of real love, but it doesn't overwhelm the emotion.
I don't want to sound like an expert on the emotion - this is just what I feel, and I'm more than certain that love is the correct term for it. Love is the feeling that drives people to spend their lives together, get married, and have families. It's not a fleeting thing.
You can feel very strongly about someone, and if love is the word that comes to mind, then that's what you're feeling. If you're wrong, you're wrong. No one can tell you exactly how you're going to feel when you're in love. It's a pretty individualized thing.
If you have strong feelings, be happy. Enjoy them. =)
-Siren

First, on this site, it is inexcusable for you to type so horridly unless English is not your first language or you have a mental disorder, in which case we need to know so that we can try to understand your question.

I assume you meant to type, "Well I have a little problem. I'm kind of in the middle of an affair, and I don't know how to prepare for when my wife finds out...If you have any further questions, please email me at...blahblahblah."

Now onto the advice...

I hate to break it to you, but no one here is going to cut you any slack. We don't pity you for cheating on your wife; you did this to yourself. Now, having said that, you can also control this situation. You can TELL YOUR WIFE what's going on. You must realize that very few marriages will survive an affair. Though given the state of your typing, I have my doubts. You may not even want your marriage to survive this, which is probably part of the reason you're "in the middle of" this affair. Your wife deserves to know what's going on, and decide for herself whether or not she wants to continue being married to a cheater.
If your marriage is in peril to begin with, and you're unhappy, file for a divorce. There's no reason for either of you to remain stuck in Hell. Fix the problem.
If your marriage is not in peril to begin with, it's in peril now. File for a divorce. There's no reason for your wife to remain stuck in Hell. Fix the problem. Single, you'll be able to sleep with all the women you please and not have to worry about being "found out."
You "love" your wife and don't want to lose her? Too late. By having an affair, you've already lost her. You clearly don't love her enough to be loyal to her.
First, end this affair before she can "find out." Second, acknowledge what's going on in your mind - figure out why it is, exactly, that you're having this affair. Then once you do that, you need to go to your wife and tell her the truth. There is a small chance that she can forgive you if YOU go to her and tell her what's going on, as opposed to if you continue to lie to her and she catches you. If you're honest, she can at least say that you opened up to her and told her the truth and justify trying to forgive you. If, that is, you want her to. If you don't want to be in your marriage any more, she still needs to know. Following that, man up and discuss what you two want to do with this new information.
It's a sad, sad world when someone has to actually ask how to "prepair" for when his wife finds out he's having an affair.
Use some common sense. I'm sorry, but I can't wish you good luck. I can, however, wish you clarity. It seems that you need some.
-Siren

A kindred spirit! I'm 21 and a writer - unpublished, with three novels under my belt, a five-book series (unfinished), and hundreds of short stories. I've talked to many published authors (including Doug Allyn and S. J. Rozan), who have told me that they at least know people who were rejected over a hundred times before they finally got an agent to bite. How many queries have you sent out?
You can't expect to get published right off the bat. Someone out there will eventually like it, but not everyone will. You absolutely cannot take this personally. If you do, the writing biz isn't for you. You'll wind up depressed and self-loathing. Take rejections with a grain of salt. They aren't rejecting YOU - they're simply saying your manuscript isn't what they're looking for at this point in time. You MUST develop thick skin for this type of world. All artistic fields are incredibly cutthroat, and you must be, if not amazing, at least persistent.
Head to your local Borders book store and find a copy of the Handbook of Literary Agents, if you haven't already. There, you'll find a list of agents looking for just the type of story you wrote. If you've already done that, look for another book of agents. Contact some college professors of yours, explain your situation, and ask if they have any useful contacts (not in those words, they won't get you anywhere). Networking is your friend. It doesn't reflect negatively on your writing. It simply means that you have someone to contact who can help you get what you want. There's nothing wrong with that, and I guarantee there are successful authors out there who've done the same thing. Look at what happened with J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer...I guarantee you and I are both better writers individually than both of them put together. Well, J.K. Rowling after the fourth book. After that, her prose went waaaaay downhill...anyway.
If you'd like a friendly opinion on your work, or just someone to vent at, feel free to IM me - SirenCytherea on AIM - or look for my e-mail on my column.
If you choose not to contact me, I wish you strength and luck in all your endeavors.
-Siren =)

If you haven't already, I suggest you post your question on the main page, where we can all take a look at your question and hopefully get you a right answer. I personally don't know how to do this, but someone else on this site might. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
-Siren =)

In a nutshell, for someone to be easy to trust and open up to, they have to be nonjudgmental above all things. You should be able to tell them anything and have them listen actively and accept your thoughts, even if theirs differ. In addition, yes, it takes time for trust to bloom.
Until two people get to know each other, and take some risks in conversation, they won't know for sure that the trust can happen, or that they're allowed to open up to each other. Trust must be proven and earned.

-Siren =)

First of all, never listen to society, friends, or frat brothers. None of those three are in your shoes, nor do they have any right to tell you what to do.
Listen to your family sometimes, always listen to your heart, always listen to your head, and always listen to REASON. You said yourself you don't want two kids. If you're not ready to deal with kids, then she's not the girl for you. If you're not willing to accept all of who she is, then you don't love her. If she hasn't left her husband for you, then she doesn't love you.
Think about it - she's STILL MARRIED. She may be "close to getting a divorce," but she's not divorced. She is not single, and she is not available. You were helping her commit adultery, you were having an affair with a married woman. That is not okay by any stretch of the imagination, and trust me - you don't want to be involved in that whole mess.
I agree that a freshman in college doesn't want kids. You have school, you'll have work, you'll be busy and you're not mature enough for it. No offense - I'm 21, about to graduate college, and I'M not ready for kids.
I imagine everyone is telling you the same thing I am. I wish I could tell you to follow your heart and be with the woman you love, but I can't condone an affair. Did you know about the kids when you started dating? If you did, why continue dating for six and a half months? If you knew and didn't care, why did you end it? Let's face it. You're 18. You're not gonna marry anyone right now.
My advice to you is to get out of this mess. Leave her alone. If and when she divorces her husband, and if and when you're ready to accept the fact that she has kids, THEN you can date her, if you still want to. You're too young to worry about your future, so get that out of your head. Listen to a combination of reason and your heart. Open a blank word document and write about what you feel. Be honest, and never show it to anyone if you don't want to.
If you need more advice, or just someone to talk to, drop another question in my inbox, or IM me. Just make sure you IM more than once so I know you're not spam. Good luck.
-Siren =)

Heh, I remember that so vividly.
I might be able to give you a little bit of advice with that if you give me a little bit of detail.
It's been awhile since I posted the answer - remind me what I said?
(And if you like, tell me what's going on with you, too.)
Congrats on the re-role!
-Siren =)

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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