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About my reply to 'A Boyfriend that won't change..'
Thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to write back with such a detailed response! =) It was really nice to hear I was doing the right thing.. and how I'm feeling/thinking was not overreacting. But to answer your question, I’ve told him many times how when he does yell, that besides hurting me and my self esteem (especially those ‘warnings’).. It brings up a lot of painful memories from my past. I seriously think I’ve tried every way possible to attempt to make him understand. To show him that I don’t really put him in a category with the guys that have abused me in the past, but I do need him to treat me better. Yet he still goes along and says he understands, but never canges the way he treats me.
I think I’ve finally given up this weekend though. Atleast for the time being anyway, and he can see what he has to lose. And if he wants to change, then I’ll be here when he’s ready to do that. But for now, I’m done. I’m really tired of crying. I try so hard to never hurt him or upset him. But it seems so easy for him to say whatever he wants to me. Knowing how it upsets me, and it’s not even a big deal in his eyes. I cannot process how he can tell me he ‘loves me’ then turn around and make me feel so crushed and terrible about myself. Yesterday he verbally attacked me for no reason at all. I don’t mind admitting when I’m wrong, and taking the blame for it. But yeseterday I did absolutely NOTHING wrong. And he yelled at me that evening, with some of the most hurtful things he’s ever said. Then just a few minutes ago, he yelled at me again for no reason at all. I’ve had a lot of guys hurt me before, but I’ve NEVER, in 21 years had a guy make me honestly feel like I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for him. That’s exactly how he’s made me feel this weekend. All he’s done is make me feel like nothing I do is ever right or good enough. :(
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Hey, I'm so sorry it took me forever to get back to you. It's no problem at all to answer your questions, this is what I do. I appreciate your ability to type. As long as your questions are written in a readable way, I'll respond in as much detail as I can.
Continuing...
If he isn't changing the way he's treating you, and you've talked to him many times many different ways, then he doesn't understand. If he hasn't asked you questions about it or made an effort himself to understand, then he doesn't care enough. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. Out of curiosity, does he have a psychological disorder like depression? Is he bi-polar? Is he going through a rough patch in his life? Those could all be reasons he's so easy to upset. Often people who emotionally abuse their partners have their own issues. Not to say that he has an excuse, because it's in no way acceptable for him to treat you like a piece of gum stuck to his shoe.
Having felt "not good enough" for a guy in the past, I know exactly how you feel right now. I'm sure you realize, however (unlike me), that that's not the case. The fact of the matter is that he isn't treating you right, and you need to walk away.
By no stretch of the imagination is it okay for anyone to verbally abuse another person for no reason, or for a bad reason - or even a good reason. Verbal abuse is NEVER okay. What's worse is he's telling you he loves you while doing it. He may feel affection for you, he may want to be with you, but he's certainly not showing it at all. You've told me nothing good about your relationship with him.
Be strong about this. Drop him like a hot potato. No man is worth a woman's tears.
Good for you for being able to admit when you're wrong. Most people can't. From what you tell me, the problem here is not with you. I'm glad you can realize when you don't do anything wrong, too. A lot of people in abusive relationships allow themselves to feel like they're in the wrong when their partner says they are, even if they're not. Good for you for knowing the difference. Now do yourself an even bigger favor and get out of this before it gets to you more. don't let anyone EVER make you feel that you're not good enough for them.
If you want to talk to me via AIM (SirenCytherea), you're welcome to. Just make sure you IM more than once so I don't think you're spam, and if you don't catch me, I'll respond as soon as I can.
If you choose not to contact me again, I wish you the best of luck, and strength. You'll pull through. Know yourself, and know you're worth more than this.
-Siren
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