Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. He likes to watch pornos and jerk off to them every once in a while ..he says it will enhance our sex life because he can last longer in bed if he jerks off in between us having sex. I understand that, however, I am highly uncomfortable with him watching pornos. I have never liked it, and even though he does, the fact that hes cumming to another girl basically really just rubs me the wrong way. We've been arguing about it lately. Am I wrong??
You aren't wrong... But I don't think that he is wrong either.
The truth is... Most men masturbate. Most men own pornography. Doesn't matter if they are in a healthy relationship with a satisfactory sex-life either. And most of the time... This behavior is healthy and does not impact their relationships.
Problems arise when women fail to understand that this behavior is not a personal reflection of themselves. (Understand that I am NOT attempting to invalidate your feelings, insult your intelligence, or accusing you of being insensitive.) Women have a difficult time understanding such because men and women view love and sex very differently... And most women assume otherwise. For women... Love and sex are connected. For men... Love and sex can be connected in a relationship but can also be easily separated outside of relationships. One is not better than the other. One is not right and the other wrong. We're just different. You can thank the primitive, human brain and social programming.
Unless your boyfriend suffers from some sort of sexual addiction, or perverse complex... I don't believe that his behavior has any bearing on your relationship. Furthermore, I believe that it would be unfair to ask him to give up masterbating and/or pornography.
Now... You are allowed to feel uncomfortable. But instead of giving ultimatums and arguing... I really believe that it would be more productive to discuss the subject with him. Explain to him that his behavior causes you to feel insecure and that you need reassurance. But acknowledge that you might not understand his behavior... And ask questions, seeking to understand.
Also... I believe the reason why you are so upset is because you feel that his behavior means that he is not attracted to you or dissatisfied in some way. Realize that that may not be the case... And that the real issue may be your own insecurity... And that you need to address your insecurities regardless of what he is or is not doing.
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I'm 18 and I really need advice. I've been home schooled since the 5th grade because I've been dancing and singing my whole life and I couldn't stay in public school. Well, I've only had 2 boyfriends my whole life, and I've dated but I never did anything with any of them except for the 2. I only kissed the first and I was with him for 3 months, he broke up with me ON our anniversary because he was cheating on me. Then the second one I was with for a little over 8 months and I slept with him. Well, aftet he broke up with me he lead me on for a REALLY long time, like a year and a half and he treated me really badly but I didn't know how bad he really was. It's been 2 years since the guy of 8 months and I have been officially together and it's been a year since we've talked. Well, I found out that he is still talking a lot of crap about me to people and I'm still finding out that he cheated on me a lot more then I knew about. Since that guy I've meet other guys, but every single one of them (and I'm not over exaggerating) has NEVER wanted to be my boyfriend. They ALL have only wanted to sleep with me, and because I don't ever want to make that mistake again, I haven't so all the guys just stop talking to me, they say it's because they are busy, but there have been about 6 since my ex and they all started ignoring me after I told them I'm not going to sleep with them and I either want a friendship or a real relationship.... Now, I have a really good life, I have a job I love, a compete in dance, I'm an A student in college, good friends, and good family. And it seems like the only thing I've never had/met, is a good guy. I'm sorry for making this so long but I feel like I needed to explain. Has anyone else my age/older ever been in my shoes? I know I'm still young but, I feel like I'm never going to find someone. I long to have someone I can hug and hold and call my boyfriend. Someone that for once won't cheat on me and won't call me names and go behind my back. I'm just starting to lose faith that I will ever find a guy to treat me right, or a guy that will love me or like me for me, and not to get in my pants. I'm not that kind of girl at all. I don't party, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't dress in "I'm a slut all I want is sex" type of clothes. So, what's wrong with me? Why am I only attracting these types of guys? Am I ever going to find someone? I know that being in a relationship isn't the most important thing in life. But it's hard being alone and never knowing what a good relationship is like at my age. It kills me to see EVERY friend I have in what seem like perfect relationships. ALSO I'm not trying to be cocky, that's not how I mean it but I am not an ugly girl either, I've got a decent face and I've been dancing since I was 3. And I train for at least 8 hours every other day at least, so I'm not like big or something if that's what anyone thinks is the reason. I mean I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world but, I've seen people less attractive with great boyfriends. And I'm not shallow or picky either.... I just need help!!!!
Don't sweat it. Everything is going to be okay.
I was homeschooled too. Since the 7th grade and through-out highschool. I graduated when I was 16, went to college when I was 17... When I was homeschooled, I barely left my house... Forget about friends and boyfriends. Once I was in college, I thought it would get better... But I attended a technical institute so most of the student body was older, many of my fellow students were married and all ready had children. I was sooo freakin' lonely.
I didn't go out on my first date until I was eighteen. My first date was with a childhood friend that was all ready gay but hadn't come out of the closet yet. We had a great time together, we eventually became very close friends and have even lived together in the past. But I still had yet to have my first kiss almost a year later...
First, there was a guy that we will call Phil. I lost my virginity to Phil, and we dated on off for about two years. Our relationship was very turbulent... Phil was an alcholic... Ug. And that's all I'm going to say about that... I didn't really start dating until I was twenty-one.
And wow... The dating scene sucked for me. Most of the guys that I met just wanted to get in my pants... Though there were a few nice guys along the way. The problem with the nice guys is that often we weren't compatible on a deeper level. We didn't believe in the same things, we didn't enjoy the same hobbies, we didn't have the same goals, we didn't want the same things... It seems like the only reason me and the nice guys were ever together was because we both... Erm... Nice.
Eventually, I began looking at all my failed relationships and asking myself, 'What went wrong?' And when you start to look at things closely... You realize that it's not because all guys are jerks. Most of the guys that act like jerks aren't ready for real relationships, and you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that isn't ready anyway. As for the nice guys... It's simply not enough for a guy just to be nice to you. There has to be attraction, there has to be a common ground, you have to be compatible for things to really work.
And... Just like it wasn't them, it wasn't me either. Sure... I'm not a supermodel. I'm not a genius. I'm not mother Teresa. I can't sing and I can't dance. But I'm still beautiful, I'm still intelligent, I'm still a good person, and I'm still special. So are you. So if you aren't in a relationship, it's not because there is anything wrong with you... It's because you're going about this whole dating thing the wrong way. Don't feel bad. We're all guilty of doing the same thing.
The first thing to do is to take a good, long look at yourself and figure out who you are and want you want. For example, in what ways will you and your future partner need to be similiar in order for the relationship to work? What qualities must he have? What qualities can you do with out? What do you consider unacceptable? How do you expect to be treated in the relationship? What are your goals for the relationship?
The second thing... Date around. And when I say date, I don't mean date with the intention of finding a partner. Date with the intention of meeting of new people. (Internet dating is a good way to meet a lot of people fast. Just be careful.) When you go out on a date, relax, remember that you aren't here to meet 'the one' and think of it more like an interview. You're trying to find out if the two of you are compatible. Nothing more. If you think you are... Super. If not... Don't get discouraged, just move on.
You're going to meet a lot of people. You're going to fail time after time. That's okay. It's a process of trial and error. Look at what you can learn from the experience... Don't be afraid to change your definition of the 'right guy.' For example, you may meet a guy that you don't want to pursue a relationship with... But he may possess some quality that you realize is vital. This dating process helps you to refine your search, making your chances of a success greater.
For me... The process took about two years. Sometimes it was really hard. I'd feel disappointed, frustrated... Sometimes I'd give myself a break and not date anyone for a while... Just because I was tired of getting my hopes up only to fail.
But eventually I got to the place where I needed to be... You've heard my sob story. Now it's time to hear the success story...
About two years ago, I had just gotten over a long hiatus and decided to start dating again. I had a myspace account, not for dating... Just to keep in contact with my friends that lived out of state. But I knew that a lot of people did use it for dating... So I thought, 'What the heck... Might as well give it a try.' I used the search engine to find all single males that lived within a fifty mile radius.
My search pulled up thousands of profiles. Despite the fact that I felt daunted... I started to skim over the profiles, looking first for someone that I was attracted to... Then reading their profiles. Most of the profiles I read, I though either 'you're not ready for a relationship' or 'we don't sound compatible' or just 'no.' Then finally... I found this one profile...
Not only was I attracted to him... But while reading his profile I thought, 'This sounds like something I would write.' We had a lot of the same hobbies, our attitudes and personalities seemed eerily similiar. I thought to myself that this guy might be someone that I could have a relationship with... I sent him an email to let him know that I existed. While doing so I kept in mind that he may or may not respond... And that either way, it was going to be okay.
His name is Jerry... And he did respond to my email. After about a month of emailing and sending IM's... We had out first date. And, as they say, the rest is history...
Jerry and I have been together for almost two years. We've lived together for the past year and are engaged to be married. My life is not a fairy tale... But I'm happy. Yes, we have encountered obstacles in our relationship. But we managed to work through them. We were able to work through these things because we talk about everything, we're compatible, we spend time together. And while he may not be perfect and I might not be living a fairy tale... I never imagined it would be this easy. Living together was no problem. We've only had two fights in the past two years, and even then... While we were fighting, we both new that we still loved each other and that we weren't going to break up.
If I can do it... So can you. If there is someone for me, then I know that there is someone for you too... It doesn't matter how long it takes you to find him... Stop comparing yourself to other people. It's not easy... But you can do it.
Wow... This is really long. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm going to shut up now...
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20 f
Hi ok so this is my queston. My boyfirned of a two years has credit card troubles. in the beginning i had some what of an idea that he did but he was to embarrassed to tell me. well he finally talked to his dad about it and his dad is paying off the eight grand he had built up from when he was eighteen. He is paying his dad now three hundred dollars every month to pay off the debt. I not mad and i not as shocked because i already new he had a problem but my question is how bad is his credit going to be and how long will it take for it to go back up. We want to get married in three or four years and im worried about buying a house with his credit. my credit is great though lol. sorry if i babbled to much.
The best thing that I can tell you to do... He needs to make small purchases every month on his cards. Like, half a tank of gas or a candy bar... Only he MUST pay the entire balance at the end of the month, BEFORE the due date. Cancelling accounts, not using your account, missing payments, and making late payments will all hurt his credit score. For more tips he can visit a financial analyst at his local bank.
I'd also like to mention... Just because he charged up eight grand on his cards doesn't necessarily mean that he's hurt his credit. It's not keeping a balance that hurts his score... It's going over the limit, incurring late fees and missed payment fees, etc. A lot of credit card companies will send you a credit report on a quarterly basis if you enroll in these programs. So... That would be a good way to find out what his credit score currently is.
Also... Consider that to buy a house, his name could be on the deed but not on the mortgage. Even if his credit is shot by the time you look into buying a house, you could apply for the mortgage by yourself.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Take care ;)
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i want to live longer and feel heilthier and become stronger i feel as if im just going down when i need up so my question is what can i do to live longer?
and im scared to quit smokeing because i heard when you quit your more pron to get sick is this true?
thank you very much for helping me :)
From my understanding... When you quit smoking your body releases toxins. This process is usually not a big deal... Not unless you have heart problems or another serious physical condition. You could try weaning yourself off the cigarettes first, gradually decreasing the amount you smoke a day until you quit. If you're really concerned, contact your family physician first.
But, either way, quitting smoking would really improve your health. So... Do it.
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Hi,
I am a 20 year old vigin and i wnated to know
Can you get pregnant the day BEFORE your period starts? My period lasted for 5 days. This incident happened in february. I am asking this as I had a sexual experience where a man put his fingers inside my vagina i am not sure if their was any sperm on them. I have had a pregnancy test done at the family planning and it was negative and I have also done several home pregnancy tests and they were also negative.
Please help I am really worried that the pregnancy tests i have had are wrong
Vicki
Yes... You can get pregnant the day before your period starts and continue to menstrate.
However... Since you did not actually have intercourse, chances are slim that you are pregnant. And if you've had the tests since the incident, most likely you are not pregnant.
If you are still worried, schedule an appointment with your family physician. He/she can tell you for sure.
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My boyfriend is 20 and I'm 16, we have been dating for a while.. I am more sexual than he is believe it or not. I have never met a guy quite like him.. he has only has sex with one other girl besides me they has sex twice.. me and him have only has sex 1 time and it was for only like 5 seconds.. he didn't cum or anything. He doesn't want to have sex i don't know what it is.. i named somethings to him like have had bad experiences or worried bout having bad experiences.. worried bout gettin me pregnant.. self conscious.. jus not attracted to me.. worried about stds.. all this stuff and he said that it isn't any of that... what do you think it could possibly be?
I can't say for sure... But it might actually have something to do with your age. Since your boyfriend is, legally, an adult and you are still technically a minor... He could actually get into big trouble. I'm not saying he would... But guys do take statutory rape charges very seriously. Many guys that I've known, while they were 19 or in their early twenties, would not date girls that were still minors for that very reason.
Like I said... Can't say for sure. It's just a guess. And since he could get into big trouble, you might want to hold off on the sex for now. If it's really disturbing you the best thing to do would be to discuss the situation with him and express your concern.
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18 f
Okay, I will make a long story short, or try to. I'm really close with my best friend who is a guy, let's call him L and I've been dating this other guy, let's call him F.
I've been close friends with L for quite a few years now, we always hang out together and we have fun and he is a nice person. My bf on the other hand, I've been going out with him for a year now, the relationship isn't going anywhere and I've actually thought of breaking up with him for a while although he is a good guy, he has hurt me enough for me to want to give up on him.
To the point, L told me that he has been in love with me for the past year or so and that he has been trying to win me over for ages. This came to a shock for me, but I really want him as a friend because he is a great guy and I don't want to just go out with him and then break up, but he is having a hard time dealing with the fact I turned him down so I don't think our friendship will be so strong anymore. My relationship with F is useless though, I know in my heart that L would appreciate me and treat me 100x, F never takes me out and L has been in love with me for so long now without me even realizing...
What should I do?
1. You sound like you don't want to date your boyfriend anymore. If that is the case, cut him loose. You'll both be a lot happier in the end.
2. If you want to date L... Date L. Don't look so far down the road and let your fear of losing him influence your decision. If you don't want to date L... Don't date L just because he's a nice guy and would treat you well. You can't force yourself to feel something that you don't... It wouldn't be fair to him or you. And in the end, you would both be miserable.
3. Talk to L. Tell him how you really feel. If you want to be together, tell him that. If not, explain to him that your feelings are not a personal reflection of him... That he is a great guy and deserves a girl that will reciprocate his feelings. And ask him how the two of you can work through this difficult period in your friendship. His only answer may be that he needs space at this time. If so, honor his request and try to give him some breathing room.
4. Just because you are experiencing difficulty in your friendship at this time does not mean that you and L will not bounce back. You can work through this... All you need to do is communicate and try to be sensitive to his needs. If it doesn't work out... I'm sorry to say that some friends aren't forever. (I have two friends that I've known for fifteen years. They are my best friends, my soulmates. But what of all my other friends over the years? We drifted apart. It happens.) Either way... You are going to be okay. You may hurt for a while, but you'll get over it, you'll move on. You'll be okay. And so will he.
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Me and my best friend have been close for about 7 or 8 years now. We have had a pretty good friendship, with the occasional argument here and there, but very seldomly. Anyways, me and my boyfriend(my child's father) broke up 3 months ago and he moved out. 1 month ago, he moved back in and we are trying to work things out. Now, when my boyfriend was gone, me and my best friend pretty much talked on the phone everyday for hours at a time. Now that he's back, we don't do that as often. She used to come over every single weekend. She is also the god mother of my son. Now that my boyfriend is back, obviously, it is not right to still have her over every weekend. My boyfriend and her are fine with eachother, except my boyfriend feels she shouldnt come over every weekend because me and him both work all week long and weekends are more like "family time" and relaxation to him. I understand that, however, would like to see my friend as well. Even if I try and talk on the phone to her, and he just walks in from work, he gets upset because I don't stop to give him a kiss and say how was your day? Me and my best friend have talked maybe twice in 2 weeks, which is a DRASTIC change. She just told me tonight that she's done trying to call me and hear all my excuses lately as to why I don't call her or why we can't hang out. One, she lives 20 mins away and gas is expensive. Two, I work overnight AND have a 6 month old baby, so time to sleep and still get things done is precious at times. And three, I honestly do not want to argue or deal with the stress of my boyfriend and hearing him say he would like to spend the weekend spending time with me, but does it EVERY weekend. What should I do??
You need to talk to both your boyfriend and your best friend.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that just because the two of you are trying to work things out... Doesn't mean that he gets to monopolize all of your time. Adults need friends too. Not only that... But occassionally you need to get away from the baby and the house and have some time to yourself. And so does he. Does he ever spend time with his friends anymore?
Try to discuss this like two calm, rational adults. (I know, I know... Easier said than done :) Here is a trick that I use... Whenever I am about to bring up something that may hurt my fiance's feelings, I try to start with something positive. Like... How I understand how he feels and that I know he doesn't mean to upset me... And then I try to explain my feelings without sounding accusatory... Which usually means focusing on how I feel and less on what he does.
The way the discussion should end: the two of you should reach a compromise that allows for you to see your friend without him getting upset. And he should also have time away, whether he's spending time with friends or just walking around on his own.
As for your friend... She needs to understand that you're experiencing a lot of stress and need her friendship and support... Not for her to act like a child or a drama queen just because she can't have her way. Friends are supposed to understand. Friends are supposed to share. You can use the same approach that you used with your boyfriend... And it should end with a compromise just as well.
That is how a healthy relationship is supposed to work, whether it's romantic or platonic. If your boyfriend and your best friend can't communicate with you, can't compromise with you... Then maybe it's time to reassess those relationships.
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I am a 32 year old female. I have recently lost my grandmother, and broke up with my boyfriend of six years, (my idea). I love him very much, and he is a good man. I have wanted to get married for a long time but he has not asked me. I have however talked to him about it, and told him how I feel about getting married. He is not outward with his emotions, but I know he loves me. Our sex life if very grim, and we hardly communicate. I feel that we are very close as friends but I want more from him. At the same time I am afraid I am loosing the most special thing in my life. I am afraid that I am making these decisions and dealing with this to cover up the real pain of loosing my grandmother. She raised me and we did everything together. I just dont want to loose something special for the wrong reasons. Please help. Thank You
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother :(
I agree with Scooter. I doubt that this is about your grandmother's death. And the lack of communication as well as the poor sex life are really much bigger problems than him not asking to marry you. I recently heard that relationship experts consider communication and sex to be the two most important factors when assessing the health of your relationship. (Via a CNN special, I believe.)
So... In summary, I believe that this relationship was not a healthy one and that it was best for you to end it. If you assess your own feelings and still think that you can make this relationship work... Then talk, talk, talk to your boyfriend about the problems you are experiencing both in and out of bed. If he won't talk to you, but he's still willing to try to work this out, you might want to see a relationship couselor. (Or failing that at least buy 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' by Dr. John Gray. Smart man, great book.)
But if you assess your feelings and you believe that you did right thing... Give yourself some time the mourn the loss of both your grandmother and your relationship... And when your head is straight start dating again with the purpose of finding a man that is able to communicate his feelings.
Also buy, 'He's Just Not That Into You,' by Greg and Liz. This book is your dating bible. Read it, live it, love it.
Best wishes. Take care ;)
Melissa
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Okay so, my mate is having a sleepover at her house, and me and 2 of my other friends are coming. one of my mates is a bit upset lately, so we're trying hard to make it extra fun to cheer her up - and so we can have a great laugh too!
It is in a tent. Outside. So nothing like dvd's or stuff, cos we don't have dvd players in tents - unfourtunately! Any way, does anyone have any ideas of things to do, or know any websites that have great ideas. Nothing too expensive - we are only teenagers after all! Stuff random, but girly.
Just incase it's needed to help plan a sleepover-
MY FRIENDS:
Hostest: Quiet, and doesn't really talk about boys much, shy. Not up for much dare-wise or singing etc...
Upset Fiend: Confident, also not really a 'he's so cut' type of girl. Quite girly, although not OTT with the girly stuff (by quite a bit) really looking forward to having a good time etc...
Other Friend: Again Confident, not boys boys boys, but more into guys than the others, quite girly (a little more than one above)up for a laugh etc...
Me: Confident, girly (not OTT) Into guys as much as 'Other Friend', up for a laugh etc..
Hope you guys can help :P
PS. i'm 13/f same as my mates :P
Thanks
I'm assuming her mom and/or dad is going to be around... Would they be able to build you a camp-fire? When I was in my teens, my friends and I did this and it was a lot of fun. We roasted marshmellows, made smores, and told ghost stories.
Games that you could play outside: water-balloon fight, capture the flag (though you might not have enough people for this one), bobbing for apples, marco polo... There is also something you can do that is like a blind-folded race. Two people are blind-folded and their partners try to guide them over the finish line by having them follow the sound of their voice.
You could try board games and stuff... Classic twister is always a big hit, as well as the game 'Life.' I was never much for oija boards, but I had some friends that really enjoyed it. At an adult slumber party I once brought my tarot cards and did readings for all the ladies... They seemed to really enjoy that.
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help! I'm prejudiced about christians! I know this is stupid. What should I do?
As those before me have said... There are Christians that do their faith justice... And others that... Just don't. And that is an observation brought to you by a person that does not affiliate themself with any religious group.
I know there are those that are hypocritical... Ignorant. Sexist. Homophobic. And that will irritate you as you try to go about your business while they try to convert you. But... If you think about it... Most religious institutions have members like this, be they Christian, Muslim, or whatever. And most major religions have at least one episode of bloodshed in the name of their god. The Roman Catholic Church is definitely not alone.
But not all Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc... Are like those few that cause my eyebrow to twitch. You can't judge them all just because some of them screwed up somewhere along the way. Forgive me if I'm saying anything that you all ready know. I'm not trying to insult your intelligence.
The only thing you can do... Is take the high road. If you catch yourself giving into sterro-types... MAke a concious decision to stop. Remind yourself that there a lot of really great people that are Christians. Christians that do try to love everyone and do the right thing. Remind yourself that their beliefs deserve to be respected and are important to them, even if you don't agree. While organized religion is responsible for some of the most horrendous crimes against humanity... It also serves a valid purpose. For some people... It gives their life meaning and a sense of direction. It gives them hope, forgiveness, and patience in the face of a world that can crush the spirit. It gives them a moral compass, helps them become selfless, gives them a reason to treat others with kindess and gentleness.
And in the end... Whether you are atheist, agnostic, new age, whatever... We all, everyone of us, need those things to get through life. We just find it in different places.
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My Question is one im not entirely sure about.
I dont know what i should ask, and i dont know how is should word it, but im going to try.
Is it possible for your mental health to deteriate as a result of stress, trauma or just other outside influences? Over the last 5 or 6 months i have gone from bad to worse and i dont know why. The whole thing is just so sudden.And now i dont know what i should do. Its very hard to pretend to be sane any more. Its very hard to even pretend to myself. The more i.... go insane, the more I doubt ym own ability to survive and the more i just want to give up. I mean, why should i love in a world that im not even sure exists?
So yeah, why is this happening? and what can i do? Is there any way i can carry on? Or is it easier to give up?
You could give up... But seriously... I've tried that before and it SUUCCCKKKKSSSSS!!!
Stress, trauma, outside influences... Yes. All of the aforementioned can severely impact your psyche and not for the better. You could be suffering from mild to severe depression.
But fear not... I've battled depression since the age of thirteen. If I can make it, so can you and anyone else for that matter. The first step is to figure out if you're actually suffering from depression. Do you experience any of the following? (And forgive me if I sound like an antidepressant commercial.)
-Insomnia or irregular sleeping habits. Such as: sleeping too much and still feeling tired. Having difficulty falling asleep at night and/or waking and being unable to fall back asleep.
-Loss of appetite or eating when you aren't hungry.
-Sluggishness... General lack of energy.
-Difficulty concentrating... Do you find it difficult to focus? To follow a train of thought? Do you have a hard time paying attention? When someone speaks to you, or you are reading, do you find it uncommonly difficult to comprehend?
-Persistant anxious thoughts. Do you worry about ridiculous things, more often and frequently than you should?
-Difficulty interacting in social situations? Have you started avoiding people, friends and family? Do you become overly nervous or self-concious in the presence of another person?
-Panic attacks... Racing heart, feeling faint, shaking and/or trembling.
-Loss of excitement and response. Do you fail to feel upset in negative situations? Do you fail to get excited when you should be happy? Loss of motivation? Loss of interest in activities that used to bring you joy? Generally feeling emotionally 'numb.'
-Persistant thoughts of death. Or feeling that life is pointless.
If you have any or all of these symptoms you should probably contact your family physician and schedule an appointment. A regular doctor can diagnose depression and discuss whether or not you would benefit from medication.
In addition... I am not a doctor. The following is only my personal belief... Medication alone does not cure depression. While you may benefit from medication, ultimately... You will have to address your issues and overcome these issues if you really want to be happy.
And here is how I did it...
First, I had to acknowledge that while people had hurt me in the past and had contributed to my depression... I was ultimately responsible for my own happiness.
Second, I had to acknowledge each issue. Then I had to examine each issue to figure out how it was impacting my own behavior negatively. I had to at least formulate a theory concerning why I behaved the way I behaved. Then I had to make concious decisions to change my behavior.
Third, I had to accept myself, the people surrounding me, and the world in general for what it is. A beautiful, ugly, strange and amazing place full of complex people that were both good and bad simultaneously... And just trying to figure out this whole 'life' business just as I was.
Four, I had to appreciate the things and people in my life that I did have... Feel gratitude for what is mine. And realize that no one in this world has it better or easier than I do. To value the here and now. To realize that a different body, more money, or more material things, or just being a different person would never make me happy.
I'm probably skipping some things and leaving some skips out. Honestly... My memory is just plain atrocious. I know this is all ready really long... But if you're interested, here are some tips... Small things that you can do that may help you along...
-Keep a journal.
-Have a hobby.
-Avoid negative people that generally make you feel crummy.
-Play the '50 Things I'm Grateful For,' game. Yeah... It sounds corny, but it works. If you're having trouble staring I'll give you the first one... 'I'm grateful to be alive.'
-Meditate on a daily basis. Some people may think that this sounds like a weird suggestion. But all you're really doing is taking fifteen minutes a day to sit still, be quiet, and clear your mind.
-Eat healthy. (Yeah... This can affect your mood.)
-Drink plenty of water. (64 oz. a day)
-Exercise for at least 20 minutes. (Walking after dinner is a good one.)
-If possible, try to establish a sleep schedule. Try going to bed at the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning. Give yourself at least eight hours of REAL rest.
-Surround yourself with 'positive' people.
-Play the 'good thoughts' game. Another corny sounding game... But it works for some people. Everyday... When you get up in the morning, tell yourself that you're going to have a good day and then list some reasonable, good things that you would like to happen.
-So something nice, even if it's small, for someone (whether it's someone you know or a random stranger) everyday. For example, if you're going through the drive-thru at McDonald's, pay for the person behind you. Or if you're standing in line, let someone go infront of you. These small, random acts of kindness can actually make you feel good.
And... If you ever need someone to talk to... You know where to find me. ;)
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15/f
My mom gave me the chore of taking all our pictures and scanning them into the computer, and then throwing away the paper copies so we have more room in our house for other stuff. She's paying me like $250 to do it, and I got everything scanned, but now I've got 9 big boxes of pictures to put in our trash compactor (not like the ones at the mall, but like an appliance that fits under your kitchen counter), and one box will fill it up. Our trash men charge us more when we have more than one bag, so Mom's pretty obcessive about only having one bag of trash per week, and I don't get paid until I complete the task. But a bunch of my friends are going to Six Flags next week, and if I don't get this done, I won't have the $$$ to. How can I make this happen?
How about trying to find a recycling center near you? Then you're not just getting paid... But you're also saving trees! YAY!! (Haha... Sorry. It's late and I'm in a weird mood.)
If you can't find a recycling center... How about trying to find a public waste bin? They usually have a whole slew of industrial size cans at strip shopping malls. Sure... Stores don't like you dumping your garbage there... But you could always ask first. I'm sure someone would say yes.
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i'm in forensics (if you know what that is. if not, it's competitive public speaking and you go to competitions, or rather, tournaments), and i am in severe need of a nice suit. i know macys, and jcpenny, but where can i find a simple, plain black jacket & pants (i already have a skirt) that isn't very expensive? i'm not too familiar with price ranges, and i don't care much about quality as long as it doesn't go ripping on me. i just need a suit that i can wear for the next couple years (i'm a soon-to-be sophomore) until i go to college when i'll buy a real woman's suit. please do not suggest jcrew or gap cause although i fit in small-size women's suit, they're far more expensive because they are labelled as women's suits. any ideas?
That's a little difficult since I don't know what region you live in. I live in the south and the first place I would go would be Ross (the dress for less store)... Second would be Goody's Family Clothing... Third would be Kohl's. All of these places are like departemnt stores, and sell many of the same brands-even designer brands-at more affordable prices... Some are even severely discounted. (Like 40-60%)
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is there a special skool where u have to go to learn howto become a tattoo artist?
im an regular artist already but i was wondering if i wud have to go to a certain college or just a certain skool with certain classes for me to become a tattoo artist.
I'm pretty sure I asked my tattoo artist once and he said that, no, you didn't need to attend a school. But I'll admit that my memory is pretty hazy and I'm not so sure. How about finding a few local tattoo parlours and asking? Not only that... But I do remember him telling me that if I came up with designs for tattoos he would buy them from me. Might be a good way to earn a little cash on the side without pricking anyone. :)
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I'm 16/f and I guess I'm just kind of confused about love. I learned in my psychology class that the psychological definition of love is passion+intimacy+commitment (passion meaning sexual attraction and romantic feelings, intimacy meaning being close and feeling close to someone, and commitment meaning wanting to be there forever and making that clear to the other person).
All of that said, I have a boyfriend who I have been with for two years. We've talked about love and about what we feel for each other. Neither one of us are completely in love with each other (because no matter how close we get, I'm still insecure and I still don't feel close and no matter how much he cares about me and wants to stay with me, he finds it hard to believe that we will last forever since we are only sixteen). Both of us want to be in love, but we just aren't. It's highly frustrating for me, because it always feels just out of my reach.
As for why I don't feel close, I think it's because I have been in love before - full, complete love. His name was Eric and he was my best friend. He didn't see me in a romantic way, though. So, I had to settle with hanging out with him alone all day, talking to him on the phone with him all night, and never actually dating him. This also was annoying - until he stopped being my best friend to go do drugs. Then what we had before started to seem like a dream come true. I now long for the days when I had someone who I truly felt close to.
I want that again, but I don't know how to go about feeling closer to my boyfriend. Also, I don't know how to make him feel committed when he thinks we are too young.
Thanks. =)
I could be wrong, but here is my take on your boyfriend's committment issues...
Really, he doesn't have one. He wants stay with you... And really that is all committment really is. He's trying to be logical when he says that he has trouble believing the two of you will be together forever... Odds have told him that chances are against you... And no one can really say 'forever' anyway. Whether you're 16, 25, 40 you can't make promises about the future when you don't know who you will be tomorrow. People are constantly changing, no matter how they old they get.
For example, I _love_ my boyfriend. We're engaged, we will probably be married in the next three years. And we both fully intend to spend the rest of our lives together. If you asked me whether or not I would believe that we'd still be married fifty years from now I would reply, 'Yes.' Does that mean we are going to be, beyond a shadow of a doubt? No. I realize that something could happen that might end our relationship. I seriously doubt that will ever happen... But it could. You're boyfriend may be no different.
As for the intimacy part of a relationship... Don't get discouraged because this part is really hard for everyone. We all have our insecurities and find it difficult to completely open up to another person. Learning to do so is a process and takes time and patience. So... Give yourself some time to do this.
I can suggest this: talk, talk, talk... Talk about everything with each other. Talk about your day, your thoughts, your feelings, your hopes, dreams, etc. If you want to tell him your secrets and can't because of doubt and fear... Make a concious effort to swallow that fear and spit it out.
And if you give it time and you're still not feeling the love... It might be time to reassess the relationship. As much as I hate to say it, because I think the two of you may have a real chance together, some people just aren't compatible.
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This may be disgusting but i need help!!!!
OK i am not sick. I dont have a cold. But my nose is stopped up. But the worst thing is like i have mucus in the back of my throat. Like if you look in the back of my throat,by my tonsils,you can actually see it and i feel it. I dont smoke or anything i am only 13,but why is this?? It is sooooooooooooo aggravating sooo PLEASE help me!!!!!!!!!
All the mucus could be caused by either allergies or seasonal changes. Everytime the weather changes, especially during the spring, my sinus cavaties go crazy. You could try going to your local pharmacy and asking to speak to a pharmacist. Your local pharmacist can suggest many over-the-counter medications that would treat your symptoms. If it persists you might want to schedule an appointment with your family physician. He/she would be able to tell you exactly what is going on and write a prescription.
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Hi,
My name is sriharsha.actually i am facing a big problem. the problem is i unable to talk with strangers and with my bose. while i try to talk with them my lips are shivering and i getting a feel like some kind of heavy weight on my heart. i am feeling very nervous in those situvations then i missing words and the entire situvation becoming ugly. so many persons are pointed out this lips shivering problem i unable to know how to get rid of this lips shivering problem.
Could be that you have a social anxiety disorder. For a while during my teens, talking to people that I didn't all ready know was extremely difficult... And while they might not have noticed, everytime I talked to a stranger, on the inside, I was freaking out.
Make an appointment with your family physician and tell him/her what you are experiencing. Most people think that you have to go to a psychiatrist or something for this sort of thing... But the truth is that your regular doctor can sometimes help you out with more than just the flu. If you are still in school or attending college, their should be a guidance counselor around somewhere so hunt him/her down and think about scheduling an appointment.
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15/f. a couple weeks ago, i had my first kiss. i hated it. me and the guy had been talking, he was dropping me off after our first date, and he hadnt even held my hand, and he totally just kissed me. full on tongue and everything. i was like wow, and i hated it. i don't have feelings for this guy anymore, but i'm worried about the future. i didn't like this kiss, and after contemplating this over and over, it's either, cause it was my first kiss and he wasn't my boyfriend, or that it didn't really have passion. anywho, i'm seriously worried that i won't like kissing guys in the future, because any time it seems as if a guy's about to make a move, i take a huge step back. not literally, but yeah. anywho, i have some seriously hot daydreams [including some hot makeout pressed against a wall] and some dreams... but they're all with one guy. i've crushed on him about a year, but i've tried to move on. ugh. idk. i'm just looking for help with my adolescene?!
Just because you didn't like kissing this guy doesn't mean you won't like kissing others. And you're response was actually quite normal.
The first time I kissed a guy I remember thinking... 'Is that it?! Hmm... I can't understand what all the fuss is about.' First kisses, not just yours but also the first time you kiss a 'new' person... Quite honestly, tend to not be so great. It's not your fault, it's not his fault. It's more attributed to... Different people like different things and you don't _know_ what the other person likes. These things have a tendency to get better once you've been with someone for a while.
So... Don't sweat it. I can't say why you're taking a 'a huge step back' in these situations... But do you think it might because you're shy and nervous? If so... The more you date the more going to get over it.
As for your crush... If you've been crushing on him for a year and nothing has happened, your decision to move on sounds wise. My opinion is to keep truckin'. Moving on is always difficult at first, and it does hurt... You've just got to tell yourself that you're doing what's best for you. Eventually you're going to get over it. I promise.
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I know that tittle maybe confuseing..
Okay I am 23 years old, I am 4'11 and I have KLIPPEL-FEIL SYNDROME and hard of hearing. you look up that yahoo groups on KFS. I say that to show that i have a disbitie where I look like a kid.. I look like 14 or 16. i don't mind look like a kid and looking young. thing is that alot kids and my cousins they I am a kid and boss me around alot and don't repect me as much, becouse I am small and they almost big as i am. i am very nice and sometimes I let them and I don't stand up for my self to say no and explain that i am not kid I don't do kids stuff. I am adult doing adult stuff. I mean like I do loundery and clean and I babysit. plus I know my writing skill sound like a kid writing. and yet sometimes I do feel like I act like one and sometimes i think I shouldn't act like one show they repect me as who i am. i mean i don't mind playing games and stuff with them. it just where they don't take no for answer or my one cousin like pull on my arms. I don't know how to explain what i am trying to say. here a picture of me at www.myspace.com/flyinshinystar and I think it privite you just see the picture. i just want to know how to explain to them that i am in a adult hood and i know i be a kid once in a while have fun. but sometimes I have to my things not be push around and i know i am a push over i like fix that and i know how to explain my voice sometiems sound like i am talking thour my nose. i don't sound like urkle on family matter lol. maybe hm alittle like girl on zoey 101. girl don't know how do s sounds. it part of my hearing and my speech maybe. anyway hope somone explain for and I am sorry if this sound confusing. i know be few that know how i feel and i know some of you think it cool that you look like kid as adult. but I don't mind really just want some repect.
I can't say for sure... But I suspect this is more about 'sticking to your guns' rather than KFS or projecting an 'adult' image.
Really... All adults act like kids sometimes. We have immature, emotional outbursts... We can be just as cruel and unfair... And I know plenty of adults that still play with toys... (The only difference is that the toys have become more sophisticated and expensive.) Myself included. And while I could be wrong, I see no reason to worry there.
And you're DEFINITELY not the only adult kids boss around. I work at a department store and one of the areas I supervise is the toy department... On a daily basis I see children bossing around their own parents, getting away with terrible behavior, and being generally manipulative. And I believe that it all boils down to this: they do it because they think they can get away with it.
I say to you, to adults everywhere: stick to your guns. If a kid asks you to do something that you don't want to do, just say 'No.' Say it firmly and with confidence. They may scream, beg, throw a tantrum, say hateful things... But don't cave in. (No matter how badly you want them to stop.) They'll respect you when they figure out that they can't control you.
For example, my fiance and I had to drive out-of-state for a wedding not too long ago. I was driving the bride's car and her 5 year-old daughter, Lee, was sitting in the back seat. The bride was wriding in another car, trying to sleep.
Lee rolled down her window and I caught her sticking her arm outside. I looked in the rear-view mirror, told her that what she was doing was unsafe and asked her to stop. She did... But about five minutes later her arm was out the window again.
I asked her to stop another time and told her that if she did it again I was rolling up her window and locking it. Guess what? Another five minutes... Arm out the window.
I never yelled. I just rolled up the window and locked it, just as I said I would. First she asked me to open the window, saying that she would be good. Then she begged... Then she cried... Then she told me that I was mean and that she hated me. Then she screamed, non-stop for about twenty minutes. At some point I think she threatened to tell her mommy that I was being mean to her... And I responded that she could 'go right ahead' and that _I_ would tell her mommy that she was being a bad girl. Eventually she calmed down and fell asleep. It wasn't the most pleasant half hour of my life... But now if I tell her something, she listens because she knows that when I say 'No' I'm not going to let her have her way.
And if we're talking about childlike strangers... If they're being disrespectful, you don't have to acknowledge them. Do what any other adult would do in the same situation: ignore them. Go about your business and pretend that they aren't there. Let their parents reprimand them... It's not your problem.
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