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Best friend
Me and my best friend have been close for about 7 or 8 years now. We have had a pretty good friendship, with the occasional argument here and there, but very seldomly. Anyways, me and my boyfriend(my child's father) broke up 3 months ago and he moved out. 1 month ago, he moved back in and we are trying to work things out. Now, when my boyfriend was gone, me and my best friend pretty much talked on the phone everyday for hours at a time. Now that he's back, we don't do that as often. She used to come over every single weekend. She is also the god mother of my son. Now that my boyfriend is back, obviously, it is not right to still have her over every weekend. My boyfriend and her are fine with eachother, except my boyfriend feels she shouldnt come over every weekend because me and him both work all week long and weekends are more like "family time" and relaxation to him. I understand that, however, would like to see my friend as well. Even if I try and talk on the phone to her, and he just walks in from work, he gets upset because I don't stop to give him a kiss and say how was your day? Me and my best friend have talked maybe twice in 2 weeks, which is a DRASTIC change. She just told me tonight that she's done trying to call me and hear all my excuses lately as to why I don't call her or why we can't hang out. One, she lives 20 mins away and gas is expensive. Two, I work overnight AND have a 6 month old baby, so time to sleep and still get things done is precious at times. And three, I honestly do not want to argue or deal with the stress of my boyfriend and hearing him say he would like to spend the weekend spending time with me, but does it EVERY weekend. What should I do??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First off, Its great that you and your boyfriend are working things out. I would say that its up to you to make time for everyone. Family time is very important, especially if you guys are just trying to work things out now. But time with friends and alone time is important too in any relationship. Talk to your boyfriend and try to work something out. If he doesnt want you to hang with your friends ever or have time to yourself, then it most likely will not work out. Good Luck:)
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Hey, my name is Faith42 and I hope I can help!
I think you really need to talk to your boyfriend
and tell him that you need to split out time with
him and your best friend. If, you don't you might
ruin you friendship with your best friend.When,
that happens it's hard to get back to where you
have been in your friendship.You, need to try to
get your boyfriend, and your friend in the same
room and you need to talk to them both. Than you
can see how your friend feels and how your boyfriend feels!
I hope I helped,
Faith42~ :)
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Friendships change when we start having a family. Especially if she is single and doesn't have children, it will be hard for her to understand. Also he's over reacting a little, you should be able to talk on the phone when you want and to whoever you want. But you still have to divide up your time and that's hard. Maybe you could spend a Saturday a month with her outside of home, such as shopping, going to the mall or even inviting her over. If your BF is real understanding he will take care of the baby for you. Perhaps she can then babysit one evening a month so the two of you can go out. It's really hard to balance it all but with some creative planning it can be done. It would sure make it easier on you if both of them were more understanding. Perhaps a heart to heart talk with both is in order.
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Try to make it clear to your boyfriend that it's not all about him. You're friend are imporant to you too. If he has a problem with that, he isn't really worth it.
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You need to talk to both your boyfriend and your best friend.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that just because the two of you are trying to work things out... Doesn't mean that he gets to monopolize all of your time. Adults need friends too. Not only that... But occassionally you need to get away from the baby and the house and have some time to yourself. And so does he. Does he ever spend time with his friends anymore?
Try to discuss this like two calm, rational adults. (I know, I know... Easier said than done :) Here is a trick that I use... Whenever I am about to bring up something that may hurt my fiance's feelings, I try to start with something positive. Like... How I understand how he feels and that I know he doesn't mean to upset me... And then I try to explain my feelings without sounding accusatory... Which usually means focusing on how I feel and less on what he does.
The way the discussion should end: the two of you should reach a compromise that allows for you to see your friend without him getting upset. And he should also have time away, whether he's spending time with friends or just walking around on his own.
As for your friend... She needs to understand that you're experiencing a lot of stress and need her friendship and support... Not for her to act like a child or a drama queen just because she can't have her way. Friends are supposed to understand. Friends are supposed to share. You can use the same approach that you used with your boyfriend... And it should end with a compromise just as well.
That is how a healthy relationship is supposed to work, whether it's romantic or platonic. If your boyfriend and your best friend can't communicate with you, can't compromise with you... Then maybe it's time to reassess those relationships.
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WOW you sound a lot like me. I am in pretty much the same situation. my advice would be...do what YOU want to do. If you wanna hang out with your best friend, do it...and you still can find time for family time. I work nights as well and weekends are family time...but I always make time for my best bud. Stand up to him, let him know that you make your own decisions, you still love him and want to hang out with him but your best friend is important too, and you would like to see her more often. He may have problems with it at first, but eventually he will probably realize that to keep you he has to let you have your freedom. One thing I do is go out with my friend one night and have a great time then ask her really nice and maybe offer her some money to babysit one night so I can have a night with my boyfriend. good luck
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