A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Hi! I've seen a lot of questions regarding similar topics but none seem fitting to my situation.
I am currently 20 years old—old enough to recognize attraction or this type behavior in my opinion.
My parents have been married for about eighteen years now and my mom HAS cheated in the past. I think I was about 9 years old at the time, and its just a vague memory but I do know that no one has ever found out about it. I've never told anyone that except for my childhood best friend.
Anyways, a a few weeks back my mom mentioned this younger guy at work that she said 'had a crush' on her. We laughed it off for a while. But recently I see her texting all the time (this is weird because my mom doesn't text anyone, at all. She didn't even know how until I taught her)
I felt bad but the curiosity was killing me so in the middle of the night I checked her phone. She had text messages from a random number saying things like "I'm always going to be here for you. You have me blah blah." And her responses were something along the lines of "I really needed to hear that from you."
For the past weeks she keeps saying that she wants to go out, and that she wishes she could do this and that. And even that she wants to separate from my Dad? She even encouraged my Dad, my sister and myself to go away for the weekend without her because she had to work. Then, she told me to check a name of someone on facebook for her(as you can tell shes not very technology savvy) It was of course a younger guy, and she told me it was the same one that had a crush on her.
When I looked at her phone again, she had added this boy to her contacts but under a female name. And I know its the same number as before because I wrote it down.
I honestly don't know what to do. I don't even know what to think. At this point I don't think I'm jumping to conclusions or being paranoid, I know there is something there. I just don't know what kind of relationship she is having with this guy. And If maybe I should sit down with her and talk about it? Please give me some insight, I thought about talking about this with my friends but it's kind of embarrassing considering they come over my house all the time.
Thanks in advance! (link)
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Yeahhhh I'm going to counter Adviceman's comments.
Invasions of privacy are generally wrong but when you're cheating on your husband and involve your daughter you forfeit any rights to privacy you might have.
She is cheating. Blatantly.
Adding someone to your phone under the wrong sex is the clincher. She's deliberately hiding him. If she hasn't had sex with him yet she's going to.
Sit her down and talk to her if you like. Personally I think your dad has a right to know. Do you have younger siblings still living at home? If not I'd blow that shit wide open personally.
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Im 13 years old and one of my friends has ben stuck in my head the past few weeks and i really want to finger her ive had sex dreams of us and one where shes fingering herself for me soo i really want to ive asked her once but she refused how can i get her to let me? (link)
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I'm going to go easy on you. You're 13.
Girls are not there for your sexual gratification. If you're going nuts, think about the dream and masturbate.
You do not get someone to let you do something. You find someone who wants the same things you want. Who wants to touch you, to let you touch them.
The degree to which your attitude is unacceptable is pretty enormous. Guys who just use girls for sex are pieces of shit. Don't be that guy.
And yeah, that was in fact going easy on you.
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I think i am Bisexual but i don't know. I have kissed a girl multiple times, And the same person. But i am only 11 and i don't know what i should do! My mom asks if i am.. But i just say "Nope i'm Straight" The good thing is, If i she wont care. Because she has Lesbian friends and loves them like a sister too! I just want to know.. (link)
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It's highly unlikely that you're going to be able to nail it down for sure at 11.
Don't worry about it. Crush on who you crush on. Worry about labels in a few years. You know, like 5-10.
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I am 13, female. Lately, my mom has started to think any disorder that even slightly matches my perssonality is something I have. Last week, it was Asperger's Syndrome, and now she thinks I am a sociopth. I am callous, unfeeling, bookish, a nerd, and socially awkward. I like routine. I have odd beliefs, such as everyone being insane. I tell my parents very little without being provoked. I don't understand normal people, or why anyone would want to be normal. I have few friends and avoid social situations. I overthink things, mainly because I never stop thinking, except while sleeping. I enjoy the comfort of routine and the logic of science, and daedal, descriptive use of words. I obsess over a concept for a month at most, and, extinguishing my resources move on. Conversatin, with me, is often one-sided or nonexistant. I often spout random facts, mistaking what I am nterested in as normal behavior and conversation. I am an atheist, but I often ask myself how the universe was created and what created the source of creation. You can point out my mistakes, what I did wrong, but I am never wrong. Learning is fun for me, but joy, sadness, fear, embarassment are all lost to me, both in understanding and possession. What I ask is, what do you believe is wrong with me? (link)
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I like this question.
Bottom line, you're more intelligent than a significant percentage of the people around you (possibly including your parents) but you're 13 and thus don't have the experience or knowledge to really do a whole lot with it yet.
The "everyone is insane" belief will probably change. People move according to their motivations, and while many of those motivations are objectively idiotic, at their heart they are usually emotional drives which you can identify with yourself at some point.
Callous and unfeeling are very likely a direct result of social awkwardness. The thing about being smarter than other people is that even if the things they do make sense to you the things you do might well not make sense to them. Without understanding to some degree on both sides, it's hard to have a social life and have fun together.
You mistake things because you haven't found a reason to pay attention. I used to be alot like you, but I always paid attention. I had a reason, people interested me. Got me into psychology as I got older, I enjoy figuring out what makes people tick. Paying attention eventually paid off. I started figuring out what other people thought was normal, meshed it in with what I thought was normal, tried to compromise a little bit and I guess you could say I lived half in their world and half in mine.
I will give you a fair warning. Watch out for arrogance. I caught a fairly strong blast of it with "but I am never wrong."
You will be right alot. Being intelligent makes that happen. But the corresponding downside is that when you are wrong, you're going to be _really_ wrong. That puts the responsibility on you to make sure you're right. It also puts you in a tricky position because in order to be right as much as possible you are going to have to admit that your perspective is limited.
Some people can't. I'm 28 and in the middle of a divorce because my ex wife refused to admit that she was ever wrong, because she couldn't accept that people as smart as her who saw different things in the world than her could be right and she could be wrong. She couldn't accept that even people without her intellect could be right and she could be wrong.
Value experience. Experience is data. Every single person in the world has their own personal experience. That's not alot of data. The most worldly person in the world won't see it all in their lifetime, experience every role in society it's possible for a person to play.
It takes other people's experience as well as your own to find objective truths.
You said everyone sees things differently. That's true. Two people can see the same thing and see different things. Sometimes, only one is right. Sometimes both are right or both are wrong.
If you want to be right, you should seek other's perspectives because sometimes you'll be wrong, sometimes they will, and sometimes no one is. But if all you have is your own way of seeing things, you'll never understand those times when other people are right, whether you are or not. Even when you're right you won't see the whole truth alone.
You can be the most brilliant person in the world but analysis of the wrong data will end up with a result that is wrong every time.
Anyway, enough with the lectures. You're 13, you've got alot to figure out about the world.
My advice to you is don't throw people away. I'm sure you have a hard time finding people to relate to, I'm sure you have a hard time believing that others can add to your life in ways that you could and would grow to need.
The investment is worth it. Took me years to find my friends. A core group of people I could love like brothers and sisters. They've made all the difference.
I've lived twice the life you have and then a little bit. Take it from me, intellect can be a gift, or a curse. And if you let it, like many things in life, being one doesn't preclude it from being the other at the same time.
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Hello everyone! I'm 15/f
There's this boy in my class who LOVES to make fun of me (Let's name him K), or just be straight up rude to me. I used to think he really hated me, but now I'm really not sure....
Let me explain:
He finds times when I'm singing to myself, and he tells me to shut up (to no avail of course) and I tell him how unsuccessful that will be, but he keeps doing so until I feel like stopping.
He makes fun of anything clumsy or stupid that I do.
Any conversation I'm in (I have a low undertone in my voice, so I'm loud when I talk to my friends) he buts in and tells me why he thinks I'm wrong.
I'm a very annoying person (unintentionally), so whenever I do anything that he thinks is annoying, he has to make a comment on it.
He says things like, "Oh no, why is she here?" when I walk into a room, or conversation, or anything like that, that he's in.
He looks at me a lot (thank you, peripheral vision) & I don't know what that's about, to be honest.
But here's the one thing that got me confused:
K knows about my crush. (J) So one day when K & another boy (G) in my class were talking about how a guy that was sitting with them at lunch that day (Curl) had exactly the same hair as my crush's from behind (big bushy, curly hair) and as I sat down, they asked me about it. I told them that his hair didn't really move as much as Curl's did. A split second later I regretted it because both of them were looking at me and G said, "Wow, of course she knows all of that, she likes him!" And then I felt my eyes widen. G says, "she still does!" And then K was about to say, "Yeah, ever since the beginning of the year," but he only said "Yeah, ever since the begin--" and one look at my blushing embarrassed face, stopped him. And he started to blush himself, and kept apologizing to me. The same boy who argues with me everyday, makes fun of me (not like a bully though, don't worry) and is annoyed by me, is being nice to me! He just keeps apologizing & when I look at him, I can see how bad he feels. The whole rest of the period, he didn't ask me for help like he usually does.
My friends keep telling me that since he bothers me a lot, it means he likes me. Is that true? I don't think so...
What do you think? Thanks to all who answer, you are all amazing! I thank you all in advance! (link)
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It's entirely possible your friends are right. Congratulations, you have won the affections of someone with a grade school maturity level.
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There's this girl I've had a crush on for a long time and she's extremely beautiful,smart,silly and awesome I could go on forever about how amazing she is. I think she knows I like her because some of my friends told her I stare at her. So she winks at me stares at me and teases me when our eyes meet. So one day I was at her locker and she just looked into my eyes and kissed me. We were kissing for about 5 seconds when she pulled back,then came in for round two. I had my hands on her waist and we started making out and then she ran of crying. She won't talk to me anymore and I'm really confused on what the craps going on. Are we friends? Are we in a relationship? What's going on? (link)
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Yeah I'd be confused too. You're not really anything. One kiss followed by bewildering behavior doesn't mean a ton.
Go talk to her if you want to. If you weren't in high school I'd tell you never stick your dick in crazy, but in high school you're all some degree of crazy so just go and say something like "Hey, what's up. I liked the other day, I've been wanting to ask you out for a while, but I don't know what you're thinking right now. Tell me what you're thinking?"
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I'll get straight to the point.
19/f
I am in a 2 year relationship and up until this point have never had a problem with my boyfriend or myself watching porn. I always thought it was a healthy form of sexual expression and completely normal. Were very open about these kinds of things.
But then the more I started thinking about it the worse I felt. He doesn't abuse it at ALL and when I watch it, its maybe once a month or less, so these feelings came out of nowhere. It doesn't interfere with our relationship whatsoever.
(Also i'm not religious)
So I just need opinions!
1) Is it healthy/normal for a relationship?
2) It's not considered cheating ... right?
3) How could I maybe cope with it better?
Or anything else you guys wanna say please do.
I'm a little confused about the whole thing and have been feeling pretty bad every time we talk about it.
Thanks!
(link)
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1) Yeah it's pretty normal
2) No, most people don't consider it cheating
3) Watch it with him maybe. Involve it in your mutual sex life.
Why do you feel bad. I sense a little worry about inequality. He doesn't and you do and you feel bad about it or something. People are different, have different drives.
Comedy option: Buy a video camera, make your own videos, watch those. And you know hope you don't end up on youporn if you have a bad breakup.
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I need to know how to go about seeing a doctor. I'm 18, 19 in 3 months. I don't live with my parents and I have no income or health insurance. I need to see someone regarding my scoliosis because I have a pretty bad rib hump and I want to do something about it instead of having to hide under baggy clothes. I just don't know what to do, or where to go. I live in Medford Oregon if that helps.
Thank you for your time (link)
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Not living with your parents doesn't necessarily disqualify you from their medical insurance. I think you have to be a student.
So basically, here are your steps.
1) Find out if your parents have medical insurance
2) Find out if you can get on their insurance if you are a student
3) Go to the closest community college and talk to their financial aid people. Find out if you can get on financial aid.
4) Get on financial aid, get into some classes. This would be a good opportunity to look into some kind of 1-2 year associates program that would give you an income of your own.
5) Use your student status to get onto their insurance
6) Use insurance to address scoliosis.
Yeah, it's a long term plan that won't fix the problem right now. But this is a problem worth spending the time to address.
If you can shortcut that by getting family to help, do so.
It's not perfect, it might not work, but it's a shot at getting insurance to cover the procedure.
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I (24/f) have had a few serious relationships in my life, and they have been great - for the most part. I am in one right now with an amazing guy that I can see a future with. The problem is, I am always insecure, though I've hid it well with all my relationships including this one. If I don't get a text/call for hours, I get worried or suspicious. If my current bf is out and girls will be there, I get myself all worked up, feel sick to my stomach and it's all I think about. It's driving me insane, because I've never been cheated on/betrayed (to my knowledge) and have no reason not to trust my bf. I'm terrified I won't be able to hide it much longer, and it will ruin a wonderful relationship. How can I fix this? I'm exhausted from being so insecure. (link)
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This isn't just about insecurity. You're showing some pretty serious signs of anxiety, which is something that actively needs to be dealt with. People are insecure all the time but feeling sick and obsessing over it are not normal.
Consider quietly talking to a therapist about that.
Oh and to echo Dragonfly's comment about inner beauty I'm in the midst of divorce and am dating again and I just picked between two women I was interested in. One was about 5'4 and 135 and the other is an inch taller and 40 lbs heavier.
I took the bigger girl. She's smarter, funnier, and a hell of alot more compatible with me than the other one was. Both nice, but there are alot of things that matter more than body type and appearance, especially in adult relationships.
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I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. Things were great when we first started dating, we were always together and enjoyed it. Lately we have been drifting apart and we hardly talk anymore,even though we live together. The less we talk the more i feel closer to my boss. At first I just enjoyed talking to my boss but lately I feel like there is something more between us. My boss constantly brings up my name during converstation with other coworkers.
I really love my boyfriend but when i try to explain how i feel that we are drifting apart he just hugs me and walks away or says "no we are not". (link)
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It's time for a come to jesus meeting with the boyfriend. Ignore the boss for now.
Sit him down and be blunt. Give him a long and detailed version of "If things don't change I'm going to leave you" with lots of why.
Don't just leave him. Give him warning. Let him know it's coming and that he's got to get off his ass or he's going to end up single.
If nothing changes, if he ignores you, if he refuses to listen, you know what to do. Figure out how to move out on your own and start flirting with your boss.
Obviously be careful. I have no idea what your job is but if you really want to get involved with a boss see if you can figure out a way to not have him be your boss anymore. That's bad for work and for any potential relationship.
Alternately if you work at Taco Bell or something similar that's incredibly easy to replace who gives a shit. Do what you want in that regard.
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I'm 13, and social situations are hard for me. My mom wanted me to be more involved, so I joined art club. I like drawing well enough, and I made a few friends, the majority of which are boys, all of which are a grade below me. I read often, and care little what others think of me, so when one of my friends expressed interest in me, it wasn't easy for me to ignore. I thought he might actually really like me, but he was, to say the least, very sexual. Art club is only once a week, but when he asked me out after five weeks, it was as though I couldn't say no. I almost wanted to, but I said yes. My others friends didn't like him, but I was momentarily blinded. For the last three weeks or so, he's been touching my leg, higher and higher up, and I want to tell him to quit, but it's like I'm not able to say anything. To be honest, I like it, but I also hate it. Still being honest-while I'm with him, I'd probably do whatever he wants. I may be really young, but we're all human, and a lot of the good feelings I have when he touches me are sexual. I want to tell him to stop, that I'm not his girlfriend anymore, to stop winking and saying he loves me. But speaking has never been my strong spot. I can write this and say what I want, but trying to say them, well, it never sounds right. My sister hates him, says he flirts with every girl, all the time, and I don't know if she's lying this time. The stuff he says, it's really inappropriate, and I wish I said I didn't want to go out with him. My question? I am not sure. Possibly: What's wrong with me? What should I do? What should I say? What color are bananas? Ignore that last one. (link)
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1) Start Masturbating. Teenaged years are a time of turbulent hormones and intense sexual drives. It's easier to stay sane if you take care of yourself. If you already do, do it more.
2) What he's doing is wrong. Ugh I hate bringing out this topic with a girl your age...
Do you know anything about rape? One of the most common things that fucks with women who suffer through that specific scenario is that their bodies often become aroused when it happens. It is not overly uncommon for a woman who is raped to have an orgasm. The end result is a ton of anguish as they feel like their own body betrayed them.
What you feel is a physical response to physical touch. It's not because you like him (obviously) but because some part of you just wants to be touched.
That's normal, not your fault, but it's also absolutely not justification to let him continue or to feel like you should let him continue. Touch yourself, tell him to go fuck himself.
3) Bring someone in on this if you can't get the words out. A friend, your sister, an adult. Someone who you can talk to quietly when the pressure is off who can tell him to leave you alone.
4) Avoid him. Don't sit next to him. If he comes to sit next to you move. Tell him to leave you alone. Who cares if it sounds wrong. "Stop it" is two words. "Go away" is two words. "Leave me alone" is three. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't owe him anything. Just make it clear that you want him to stay away, and take action to make sure he stays away.
I think Dragonfly is right. This kid has targeted you. He knows you'll let him.
Do you know what predators fear most? Attention.
So the next time he tries to touch you, take his hand off of you and tell him to stop it. If he tries again, do the same thing and raise the volume enough that people nearby are going to hear you say it. If you have to deal with it a third time in a row, use a volume that everyone in the room is going to hear very clearly and consider changing "stop it" to "stop touching me you fucking creep"
You seem shy, I'll bet that idea seems scary to you. It's scarier for him. Outing him in front of the entire class is his worst case scenario. Even better, if you do end up screaming at him and telling him to leave you alone, the next girl in that class he tries is going to feel more confident in stopping him herself.
5) Yeah you are young. An adult would be better equipped to assert herself in this situation. You're not an adult, but you still need to assert yourself.
Do not let people do things you don't want them to do to you. Do not let people you don't like do things to you that you might wish someone else was doing.
And again, seriously, go take care of yourself so you're not dealing with those urges all the time. It's healthy, it's normal, and it'll help immensely with dealing with guys like this if you're not especially worked up before they start in.
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So let's get to it.
There's a boy in some of my classes who constantly flirts with me and I kinda like it :)
We've been friends for a long time and we sometimes play around. Like I slap his butt sometimes and he pits his hand on my leg and rubs it :D I'm starting to fall in love with him and he feels the same with me. He's rubbed my lists through my toga pants before, and I've grabbed his dick through his pants. We're hanging out later this week at his house alone and we'll probably end up having sex. Any tips that 15 year old guy like? I'm kinda scared that anal is going to hurt but I want to please him and let him do it. Thanks :)
(link)
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I'd give you a lecture but I doubt you're going to listen to another person telling you you aren't ready for sex.
Don't have anal sex just because you want to please someone. Seriously? Sex is about sharing something mutual. And you sure as hell don't need to be playing around with anal the first time you sleep with a dude while you're both in high school.
Get on birth control, use a condom, consider finding a sex partner who when sex happens it's about the two of you and what you want together not what each of you wants separately.
That means talking. Listen to Dragonfly. Talk to him about this before you have sex.
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I'm 13, female. I feel nothing. For about a year, I haven't been happy, sad, embarrassed, or anything. I know why. Long story short, my dad sucks, and I hate him. Other than anger and frustration, I'm empty inside. Accordinng to my research online, it's probably some sort of defense mechanism. I don't take antidepressants anymore. No one believes me. I go to a therapist, and she thinks I'm ignoring it, supressing it. I'm not, I'm not. I don't even want to tell my parents. They'll say the same thing. Question is, what's wrong with me? (link)
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Take with a grain of salt, I am not a trained professional, but you're showing pretty standard signs of depression. It's pretty common to withdraw emotionally from the world when things hurt and to have the only things that really move you be anger related.
Keep seeing your therapist. Suppressing is exactly what you are doing. It doesn't have to be a conscious decision, a defense mechanism is usually subconscious or unconscious, behaviors that come into play without you having to think about them because once it hits your conscious mind it hurts.
In simplest terms what's wrong with you is that you've both had too much negative in your life recently and you've focused too much on the negative. Bad things make you feel bad and eventually you get sick of feeling bad and end up feeling nothing at all.
How do you fix it? Inject some fun into your life somehow. Start out alone maybe, where you don't feel the pressure to put on a facade for others or fake anything. Do something that should be fun and try to enjoy it. If it doesn't work, do something else. Reading, video games, bike riding, a sport, a craft, it doesn't really matter what so long as it occupies you enough that you don't have a ton of time to think.
Pick something. If it doesn't work, pick something else. The first step to feeling happy again is going out and doing something that should make you happy.
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When I recently asked my boyfriend of six months if he'd pray about something that had happened in our lives, he said that he didn't pray. I was floored! I asked him if he believed in God and after a hesitation he said that he wasn't too sure about that. How has this not been addressed? I certainly do not think that everyone has to believe the way that I do, but I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he may NOT believe at all. Everything else about our relationship is ideal ... but how do I deal with this? Is this my chance to share the love that my God has? (link)
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No, it is not your chance to do anything.
He believes what he believes. It's not your job to change that, whatever your religion says otherwise. The fact is that he has a right to his beliefs just as you have a right to yours and it is disrespectful to "share God's love".
Accept it or break up with him over it, THAT part is your right, and if you can't be with someone who does not share your beliefs better to end it now. But unless he himself wants to find God it is not your job, your responsibility, or your right to try to bring him around.
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My girlfriend and I have problems,, she thinks that she's a lesbian,, I keep telling her that she can't be a lesbian if she hasn't done anything or have feelings for another girl... She wants to break up because of it and I don't know what to say to show her that she's not the lesbian type... I don't want to loose her,, what must I do??? (link)
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Lesbianism does not work that way.
You cannot show her anything. If she thinks she likes girls and not guys there is nothing you can do to change that, it's just how she feels. Let her go, it is the respectful thing to do.
Telling someone that they are wrong about their sexuality is incredibly insensitive and assholeish. You are not them, you do not know how they feel, and dealing with this is hard enough without a guy trying to convince her otherwise because he doesn't want to be single again.
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So I know this guy I used be good friends with. We met in last year of college. However my relation was with him was more academical. We used study together in library. During this period he started developing feelings towards me. I never saw him more than a friend. So one day he texted saying he loves me and wants to be more than friends and I told him I dont feel the same way. Scared about our friendship he made up a huge lie that he didnt text me, his phone got stolen and a person who stole the phone texted me. I clearly knew he was lying. I told him many times to tell the truth and assured it wont harm our friendship but he didnt and finally when I stopped receiving/replying his call /texts he confessed and begged to forgive him. I did forgive him but I cant forget what he did to me. I hate it when someone lie to me I hate it even more when they are worse at it like you're insulting me by thinking i'm dumb enough to believe you. This happened two yrs ago. After that we never saw or tried to contact each other but now few months ago he has found my twitter account.However he doesn't know I know abt this. He keeps stalking me there and everytime sees me talking to a guy get really jealous and start msging and calling that he wants to be my friend again. I get atleast 50 calls/msgs a day. He is so insecure and its really really annoying. He's forcing himself into my life. I dont want to go back to being friends again. I get repissed when I think about what he did to me. He's not ready to move on. I dont know how to handle this situation.:/ Help. (link)
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Lies borne of insecurity... honestly I don't see what he did as that big a deal, certainly not worth being mad about two years later.
That said, he's obviously intruding where he isn't wanted. Twitter accounts are a dime a dozen. Tell him to stop calling and texting then drop the twitter account or block him or something and change your phone number. Whether or not he's ready to move on doesn't mean you have to be bothered with it at this point, just take steps to remove his ability to contact you.
If necessary, start keeping records of his contact and consider filing a restraining order if he doesn't stop. Tell him you are doing this and that you are done being his friend and that he needs to move on on his own.
Honestly this situation is not that complicated. It's not your job to put up with him for any reason, I think you should get over being mad at him but that doesn't mean you have the slightest responsibility to tolerate his current behavior, personally I'd be more pissed off about the recent bullshit than I ever would have been about the lie. Stalking is fucking creepy and not to be tolerated, even online.
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I don't understand. Why are their entire livelihoods dependent upon optional tips? If restaurants paid their waiters more, then yes, their food would cost more, but that would be the real value of their food. Otherwise, people should be completely free to not tip, because it's legal. Unless someone makes a law saying that you must tip, or it's a crime.
I just think it's ridiculous. I'd rather just pay more money for food in a restaurant, and not have to tip unless I really wanted to. Does anyone else agree that it's messed up that the majority of money waiters make fluctuates, and is dependent upon charity?
Why is this allowed? I read somewhere that waiters can be paid like $2.13 an hour, by restaurants. If our culture says you should tip, and I tip a meal that cost $20 by 15%, and end up paying $23, why can't the food just cost $23? Cause now technically a waiter shouldn't get mad if someone doesn't tip since it's a legal thing to do. Unless they want to make it a law that one must tip a certain percentage.
By the way, I do tip, but this unnecessary system just annoys me. What next, Wal-Mart cuts its workers' pay to make their products even cheaper, and we're encouraged to tip their cashiers to make up the difference?
If a waiter gets mad when they don't get tipped they should be mad at their restaurant for paying them so little, and the government for allowing them to be paid so little (link)
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Technically restaurants are required to pay you at least minimum wage. If your average reported tips amounts to less per week than minimum wage by the hours worked then the restaurant has to make up the difference. In practical reality, if you don't make enough to make minimum wage you get fired and replaced instantly.
My question is why do we not have mandatory gratuity everywhere you go. In Europe tipping is for above and beyond service only because they add 15 to 18 percent or even 20 percent service charge to all bills and the waiter is tipped by default. My answer is because people are entitled assholes who enjoy paying as little as possible and restaurants don't really give a fuck about their servers.
Having been a waiter plenty I wish tipping were automatic because it sucks giving someone good service and getting stiffed. As it stands that's part of the job you are expected to accept. Sucks, but no one has the ability to change it.
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Okay, so when I was almost 17 I lost my virginity to a guy who was 22 at the time, he cheated on me, so I decided to quit trying to be with him, even though I cared for him a lot. We didn't speak to each other for a year. He sent me a message on facebook one day & we have been together for a little over a year now. When we first got back together I was the happiest I had ever been. We have lived together for 9 months, might I add, but the last 3 months things feel really different. I'm 18, almost 19 now, and he is 24. It kind of feels like the tables have turned. Like he's crazy over me now & idk how I feel anymore. I know that I love him with all of my heart & every time we fight and we break up I just can't let him leave & he doesn't want to leave either. I always think to myself, how could I ever be this close to someone again. But I just feel like I'm not happy anymore. I'm still young & I want to enjoy being out with my friends & stuff, but he says we never spend time together & WE live together. I'm always mean to him anymore & every little thing seems to get on my nerves. Why do I feel like this? Has anyone been in my position before? I honestly don't know how I feel. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep feeling this way. Like, I don't even want to have sex anymore & I use to all the time. I also feel like he has changed too! He used to always want to get out & do things, but now all he wants to do is stay home. Ya know, it's okay to stay home sometimes, but he has to understand that when he's at work, I stay here all day. We have talked about things & I've told him how I feel so many times & he thinks that after we talk, then the next day everything should be okay, but it's not. I still feel the same way. I just really need an outsiders point of view. Thanks guys! (link)
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Yeah, lots of people have been in that situation.
You need space. What you need to do, is take some time and space for yourself. You need to not pin all of your needs to go out and party or whatever on him. Get with your friends and go out without him sometimes. Girls nights out or whatever. At the same time, he needs to compromise some and go out with you some of the time.
It's not his job to do everything with you and it's not your job to stay at home every night because that's where he wants to be. What is your job is to try to find somewhere to meet in the middle.
You want to be doing different things. This isn't about who you are, it's about what you want out of life right now. What you want changes over time, you might well be ready to settle down in a few years.
So the choices are to break up because things aren't working or to find some middle ground that lets things work. It's going to require trust, patience, and compromise if you want to make it, whether you want to give it a shot is up to the two of you, but either way you need to communicate your needs clearly and see what the possibilities are.
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im 16 years old and I have a 28 year old math teacher She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She teaches my math class she is kind and sweet. I love everything about her her voice, her eyes, the way she touches her hair shes always nice to me and I think I am falling for her
she is driving me crazy I get aroused just thinking about her and just can't stop staring at her pic and she is all I think of at night. I fantasize about kissing her and sometimes more, do you think this is a problem that I should tell someone about? I have never had a girlfriend lots of friends but no one that has ever had a special bond, i feel this special bond with my young teacher and I keep fantasizing about her and crave her body, is that weird? every time i think of her
I feel retarded like i have marbles in my mouth and i can't speak she's that hot. It just makes me feel so crazy like I want to punch something, I want her so much I feel so mad I want to just punch something, if she has a boyfriend or husband I will be so jealous of him and I want him to die, I keep thinking she hates me or thinks I'm stupid as well, any help is welcome i think im in love with this girl she haunts my fantasies daily like other girls aren t good enough anymore all I want is here it ******* hurts so much (link)
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You talk to girls your own age.
Part of this is hormones. Once you're out of puberty you can still crush on people and whatnot but you don't sit there compulsively focusing on one person and using words like "need" in reference to someone you've never had a single flirty exchange with.
The other part is you're an inexperienced guy who's being a bit obsessive about this because he hasn't really got a clue what adult self control entails. You have not yet learned to take a breath and chill out when needed.
Figure out how to let it go. Put her out of your mind as much as possible. Get rid of whatever pictures you stare at. Do what you can to pretend she doesn't exist when she's in the room. The less you indulge your fantasies, the easier it gets to pretend they aren't there.
Most guys have a high school teacher they want to sleep with or date. I know I did. I didn't obsess about her or feel jealousy about it though. I accepted that she was hot, nice, and relatively speaking did not know I existed because that's how a 27 year old woman is supposed to regard a teenaged boy.
You need an outlet. Make some friends, play a sport, go talk to girls you actually can hit on without someone involved risking a felony, masturbate more while not thinking about her.
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I am a seventeen year old female and I a 25 year old boyfriend. When we first started dating he didnt ask me my age nor did i ask his. We feel deeply in love and then the age came into play. We've had sex alot and He haseven proposed to me a couple of times. I really really love him. Both our birthdays are in july so i'll be eighteen and he'll be 26. Please tell me what I should do. I don't want anything bad to happen to him because of me. Thanks... (link)
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Ugh, idiots.
First, a pedophile is clinically defined by the DSM (diagnostics criteria used by psychology) as someone who is attracted to prepubescent children. There are separate terms for attraction to pubescent and post pubescent people and it's defined as a specific and lasting attraction. He is not a pedophile and the posters below me irritate me for being among the millions of americans who misuse terms like that out of complete ignorance.
What your boyfriend could possibly be is someone who has committed statuatory rape. That depends on your state, the age of consent is not 18 in all states. If you live in Texas, for instance, the age of consent is 17 and what you are doing is not in fact illegal.
25 and 17 presents it's own problems, an 8 year gap like that can only be bridged if he's very immature. Nothing personal, but the average 17 year old has little to offer the average 25 year old, you should both be in completely different places in your lives. If you are not, be warned, in 5 years he could still be immature and you could not be and it will get very tiresome to have outgrown a man 8 years your senior and be sitting there hoping that he grows up.
So don't marry him until you're in your mid 20s if it comes to that. Period.
You turn 18 in a few months and after that no one will bat an eye. Personally, you're not a child at this point and your choices are your own, so just keep the fact that you might have had sex before you were legally able to to yourself and nothing bad should come of it. It's really up to you to be the one to witness against him and send him to jail unless you get caught in the act of having sex and turned in and even then police usually require more than just a witness claiming that an illegal act was committed so keep your mouth shut and you have nothing to worry about.
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