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I'm weird, but I do not think I am a sociopath.
I am 13, female. Lately, my mom has started to think any disorder that even slightly matches my perssonality is something I have. Last week, it was Asperger's Syndrome, and now she thinks I am a sociopth. I am callous, unfeeling, bookish, a nerd, and socially awkward. I like routine. I have odd beliefs, such as everyone being insane. I tell my parents very little without being provoked. I don't understand normal people, or why anyone would want to be normal. I have few friends and avoid social situations. I overthink things, mainly because I never stop thinking, except while sleeping. I enjoy the comfort of routine and the logic of science, and daedal, descriptive use of words. I obsess over a concept for a month at most, and, extinguishing my resources move on. Conversatin, with me, is often one-sided or nonexistant. I often spout random facts, mistaking what I am nterested in as normal behavior and conversation. I am an atheist, but I often ask myself how the universe was created and what created the source of creation. You can point out my mistakes, what I did wrong, but I am never wrong. Learning is fun for me, but joy, sadness, fear, embarassment are all lost to me, both in understanding and possession. What I ask is, what do you believe is wrong with me?
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I like this question.
Bottom line, you're more intelligent than a significant percentage of the people around you (possibly including your parents) but you're 13 and thus don't have the experience or knowledge to really do a whole lot with it yet.
The "everyone is insane" belief will probably change. People move according to their motivations, and while many of those motivations are objectively idiotic, at their heart they are usually emotional drives which you can identify with yourself at some point.
Callous and unfeeling are very likely a direct result of social awkwardness. The thing about being smarter than other people is that even if the things they do make sense to you the things you do might well not make sense to them. Without understanding to some degree on both sides, it's hard to have a social life and have fun together.
You mistake things because you haven't found a reason to pay attention. I used to be alot like you, but I always paid attention. I had a reason, people interested me. Got me into psychology as I got older, I enjoy figuring out what makes people tick. Paying attention eventually paid off. I started figuring out what other people thought was normal, meshed it in with what I thought was normal, tried to compromise a little bit and I guess you could say I lived half in their world and half in mine.
I will give you a fair warning. Watch out for arrogance. I caught a fairly strong blast of it with "but I am never wrong."
You will be right alot. Being intelligent makes that happen. But the corresponding downside is that when you are wrong, you're going to be _really_ wrong. That puts the responsibility on you to make sure you're right. It also puts you in a tricky position because in order to be right as much as possible you are going to have to admit that your perspective is limited.
Some people can't. I'm 28 and in the middle of a divorce because my ex wife refused to admit that she was ever wrong, because she couldn't accept that people as smart as her who saw different things in the world than her could be right and she could be wrong. She couldn't accept that even people without her intellect could be right and she could be wrong.
Value experience. Experience is data. Every single person in the world has their own personal experience. That's not alot of data. The most worldly person in the world won't see it all in their lifetime, experience every role in society it's possible for a person to play.
It takes other people's experience as well as your own to find objective truths.
You said everyone sees things differently. That's true. Two people can see the same thing and see different things. Sometimes, only one is right. Sometimes both are right or both are wrong.
If you want to be right, you should seek other's perspectives because sometimes you'll be wrong, sometimes they will, and sometimes no one is. But if all you have is your own way of seeing things, you'll never understand those times when other people are right, whether you are or not. Even when you're right you won't see the whole truth alone.
You can be the most brilliant person in the world but analysis of the wrong data will end up with a result that is wrong every time.
Anyway, enough with the lectures. You're 13, you've got alot to figure out about the world.
My advice to you is don't throw people away. I'm sure you have a hard time finding people to relate to, I'm sure you have a hard time believing that others can add to your life in ways that you could and would grow to need.
The investment is worth it. Took me years to find my friends. A core group of people I could love like brothers and sisters. They've made all the difference.
I've lived twice the life you have and then a little bit. Take it from me, intellect can be a gift, or a curse. And if you let it, like many things in life, being one doesn't preclude it from being the other at the same time.
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What's wrong with you is you seem a lot more philosophical and thoughtful than other teens-which is a good thing.
Just because you're very different from what other teens are doesn't mean your ill.
The overthinking sounds like me-be careful to distress everyday for example 'minfulness' techniques-otherwise it could lead to anxiety.
Your best bet is to stop worrying what you're like and instead accept who you are.The only thing you may need to alter is being a good conversationalist-its needed to get a career etc.
Teenage years are all about finding who you are. SO I say accept who you are...and concerntrate now on your school work. You seem intelligent, and when you're intelligent you have to make the most of it, so by putting this issue of finding yourself to aside and doing well at school, you'll be able to still be amazing,regardless of personality.
Instead of worrying who you are, find a hobby to distract yourself.
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Reading this well-structured, intelligent piece of self-analysis, nicely...even entertainingly written, I'm tempted so say there's NOTHING much wrong with you at all. You seem to have a remarkably well-developed, self-sufficient and self-reliant outlook for a girl of thirteen, where peer-pressure, embarrassmnet and the need to conform to a stereotype can often (usually!) be the default option. And that's about it! I feel it's unlikely that you're QUITE the emotional-void you might feel like at the moment, they're part and parcel of even the coldest, logical intellect as and when required. And yours will be 'tapped' at the proper times too. Though I doubt you'll ever 'gush' it! You're pretty RARE I'd say, but nothing wrong. I'd start practicing writing BSc (Hons) or D.Phil. after your name right about NOW if I were you...sounds like just a matter of time! And try not to intellectually destroy your mates too often in discussions...or they won't like it. There's a hope and humanity in honest mistakes that is sometimes lacking in icy perfection. Good luck...if you feel such a superstitious bit of voodoo like luck is appropriate!! ps. On the 'universe, question, if you take the 'infinite' argument then you cannot simply (and wrongly) understand infinity as being 'very big', or 'very old'. The concept means 'existing BEYOND THE BOUNDS of time or distance'. So there was NO 'before'... there can be NO 'after' and there can be NOTHING 'outside' of infinity. (Infinity + 1 = Infinity. And Infinity + 10000000 still only = Infinity and so on....). If indeed the universe IS infinite, it was BORN infinite and the idea of ANYTHING being before or after or outside of is non-causal and impossible. Now you can get some sleep instead of thrashing that one out!!
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