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Insanity is my specialty; it is no different in who I like, I now realize.
I am 13, female. I am online quite a bit, and most of my friends are online. I am generally unfeeling, as in I have no emotions whatsoever, but while talking to one of my friends, I am not. My heart aches, a good, but needing, never satisfied ache. I am certain I like him. More than I should, especially for a 22 year old I met online. While reading this, I assume the majority of you plan to lecture on my young, stubborn, ignorance. For all I know, he is a 57 year old predator. Fortunately, while being young and stubborn, I am not stupid. I do not plan on ever actually meeting him. I have recently told him my age and feelings. I have discoveed that, while I am unable to completely supress my feelings, I can dull it. He has not said anything to me; it was in the form of an e-mail. I hope you don't simply scold me for liking someone so much older than I, but I enjoy talking to him. He understands me, my love of reading, of learning, of science, and of thinking. Our conversations tend to be mostly intellectual, and I enjoy how he treats me as though I'm equal, not just a little kid, and learning from him. His ideas and how he uses words are amazing. He weaves words into sentences meaning more than just their contents, beathing life into letters how I wish I could. My thoughts often jumble up between my brain and mouth, the already scrambled and unorganized words more like a first grader's finger-paint than anything else. This, I hope, is understandable, and my questions now clear: What is wrong with me, a 13 year old girl liking a 22 year old man so much? What should I do? Is it odd to hope he laughs at me and says I am just a little girl, that I shouldn't feel the way I do? Am I as crazy as I think I sound?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
For a 13 year old, you write with more intelligence than a lot of 17 and 21 yr olds I know of.
Let me ask this, if the only thing different about this person, was the fact that it was a female instead of a male, would you still enjoy the intellectual conversations, and feel like you're being treated as an equal? Be honest with yourself. If you can answer yes...then you may possibly have found a mentor.
My husband when he was a teen was asked to meet his parents marriage counselor. He wanted to meet the kids to see how they were effected. Ray found my husband to be a highly intelligent young man at your age, high IQ, the things he just happened to know without having studies or read any books was college level or beyond. He took my husband under his wings as a student and became his mentor. Ray passed much valuable information to him and likewise asked my husbands opinion on problems that he and scientist friends were debating to get a new point of view. Ray was treating this teen as an equal.
If you realize that you like the fact that your friend is a male more than the intellectual conversation, then I'd have to say you are having your first crush or one of your early crushes in life. Learn from this what you like in a man and tuck that away until the time you are a bit older and can date. At school age, the boys aren't going to be mature enough to catch your interest so you may well need to wait until you graduate <high school. Once you're 18, you can decide who you will date and age should not matter. My own parents were 9 years apart. Mom was 18 when she married.
It will feel like torture having to wait but wait you must.
I cannot and will not address anything regarding emotions, lack of them even though you mentioned it enough. The key here, is you did not ask any question regarding that but it must be important to you or you would not have brought that up. If you decide you feel a need to discuss it, ask your Advice question specifically on that.
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It's actually very normal for someone your age to have feelings for an older guy. It's not normal for actual relationships between people like you and he, but it is absolutely normal for you to feel the way that you do. It's nice to have someone to talk to like that and it's nice to feel as strongly as you do when you're used to not having much emotion in your life. You honestly don't sound crazy at all to me. It's not a problem for you to continue to talk to him like you are, but a few big issues could come up. Since you've recently told him about your feelings, he may turn the conversation in a sexual direction. If he does this, block him immediately and never talk to him again. This may be painful and difficult and you may think well, I can deal with it, but you will find someone else that you can talk to that will bring out the same things in you. It would never be worth it to have to deal with the effects of any advances from him whether it sort of felt good to be wanted or not. You're just too young to be talking to someone that much older than you about that sort of thing. He could really damage you. If the conversations stays the same and does not take a sexual turn, then there really isn't much of a problem and you can keep on talking to him. It sounds like you're having fun and discovering pieces of your personality and intelligence, which is great. Don't give him any information about where you live, what the name of your school is, or any other information that would allow him to find you. This sounds like a no-brainer and you clearly know not to do that, but if you're not being careful, something could slip. Talking to him and becoming closer could subconsciously put you into a state of false security and trust where you could just accidentally reveal something that you shouldn't. If he starts asking for this sort of information, again, stop talking to him immediately and forever. This person seems great, but could be very dangerous. The most dangerous people are very charismatic and know how to put their words together to get what they want. Lastly, I want you to think about this person, who says that they are 22. I'm sure you're great and interesting and all, but why would a 22 year old want to be talking to a 13 year old online? It's definitely something to consider. What type of person is this and what type of life do they have where they don't have friends their age that they would rather talk to at their own level than you? Where does a 22 year old person find the time and why are they interested in you? As nicely as he puts his words together, he's probably not a great person. If you do want to continue talking to him and he doesn't do anything creepy, be very, very careful that you do not do anything stupid. Don't let your feelings or his charisma overpower you to the point where you lose something that you can't get back. Good luck!
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Hello! Sorry about this enormous answer, but I really want to help you.
You're obviously a very intelligent girl. I can tell by the way you write that you're smart and creative. However, it also seems to me, and sorry if my observations are wrong, but it seems that you often try to hide your emotions. It is normal for everyone (EVERYONE, except maybe sociopaths) to feel emotions (especially when you have all those hormones rushing around your brain when you're 13). Some people obviously feel them stronger than others, but what it usually comes down to is how much we express these emotions, and you're the type of person, from what I can see, that attempts to hide the expression of your feelings. This can be harsh on yourself. Avoiding and suppressing your feelings can not only be harmful for you, but it can also make you unaware of your own feelings, and it can harm your intrapersonal intelligence. That is, your awareness of yourself. Knowing yourself can really help you tap your creativity, and might help you write the way you wish you could, help you speak the way you wish, because you'll feel more comfortable with yourself. I discovered this myself, after being extremely socially awkward and then accepting myself.
Anyway, I can completely understand why you would have feelings for someone, when they are the only person you've met who can make you feel such strong emotions, and, not just feel them, but express them.
So, I think its normal for you to like this guy. He sounds smart like you, and you admire and respect him. I can imagine you haven't met any guys like him, and I definitely doubt you know any 13 year-olds who are intelligent like you and this 22-year-old guy.
As you said, you're not trying to meet up with him, and, being the smart person you are, you understand it might not be healthy for a 13-year-old girl to have feelings for a 22-year-old guy.
To answer your first question, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You've just found a guy who you think is really great, and you have a crush. However, him being on the internet, its hard for you to be reasonable about his age when you can't see, face-to-face, how much older he looks, talks, and acts. I'm 19. I liked a guy at my work who was 24. We went on a couple of dates and I realised, even though I am a young adult, and so is he, that there is this obvious age gap. I am mature for my age, but watching the way he behaved, and hearing him talk, I just thought "Wow, I've realised how much older he really is." But chatting on Facebook, and small talk at work, couldn't show me that. What I'm trying to say is, you can't see how much age impacts this guy's personality because you've never seen him. I think if you realise that this guy is probably a lot different in person, and a lot different to YOU in person, it will be easier to overcome your feelings for him.
What you should do? I think you've already handled this right so far. You've told the guy how old you are, and you've been honest about your feelings for him. From what I can tell from your story, he hasn't replied to you? He is probably shocked that such an intelligent girl is only 13! All you can do now is hope he deals with the truth in a good way, and you guys can continue chatting. Honestly though, I don't see anything happening between the two of you (but I am sure you already know this). Also, if he starts asking to meet up with you, I would be worried as to why a 22-year-old young man would want to meet up with a 13-year-old girl.
Finally, you're not crazy, you're just a girl with a crush, and we all know that crazy feeling of liking a guy, despite how impossible any kind of romance would be. You are such a smart girl, and this will help you in life with school and your future education if you go to college. Being creative, enjoying reading and science and thinking intelligently like you do, are such good features for a person to have. One day you will find a guy the right age who will absolutely love you. Most guys aren't much intellectually from 13-18. Wait until college and you meet smart people like you. They do exist! It must be hard for you now to find people who understand you, but I'm sure it will get much better later on in life.
Good luck, and try to get in touch with your emotions more, it might help you sort out your feelings.
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