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Crush on my boss while in a committed relationship.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. Things were great when we first started dating, we were always together and enjoyed it. Lately we have been drifting apart and we hardly talk anymore,even though we live together. The less we talk the more i feel closer to my boss. At first I just enjoyed talking to my boss but lately I feel like there is something more between us. My boss constantly brings up my name during converstation with other coworkers.
I really love my boyfriend but when i try to explain how i feel that we are drifting apart he just hugs me and walks away or says "no we are not".
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's time for a come to jesus meeting with the boyfriend. Ignore the boss for now.
Sit him down and be blunt. Give him a long and detailed version of "If things don't change I'm going to leave you" with lots of why.
Don't just leave him. Give him warning. Let him know it's coming and that he's got to get off his ass or he's going to end up single.
If nothing changes, if he ignores you, if he refuses to listen, you know what to do. Figure out how to move out on your own and start flirting with your boss.
Obviously be careful. I have no idea what your job is but if you really want to get involved with a boss see if you can figure out a way to not have him be your boss anymore. That's bad for work and for any potential relationship.
Alternately if you work at Taco Bell or something similar that's incredibly easy to replace who gives a shit. Do what you want in that regard.
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There once was a time in life when I was treated better as a human being at work from my co-workers who were female and my boss who was male than from the husband. I felt myself admiring the good qualities in my boss that the husband lacked and wished for the same for myself...however I had not left the relationship yet to give myself a chance to find a better man. Not all guys you meet will make a perfect match for you and you for him. You had enough attraction to get together but it wasn't enough to hold it together. It takes having lots of similar interests, same outlook on life, same goals to have things in common and projects to work towards together. Right now, all you are is roommates. Thats all I had become for my ex...a warm human body around...more like his security blanket. If this was a husband, I'd say go for counseling to see if it helps...but this is a boyfriend, so it's time to move on. And yes, you'll probably go through a grieving process, even though the relationship isn't what it used to be. Don't settle for less. Too many of us do. Allow yourself to meet other guys and see if you can find someone whom you have much more in common with, the person who finds that the mundane things of life are more exciting simply because you are at his side and vice versa. Or simply said, Life is better because you;re in it. You find you can talk for hours on end without ever running out of things to say, and there is great passion in your love life, then I'd say, you've finally found the one.
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I agree with most of what storageanddisposal has written I will phrase it a bit different.
For any relationship to be successful there must be communication and common interests. Sex appeal and sex take a relationship only so far. At some point you wake up and need to talk to each other. It is at this point that you find out if you have anything other than sex in common.
Now I have no idea if this is the situation between you and your boyfriend or if he has reached a different comfort level with the relationship than you have. Since you live together I don't think cheating is a problem but lack of communication, possible lack of common interests and reaching of different comfort levels are.
Because you may be at different comfort levels and are not communicating your needs to your boyfriend and in a sense forcing him to talk about what you want and what he wants from your relationship. The present situation makes you vulnerable to real or perceived overtures from your boss.
You are correct in not accepting "NO WE ARE NOT" from your boyfriend. You are entitled to a better answer and to let him know more plainly you are not happy with the preset status quo. What ever problems you perceive there to be he needs to know about them and address them with you. Any and all things from not pulling his weight in household chores to lack of sexual ardor in the bedroom.
Whatever it may be you two need to talk about it. You say you love him. If you two do not start communicating your wants, needs and desires to each other and allow this relationship to fall into a comfort zone then any relationship is headed for disaster.
So talk to him.
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There's a few things that come to mind.
1. Relationships are never perfect and it's normal for sparks to fade into a comfortable quietness. We have these thoughts of other people and relationships with them, but they're often superficial fantasies that involve none of the problems relationships will inevitably come with. My point is, there's always issues to work through with any relationship. If you left your boyfriend for your boss, you'd likely find all kinds of new issues with your boss. So if this is just a case of growing out of initial infatuation, I wouldn't leave your boyfriend over it.
2. On the other hand, people do change. The two of you might not be the same people you were two and a half years ago. If you really are growing incompatible, it might be time to call it quits.
3. Don't settle for "no we are not". He can speak for himself, but he cannot speak for you. He needs to understand exactly what you're feelings are when it comes to issues like this.
Do some deep thinking and find out what you really want. Then talk to your boyfriend about making that happen.
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