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Porn in a relationship?
I'll get straight to the point.
19/f
I am in a 2 year relationship and up until this point have never had a problem with my boyfriend or myself watching porn. I always thought it was a healthy form of sexual expression and completely normal. Were very open about these kinds of things.
But then the more I started thinking about it the worse I felt. He doesn't abuse it at ALL and when I watch it, its maybe once a month or less, so these feelings came out of nowhere. It doesn't interfere with our relationship whatsoever.
(Also i'm not religious)
So I just need opinions!
1) Is it healthy/normal for a relationship?
2) It's not considered cheating ... right?
3) How could I maybe cope with it better?
Or anything else you guys wanna say please do.
I'm a little confused about the whole thing and have been feeling pretty bad every time we talk about it.
Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
1) Yeah it's pretty normal
2) No, most people don't consider it cheating
3) Watch it with him maybe. Involve it in your mutual sex life.
Why do you feel bad. I sense a little worry about inequality. He doesn't and you do and you feel bad about it or something. People are different, have different drives.
Comedy option: Buy a video camera, make your own videos, watch those. And you know hope you don't end up on youporn if you have a bad breakup.
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Like everything else in any relationship the key is what is acceptable to the people in the relationship. This is very much an important part of any sexual relationship which porn of course would be a part of.
In the manner you speak of porn it is normal and can be made a part of any normal healthy sexual relationship. Sex like anything else is a learned concept. Yes copulation is inbred in all of us just as any animal knows how to copulate. Sex on the other to be fun and enjoyable is learned.
By learning I mean partners need to learn about each others likes and dislikes. They need to agree that no is no and stop is stop. Sometimes we hear about different things, positions, fetishes, or other things concerning sex that we frankly are not aware of or may not know how to work into. Porn in this manner plays a part as there is porn available for just about any subject you may wish to observe or try.
Also voyeurism is a great turn on for many people. Porn is a safe and legal way to explore and experience this area of sexuality. Porn is not cheating.
As for coping with porn that is an individual thing. You may have been raised to believe porn is dirty or worse; it is not either. It is healthy when used as you described. It can also be used as a learning tool as I described or to satisfy a sexual itch. It is also legal to view where shown or in the privacy of your own home.
When you find yourself able to accept what I have written here. Then I believe you will cope better with porn. Cheating is a one on one real situation. You cannot cheat with a piece of film or a magazine. You can lust for the persons image but lusting is not cheating.
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I think you've heard a lot of negativity so far, so here's my take on things.
1) Is it healthy/normal?
Absolutely. In any relationship, you're going to be curious about other people. Much as it would be lovely to say that we only use our significant others for masturbatory fodder, it's not necessarily the case. Porn gives you a way to act on these urges without having to go outside of your relationship. It gives you new ideas to keep things fresh and interesting, and can really expand your horizons.
2) Is it cheating?
It all depends on your personal definition. For some people, flirting is considered cheating. For other couples, full sexual content with other people is fine. So it's no surprise that some people feel that watching porn is cheating while others incorporate it into a happy, healthy sex life. It sounds like you two are doing just fine, other than your recent misgivings, so I'm leaning towards saying that you guys don't feel like it's cheating.
3) How can you cope with it?
Now, I'm not sure how you have been using porn, but if you have only been indulging solo, it might be worthwhile to try bringing your boyfriend into the mix. Try finding some couples-friendly porn, or something that really gets you going, and invite him to watch with you. It really takes away the "dirty" stigma and makes it something you can share.
I'm seeing a lot of "It gives men unrealistic expectations" pearl-clutching, and I would have to disagree. While there is some porn that features plastic women being abused, there's a whole world of female-friendly porn out there. Men decide on their own expectations for women, and it takes someone who has been damaged in some way to get that wholesale from porn.
Porn doesn't ruin relationships on its own. It's abuse of porn or a messed up attitude to it that harms relationships.
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I never really liked porn. I think it really a preference for people. Although, I've met adults who have ruined marriages because of porn. If it gets carried away, then it will ruin the relationship.
When I learned more about it, in like sessions and stuff, it does give guys unrealistic expectations about girls. I mean normal girls don't do the things they do.
Anyways, I guess I can say it's normal for a relationship. Idk about healthy but if you both don't watch it very much, it shouldn't ruin you guys.
I don't consider it cheating either.
I really think things like this can ruin relationships, just like any other problem if it gets out of hand. Like drinking, smoking, ect.
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i understand what you are going through. but honestly i don't like porn at all. i have always had a problem with it since it is basically plastic "perfect" horny girls. i have always felt like it makes guys think like women are supposed to be perfect you know? anyway that is just me....
but.. if you are okay with it i don't see why it needs to be a problem. unless your boyfriend watches it all the time then that is not good. or like if he starts to compare you? if not then i don't see the problem. i don't think it is considered cheating. at all. your boyfriend is not actually physically touching the other person or doing things with them so i think that is okay...honestly my boyfriend likes watch it and i don't get bothered. as long as it doesn't interfere with our relationship.. thats the most important thing you need to think about.
since you feel so bad about it maybe you are a little more religious than you think? or maybe it is just not in you to watch it?. I'm that way, I'm not really religious but i feel weird when i watch it so i just stay away.. i think you should do the same until you realize what is bothering you, and hopefully you can fix it from there.
overall, i don't think its a problem, but if you have a problem with it you always have a choice. :)
xoxo
ann
f 21
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You will get different answers on this one
My opinion? Porn ruins a relationship.
If you are with someone and you both have a healthy relationship what's the need for the porn? Porn (again in my opinion) is an alternative for those who do not have partners.
Some say its a educational thing to spice up a relationship. DOo I agree? To some extent I do. As long as it is not excessive. I personally would not want porn in my relationship with someone. However, I am old fashioned. It is offensive to me because that it what your partner is for. (No, I am not religious either)
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