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I am going to tell my parents i cut
Hello...i am 13 and i cut. well it stared over me being very stressed about my grades and thought i was going to fail 7th grade. i know i am smart and capable of being the best i can..i just let myself fall..i was in the shower one night and a broken razor used to shave your legs or whatever, was there. i herd people cut to relive pain...so me being a curious girl i did it..it felt good but than i started to freak out!! my wrists wouldnt stop bleeding...my mom and dad were out and my 17 year old brother (who i am very close with)was in his room and i had to tell someone. knowing he would understand i got out of the shower got dressed and ran into his room. i was crying and he asked me what was worng...i look at him with teary eyes and just flipped over my wrist. he started crying and pulled me into a tight hug. he said stuff like "you are so much better!" and "never feel like you have to hurt yourself!" and "your so beautiful and talented, why?" i didnt answer i just cried in his arms. soon when i felt better i tould him why i was depressed. and also my parents had been mad at me for my grades..so that too. also my grandmother who i was also very close too, had just passed away. my brother understood and was there to support. i asked him if he would promise to never tell my mom and dad and he promised. little did i know...he would break that promise. i went to bed because i just wanted to sleep from all the stress. later that night i guess my bro tould my parents when they got back. i was kind of half awake and half asleep when i heard my door open. my mom came and sat on my bed...took my hands from under my blanket and looked at my writst. she woke me up and started yelling and sceaming on how dumb i was to do that...my dad always agrees on everything my mom says so he just did the same thing...story short it caused a huuuuge shit storm between me and my mom...not so much my dad cause he was sort of calm. so i promised i would never do it again. now today at school i get called up to the office to see the couclier...i already knew what was coming. i was freaked out and crying the whole time. i stayed there for at least an hour or two, just venting. they said they would have to call my parents and let them know. i was sobbing begging them please not to tell...i tould them my mother would never look at me the same way again...i cut on my leg this second time btw. so they called in my bro. i tould him everything and we promised the school him and i would tell my parents tonight. it is 6:32 p.m. and i am scared to death..my mom thought i was crazy and mental the first time...and now the second...i am going to never be looked at the same by her...and that hurts...how should i approch them? please help....i am just a 13 year old girl who feels scared and alone...please....help. :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I should not say what I am about to say. But it needs to be said so I will say it. First let me say I am old enough to be your grandfather and I would tell this to your mother if I had the ability to say so.
How your mother handled the news of your cutting yourself the first time was very wrong. You did not need to be yelled at. What you needed was and still is professional help. The type of help only a doctor can provide. Cutting is a cry for help. It says your in pain and your depressed.
Losing your grandmother and looking as if you would fail the 7th grade are two good reasons to bring on what doctors now call teenage depression. Yes it is an actual diagnoses for what your grandparents and great-grandparents once called a phase teenagers would sometimes go through.
Part of the problem is puberty and all the new hormones floating threw you. Then you have the stress of teenage life and all the new responsibilities expected of you as you are no longer looked at as a child; yet you are not an adult either. Then their are the social aspects of being a teenager along with fighting off boys.
Frankly without the added stress of loosing a grandmother or poor grades it is a wonder more teenagers are not depressed. There is help for this depression as it is a form of clinical depression. Meaning your not crazy just over stressed and the two chemicals that are secreted in your brain to manage stress are not sufficient at this time and you become depressed. The doctors can provide supplements to help and with talk therapy to identify the stressors and help you deal with them; the depression can be controlled and eventually disappear.
If you did tell mom last night as you promised to do and she started screaming again. Then she is again wrong and not helping you. She is just adding to your stress. What you need to do is either ask your brother to take you to the closest hospital Emergency room or you need to dial 911 and ask for help. Once you are with doctors mom will be informed just how sick you are after they examine you. Now I said sick not mental. Depression is an illness that is treated with medication first.
Neither mom or dad will be able to stop the people who 911 sends to you from examining you and taking you to the hospital if they feel the need is there. So be truthful with them.
There will be a police officer there for just this purpose to look out for your safety and well being plus fire fighter EMTS to take care of you.
Depression hurts but it doesn't have to. You need to get help and if your parents won;t get it for you then you need to get it for yourself. The quickest way to do that is to call 911.
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Ok I can say that I completely understand your situation.
I'll tell you my story and maybe it will help you a bit.
I was about 12 when I first cut. I did it for about 5 or 6 years. My parents didn't find out until I was 14. I was freaking out and they broke down the door and dragged me out. They yelled and screamed at me. Then I was grounded for 3 or 4 months.
I never got any help for it, I wish I had.
Then when I was 15, my close friend knew I still did it. She went to the counselor and then she called my parents. Nothing changed their mind. They just didn't understand.
First thing, don't become bitter with your parents. They don't know why you do it and they won't see why you're so unhappy when you have a good life.
This is why I think you guys should go to family counseling and see how to fix this problem.
Cutting isn't the solution. It will make you feel better for a few moments but it's a problem and your body doesn't deserve that kind of abuse.
Also, don't be mad at your brother. He did the right thing by telling your parents. They love you and they just don't know how to handle it.
Be honest with them, and tell them you need some help.
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You probably won't see this in time for the talk with the parents. But hopefully this will still help. I want your parents to read my response too. The fact that you have written in for advice shows that you really want things to be better and you need the help and support and most of all lots of love, not anger and yelling as you ALL together work to discover ways to help you get rid of the stress and do better in school and of course stop the cutting before it just becomes a nasty habit like smoking.
Your parents are so freaked out because they love, it's just their response that isn't the best it could be. I am not putting them down. I have raised 3 daughters, 2 who struggled at times in school yet they were intelligent. One after testing was found to not be at the grade level she was attending. She needed to go back a grade and the public schools wont do it for fear of damaging the childs psyche. Hah what a joke, so she is so stressed that she doesnt enjoy school anymore? The other daughter, had no problem with the teaching style, was just lazy. So I had a talk with her. Painted the scenerio for her and left the choice up to her. I told her that she needed to get her high school degree so either she had to buckle down and go with the program at high school or I would be okay with her leaving high school to go get her GED if she didn't enjoy all the stuff that comes with high school. She thought about and decided she'd miss out on too much fun stuff if she just went for a GED so she changed her attitude. There was a third choice, refuse to go for either of the other two choices and discover that there weren't many employers that would offer her a job without a high school degree and that she would likely end up homeless cus mom and dad won't be around forever. She didnt like that option.
First to give you a good perspective of where the parents are coming from: The hard fact of life is that when a child is born, it doesn't come with a training manual for the parents to know how to raise it. Each child is unique so the instructions that work for one kid isn't going to work on the next. That said, parents will do what they think is best. Here is a good analogy:
Lets say you have a fever and they are demanding that you do something to get ride of the fever. A fever is a symptom of what is wrong. You can't by yourself just make your fever go away by applying willpower. Nope, it takes tests by a doctor to find the underlying cause and then treat that before the fever will go away. If a fever is ignored, the condition gets worse and worse, infection grows.
That is exactly where you are at girl. The stress with your grades at school is the underlying cause. That stress has caused the "fever" which is your doing the cutting. So what is the "medication that will get rid of the school stress? You said you are smart, so it's not that. A counselor may be able to help uncover that for you and your parents. Often, students will unusually high IQ's will get bored with school because they are so far beyond what is being taught that they don't apply themselves. That could be your situation. Some specific testing will determine easily. The school counselors could advise your parents who the company is that tests for a students aptitude. Perhaps you just got lazy and its a good lesson to learn now in life as a young person before you are an adult as it has a heavier impact on whether you have a job and place to live then. You can see how quickly you can fall behind. One daughter was dangerously behind in middle school. In talks with her and teachers together, the teachers really wanted to do whatever helped to get her to pass her grade and yup, it was 7th grade. The middle school I had them in actually worked the kids harder than most the middle schools because even if the kids were at failing levels with grades, the push to work hard was training for high school. Tests had shown that the kids who were stressed a bit harder in middle school almost all got higher grades in the local high school than the kids who did not attend there. So they understood the importance of gaining some good study habits at that age. Having a cheering section may be all you need with teachers, and school counselors and parents and other relatives like your wonderful wonderful brother.
Actually, he instinctively gave you the best thing a person can do for someone under stress (which leads to depression) he pulled you into a tight hug. Bear hugs that last a long time do much for raising the NT's neuro transmitters in your brain which are responsible for producing the hormones that keep us at a stress free level. The body is able to produce these naturally and dont need meds from a doctor to do so. One of the ways it is released and increased in the body is through hugging. There are other ways too I'd love to share another time. Right now there needs to be some positive talks between you and the parents. If your parents won't read my response, show it to your brother and see if you can get an aunt or uncle to read this. You need other family who can speak to your parents to get them to start working on this without scaring the crap out of you and yelling or threatening.
And remember, if the parents did not care about you, they wouldn't react at all. They love you.
I stress that you get others to be willing to work with you in a different way than they are going at it now because this way will only drive you deeper into despair and the depression so overwhelming that cutting may not be enough and you contemplate suicide. We don't want you to get anywhere near that. That's why I want you to get all the support you can. Let me know if you can how things go. And give your brother a hug for me. BTW, I cried really hard when I read your letter...If I could be there, I would give you a loving hug.
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