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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Okay so I was hanging out with a friend and she asked me what my favorite food is and I said Cotton Candy and she said it isn't a real food. So who do you think is right.
The Answer
Is sugar a food? That's all cotton candy is made of - sugar and a bit of colouring.
Your friend is being obnoxious. Don't pay any attention to someone when they do argue with you over stupid little things. It's your favourite food, why is your friend arguing with you about that? Tell them to find something better to do with thier time.
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The Question
I am 3 months pregnant. I live with my boyfriend. He pays the rent since I don't have a job. We are BOTH on the lease, though, and I have contributed in the past when I had an income. I am 21 and he is 26. Today he said to me "You can't live here anymore. I am not your family and I am not your father." (Meaning, he thinks since he has been paying the rent by himself recently, it gives him the right to tell me to move out.) I know he has been talking to other girls online, at his workplace, and at bars. (They are in his phone text conversations and emails.) I don't know if he has cheated on me, but I do know he is pursuing other women. He has not told his parents I am pregnant and told me he has no intention of raising a baby with me. The reason he gave me is because I have not found a job since I have been unemployed, I am a college dropout, and that I have no ambitions in life. He has never expressed this until my pregnancy, and quite frankly, what does being and unambitious unemployed college dropout have to do with anything? He helped create this baby, AND DID NOT OFFER TO PAY FOR ABORTION.
Okay, so here are my 2 questions:
I KNOW ITS THE YEAR 2013 AND ALL, BUT SHOULD I BE ASHAMED THAT I WANT A TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH HE IS THE "BREADWINNER" AND I TAKE CARE OF THE HOME AND CHILD? (I'M NOT SAYING I DON'T EVER WANT TO RETURN TO WORK, BUT IT HAS BEEN VERY DIFFICULT FINDING WORK AND BEING A HOMEMAKER AND MOTHER CAN BE MY "AMBITION" FOR NOW.)
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND SEE THIS PREGNANCY AS MY WAY OF "DEPENDING ON HIM LIKE A FATHER"?(I AM DEPENDING ON HIM AS A BOYFRIEND, FATHER OF MY CHILD, AND POSSIBLE FUTURE HUSBAND)(He is making me feel bad, almost like I am a gold digger, because I am living here rent free. I don't ask him for gifts, I don't ask him for anything, not even food because I am on food stamps. He is stingy with his money and I respect his decision to spend his money elsewhere, even though I RECENTLY FOUND OUT it is spent to take other women on dates or to buy other women drinks at the bar. but why is he so unwilling to pay for his baby? He has a good full time job and a bachelor's degree. AM I A GOLD DIGGER SERIOUSLY?
The Answer
He doesn't have to want to marry you. He doesn't owe you that. It's very nice that you want a traditional marriage. He doesn't want that with you, and he's not required to give it to you. The only thing to be ashamed of, is if you fail to recognize that, respect it, and make other plans for yourself (perhaps, with someone else who wants what you want from life.)
You should have spoken to him about these things before you started having unprotected sex with him. You are just as responsible for that as he is. You didn't plan your lives together, talk about your ambitions and shared goals. You got pregnant and then assumed you could just have the life you wanted. Unfortunately, that isn't the life HE wants.
He not your future husband, and he is not your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to be those things, then you can longer depend on him for that degree of support. It is 2013, and what that does mean is that no one has to stay in a relationship that they don't want to be in, even if there is a baby on the way.
Now you need to find out your options and make other plans. Call your family and friends, find a place to stay, and connect with a support network for single mothers. You may be on the lease, but if you aren't and can't contribute to rent you won't have much defense in court. If you take him to court over that lease, you'll just end up owing even more money in the end. Besides, you don't really want to go on living with your ex who is chasing other women, do you? So, you'll need legal support, so you can get the financial help from your ex that the child is entitled too, and you'll need advice on how else to make ends meet while you have a newborn.
Get out of your fantasy world. The reality is that this guy owes you child support and civility, nothing more. Although it would be better for the child if he choose to be in it's life as a father, he's not legally obligated to do so. And he is definitely not required to marry you or support you in the same home if he doesn't want to.
For your own sake stop fighting for a relationship that is already gone. For the sake of your child, wake up and start looking for help from family, community groups and the state. If you can't support yourself, that is where you need to turn.
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The Question
My best friend moved and she means so much to me - Plus, she moved to the school I've been wanting to go to!! It's fancy, not strict, has better education... It's better for me.
Plus, I don't really want to know anyone there except for her. So then I'll meet new people (Everyone at my current school hates me).
So how should I sort of convince my mom to let me move? I've mentioned it, but not really asked her. She never said yes, but she never said no.
The Answer
Start out by knowing what changing schools will mean: How will you get to school? Will it cost more money to go there? Do you live in an area where it's okay to go there, or will you need special permission?
Once you have the answers to those question, just ask your mom to switch. If you know the possible problems, you and your mom can have an honest conversation about what your family can manage.
It's possible your mom will have to say no for reasons you just can't control. Maybe the family can't manage to get you to the school. Maybe they can't afford it. If that's the case, you'll need to accept it, but the best thing you can do is ask.
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The Question
Ok so is it just me or what but 75% of the time its I have more feelings than her. She says im to emotional is that possible ? Like im always bringing up all our good memories an the same response every time mmhhmm ya so ill be like baby dont you member any she says yes but she cant give me one memory she never wants to talk ehen I want to but all be damed if im not everstuff under the sun when she wants to talk we.cant even have a convo.with out arguing she is falling out of love huh? I mean its just not fair only when its convenient for her its suppose to be 50/50 meet in the middle right?
The Answer
Relationships aren't 50/50.
That's total bullshit. There is always someone who does more housework, or arranges more of the parties and outings, or does more of the cooking, or more of the talking, or hell, even more of the hugging.
Relationships are about getting to a balance that works for you both - not about splitting everything down the middle.
It sounds like this balance isn't working for you OR her. Neither of you seem happy.
You should talk about that, and be prepared appreciate her point of view and feelings, not just demand she change to suit yours. Not everyone needs the same things from relationships, or wants the same things. You both have to understand what your partner wants and needs, especially if it's different than what you'd want.
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The Question
I have this gut feeling my boyfriend cheated on me but I'm not completely sure and I can't get him to admit it. One night he just left the house with my cell phone and without telling me that he was leaving or where he was going. He was gone for about 8 hours and when he came home I could tell he was high and when I asked him about it he said he had taken some pills. I had borrowed my moms car and went looking for him at all of his friends' houses (that I know of) but he wasn't at any of them. When I asked him where he had went he kept saying he was at his friend Nick's house and I knew that wasn't true because I went by there 3 times and he wasn't there. I could never get him to tell me where he really was. The next day I found the undershirt that he had been wearing the night before in the floor board in the back seat of our car with cum stains all over it. When I asked him about it he got real defensive and accused me of doing stuff that I shouldn't be doing then he finally told me that he had "pleasured himself" and that he had used his undershirt to clean up. He had a pillow in the trunk that had been in there for a little over a week and when I got into the trunk the other day I noticed that the pillow case was missing but the pillow was still there. The pillow case was still on the pillow the day before all this happened. He's lied to me quite a bit before and I think he's lying to me about cheating on me too. Just by him refusing to tell me where he was that night, erasing the numbers he called on my phone that night, the undershirt with cum stains all over it, and the missing pillow case really makes me think he cheated on me. This was a little over a week ago but I really can't get over it and I don't know what to do. All I want is for him to tell me the truth but I don't know how to get him to. I've tried to forget about it and move on and some days it seems like I can but some days it's all I can think about. Should I keep asking him about it or should I just drop it?
The Answer
Even if he didn't cheat, look at what he did do.
He disappeared for an entire night, refused to contact you, got so wasted/stoned on something that he masturbated in his car, lied to you about where he was, and generally acted like an irresponsible, deceptive asshole.
You might never know what he really did that night, so dump him. You don't need to wait until you have hard evidence of cheating to break up with this guy - you already know he's an irresponsible liar. So forget about finding out the truth, the most important bit of truth is that you are better off without him.
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The Question
I have a huge crush on my math teacher, she is young and extremely hot and I like her personality. She is 28 and I am 17. Unlike other sissies, I went and told my teacher at the end last year my attraction to her and how she is the girl of my dreams. She said "Come back when you're 18 and graduated" that must mean she was willing to go out with me after I graduate! I was so excited, but now, just six months or so before I graduate, I find out she has a boyfriend! What? , I am so sad and angry and jealous now, I feel sick. She might as well have stabbed me, it would have hurt less. Why would she trick and betray me like this? I feel I need to retaliate or confront her in some way
The Answer
She didn't betray you, and she didn't trick you.
Even if she had intended to date you (and she never did, she was simply making a joke, and trying not to hurt your feelings too much) she was never required to wait for you to turn eighteen. She is a free person. She owed you nothing. She was completely within her right to date whoever she chooses.
You should not confront her. That would be inappropriate, controlling and creepy. She didn't wrong you. She doesn't owe you an explanation or an apology.
Cry it out. She was never interested in you to begin with. Sometimes someone we like, doesn't feel the same way about us. That's just life. That's something that healthy people need to learn to handle.
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The Question
Okay, so basically, two years ago a friend and I, wrote witty letters to 'God.' (I, for one, do not believe in him.) And, recently I got a bible in the mail, a long with the notes we wrote, and buried in the snow two years ago. We did not have our addresses on it, but we had our names, and last names.
I just wanna know, based on what you think, was it a stalker, or..?
(Note: She had gotten the bible as well, and there was no return address, and post office could not trace it back. We got the bibles on the same day.)
The Answer
Well, mostly likely it was someone who had some sense of who you are, or easily found your sur names (or your parents names) and was able to attach them to your address, and thought they were being clever and/or kind to send you Bibles as a response.
I'd agree this is more creepy than clever behavior, but it's probably best to just laugh it off. People can be funny about their faith and can act oddly, even inappropriately, out of the desire to share it with others.
Sending bibles anonymously to the home address of young people is a bit creepy and certainly inappropriate - but it's a far cry from stalking and probably harmless behavior. Best to take it as a well-meant gesture from a stranger, nothing more.
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The Question
Ok, 20/f and he is 22/m (lets call him, cutie)
I met this guy through a very close friend of mine. We agreed to take things slow and start out as friends.
Well, honestly, when we are around each other, we cuddle, peck kiss, hold hands, ect. We haven't done anything more than peck kiss though. We have known each other for about a month (which is why we are taking things slow). Well, the first couple of weeks, he would ignore me completely one day a week. He told me straight up that he is a busy person and that he works 7 days a week.
But when Im around him, his phone is ALWAYS in his hand? He told me that when I tell him or act like I'm getting attached to him, it pushes him away; so I stopped and he starting coming on to me a lot more stronger.
Well, Saturday night, I was hanging with him and our mutual friend and he admitted to me that he was falling for me, and if he was ever ready for a girlfriend, I'd be the first girl he'd get with. I was shocked.
Well, around midnight, he recieved a phone call from our mutual friend and told me and my cousin to leave because the police were about to be there. So we left. I was concerned and worried, and he finally called me at 1240 and told me that the police searched his apartment for weed or whatever. Something didn't feel right, I did't believe it. I called our mutual friend and he told me he didnt want to be the one to tell me becaus ehe felt like it was cutie's job to inform me. After a few minutes, the mutual friend told me. His ex girlfriend was about to come over, and told him that if I was there, she was going to whoop my 'ass'. Please note, that I'm not with drama. I'm 20 and this girl is 17! (that is why she is his ex; she lied about her age, and when he found out, he left her)
Well, cutie has NO idea that I know. I'm not mad, it's not really his fault, ya know? But since that phone call at 1240, I have NOT heard from him. It's not like him. HOw can he tell me he's falling for me, and than ignore me like that for 3 days? I tried texting him and calling him, and when I called- he picked up and said nothing. So i hung up an called him back and no answer.
I'm just confused? The mutual friend hasn't heard from him either? Any tips on what I can do?
Btw. Cutie left his hat in my car; and idk what I should do with it? He lives exactly 1 minute away from me. He told me a few days back that he was going to start leaving his hat in my car, so I have to come see him? hah.
The Answer
He's just messed up.
And you should be at least a bit mad. He lied to you about being searched by police! That's not a small white lie. That actually kind of a big deal lie. Then he ignored you for days. That sucks. That's doesn't show regret or respect. What does he want you to think? That maybe the police came back and arrested him? Imagine how worried you might be if his friend hadn't spilled the beans about his crazy ex.
Here's what it boils down too:
Is it a good enough deal for you that, if he was ready for a girlfriend, you'd be the first one he called?
And in the meantime he's gonna run hot and cold on you, sometimes ignore, sometimes complain you are coming on to strong, and sometimes lie to you because he dated a crazy teenager who he still has contact with.
Is that a good enough offer?
Cause I have to tell you, that doesn't sound like 'taking it slow'. That sounds like being taken advantage of because you don't know him well enough to not give him the benefit of the doubt when he acts like an inconsiderate, deceitful dick.
This doesn't need to be confusing if you recognize that he just really messed up right now, and that what he has on offer probably isn't good enough reason to stick around for.
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The Question
ihave been told i am bipolar does that mean i have two personalities
The Answer
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder where the person has huge high-energy, manic phases, and then also very low, depressive, low-energy phases. It’s not a split personality at all. True split personality disorders are really, really uncommon, and each personality is separate with its own memories. The personalities usually have no idea the other personalities even exist. A person who suffers from a bipolar disorder is only one personality; they are just experiencing really drastic, even dangerously drastic, highs and lows.
For most people who suffer from bipolar disorder, these different phases last for weeks, and usually months - not hours or days. So although some people joking call others bipolar, often they just mean 'moody' not that the person actually has bipolar disorder.
Unless a doctor or mental health professional suggested you might be bipolar, you probably aren't.
It’s really important to remember that bipolar disorder is a real, serious mood disorder , and you shouldn’t go around just calling people bipolar as a joke, or as an insult. It’s not nice, and it’s not accurate.
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The Question
Okay this is a bit crazy but i need some advice. im 20 and living in Wisconsin currently. My girlfriend however is living in Florida with her family. I was previously living down there but due to some issues with family i had to come home. My girlfriend is 18 and i love her quite dearly. She is the lead singer for a band and has a lot going for her with her career but she wants me to come down there and to move in with her. Now her mother isn't against the idea but her father is a bit of a prick. He's hardly home, he hates to see his daughter happy, he used to beat her, and he is very abusive verbally. He rules the roost if you will and her Mother either cannot or will not influence his decision, whether it is out of fear or respect i do not know. Now she has proposed to them an ultimatum... Either let me fly down there and live with them until i can get enough money to get out of their hair and we will get our own place near by. She has an older brother and a younger sister and loves them and her mom very much. She doesn't wish to leave them or cast them out of her life but she is willing to do just that if they refuse her proposal. She is either going to move up her to be with me and my loving supporting family or i am going to be selling what i can and we are going to get a place down there, but cut off contact with her family. I don't want her to lose her family (except for her father) nor her career by moving up here with me and she doesn't want me selling my stuff to come down to her. Now as far as living with her goes they have a spare bedroom and she would be able to provide for me easily until i get a job (which i pretty much have lined up). So I'm not an extra mouth to feed, I am very respectful and everyone agrees we are absolutely perfect for each other. What can be done to convince her stubborn ass of a father to let me move in??? She has even told him straight to his face don't let him move in with us and you will lose a daughter. She wants to be with me regardless. I need advice on what she can say to her father to convince him or threaten him into letting me move in like the rest of the family wants. So what can be said or done?
The Answer
She needs to move out of her parent's home.
Seriously. Whether she comes to you, or you move to her area - She needs to move out. It's not fair of her to expect you to move into a situation where you are unwanted, and you both know is toxic and possibly violent. That is not a good deal for you, or for her.
If her father is toxic and has a history of violence, then she needs to leave. If she's 18 and able to leave, then she should.
She doesn't get to make ultimatums about her adult boyfriend moving into her family home - that's absurd! It's her parents house, she just lives there. Even if she pays rent and contributes she doesn't have that kind of right. If they don't want you (or her dad doesn't want you) then that is the end of the discussion. It doesn't matter whose feeding you - it's not her home to make those sorts of calls in.
It's rather concerning to me, even in light of her father being an awful human being, that she thinks that is a reasonable demand for one child to insist their romantic partner be moved into the family home. It's fine to propose something like that, but if the family says no, that NO must be respected. It's not reasonable or respectful to argue with them. It's emotional blackmail for her to insist she will cut off everyone in her family, because they don't want you moving in. That is totally, and completely the wrong move for her to make. If I were her parents, I would start to have concerns about her relationship with you if she felt that cutting off the supportive and loving members of her family was reasonable. That might suggest to her parents that her relationship with you was unhealthy or controlling.
Stop making this an issue it shouldn't be.
Encourage her to preserve the family bonds that she wants to preserve and not to make demands on the family home that she is not entitled too. It doesn't matter if he dad a dick - she doesn't get to have you live with her in the family home without his approval.
Decide together where the two of you want to live, and then get a place together. Maybe that will take a bit longer, will be more expensive, and will take more planning, but it's the right and sensible way to plan a life together. Trying to rush it by moving into her families spare room is not respectful of her family and it will not contribute to your long term happiness for her go through with this very unfair ultimatum.
The solution that lets her keep contact with her family (to a degree that she desires) and that lets you and she live together is the one where you start planning now on getting your own place together.
Decide where you want to live.
Get the work that you need to get.
Find a place you can afford.
Then move in together.
You can't create short-cuts to being together by making excessive and disrespectful demands of her family. Even if they give in to her it will be worse for you both in the long run for treating them in that way, regardless of if they are good people or bad.
Do it the right way, the healthier way, and the more respectful way, which also might be the slower way.
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The Question
I know it sounds bad but I'm sick and tired of doing everything I can to further myself and still not having enough money to have the things I really want/need.
Seriously I graduated with honors, have 2080 volunteer hours, took first place both years in a row in Future Business Leaders of America for IT, have all of the Adobe Certifications and I have a full time job plus overtime working for a corporate company.
Where have I gotten from there? NOWHERE and I'm so SICK OF IT! Why am I working this hard when I can't even afford to move out or get a car of my own?!
I saw an episode of Dr.Phil about these guys who call themselves "Sugar Daddies" and give these girls who pretty much just look pretty and hang out with them (though I assume sometimes sex is included) anything they want. One of the women had SEVEN luxury cars and a mansion and the guy was also paying her way through law school.
The other girls had pretty much everything they wanted as well for pretty much nothing...they were all filthy rich and no older than 30.
So now I keep thinking well why can't I do that?
I'm pretty, smart, young and have nothing to lose! I have no car, no place of my own I come home exhausted to be bitched at by my mom and shelling out $750 a month to her to make her shut up. I have no life so why not make myself one?
I signed up for one of the sites already and right away I got messages from rich men talking about beautiful I was and how attractive it was that I was intelligent too. Some of them even offered to fly me out to see them and one of them even wanted me to come stay with him in his mansion and offered me a great job with his company that he proved to me existed.
Being an idiot I haven't said yes to any of them.
I'm so scared that one of them will kidnap me, rape me, kill me or force me into staying with them against my will because they'd know I would have nowhere else to go.
So I keep going to work every day and living a boring life not getting anywhere and talking to others just like me not getting anywhere and just being buried in debt and misery.
One of the guys from the site I decided I wanted to meet day after tomorrow so we're meeting at a sushi place in town (so as not to put myself in danger). We've been talking for weeks and he's not super rich but he's very well off and not looking for sex out of me. He's looking for an actual relationship which I really like and he lives in my state and often travels for his job so I figured that would give me time in between to really figure out if I could really have a relationship with him. The problem is if my mom ever found out she would freak out. He's in his 40's but I don't care. I've always liked older men anyways and he seems very genuine.
I hope to find somebody though who's VERY rich and winds up buying me a car or something really awesome like that.
Is this bad? I've just worked so hard and I don't see myself going anywhere without the help of a wealthy person and this seems like the perfect thing to do...
The Answer
Is it bad? Not necessarily, but let's call a spade a spade: What you are thinking about doing isn't just 'finding a rich man to date' - being a Sugar Baby is sex work.
Lets be even more honest - if you are in it for the money and the cars, BE in it for the money and the cars and don't go for the guys are looking for 'real relationships'. THAT is where it crosses the line to dishonesty and being a user - rather than a mutual agreement between two adults who are on the same page.
If you know what you want, go for the guys that are offering what you want. If you want marriage and kids, go on eHarmony and only date richer guys. If you want cash and cars, then stay where you are.
Even if you don't actually have sex with these men, it is still so close to sex work, that you are very right to be afraid. It carries many of the same risks as sex work: IE, the risk of violence, of rape, and the risk of being stalked or threatened, the risk of having your private affairs aired publicly, the risk of vindictive wives or girlfriends, and the the risk of not being taken seriously by law enforcement if you need to go to the police.
So you need to have safety measures in place. Friends who know what you are doing, and who you are meeting where and when. Someone you can call if you get into trouble. Perhaps another local 'Sugar Baby' will team up with you to be each other backup. Many girls will use false names, dummy email accounts and burner phones to keep their real identities closed off from their Sugar Baby life.
Finally, remember being a Sugar Baby isn't a career choice. It's something you can really only do into your mid-thirties and there no 'job security'. You can be fired at any point and have no safety net. You need to recognize that the vast majority of these men are not looking to be married. They are looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement (many of them, are doing so behind their wives back). They want to pay you for affection and sex, they don't want to pay you alimony after the divorce.
So go ahead. Keep yourself safe. Go after what you want. But don't lie to yourself or others. You are giving these guys what a prostitute would call 'The Girlfriend Experience'. If you want to trade money for sex and affection, do that, but don't fake out nice guys (or not so nice guys as the case may be) who think they want to turn their sex worker into their girlfriend. That's a bad path for everyone, including you.
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The Question
I've noticed that these days, everybody belongs to a group of people, and that people call these 'cliques'. I know what a clique is, and I am part of one at my school. Teachers always say crap about how we kids need to get along with one another and that cliques should be "outruled" from public schools. What is so wrong with a clique? Are they dumb? Are they considered a sterotype? I'm confused.
The Answer
It's good to have a group of friends who you get along with, the problem with 'cliques' is when those groups become little clubs, with rules, or special codes, 'enemies' and other nonsense like that.
The definition of clique from the Cambridge Dictionary sums it up:
"clique - noun - a small group of people who spend their time together and do not welcome other people into that group"
It's the exclusive, unwelcoming, closed off part of cliques that teachers don't like. Cliques often turn into groups of bullies who pressure, exclude, or even harm others. Cliques are also often built around superficial or stereotypical groups (like ethnicity, or fashion choices, for example).
I belonged to different circles of friends when I was in high school - but we never would have considered calling ourselves a clique, because we didn't see ourselves as being exclusive or 'against' other groups. We didn't need to pressure or make rules for the people who we hung out with - people came and went as they liked, and as people figured out who they liked spending their time with most.
So yes, cliques are dumb and immature, and yes, they usually play into stereotypes are exclusive and can lend themselves to very hateful and cruel acts. It's not a good way to behave - and if you aren't behaving that way with your friends - you shouldn't call yourselves a 'clique'.
Here's a bit more information to help you recognize the different between having a group of friends, and being a clique that can be harmful and hateful to others AND those inside the clique too.
http://school.familyeducation.com/education-and-social-issues/school/58337.html
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The Question
I'm not gonna say our ages but me & my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months & today he fingered me but through my pants, I'm a virgin.. I was wearing leggings so it was a quite thin layer of ''pants''. Well he was just rubbing my vagina (sorry to have detail) but then he started putting my underwear to one side and put his finger all up in there. It felt good but painful at the same time. He did it for at least 20 mins. When he was done I noticeed it felt a bit weird & painful down there. It felt awkward to walk. When I got home I checked and there was brown discharge on my panty liner. I looked in there and my right vagina flap was puffed up & red. I checked inside and it looked quite irriated and bloody.. I tried going pee but it burned so much, what happened? Did I break my hymen? What can I do to get rid of the pain?! Help!
The Answer
It's possible your hymen broke, but the redness and burning is probably just small scratches from the friction - sorta like rope burn. Your boyfriend was too rough and/or you weren't lubricated enough. As long as the swelling goes down in a day or so you don't need to worry. If it lasts longer than that, then you should see a doctor, just to be on the safe side.
The best thing you can do manage the pain in the mean time is leave it alone. Maybe a warm bath to sooth it, but no scratching.
And you should gently let your boyfriend know that the activity got a bit too rough for your body.
The brown is just a bit of blood. Maybe from your hymen breaking, maybe from the scratches, or maybe just menstrual blood that got knocked loose by the activity... Blood turns brown, and then nearly black, as it dries. That's not necessarily anything to worry about.
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The Question
I have a friend and we have been friends for a long time (like since we were in kindergarten). Well she is really nice and stuff but lately I feel like she's been talkin to my friends to much. First she started talkin to my other best friend and I was kwl wit it at first but then it got annoying. Then she stopped txting her so much and she exchanged numbers on instagram with my friend when I gave her a ShoutOut. Now she's talkin to on of my preschool guy friends that we had had a little misunderstanding with (lets just say I got dared to ask him out and he took it a "little" to seriously), and now she talking to him too. I told her that I didn't like how she does that but she never want to talk about our problems when ever we have one. I don't know what to do but I need to do something really soon.
The Answer
You don't own her. This is not a "two of you" problem - its YOUR problem, and you need to fix it, or stop being her friend.
She can talk to other people, and make friends if she likes. People you happen to have met first are not off limits to her.
If you want to spend time with her, call her up and ask her to hang out. If you don't want to be her friend, don't be.
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The Question
13/F (Sorry this is long, but if you answer this then you'll save my life!)
Alright.. So for about 7 months, I've been feeling weird. I've looked up more about it, and it seems it's called "Depersonalization Disorder"... I really am not sure what to do now. My mom has known about it, but I just realized that she thought it went away 4 months ago - And I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY SINCE JUNE 2012!
My symptoms:
I feel like I'm not all there. Like.. I'd be doring something, and once I think about this whole thing then this happens again.
I realized that I can't live my life like this anymore. I need help. I don't really want to see a doctor or get medication, but if I have to... What medication what I need and what not? Omg please help me. If you answer you will save my life!
The Answer
Don't diagnose yourself. Seriously. You'll only make things worse for yourself, and harder for any doctor to help you.
Talk to a doctor first - your own GP if you have one. The first thing to do whenever your mind doesn't seem to be working correctly is to make sure your body is healthy. Iron deficiencies, for example, are very common in young women, and can cause you to feel spacey and lethargic.
Then you can ask for a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist.
Medication is a very useful tool for many people, but it's a choice you build up to with the help of medical professionals. It's not the first line of treatment, or a magic cure, AND you need a prescription anyways. We can't just tell you which one to get and you can go pick it up - even if we were doctors - we couldn't do that.
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The Question
Hi,I just found something out.
My ex-boyfriend,we just broke up two weeks ago,because he cheated on me.
He has a new girlfriend now though.
I'm a vegetarian,and have been for three years now,so he went vegetarian for me,but only when we together.
I broke up with him,and he avoids me,because people say he's afraid of having to confront me.
But today,I just found out that his new girlfriend is a vegetarian.
My friend's say he's doing that to get back at me.
DO you think he's trying to get back at me?Or is it just a coincidence?
The Answer
Do you care one way or another?
If he is trying to get back at you, this is pretty lame way to do it, and it only works if you give a damn.
Do you give a damn if he is trying to get back at you?
If you do, my advice would be to stop caring what he doing, or who he is dating. No one can 'get back at you' if you don't give a shit.
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The Question
I have a huge crush on my math teacher, she is young and extremely hot and I like her personality. She is 28 and I am 17. Unlike other sissies, I went and told my teacher at the end last year my attraction to her and how she is the girl of my dreams. She said "Come back when you're 18 and graduated" that must mean she was willing to go out with me after I graduate! I was so excited, but now, just six months or so before I graduate, I find out she has a boyfriend! What? , I am so sad and angry and jealous now, I feel sick. She might as well have stabbed me, it would have hurt less. Why would she trick and betray me like this?
The Answer
She didn't mean to lead you on. She was being kind, perhaps trying to be funny to laugh off the situation. She probably thought you'd grow out of your crush, a didn't take you entirely seriously.
You are right - she should have just told you no straight up.
But, she probably didn't want you to feel too rejected.
She was not interested. She was very, very, very unlikely to date you when you turned 18. She probably would have been shocked and uncomfortable if you had actually asked her out again.
This is for the best. Your obsession with her was not normal or healthy. Feel as bad as you need too, but recognize she did nothing wrong. She wasn't going to date you now, and she probably wasn't going to date you when you turned 18 - and even if she was - she had every right to date others, even fall in love and get married, between then and now.
You don't own her, and she didn't owe you anything. She did the kindest thing she could do - she said no and tried not to embarrass you.
Let it go. She was never the one for you.
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The Question
Hi!
So in a few days I have a uni interview.
I was wondering if anyone had any tips of how I should act...like body language tips, speaking tips etc.
Also, I'm a girl and I am planning to wear a work type dress to make me look older-is this appropriate or is there something better to wear for uni interviews?
Thanks!
The Answer
Do dress conservatively, but also make sure you can sit and stand comfortably - if you are uncomfortable, it'll read in your body and voice,
Don't try to look older than you are - you are applying to university. They know how old you are. Everyone else is basically the same age. If you try to look older, you might end up coming across as deceptive. Be yourself - the best, smartest version of yourself.
Also, don't forget to have your nails nicely shaped and clean. Not necessarily painted, but give them some attention. It's a little thing you can do as a women that will always give you an air of being put together.
Make sure to sit (or stand) straight, and make eye contact with the person you are speaking too. Answer thier questions honestly and don't be afraid to laugh, or stop your during an answer and say "That was no good. Let me start again."
Good luck. You'll do fine.
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The Question
i had unprotected sex with my husband and took an i-pill with 23 hrs.after taking it i absolutely have no symptoms. can i be pregnant
The Answer
Having no symptoms doesn't mean the pill didn't work - it just means you are lucky. Everyone's body reacts differently, and yours didn't react much at all.
Morning after pills are reasonably effective, the only way to know for sure you aren't pregnant is to wait until you miss your period (if you do) and take a test.
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The Question
Hey, I'm 16, a Junior in High School. I've never had what has even come close to a relationship in my life. Honestly, I dont know what my problem is. Im about 6 foot and, I mean, Im slightly heavy but really its not noticeable when I have a shirt on. I dress casually but nicely, all my clothes fit me well, I don't smell, and I dont harbor disgusting habits (minus biting my nails, but thats not too terrible).
On the personality side of things, I talk to a wide variety of people. Nerdy, sporty, drama-y, and of both genders. However, I've only ever had very few close friends, and those I talk to I strictly make small talk to at school, nothing further, no texting or calling or anything.
I'm a pretty happy guy in general, I crack jokes every once in a while. I carry myself confidently, even though on the inside I'm super insecure. I make good eye contact and smile when I do it, and regularly compliment the girls I usually talk to (I have a crush on one of them).
What's my problem? I think it might be something along the lines of the fact that I might have some kind of crippling fear of rejection, which might be why I never move my relationships past casual aquiantances.
Also I'm a male.
The Answer
Let's put this in perspective: You are sixteen. There have been like, 2 years, where you were emotional capable of being in anything like a romantic relationship with another human being.
Optimistically, you've got about 50-80 years left.
So, chill out.
Sure, some people get their first 'girlfriend' at a younger age (I started dating at 13) but honestly, it's all just pretend for a long while at that age. These 'relationships' might become actual, genuine romances and partnerships as you grow together, but they begin as mostly as just playing house, playing pretend, copying the people you see on TV.
Quite honestly, the fact you never did that is a mark in your favor - not a strike against you. It means you may take the idea of a relationship and romance more seriously than just playing pretend.
So, never having a girlfriend at the ripe old age of sixteen = Not a problem.
If you also have a crippling fear of rejection, well there is an actual problem to address, and here is the true but scary thing, relationships - and rejection - are skills. We aren't born knowing how to do it. We are actually born totally ignorant, selfish and clueless little beasts. We have to learn to be good to others. Some of us learn quicker or easier than others - but we all have to learn how to cope.
So here is my actual advice: You don't have to dive in whole hog and ask your crush to be your girlfriend. Ask her how her day was. Ask her how her weekend was. Than ask her to a movie, or to hang out with you in a group of friends she might not normally join. (When asking someone to hang out with you for the first time, ask with a DATE and TIME in mind. Never just say "hey, wanna sometime." that's intimidating AND confusing. Have a plan. Maybe even a backup plan.) Ask her to work on project or join a club with you.
Invite her to get closer to you in these small way and find out if she wants to talk you about her day, her weekend, her interests. If she does, ask her to spend time with you in a group, or one on one.
It's not rocket science - it's just scary. It will ALWAYS be a bit scary. Nearly everyone is afraid of rejection to some degree, but the only way to learn to manage the fear is to give it a try, and yes, even to learn to cope with rejection if that is what you receive.
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