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16, Never had a Girlfriend. Don't know what my problem is.
Hey, I'm 16, a Junior in High School. I've never had what has even come close to a relationship in my life. Honestly, I dont know what my problem is. Im about 6 foot and, I mean, Im slightly heavy but really its not noticeable when I have a shirt on. I dress casually but nicely, all my clothes fit me well, I don't smell, and I dont harbor disgusting habits (minus biting my nails, but thats not too terrible).
On the personality side of things, I talk to a wide variety of people. Nerdy, sporty, drama-y, and of both genders. However, I've only ever had very few close friends, and those I talk to I strictly make small talk to at school, nothing further, no texting or calling or anything.
I'm a pretty happy guy in general, I crack jokes every once in a while. I carry myself confidently, even though on the inside I'm super insecure. I make good eye contact and smile when I do it, and regularly compliment the girls I usually talk to (I have a crush on one of them).
What's my problem? I think it might be something along the lines of the fact that I might have some kind of crippling fear of rejection, which might be why I never move my relationships past casual aquiantances.
Also I'm a male.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It sounds to me like you just dont want a girlfriend right now, and thats totally up to you. Theres nothing wrong with you. But listen if you like someone you should tell them before you lose your chance. :)
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Let's put this in perspective: You are sixteen. There have been like, 2 years, where you were emotional capable of being in anything like a romantic relationship with another human being.
Optimistically, you've got about 50-80 years left.
So, chill out.
Sure, some people get their first 'girlfriend' at a younger age (I started dating at 13) but honestly, it's all just pretend for a long while at that age. These 'relationships' might become actual, genuine romances and partnerships as you grow together, but they begin as mostly as just playing house, playing pretend, copying the people you see on TV.
Quite honestly, the fact you never did that is a mark in your favor - not a strike against you. It means you may take the idea of a relationship and romance more seriously than just playing pretend.
So, never having a girlfriend at the ripe old age of sixteen = Not a problem.
If you also have a crippling fear of rejection, well there is an actual problem to address, and here is the true but scary thing, relationships - and rejection - are skills. We aren't born knowing how to do it. We are actually born totally ignorant, selfish and clueless little beasts. We have to learn to be good to others. Some of us learn quicker or easier than others - but we all have to learn how to cope.
So here is my actual advice: You don't have to dive in whole hog and ask your crush to be your girlfriend. Ask her how her day was. Ask her how her weekend was. Than ask her to a movie, or to hang out with you in a group of friends she might not normally join. (When asking someone to hang out with you for the first time, ask with a DATE and TIME in mind. Never just say "hey, wanna sometime." that's intimidating AND confusing. Have a plan. Maybe even a backup plan.) Ask her to work on project or join a club with you.
Invite her to get closer to you in these small way and find out if she wants to talk you about her day, her weekend, her interests. If she does, ask her to spend time with you in a group, or one on one.
It's not rocket science - it's just scary. It will ALWAYS be a bit scary. Nearly everyone is afraid of rejection to some degree, but the only way to learn to manage the fear is to give it a try, and yes, even to learn to cope with rejection if that is what you receive.
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Hey,
I don't think you have problems "blending" with your colleagues and friends at school.
If you wanna develop friendships further, try to find common interests. If you both like music, get music classes together. If you like sports, play sports together. etc. It'll come on its own cause friendships develop they don't just come along.
Think of all those people, even the girl you have a crush on, as nice friends you're getting to know to broaden your social circle and gain more social experience. Don't think too much about "your problem" cause I don't think you have one.
Your only problem to me is you might be over-thinking or over-analyzing. It's completely fine that some people like you, some won't. You will like some people, you won't like some others. that's normal cause we're not perfect.
Keep me posted
Angie xx
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Relax your a normal 16 year old male who is somewhat of a late bloomer and somewhat introverted. From the way you describe yourself you also have not yet gained the self confidence you need to ask a girl out.
Somewhere in your younger days you missed the hanging out phase where boys and girls all hang out together. The places most younger people go to might have been at the mall or the movies to hang out together until a parent comes to get them. Being a pit "Nerdy" as you put it may have kept you home studying.
This is not a big deal at this time. To be honest at this time being a bit nerdy is better as this is how you will get into the better colleges. The kids you are seeing today or friends you may have today will fall to the way side as you go off to college and go out into the adult world.
The friends that you make for life will be some of the friend you make at college and as you go into the adult world. Being nerdy now will allow you to be better prepared for the future. This is when you will find a life companion when you have more to offer than just friendship.
But, there is always a but, if this is a bother to you. Then I suggest you talk to mom and dad about seeing a psychologist who is some one you can talk freely to in confidence. Who will not tell anyone including your parents what you talk about. Who once you divulge what is truly causing you to have a low level of confidence with girls will help you raise that level.
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