TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: I have been having this problem for quite sometime. I am a cutter. And i can't really stop. I have been going to counseling and I had been taken off antidepressants. My mood hasnt gotten any better, it feels alittle worse. Parents are no help, my dad thinks that I am doing this for attention and he yelled and screamed at me saying that I am faking everything and its just a waste of money to keep the counseling going. So now, I am not in that anymore. I feel terrible, worse possibly. And my freind who I have known since the second grade is going through problems, she is cutting herself and trying to kill herself. I have been trying to give her advice but, how do I give advice to someone who is doing the same things as me? I need some major help and someone to talk to.

Sounds to me like your home is filled with chaos. You need to go to a school counselor, how can you be like that and in school at the same time? I had to drop out because I was too depressed, I was in the counselors' office more than in class. You should be there too, I get the chill just thinking of being in school right now, I get nervous for people, I'm always saying "are you sure you can go, how can you, aren't you afraid?" But, I'm a little concerned about you being taken off medication, I'm wondering what the reason could of been, probably because it didn't help much. And you should talk to your friend more, just try grabing a notebook and writing down 5 bad things about living and 5 good things about dying, write down the list of good things about death first, both of you create your on list, and just kind of get an idea of how you guys feel and just be there for each other, especially if you have the same problems.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok i cant handle being told "I love you" by anyone or like people that just say luv ya chick bye bye because i know theyre lying i mean i always think theyre lying or if someone tells me im beautiful i automatically think theyre lying and i dont know why and everytime guys ask me out i say no because i dont want them to like me or love me or w/e and i dont know why whats wrong with me btw im 14/f if that does anything helpful but im so confused why cant i handle it

I can see what you're saying, and its normal, I can understand why you'd think they don't really love you when they say Love ya lotzzzXOXO blah blah. But I kind of think its a sign that someone obviously takes some interest in you if they ask you out, but its alright, there nothing wrong with you, I'm thinking that maybe you had a past where you loved someone and you knew and felt they loved you, and they left you, because thats kind of what happens after break ups or people you love walking out on you, you just wanna stop loving people and you want people to stop loving you so you won't have to deal with the thought of loving them back. But if you don't have a past, then maybe its just a phase that will mellow out maybe if you take that chance of love. Thats what life and love (especially) is about, taking chances and risks, you'll put yourself out there.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my best friend has a boyfriend who she thinks is more important than me. when i say something about him, she gets mad at me!does that mean she doesnt care about me anymore?

Invite her over to spend the night at your house and tell her how you feel, tell her you feel like this friendship is taking a nose dive, then go from there, I hope things work out.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey, i need help really bad but i don't have anyone to turn to, and i really mean nobody. a while ago i "went through a depression stage" i guess you might call it, and it got really bad. i was builimic [sp.?] and i cut myself. [my parents and friends were compleatly oblivious to everything because i guess i'm a "good kid" and they never had to worry about me] i don't know how it stopped, but it just did. and now i think it's starting again, my parents suddenly decided we're moving and i feel like nobody wants me around, but i guess thats my fault because iv'e been pushing away the people that mean the most to me. i always want to be alone and i started keeping to myself a lot, like not talking AT ALL during lunch, unless someone asks me a question or somthing. when i get home i got straight to my room and cry, i don't know why though. and i started cutting myself again, i dug a knife into my wrist after dinner tonight and it bled and bled. i feel like i don't belong anywhere and i want to run away, but i don't know where i'd go or how i'd get far enough away from home. iv'e also sat on my roof after everyone in my house is asleep and thought about jumping off, but i really don't want to go to hell. i really need help [i'll "rate high" or whatever, just please help] -jeanine

Yeah, depression sucks, I have it myself, and it caused me things I regret. I always want to be alone too, but I never cut myself, I didn't want to injure myself, I just thought if I was even gonna hurt myself any, I might as well end my life. But I never did it, and it was because one big thing kept me going, it used to be a small thing to me, but now it matters more than anything. And that was people who had to try to cope with their own depression because of me being gone, I know it feels like nobody would care, but just think about if a family member died, just try thinking of your life without that person, and that is how they will feel about you. And when you cry, try hugging someone while you cry, and just feel them hug you back, it may seem stupid, but its a powerful thing to feel, 2 days ago I hugged my sister as I cried and it was like I felt her comfort and love melt into me. And you should tell your parents about the cuts, you'll feel better to get help, it may not feel like theres much hope now, but just wait until you find your family supporting you in this, and your friends. But just remember that there are better ways to cope then cutting, its just another thing you'll have to cope with, I hope I gave you something to think about.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: how do become more happy and try to make my life less boring.. i feel like i do the same thing every single day .??

Man, me too, it sucks, my parents always try to talk me into taking piano lessons or something, maybe you can find a hobby you're good at, like drawing, writing, ballet, cheerleading, volleyball, basketball, or just running. Or you can go to a bookstore and find a new book you've never seen and try reading it. I hope I gave you some ideas.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Alright me and my ex are really close and we talk about having sex alot...I mean all the time..I feel ready and I think Im ready...I'm only 14...He is 15...I have never hasd sex before and I'm not sure if I should wait or what I should do??? I mean he doesnt push me into anything and never has and never will... Will someone give me some advice on what to do???

If hes the type of guy who wouldn't push you into it, then you can feel good about whatever choice you make, besides, it sounds weird to me that you consider him your ex and you are wanting to lose your virginity to him, don't you want your first time or any other time to be with a boyfriend? Thats the way I feel about sex. Anyway, you shouldn't be so crazy about whether you should have sex or not, if when the time comes and you don't want it to happen, then you can stop anytime, but the way you type it sounds like your not ready, your still young, give it some more thought. I hope you make the right choice, (which is the choice YOU make)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: me and my recent boyfriend have been talking about giving eachother oral, and moving to the next level. i dont mind giving him head, but what about my discharge. i mean come on. who wants that IN THERE MOUTH... but he wants to eat me. should i allow him? or how do i get rid of it?

Most guys actually like that, and discharge is something you can't get rid of, you're stuck with it, but don't stress, guys like the smell of that and they like the taste.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: im a 14 female. and i have big boobs, and all the signs of my period.but i haven't gotten it yet. what the eff IS WRONG WITH ME GOSH.heheh

Nothing. Absolutely nothing, some 15 year old teens don't have their periods yet, you just have to wait, but let me let you in on a secret with periods: They suck, they're gross, and sometimes, they become painful (the cramps). You'll wish you were back at the age of 13 or 12 wondering when your period is going to come, lol. Anyways, just give it time, you'll get it, but if you hit 16 and don't get it, thats when you should be stressing a little. But it will come, don't worry, enjoy the time you have left of not having it!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 13/m

ok so i am supposed to go to a sleepover next weekend, only there will be some guys there that my parents really don't like, and so they won't let me go. thing is, there is really nothing bad about them but they won't listen, and still refuse to let me go. what should i do? because i really want to go, and i'm afraid they won't be friends with me anymore if i tell them.

If they are friends, they will understand why you can't go, its not because your parents hate them, its because your parents are being parents. They really don't want their 13 year old daughter spending the night with boys, they probably don't believe they are nice boys because they don't know if thats the truth, its just too big of a risk for them to take, and if you are asking what should you do as in "Should I sneak out?" My answer would be no, because then you lose your parents' trust and its not worth it afterwords, but I think you should just spend time over there and then go home if thats a possibility. I know this isn't an answer that you're crazy about, but its the truth, sorry.

have fun if you see them

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ya my friend all of a sudden ignores me and barely talks to me anymore..and she ditched me and ditches me in the halls..and forgets bout me..and we use to be bffs till xmas break..and then she talked behind my back..what should i do..

Ditch her back by not being her friend. Shes not a best friend, she needs to find a new one, sorry, I lost my best friend too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My former best friend and I have been growing apart over the last two years. Now to her I'm just someone she says hi to in the hall. It's been hard to stay in touch over the years because she is so busy and we haven't been in any of the same classes. We still consider oursleves "friends", but I wish things could go back to the way they used to be. Whenever I call her to do something with me, she always has other plans. Ever since we started fading away from being best friends I've really missed her. We had been best friends for over 4 years and we had this dream of becoming famous actresses together, and it really saddens me how apart we've grown now. I'm afraid that in a couple of years or so, we might not be friends at all. I feel like there is nothing I can do to just have us be best friends or even just good friends again, but I need to figure out something. This seems impossible since shes always so busy with her activities and her group of best friends. Can anyone help me on what to do? I rate high!

Ugh, I'm in the same situation, my friend has always considered me her best friend, even up until now when all we do is say Hi on the internet, it annouys me to death because she has a new best friend, and shes always like "oh you can tell me anything." But anyway, I'm guessing shes got plans with older people, and does things that are out of your league, sorry, but thats the part where you have to move on, I'm still trying to move on, its working a little, it really effected me when she left me. So I'm sorry you have to experiance this too, its sucks for sure, but your not alone, I'm in it too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: im writing a poem and i need something that rymes with luck... i have suck but i need something else... plz help!
i rate

Pluck
duck
suck (not trying to be too..ugh lol)
stuck
muck
truck
buck
cluck
thats all I can think of, lol.
sorry, good luck

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I feel like my bestfriend likes her other friend more than me. she sits by the other girl at lunch together more often than with me.they do lots of things together, but not with me.How do i get my best friend to like me better?

aloner,

Maybe instead of getting her to like you better, jut tell her how left out you're feeling and ask her if you could join in the fun they have (now me, my ex best friend got a new friend, we all tried hanging out, it was fun but it didn't last.)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I've got a question about my friend. I think she may have some serious mental problems. This morning in first hour she was writing a note to someone (I didn't know she was). Well, I glanced over in her direction and she flipped the paper, turned to look at me, and said: "Stop reading my fucking note! God, are you ever going to leave me alone?!?!" So, I asked: "...what...note?" She rolled her eyes and moved to another seat. So, naturally, I was in my seat thinking "What the hell did I do?" Anyway, in third hour she sat beside me again. Again, she was writing notes and I didn't know that she was, so I turned around to talk to her. She FREAKED out and starts yelling about how I'm a nosy bitch. I was ...basically speechless. I mean, it's like she's got some mental problem with excessive paranoia. For instance, yesterday in our Study Hall my boyfriend and I were writing notes to each other. My friend wanted to look at them, and because I said no, she automatically assumed that they were about her and proceeded to call me a bitch. They weren't even remotely related to her. If I talk to anyone other than her she automatically thinks that I'm talking about her or telling them secrets about her. She spreads horrible lies about couples at our schools, including me and my boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I should get her some counseling to try to help her out. She's excessively paranoid. I think she may be bi-polar as well (either that or she has some SERIOUS mood swings). For example, in P.E. one morning she was on a different team than me and was so mad at ME that she rammed me up into the bleachers. After P.E. she cussed me out in the locker rooms for being a "complete asshole." Then at Lunch two periods later she acted like nothing was wrong, or that nothing had ever happened. In the hallway this afternoon, I was joking about her using her cellphone (which is strictly against the school rules) and she lost it. Is this just normal teenager behavior or does my friend need some serious help? All advice would be appreciated.

She needs some help, I think if you catch her in a rare moment of her being an open minded "nothing ever happened" person you should ask her whats wrong, and if she goes off on you again, then don't talk to her, wait until she decides to explain why shes acted this way. Just hang out with your boyfriend, he'll be a comfort.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: First thing I have to say.. is I am really goin thru a tough time right now so please don't be mean anwsering this question because I am serious about this... Alright... I had like a breakdown today...and cut my wrists a little bit not alot but some..I really can not stop thinking about suicide and I don't know what to do.. I want help so it doesn't go to far... but I'm afraid if I ask people will just think I am doing it for attention and I'm not but I can't take this anymore... I don't know what to do.. Please help me and fast... I'll rate you.. I just want to be happy again like I was when I was little... Ok thanks and remember please don't be mean!!

Oh wow, you're so much like me! I can't even believe it, I just took a moment to think about that, lol. Anyway, when I was little I was happy too, I miss childhood, but now all I wanna do is die, and what I do about that is cry in my room, just to let things out, or I take a hot shower and lay down and just close my eyes and breathe deeply, and think of whats in my head, and I picture all of my problems draining out of my head and theres nothing but air. And sometimes I talk to people, but not too much because I feel like people don't understand, but I think you should tell your parents how you feel and you want help very badly, and make sure they take you seriously, and tell them about the cuts, they won't think it was for attention. I hope we both are happy like e were in childhood, its good to know that someone feel the same.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My friend has a 15 year old older brother who is having a house party. My friend has invited me and some other people we are friends with to go. I really want to go but if I did then I would have to lie to my parents. The plan is that I would go to my friend's house and tell my parents I was sleeping over then my friend's mother would drop us off at the party, we would tell her that we were just hanging out with our friend. We would go to the party and then my friend's mother would come and pick us up and take us back to her house and I would sleep over at her's. I want to go but I'm scared about my parents finding out because they would kill me. Should I go and risk it, or should I just stay at home and not go? I'm 13/female.

I really don't think you should go, for one thing, this is pobably one of those parties where you get drunk and you do something you'll regret, and another, if you were caught, there would be no bit of trust from your parents, you will lose it for a long time and you'll realize it wasn't worth it. But if you're willing to take a big risk, go ahead, but I really hope more of those second thoughts kick in if you decide to go.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: me and my boyfriend have been going out for like a week now. and the other day he asked me if i wanted sex.
we r madly in love, but im not sure if its the right time in the relationship?

what should i do?
luv nicki xxxxx

This may not be what you're wanting to hear, but its not the right time, your not really in love from a week relationship. You're probably just really crazy about him, you can go ahead and do it, but my gut feeling is that it isn't the right time.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My teacher put us in groups and she put me with all ppl i basically hate! and i don't think we'll get anything accomplished cuz none of like each other! what should i do? thanks!

Try a day or two, to maybe get an idea of what will be happening, if nothing will be accomplished, you should explain to the teacher (not while he/he is busy, they don't listen as good while class is in session) do it after class and tell him/her that you didn't tell them that you didn't get along because you wanted to see if it would work out, and tell the teacher that no work has been done. Hopefully they will understand.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: IM 14 yrs old and i have a pretty bad life. Im not suicidal or anything. Ive had a pretty bad past. My brother andrew hurts me he will kick me in the stomach and ribs and yell at me and it got so bad my mom called the cops. He threatend me and my moms life. I called him in detention (kids jail) and he said there was nothing to be said to me and he wants nothing to do with me and he will never find away to forgive me or forget. Now he is being senet away. my mom is never home. I told her we need some serious talking to do and we need to talk It took a long time to come out of that shell and tell her that. She just told me she has to go to her boyfriends house. I was shocked. She leaves me for her BOYFRIEND. When her own daughter needs help! I was in treatment i was sent away for 5 months. Nothing really changed over that. Im not a virgin the only reason why is because i feel thats the only thing that makes me feel wanted. Just to be "loved" for that period of time. I was thinking of the long run. Now my friend offered me to live with her for as long as i needed. To sort things out. Me and my friend had some pretty ruff times we actually we're best friends but i screwed up and that ended it but she was still there for me. So she offered a home for me. Shes not into that stuff sex, drugs, or drinking. Im trying to get away from that but its hard. Like i said... i feel like i belong then. SO how do i tell my mom that i want to just not leave her but i need a break. For a bit. my friend said that we could get both of our moms together and me and her would sit down and we would talk it out. I dont want my mom to think she is a bad mother i just need a "mother" figure there for me that i can talk to. And wont leave on me when i need help. So help me please. This is and maybe a change of life.

wow it sure is, I'm really sorry, my mom has a boyfriend and she spends more time with him than he does with me and my sisters so I get how you feel about that. Now about telling your mom, you should explain to her first how you feel about your brother and what happened with him, and just tell her how sad you've been about it, and just be calm about it, and just say "Look mom, I'm not doing this to hurt you, but my friend, (so and so) has invited me to stay with her and when I think about it, I feel kind of happy because it could be something to do to get my mind off of it and my friend understands me" (now at this point, she might say "and I don't understand you?" and it sounds like to me she doesn't, so just tell her the truth, and if no is the truth just tell her "I really feel like you don't, but as I said, I'm not doing this to hurt you" and sometimes if you have a family problem, you don't feel comfortable with talking to a family member, I think you just need time out of your house and talking to other people, which she will hopefully understand. And maybe if you talk to your friend, you'll renew your friendship. And make sure you try and convince her that shes not a bad mother, you just need time away from this, which is perfectly ok, you need this. I know its very hard to deal with all of this, but I thinks its time to do something for yourself, you deserve it, really, you do, you need it and deserve it, like you said, you need a break, and thats what you should get. You should also ask your friend's mother to help explain to your mom that you need time away. They'll help you get through it. You can E-mail or instant message me at Evanescence0o01@aol.com (IM:Evanescence0o01) just to talk to me, but it would be nice to get an E-mail telling me how it goes.I hope I helped you, I'm sorry, I really hope you get through this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: me and my boyfriend broke up cuz he just does'nt want a girlfriend right now. But the thing is I still have REALY strong feelings for him and I try tellin him how I feel but it's like he dont care. What do you think I can do to get him back or get him to understand me? I mean I really really have it bad for him and i'm nothing without him. please help me someone!!

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to give it some time, the more you try to explain it, or the more you're around him, the moe you want him back, you need to stay away from him, thats the only way you can get over him, I have a feeling hes not willing to take you back right now, but until then, just stay away from him, I kno its hard but you can do it, just talk to someone, cry in a pillow just let everything out.

I'm very sorry.
-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.