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about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I need help finding a prom dress. And so far i can't find any. And i checked a lot of places (online) and dont' really like any of their dresses. does anyone know where to find a prom dress thats $150 or less??? here are some of the places ive checked

Nordstroms
Macys
Arden B
Bebe
davids prom
Cache
Rampage
Betsey Johnson
Bloomingdales
Neiman Marcus
Windsor

I would suggest going to some of these stores. They're not going to have all their merchandise pictured online. They probably don't even have half of it there. I've noticed that, especially with prom dresses, they tend to post the weirdest ones. One store that I noticed you don't have on here and was not suggested by anyone else is Deb. They have great dresses. Good luck in finding something that you like!

http://www.debshops.com/home/default.asp

im 15/f and i've got a really wierd problem. First of all, don't call me an emo or any of that nonsense or i will give you a 1, i am most definantly not.

so when my dad screams at me (about once or twice a day) he usually yells pretty bad, verbally abusing me, it hurts. so ever since i was younger instead of cry or let out my pain, because if i cried he would get even madder at me, i would pinch myself very hard or scratch myself secretly with my hands behind my back or so. i was about 7 when i started this. now this year it has gotten worse, i am getting screamed at for nothing and it has been worse then ever. i started scratching myself until i bleed. not until the skin is red, until blood is dripping. now i have 3 scars on my wrist and too many to count on my waist. i never thought i was a cutter b/c i didn't go cry and slice myself with a blade, i don't think i could ever do that. but i went bathing suit shopping with my friends and they saw the scars, and they were horrified. they had no idea what it was from, i didnt really know they were so noticable but they def. are. i am really happy all the time at school, a cheerleader vb player, a prep and every1 sees me as happy and hyper. i do cry sometimes, so im not like repressing everything. and im not emo, i don't self loath or anything. so why do i do this? make myself burn, sting, and drip blood? i don't know how to stop, i tried to rubber band and it doesn't work. i cnt seek professional help my dad will never allow it. please somebody help. I RATE 5'S FOR REAL ANSWERS

The website says that the hotline is free. :)

You need to get help from somewheres. The thing is, professional help is available right in your school! Talk to a trusted teacher, a counselor, or even the school nurse about it. Make sure that before you say anything, your information will be kept confidential. Getting help is very important. You've identified the scratching as a problem and you want to stop, which is the first step. Believe it or not, many people can't do this. The second step is seeking help.

If you are worried about a breach in confidentiality at your school, or think you will have a hard time talking about it with someone face to face, I would suggest calling a hotline for cutting. Even though you don't cut, they'd either be able to help you anyways, or refer you to someone that could. Good luck.

Self-Injury Hotline
SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

http://www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm

me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. we've been together for 6 months. i was playing around on myspace and i found his (i didn't know he had one) so i was looking at it. i was looking at this girl who had been commenting him and it seems like theyre going out because shes always like "love ya" so i looked at her profile and it says stuff about him like they are only friends except for her headline which says "

Myspace is quite a popular site these days. Bring it up. Say that you wanted to make an account and that he should make one too because it would be a fun thing to do together. If something's up he will lie to you. He won't want you to get myspace and will be angry about preventing you from getting it. He might make a SECOND page in the hopes that you won't find his main one. He could even be honest and say that he already has an account, but immediately change some of the things that he and that girl have on their pages. Keep track of that.

After awhile, if he does any of those things, you are going to need to tell him the truth. Say that you were using myspace before and found him. Tell him that you don't understand what is going between him and that girl and you are worried that it could affect your relationship. Reassure him that you trust him, you are just more curious than anything and it is human nature to be curious. Ask him to be honest with you.

If he doesn't lie, seriously try to prevent you from getting myspace, or change anything on his page or on the girl's, once you "get it", ask him about the girl. Again, it's natural to be curious. "You seem like you're pretty good friends with that girl do I know her?". He'll probably get pretty uncomfortable if you're talking about her and they're going out. Then, bring out the honesty just like before. Tell him you already had myspace....etc.

I think that you need to risk him getting angry. If he can't handle the fact that his actions could be found out or misinterpreted, that's his problem, not yours. If he breaks up with you over it, that is a seriously immature thing to do and honestly, he hid myspace from you so you have every right to question his reasons. He needs to get a grip and either realize that two-timing is wrong, or realize that trust can only go so far especially when he is hiding things from you, no matter how small of a thing it is.

If he tells you that everything is fine and that he and the girl are just friends and nothing comes out, message the girl. Say that you are his girlfriend and that you saw that she and him were good friends and you wanted to get to know her a little better. If he is hiding you from her, this will be the end of it. He'll go down in flames like he deserves. If nothing is going on, she'll act normal and it should be the end of it then too. There's no reason to go any further and I think it would be safe to trust him again at this point.

I'm sure there are some other things you can say or do. Just try to think of things that that would be normal in normal circumstances, but would trap him in a corner if something was going on. Good luck!

for ladies-- no men allowed!

today i bought a box of slender regular tampons. usually i use pads but its a hassel wearing them to school because after a few hours they get sticky and very uncomfortable. also, i can never find the time in between classes to change them so i desperately need to learn how to use tampons.

ok first of all, i am aware of the dangers (like if you leave one in too long and etc.) so all i need to know is where to put it. i looked on a doctor website and found a diagram but its so much different on myself. there's like, too much skin. i hate talking to my mom about it because its awkward and if i asked her where then that would get EXTREMELY awkward.

help? (please this is like life depending... ill rate big time!)

There should be really good instructions right in the box. :)

Good luck!

ok i have "dangerously high" cholesteral according to my doctor, and she is putting me on a strict diet. No fat, No red meat, And absolutley NO sugar of any kind(junkfood...etc). The problem is, i LOVEEEEE chocolate and cant go without the taste. I had gone 3 days w.o sugar and then today my moim made brownies and i cracked and ate 3 *cries* Are there any foods that taste like chocolate, but arent disgusting, and are healthy? Like not a lot of fat, sugars etc. Foods that you can get in places like shoprite, pathmark, costco and stop&shop. Preferably things available to people in NYC, specificallt staten island, cuz thats where I am currently living. Thanks a bunch! I rate high for good answers

Oh, that's not so bad then. Sorry I was so hard on your mom! :)

Well first of all why is your mom making brownies? That was really mean of her. She needs to help you with this, not shove it in your face! Even if it was unintentional, what she did was very wrong. Talk to her about this. Your health is very important and she needs to understand that.

That out of the way, I think I know exactly what you're looking for!! My mom has high cholesterol (297) and her doctor suggested that she try Viactiv calcium chews. The best part? Chocolate flavor is available. I tried one once and they're actually really good. It's a bad idea to take more than one of these a day so it might not completely solve your problem, but it could help a lot. Not only will it help with your need for chocolate, it could help lower your cholesterol too. They're sold all over the place. I've seen them in Wal-Mart so you shouldn't have a hard time finding them. I would suggest asking your doctor if it would be a good idea for you to take them before you do though, just to be on the safe side. Good luck!

Ok, so I need to decide where I want to study abroad ASAP. Here's my choices:

Australia
New Zealand
Italy

All 3 awesome places...
Anyone been to any of these places?
Any opinions or suggestions?
OMG I cant wait! :)

If you went to Australia or New Zealand you wouldn't have to learn an entire new language. Even though you don't have to be fluent in the language when you study abroad, already knowing it will make things much easier. If you're not too worried about that though, you would have an amazing time in Italy.

Generally speaking, if you are a nature person, go to Australia or New Zealand and if you are more into the city life, go to Italy. I would probably choose Italy, just because it wouldn't be quite so far away and Australia might be a little too much of a culture shock. No matter what you choose you will have an amazing time. So, if you really can't make a decision, roll a die. Make 1 and 2 Australia, 3 and 4 New Zealand, and 5 and 6 Italy. Good luck!

what's rape? Is it forcing someone to have sex with you?? Cause i don't totally understand what is it.

Rape is the forcing of any sexual act, not just intercourse. That's it. It doesn't have to be someone you don't know, the person doesn't have to fight back, it doesn't have to hurt you physically, and it can happen to anyone, men, women, children, or even within a marriage. Rape often has strong, negative emotional effects on the person that was raped. It can be very hard for the victim to get over, and it is very beneficial to receive professional help for it.

In order for it to count as rape legally, the person has to say "no" or be unable to say "no". If the person that is raped just lets it happen without protesting at all, the person that raped them didn't necessarily know that they were doing anything wrong and probably won't be punished for it. That's why it's very important to say "no" when you really don't want to do something! If you live in the US, rape laws are determined by each state, so laws can vary slightly from state to state.

There's also something called statutory rape. The age differs from place to place, but where I am from if you are under 18 and you have sex with someone that is over 18, they can be charged with statutory rape. The reason for this law is because if you're under 18 you are a minor and still considered a child, unable to make the right decision about sex if being pressured by an adult. Obviously that isn't always the case, but it's the reason for the law anyways. I hope I helped and good luck!

i have a new b/f and well we have been datin for a week tomorrow.im 15 he's 17 since he's older i asked my mom if i could date him and she wont answer me so i told him yes anyways.how do i tell my mom im datin him?

Just tell her. Say "Mom, you know that guy I was talking about? I wanted to let you know I was dating him". Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. If she gives you a hard time about it, which she shouldn't, bring up the fact that she never gave you an answer as to whether it was okay or not. You decided that since she didn't give you an answer that she wanted you to make your own decision and you feel that you made the right one. She really did have her chance to contest it, but she didn't. If she has a problem with it, she should have spoken up about it before. Keep reminding her of that. Again though, I don't think she'll give you any trouble. Good luck!

A male friend of mine came over to my appartment today for a visit. We have so far never done anything sexual- yet. I partly feel because he is quite shy. Well lately I have been dropping subtle hints that I want to be intimate with him; but not saying outright that I want to sleep with him because I am shy too.
Well before he left he said that the next time he came over to visit me that we could have a barbeque; play cards; and FOOL AROUND! When he said it he also had a big grin on his face. I really don't think he would joke about something like that. Do you think this means that he wants to move our friendship to the next level?

Moving your friendship to the next level is not being intimate with each other. It's starting a relationship! Ask him out first. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache in the end.

Intimacy outside of a relationship is a bad idea for many reasons. You'll get attached to him and unless he is dating you, you can't know if he feels the same way about you as you do about him. Plus, there is no committment if you aren't in a relationship. He could make out with 6 other girls in the same day as he made out with you and there'd be nothing you could do about it. I'm not saying that he's that type of person or that he would do that, but if you are being intimate with someone you are probably going to want them to be exclusive to you. The best way to make sure that happens is to be in an actual relationship.

What if other people find out? They'd have every right to call you a slut (even though I'm sure you're not). You don't want to have to deal with crap from other people.

If you ask him out and he says yes, it will make the moment that much better. Please consider doing this before you throw your friendship with him away. If you end up breaking up, you can always remain friends, but if you were never going out in the first place, there will be a lot of awkwardness and tension.

It would be a much better idea to make sure he likes you as much as you like him before you get yourself in too deep. Ask him to be your boyfriend. Good luck!

Today in Life Skills, my school counselor told us girls "all 13-year-old boys care about is looks." (it's not a co-ed class) She also went on to say that 13-year-old boys only like girls with big boobs and a big ass. She said that they are very shallow, but the best thing for us to do is wait for them to grow up.

Is this really true? Do boys only notice boobs and butts on a girl and nothing else? It doesn't make me feel too good knowing that, because I certainly don't have a big butt and big boobs, and I'd like to have a boyfriend.

I think that your counselor was trying to scare you so that you stay away from boys. Judging from some of the questions we get on here from 13 year old girls I can see why she would do something like that, but her actions are in no way justified. She is concerned for you girls and knows that you are young and could get hurt very easily because you don't know a lot about boys, relationships, or sex yet. She is going about helping you in the wrong way though. She's lying to you and keeping the truth from you in order to stop you from doing things, not educating you on what you don't know so that you aren't quite so naieve. Some boys, of course are very shallow and care only about looks, but some girls are that way too. There are plenty of guys your age that will look at your personality, not just your body. Think of it this way too, you're 13. Probably very few of your peers are very developed yet either. Once you go through puberty you'll get a figure. It can be a blessing and it can be a curse. You'll look good, but you can't always be sure of a guy's intentions. Try not to worry so much about getting a boyfriend. The more confident you are about the way you look and the way you carry yourself, the greater the chance of you getting a boyfriend. Confidence is one of the most desired traits when looking for a potential partner. I think that you should tell your principal what your school counselor told you. She shouldn't get away with giving you incorrect information. Good luck!

Hey, I'm 15/m. There's this girl at my school that i've known for about a month now and I really like her, a lot. I want to ask her out, but today she told me that she was bisexual, and leans more towards girls because so far her guy relationships haven't been so well. I asked her if she still dates guys and she was like "Haha why?" and I just said "Hehe just wondering ;)" but yeah she seems like she wants to go out with me too and we seem to always be around each other during lunch or passing periods and such. We're going to a movie together on Friday, but we're getting there about two hours earlier so we can shop. I'm thinking about asking her out then, but I'm not sure if she'll say yes... any suggestions on what to do? How should I ask her out, what should I say to spark the convorsation? Any help please? Thanks.

Devise a huge scheme to make her feel like a princess, or completely surprise her by asking at a completely random time. The two extremes, I think, are best. I could come up with ideas for you, but it would be better if you thought of something on your own. If it comes from you, it will mean more. I would suggest that you do it before the movie to get it over with. The movie may be awkward if you don't. Remember that it's okay if she says no. She has been hurt in the past and she may be very hesitant to date another guy. Her comment about leaning more towards girls because of past relationships with guys can work to your advantage. If she's hesitant at all about dating you, continue to reassure her that you won't hurt her like other guys have in the past. Give her lots of time to think about it if she needs it. Be super sweet to her the whole night. If she says no, she might not mean no and it's not your last chance so don't lose hope or feel bad. Sometimes putting someone on the spot can scare them enough into saying no when they really wanted to say yes. If you're rejected or put on hold, ask again a month or so later. That should be enough time for her to sort everything out and come up with her final decision. I wish you the best of luck and it seems to me that she really likes you so try not to worry!

okay so im going to get my new contacts tomorrow, but my right eye is really bad! and im afraid i wont be used to the contacts in time!!! but im not getting too strong of a prescription. and you cant fail an eye exam (at the drivers ed place) with contacts can you??? do yall think i will be okay? and is it hard.. like the test to get my permit??? i really want my permit please give me your advice

Have your eye doctor write a note that he examined your eyes and that your vision is perfectly fine for driving. My eye doctor had a special card just for that purpose that he filled out for the DMV. Your eye doctor will probably have those cards too. You won't have to take the eye exam if you have a doctor's note. Many people do this. Just let your eye doctor know that you'll be going to get your license and he'll hook you up. Good luck!

Ok, I'm just wondering if 1590 is a good SAT score, because I'm not sure. I know they've changed some things, so can anyone tell me if this is good? I think I should take it again in the fall, what do you think?

I don't know how the new scale works (I don't think anybody does), but if converted to the 1600 scale, you got a 1060, which is a little higher than average (average being 1000).

After doing a little research, I found that the average score on the new SAT is 1540. So, it seems like the scales are pretty close to each other.

You shouldn't have any trouble getting into a state or community college. If you were aiming for higher than that, you can always retake the SAT to try to get a higher score, or transfer to a "harder to get into" college after a year of attending a different college. I hope that helped you and good luck!

I'm trying to learn a backflip on the trampoline.. I can do one on my but like jump til you get high and then land on your but and do a backflip and land it.. My friends says it's easier.. but I'm just afraid of landing on my neck I feel like I could do it..I'm going to get someone to spot me.. but it just makes me more scared of hurting them

what should I do to get the backflip?

I don't know if this is an option for you, but I think that if you practice over water it will give you some of the confidence you need. Try doing some backwards dives, then work your way to flipping all the way around and going feet first into the water. If you make a mistake, the worst that can happen is you end up doing a belly flop. All you need is someone to spot you to make sure that you don't hit your head on the dock, diving board, or side of the pool. If you're careful about jumping out instead of just up, this won't be a problem. The handsprings are a great idea too. I hope I helped and good luck!

is there anyway to get old conversations from aim?

It's called "logging". You'll need to download a program that does this. Type "log aim conversations" or something of that nature into a search engine and you should be able to find something that you like. Normally it will come with other features such as more smileys. If you don't feel like looking for a program yourself, here's a link to the best one I could find for the 2 minutes that I looked. http://www.oldversion.com/program.php?n=deadaim
I hope you find something that you like and good luck!

Does anyone know what oregons like food is? please help!

Oregon's food is like the food that can be found anywhere in America. They have family restaurants, Italian restaurants, Mexican restaurants, seafood restaurants, and fast food restaurants. If you're travelling there I'm sure you'll be able to find something that you like, so don't worry! If you're doing a report or something you can find more specific information about Oregon's food online. Just do a little research! Try to include as much information as you can the next time you ask a question on this site. Knowing what you needed this for would have made it much easier to answer. More people would have answered it and the answers would have been more useful to you. Good luck :)

A question was posed to me by a friend having troubles in their relationship.

"How do I fall in love with them again?"

And I was at a loss. I tried to give logical answers. I tried to give suggestions. But truly I didn't have an answer. So now I'll lay it out for you to help with.

For ever and ever it's always been the same old story. Relationships start out great. That greatness lasts for a while and slowly starts to burn out. Until finally in the end one person hates the other. Then the innevitable happens. The words are said "I'll change, I promise". Now we all have heard these words or maybe even said them. But how often is it actually the truth? So maybe at this point you either A: get or give the benefit of the doubt, or B: show or are shown the door.

Option B is pretty self explanitory. So let's look at option A. One partner says to the other "I'll change, I promise" and they get that chance to prove it. Now honestly how scepticle are you that this person will change. And if you're the changer how honest are you REALLY being.

But lets say for a second that the person actually starts changing. Of course you're probably waiting for them to fail, and are not going to get your hopes up too high. But what do you do when they continue to change? What do you do when they don't give up. How do you get past those feelings of doubt and caution? Meanwhile the changer is waiting for you to accept them again. Waiting for you to love them again. How do you move on to the rest of the relationship? How do you (given you chose to continue) forgive them or yourself, for what brought you both to this point to begin with?

My inclination on this subject is simply this "If you truly love them then you need to forgive yourself and your partner and let the past be the past. Forgive but don't forget, so that if history begins to repeat itself you will both know how to prevent it."

I don't know how well I can answer this, but I saw that you didn't get any answers yet and I thought it was a pretty good question that would be worth my time to at least try to answer. I'll start with an example. My boyfriend tends to disappear in the middle of an online conversation. He'll stop talking, go idle, and not come back for 2 hours. I've gotten on his case about this of course, and even though I "know" that he's fine, I get annoyed. I've come to realize that it's not his behavior that annoys me, it's the effects of his behavior. It's not that he leaves, it's that I get bored, or I have something I want to say, or I think he's still there and I sit there talking to myself for ten minutes. I turned the problem from being his behavior into it being the way I felt about it. You can change your own feelings much easier than you can change someone else's habits. Everybody has their quirks. You can either take them or leave them. Love the person as a whole, don't pick and choose which characteristics to love and not to love. I think it's very wrong for people to say that they are going to change. It's a nice gesture, but it's not likely to happen. The even nicer, more realistic gesture is to accept the negative behavior and move on. It's not about forgiving, forgetting, preventing, or love, it's just about acceptance. Once you've accepted someone completely, the negative feelings will turn to neutral feelings. Everything is not and never will be perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or people that are perfect for each other. A good relationship is about finding someone that you can learn to put up with, more than anything. You can fall in love with someone again by getting over what made you fall out of love with them in the first place. It doesn't matter if they someday happen to change, try to change, or don't change. What matters is how YOU handle it. This way of thinking has gotten me through quite a few things that would have completely torn a lot of relationships apart. I hope that it makes sense to you and I hope that it helps you in some way. If not, I hope that you find the answers that you are looking for! Good luck.

How do you make a link in your aim profile a different color but still have an underline?? Thanks for any input ♥ ♥ ♥

EDIT: I forgot to say that you have to highlight what you typed before pressing the link button! Sorry for any confusion :)

Type exactly how you want to link to appear. So, if you want it to say "advicenators" and be size 12, Geneva font, and red, type it that way. Then to make that into a link, click on "link" on the top of the window (it's blue). Type or paste in the box what the link itself is (www.advicenators.com). I hope that makes sense. If not, let me know and I'll try to explain it better. Good luck!

Hey, I'm having a formal party and i'm not sure where to buy dresses. Like I went to JC Penny's and they had a few, but not a lot in my size since I'm small. Where else could you buy a nice dress?. I rate 5's .

The stores listed previously are worth checking out. There's also a store called Deb that always has nice dresses. They are in junior's sizes so they'll be small enough. They don't have much of a selection online so I would suggest going to the store. Here is a link to find the Deb store that is closest to you. http://www.debshops.com/StoreLocator/

Since it is right in the middle of prom season, you may have a hard time finding a nice, inexpensive formal dress. If you purchase one that is slightly too big, I'm sure that there is someone that you know that can make the adjustments so that it does fit. I bought one that was too big for prom and my grandmother took it in a good 4 inches. It fit perfectly. Just a suggestion if you can't find anything. Good luck!

i'm wicca and i'm gonna have a baby and well i was wondering if it's wrong if i make my baby learn and follow through with the wicca relligon i really want her/him to belive in what i belive in and i think of it as like the christans and how they make them belive in the whole jesus christ bible stuff no offence to any people who belive in that relligon so is it wrong? plez help

I know you weren't trying to offend anyone and no offence was taken. You're somewhat mistaken about Christianity, however, so let me explain that to you quickly. What many Christians do is raise their children with Christian values and teach them about Christianity in the hopes that they will become good Christians too. I think that is what you want to do with your child, but with Wicca. You want to raise your child with Wiccan values and teach them about Wicca in the hopes that they will become a good Wiccan too. All religions and all people do this, so what you have in mind is quite okay. Just make sure you don't take it too far. Making someone learn and making someone believe are two very different things. Don't try to force your child to believe anything. Instead, set a good example of your religion for them and have them participate in your religion with you. It will make your family stronger and happier. When your child starts to grow up he/she may start questioning religion, which is very natural. Try to help them sort it out and find their way, but don't try to force them back if they choose to believe something else. Forcing a child to do something tends to only push them farther and farther away from it. Raise them to grow up into what you want them to be, then sit back and hope that what you instilled in them as a child sticks with them throughout their life. I don't feel that what you have in mind is wrong in any way. I think it's good parenting. Good luck!

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