"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
Visitors: 144118
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well im 17, my boyfriend massaged his penis on my organ, but we both were wearing underwears , is it possible for me to be pregnant ?
and if its possible ,,how much time does it take to be pregnant ? help please im in a religious country that i cant ask anyone and i need help.thank you (link)
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The only way you could possibly get pregnant from that would have to be if he soaked your underwear with his sperm at your vagina.
Sperm need a moist environment to move in. They are little bitty creatures with tails--the tail flutters and propels them throughout the moist area. They are very small so there IS a chance they can swim through fabric as long as it was throughly moistened. These little guys were designed to ensure reproduction--that is the only reason they are alive; they will do what they can to find the goal.
It only takes ONE sperm to fertilize your one egg inside of you. When a guy ejaculates, billions of sperm are game to finding the egg. Sperm can live inside of you, in perfect conditions, for about 5 - 7 days; however, it is definately not unheard of to find live sperm inside of a woman two weeks later. I would safely say that from the second your vaginal area came in contact with sperm until about two weeks time your egg may become fertilized and pregnancy result.
You need to realize that one night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child. Having a child means being completely selfless because they need 100% of your attention 100% of the time. Having children means major sacrifices, especially in the emotional department.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, consider the consequences of that action too. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
You're aware you're not financially and emotionally ready to be a parent or you wouldn't worry about pregnancy. I'm sure you want to give your future children the best possibly life and if you contract an STD you may not be able to have children, may be too sick to raise them completely, or may pass something along to them. It would be especially scary if your partner impregnated you and then left the relationship for you to handle all of the childcare.
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
I wish you luck on becoming more knowledgeable about sexual activity so that we don't see you again here in fear of a pregnancy.
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how can you give advice if you're not open-minded? i see a lot of answers on this site saying negative things towards certain religions and sexual orientations. and lots of labeling (preps, emos, etc).
i think that if you're going to try to help someone, you need to accept what they have to say and answer respectfully. am i the only one who feels this way? (link)
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You have to think about what giving advice truly entails before saying you cannot be "close" minded.
Giving advice means you are telling someone your thoughts/opinions/ideas about the subject and how they should handle it. You cannot form these opinions and such if you have nothing to back it on and have previously not formed opinions on major things in your own life.
For example:
Sally comes to Advicenators and posts:
"I met this terrific guy at this party two weeks ago and we've been talking on the phone every other day or so. We sort of took the party as a hook-up situation and we made out for awhile there. He's really handsome and overall pretty great; it really makes my day when he calls my place. He really treats me like an equal and not like a piece of meat like other men have in the past. The problem is that I heard a woman's voice when he called me once and he told me that it is his live-in girlfriend of seven years. I feel weird because he has a girlfriend that he didn't tell me about, I made out with him at a party, and thought we had feelings for each other--I know I have strong feelings for him. What should I do?"
See, if you can't decide if cheating is alright or not then how are you going to help Sally decide what is right to do? If you think what he is doing is totally wrong because you shouldn't cheat on your spouse (and this goes back to the question, "WHY do you think that?") then you tell Sally that she shouldn't interfere in their relationship and that cheating is bad and unacceptable. You also tell Sally WHY you think cheating is bad, whether it be your own experience or part of your religious beliefs.
See, to give advice you have to have your footing first. You have to know what you believe and go from there. If you have nothing to base your opinion/thought/idea/suggestion on then you can't really make for a decent advice columnist.
All columnists have their own beliefs and it tends to show through--that's why some people REALLY like certain advice columnists. Why do you think Ann Landers gets so many questions? It's because people have figured out her beliefs and knows she can give them helpful advice in leading them in the right direction.
If an advice columnist was unbiased about everything then they couldn't really help much in giving decent advice. The columnist wouldn't be able to say things like:
"I think you should end the relationship with the guy. It really sounds like he's using you. How would you feel if you were the girlfriend?"
The advice columnist has to decide how they would handle the situation first and why they would handle it in that particular manner. If they would dump the guy then they tell the questioner to dump the guy. If they would dump the guy because cheating is unacceptable behavior then they would tell the questioner this. This applies to a lot more things than you first think--even abortions and such.
There is no problem in talking about the other option though. Many advice columnists do a wonderful job and add in at the end of their own advice things like:
"IF you decide to make something happen with this guy then you really need to talk to him and figure out why the girlfriend is still in the picture."
However, advice isn't helpful if the questioner isn't lead in the proper direction. People come for advice to certain people so they have an answer--they can't decide what to do, you see. Sally KNOWS there are two options to her problem--try to make something with the guy or don't--but she can't decide so she comes to the advice columnist so they can decide for her and give her reasons why they decided a particular thing.
You should always be respectful when giving advice, but that doesn't mean sugar coating your response. If the person is seriously doing something out of hand and harmful then you have to call them on it and bring it to their attention that it is not acceptable. As fellow humans we should still be looking out for each other--helping others to be healthy and happy. This means if someone is risking their body of getting an STD/STI then they need that pointed out to them. If someone is risking their mental health by staying with a mentally abusive partner then you let them know.
Anyway, I think it's impossible to be open to all options AND be a good advice columnist.
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I can't believe I'm asking this but..
I have extreme insecurity issues about my weight and my breast. I'm about 295 lbs I'm 5'9 and a big boned girl. However when I look myself in the mirror I see saggy breast.. and a big belly.. a saggy butt etc...I'm constantly thinking about "OMG what if I ever meet a nice guy and everything...and he makes fun of me when he see's me naked.." If someone ever did that too me my heart would drop and I would probably cry my eyes out etc.. I dont' know how to get over it. I walk everyday, drink water and eat less etc but I am sooooo worried about getting rejected because of the way I look.. I mean I'm 22 years old and I have a body of a 60 year old.
-BahaiMa22... (link)
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I am a paid user and was looking through some of your questions and saw this one. I really felt I should remark about it because I'm much like you.
One month ago I weighed myself and I was 266lbs.
I am about 5'11" in height. I'm also 21 years old for the time being (birthday coming up).
When I met my wonderful boyfriend he expressed concern for my health. He is a great man and any man that would ridicule you after getting you naked it sleezy so first of all don't worry about GOOD guys doing that.
Secondly, it's perfectly fine for someone to express concern about your health. It's GOOD for your partner to want you to be healthy. Heavier people simply aren't going to live as long and the offspring they have are more likely to be born with illness or be malnourished. Heavier women have a harder time during pregnancy too because they tend to be so unfit they cannot figure out how to get around with an extra so many pounds of baby in front of them, let alone that "pregnancy diabetes" that they have to worry about.
The body of a 60 year old? Definitely. You get tired getting up off the floor. You can't shop for more than thirty minutes without breaking a sweat. You can't stand still in line for fifteen minutes without your body--legs, knees, ankles, feet, back--screaming at you to sit down. Forget about making it up a flight or two of stairs--you start breathing heavily, sweat dripping from your reddened face, almost collapsing by the time you make it to the second or third flight of stairs.
Anyway, like you I felt insecure about my body. Last month I finally decided that something HAD to be done. First, I had my thyroid checked to make sure everything was alright with it then I took action.
My boyfriend had suggested some months ago that I look into Curves. Last month I joined for $74, first month free, and it will be $34 after that. At first I thought it was pretty expensive, but then my boyfriend explained to me that $34 a month was nothing compared to doctor's bills from obesity months/years later on. He's absolutely right.
I really suggest you look into joining Curves. Sometimes what we do at home simply is not enough exercise for our bodies. Yes, maybe you eat well but eating well is not going to control your weight if you don't burn that stuff off each day.
Curves has been wonderful this past month. Yes, I've had to struggle here and there because I was so unfit but I am so proud of myself for going three times a week (the recommended time). It only takes half an hour each visit--so that's an hour and a half a week for good health! Awesome.
I come home and my boyfriend gives me a hug and tells me how incredibly proud he is of me. Nobody ever supported me actually losing weight and getting fit so it's nice to have some support.
Yes, I break a good sweat after a few of the machines at Curves. No, the machines aren't heard to work at all really. Yes, my face is red and sweaty by the time thirty minutes is up, but it's wonderful and for the rest of the day I'm completely pumped up. Some days I'll wake up and simply not feel like going, but I push myself to go and come back home feeling terrific--I promise this is no lie.
So, back to Curves. You go three time a week, thirty minutes each visit. They have a set of machines that you spend thirty SECONDS on each. It doesn't sound like much but it's awesome. You do each machine as hard/fast as you can for thirty seconds and then you walk on a mat for thirty seconds to keep your heart rate up but let your muscles relax. They have nice, upbeat music and a voice that lets you know when to "Change Stations Now." You also monitor your heart rate every 8 minutes so you know if you need to rest for 10 seconds or not to let your heart rate slow down a little. Here is a link to the Curves website so you can check out each machine:
http://www.curves.com/circuit_demo/
They taught me how to work-out too. The trainer went around with me and goes around with me whenever I request. She is like my own personal trainer too--if I request she count my reps then she will. She'll sometimes come and push me a little, "Come on! You can do this! One more, come on...a little faster this time!" They also showed me how to do the stretches at the end so my muscles aren't sore afterward.
I didn't think I could do Curves. I made every excuse there was in my head for months as to why I didn't HAVE to go. I said I didn't want to spend the money, I said I wanted to use the time for something else--in the end, exercise was needed. I was tired all of them time. I hated my body. I feel so much better now that I'm making an effort to change myself for the better.
As a note, I have never been embarrassed going to Curves. I figured at first that if fat, old women (since Curves is marketed toward fat women and also older women) could do Curves then I could do it. Everyone is SO positive there you wouldn't believe it. When the trainer weighed and measured me she said according to their chart I was obese--something I truly hated to hear--but her face didn't change from her smile. When she told me I needed to lose 107lbs I freaked out inside and said:
"Do you think I can really do this? I mean...can this be done really?"
She replied in such a great manner:
"You can SO do this! You can get healthy if you stick with Curves, I promise. This is not impossible."
Nobody has ever said anything about my weight. It's like my weight is non-existent while I'm there--like I'm one of the "normal" people in that building. Everyone talks to me so friendly and doesn't make odd faces or look off while I'm greeting them. Nobody says, "Oh, you only did three reps on that machine...I can do 12 easily," or anything that could be construed as I'm-Better-Than-You. I'm liked, I'm equal, I'm normal.
Also, I did injure my leg one night and I missed a few days of Curves. They called me to see if I was alright, when I would be back, and if there was anything at all they could do to help me. I was so surprised but happy that they remembered that I hadn't been there. I did figure out that I can do the machines with just the upper body if my leg hurt or something--everybody was completely fine with me just working my upper body since my leg was sore.
There are also websites you can join if you start Curves. I go to:
http://www.curvesforum.com/
regularly and read all about others' experiences.
...and here is the link to find the Curves nearest you. You'll have to make an appointment by phone ahead of time so they make sure to devote the trainer specifically to you so you can be taught how to work the machines properly and all:
http://www.curves.com/locations/
Lastly, I want to say that I am here for you. If you join Curves I will be your support. We can find a way to chat every so often and share our experiences, weight loss, and rough time with each other. You aren't alone in this. I'm with you.
If you have any questions, PLEASE feel free to ask me. :)
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Okay, well, me and my boyfriend had sex, but he didn't have a condom, so he just pulled out. Is there still a high chance of me getting pregnat? Any answers would help, thanks. (link)
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It is very possible that you could be pregnant but it is probably too soon to be able to tell if you're asking it now. If you are truly very concerned you may want to make an appointment at your local clinic/doctor's office for a pregnancy test as those sort can tell before your missed period if you are indeed pregnant.
It only takes one sperm to fertilize your one egg. Just because your boyfriend did not completely ejaculate he did PRE-ejaculate. His body is constantly producing sperm just as your body is constantly preparing a good environment for the sperm to travel to the egg in. You are able to get pregnant ANY TIME you have sexual intercourse--even when you're on your period!
This being said, you really need to use some sort of protection to help lower the chances of pregnant and STD/STI transmission. Condoms are very cheap and come in different sizes, colors, flavors, and styles. The price of a box of condoms is no match to the price of a baby.
If your period is late by a few days you may be able to purchase a home pregnancy test (not as good as a doctor's office) and take one. They sometimes can say negative/not pregnant when you are pregnant though (it's impossible for them to say you're pregnant when you're not though) so you may want to test on a couple of the sticks.
Please get yourself informed and stop risking your body so much. It is very, very easy to become pregnant--it only takes ONE time and ONE sperm. Even if he did not fully ejaculate in you, he did release some pre-ejaculatory fluid (natural, all guys do it, and they cannot prevent themselves from doing it) which always contains some sperm--remember, ONE is all it takes.
Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant. It takes only one sperm to fertilize your one egg. They are designed to do everything possible to ensure reproduction. Your body also does just about everything it can do to make sure the sperm can successfully fulfill their duty. Because of this, you are fertile every day of your cycle, including the days you are on your period. The only time you are more fertile than usual is when you are ovulating (when the egg has been released from the ovary and begins traveling down the fallopian tubes).
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated. Please sit down with your partner and discuss the possible outcomes of your sexual activities together. You may also find it helpful to view the above sites with him so that you're sure he is just as informed as you are. Find a form of "protection" other than the pull-out method if that's what you two have been doing. The pull-out method is NOT effective, please be aware of that.
I hope that I've helped you gain some knowledge and you alter your recent behaviors. Please feel free to ask me questions if you need :)
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Okay I'm 14 years old and this summer has been like the crazziest summer. Okay these are the things I did just in 2 weeks
1.Gave a blow job in a public restroom
2.Had sex in a public restroom
3.Flashed a lot a guys at a public pool
4.Sent nude Photo's to atleast 7 different guys
5.Had a 3some (2 other guys)
6.madeout with a way older guy
7.Did a lot of ohter "things" in public places (link)
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I think you know if it's slutty or not and you really need to reach inside of yourself to discover this.
Obviously, it feels very wrong to be doing this or you wouldn't have been concerned about being perceived as a slut. From here, you should take the time to decide if you want to do the right thing and discontinue these activities or if you want to disregard your gut feelings and pretend it is acceptable behavior.
It is a fact that when people feel slutty/dirty/whorish they reach out to people they feel will accept their actions and tell them that they are not doing anything wrong. The fact that you are questioning this tells a lot and I hope you do understand that. I also want to note that just because someone here claims it is not slutty behavior does not make it alright--YOU know what is really going on. To put it simply, your conscience is screaming at you.
You obviously have been jumping into some things you are not well-prepared for and your conscience knows it. I suggest you take time to look at yourself and where you are now headed in life. It is not healthy or intelligent to rush into sex knowing that your sex-partner is attached to another person. It is not right to help someone betray their partner, of course.
What I'm saying is, the next time some guys says he really likes you or loves you it doesn't mean that sex needs to follow. It doesn't matter if he gives you attention or not because this is the WRONG type of attention you need to be able to blossom into a wonderful human.
Prostitutes have sex every single day with various men/women and never feel any emotion for them so that alone tells you that sex doesn't mean anything.
When you interact sexually with a person without getting to know them at all then it does put a stigma on you. The person will perceive you as sexual and empty. They see that you will make them feel good physically but have nothing else to really offer them. Most, if not all, of these sort of relationships burn out quickly.
So, yes, it is slutty behavior. Yes, you should discontinue sleeping around because it is totally wrong. Yes, you should start listening to your conscience and following what you KNOW is right and not what the media and your peers try to feed you. Yes, if you are questioning your actions then they are, most likely, very wrong and you should discontinue them.
In addition, people do care if you're a slut. I care. I don't want you to become a statistic. I don't want to see you here feeling worse about yourself, falling deeper in the hole. I want to see you grow as a person and KNOW that you are better than these activities.
You'll feel better about yourself when you know you have changed. Work on yourself and don't fall into this dark hole of having sex whenever a guy seems interested and pays attention to you. You are worth something right now, don't make yourself worthless to others. Resolve this with yourself, make sure it never happens again, and learn your lesson from these experiences. With all of those met, you will be able to overcome this and will only carry it as a burden to tell others about your experiences--to help enlighten them on what you had to learn through heartache.
What you have been doing has serious, even dead, consequences. Here are some examples:
Oral sex consequences (wow):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=544009
Herpes information (yes, you can be born with herpes and it can spread even if there are no sores present):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543782
Mutual masturbation consequences (hpv, herpes):
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495933
Proof that condoms are not 100% effective on preventing STD transmission:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=537694
You CAN get pregnant while on the pill:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539701
STDs are extremely common; 80% of Americans have herpes:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
(Graphic) Photos of what STDs can do to your body:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
The financial costs of a pregnancy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Who cares about virginity anyway? You should!:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
...seriously!:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
ANYONE can have an STD, even if they are a virgin:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=542086
I hope you do what is clearly appropriate for you and take steps to work on yourself. If you have other questions like this, please feel free to ask me! :)
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What should I include in my thank you letter addressed to those who interviewed me during a job interview?
(link)
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Your thank-you letting should be brief but considerate of the interviewer's time.
Thank the people (one note per each person) for taking the time to give you the opportunity to show your qualifications for the job. Let them know you have great respect for them. Be confident in the letter in saying you look forward to working with them if given the opportunity and that you know you can bring great things to the company if hired.
Do NOT summarize your resume all into the note. They know your qualifications for the job so do not list why they should hire you. There is no reason you should list your entire application all over again--this will only irritate the reader instead of bring a smile to their face.
If you do not have lovely handwriting then it may be more acceptable to type each letter. Remember to double check spelling and grammar to make a good impression. You definately do not want to come off as untactful and sloppy; however, you should definately hand-sign your name at the bottom of each card.
Remember to show that you know your boundaries and that the interview did not magically make you best friends. Do not overly assume in the letter that you nailed the job--it is not your job to decide that so do not say, "I look forward to working with you." Instead tack onto the ending, "I am looking forward to working with you if given the opportunity..." much like I explained above. In addition, remember to refer to the recipient as Mr, Mrs, or Ms--not Bob or Sally.
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Hi. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We have been together for a year and 4 months now. When we first got together, I remember him telling me about how his neighbor would beat his wife all the time, and he said this with admiration in his voice. I asked him if he thought it was okay to hit a woman, and he said yeah.
He does have anger problems, and the least little thing would set him off.
He used to tell me not to come to his house unless his cousin was with me, and one time I did go without his cousin and he huffed and puffed and balled up his fists, and turned sharply and walked away...later on he told me that he was going to knock me across the yard...he would always tell me how badly he wished he could put his hands on me and put me in my place. One time I was standing outside his car, and he hurt me by pulling my arm halfway through the window and pushing down on it from inside. But he never hit me.
But now he's taking medicine to control his temper and things are much better, and it's like he's a different person. But not long ago, I went to a friend's house, Don, to do his hair, and my boyfriend followed me there and hit the gas and kept speeding past the house, back and forth like a maniac. Then he called everyone he knows and got them to call me to tell me how much he was sorry, etc.
Another thing is that one night he took my cell phone from me and went through it and started calling numbers he didnt know, accusing me of cheating. When I tried to get the phone back, he almost hit me. Then he cornered me, grabbed my face tight, and told me that I had better not be cheating on him.
I'm afraid of him, so when he does things like that, I just lower my head. Then, when we're on the phone the next day, he laughs about how scared of him I was. Now he's told me that he doesnt want me to talk to Don at all anymore, even though I've told him constantly that we're just friends. And to top it off, he's trying to get me pregnant. I've told him I don't want kids right now, but he keeps 'forgetting' condoms or takes them off when I'm not looking. He has actually told me that he wants me to have his baby so that I can't leave him.
He's really a sweet person, and compared to what I went through when we first started dating, our relationship is peaceful now. But now that we're supposed to be living together soon, I'm worried that he might change and go back to his old ways. Call me crazy, but we have a great relationship when he's not angry, and I don't want to leave...I've tried leaving him in the past, but he cries and begs for me to come back. Since he's been taking his medicine the only time he gets really mad is when he thinks I'm cheating or something.
How high is the chance that he's going to become physically abusive in the future? Would this already be considering abuse or controlling behavior? Any thoughts/advice is appreciated. Thanks! (link)
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I believe you should leave this guy before things get worse; however, I have the feeling that you're going to stick in there for a long time.
Leaving does not mean you cannot come back after he has gotten treatment. There are no magical pills that are going to make someone "right" again. The guy NEEDS therapy, and he NEEDS anger management classes for awhile until he can learn to control his outbursts.
Do NOT have sex with this guy. Having a baby would be just as much your fault as it would be his. You do NOT have to have sex with him. You do NOT have to allow him to "forget" condoms. In addition, it's pretty obvious when a guy does not have a condom on--you CAN stop the whole activity and say, "Whoa...NO, we did not agree on condomless tonight." Stop engaging in sexual activities with the man. Honestly, if you can't trust someone to have children with them then you shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place.
If you claim you're too scared of him to say no then you need to get out now. Seriously, let him get help before you try to be in his life. This is not only for your safety but his too. If he hurts you or someone else he may end up in jail. I really doubt he'd be happy going to jail.
Now, if you leave him, again, it doesn't mean you cannot continue communicating with him. Pack your things and get out, but let him know that you will only come back after he's gone through therapy and anger management courses. If he truly loves you and wants you to be in his life then he WILL change to make the relationship work.
Yes, he may be angry at first. Yes, he may not go to the therapy sessions or anger management courses at first, but in time he may turn around to change his ways. To make a relationship work both parties need to try their best to work things out. By sticking around and not pushing him to get better through these methods you send him signs that YOU can deal with how he currently is. By leaving him and announcing that you NEED him to seek out professional help--not from just a pill--you are telling him he HAS to change to make things work and you aren't going to put up with his bullshit any longer.
After a couple of weeks of being gone it might be acceptable to call him to check in on things. You can let him know you were wondering how he was and how therapy/classes were going for him. Talk to him every now and again before meeting up somewhere public for a bite to eat. Talking about his therapy/class is key so you know that he IS learning things and making a strong effort to improve.
In short:
STOP having sex with this man!
Leave. Leave NOW.
Let him know you need him to seek counseling and anger management--not just pills, because there is no magic pill that makes everything better--before you will see him again.
Hold on to your word.
Call him after a couple of weeks.
Continue calling every once in awhile before suggesting lunch out somewhere.
Talk about his progress--find out what he is learning and if he feels he is improving.
Things really can work out if you show him that he NEEDS to make progress. Do not just let this go any more because things aren't going to just suddenly start looking up and be all better out of the blue for no reason.
I hope things work out in the end with you and the guy, but in the meantime you need to worry about you so he has the ability to work on himself.
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Okay, I just gave one.
a) I can't get pregnant, right?
b) Am I susceptible to an STD?
c) Does this mean that according to doctors I am "sexually active"?
d) Any side effects that I need to know about? (link)
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I will try to explain as much as possible so you're not left with unanswered questions.
A. You can only get pregnant from giving a guy oral sex if his semen somehow comes in contact with your vagina. This means you should wash your hands thoroughly after the act to lessen this issue.
B. You are definately susceptible to STDs this way.
Serious risks include:
1. Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other. More than 50% of a random group of people will have antibodies to the virus (indicating some level of infection). Genital herpes is complicated and uncomfortable. Herpes can be passed on even if no sores are present.
2. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat, showing strep like symptoms. These can also infect the eye; eye infections can have serious consequences. Roughly, 80% of women who have chlamydia have no symptoms and it can prevent them from ever having children.
3. HIV can be passed through unprotected oral sex. The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. You may not even be aware you have a cut in your mouth or throat. Some people take up to 10 years to show that they have contracted HIV/AIDS.
4. HPV can be passed during oral sex. HPV has been found on vocal chords. There is no test to find out if a man has HPV and men usually show no symptoms.
5. Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV. Signs and symptoms are indistinguishable from those of other diseases so some people go a long time without knowing they have it. Mothers can pass this onto their babies without knowing it.
6. Hepatitis A is also a risk, but usually only oral-anal contact. Hep A is not a chronic condition like Hep B and C, but can make a person quite sick several weeks.
In addition, you would be astonished by the number of people who have accidentally given their child herpes (type 1 and/or 2) just by changing the baby's diaper. It's so contagious it's frightening.
Babies can also definately be born with herpes. If the mother experiences an outbreak during labor then there are high chances the baby will contract the virus. Many parents are so ashamed that they spread an illness to their child that they do not educate the child that the symptoms they are having are serious and can be passed along to others, leaving the child to believe that everything is normal and they are healthy.
The ONLY way you know if your partner is "clean" is to have a full STD screening before engaging in sexual activities. There are things our parents ignore and do not tell us about--STD transmission being one of them. For further truth on this matter, my mother never told me that the sore she experienced on her lip periodically was herpes. She actually told me that everyone got those sorts of sores and that it was spread in the air like the flu virus.
You should always use a condom/dental dam when engaging in oral sex. It does not take the risks of STD/STIs away, but it does lessen them, which is better than going bare.
C. Yes, you would definately be considered sexually active, especially since you can contract STDs/STIs from oral sex. Herpes (HSV-1 & HSV-2), chlamydia, syphilis, HPV (Human papillomavirus), and even HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) can be transmitted by engaging in oral sex. That I'm aware of, things like herpes and HPV can also be transmitted by fingers/hands--more if there are cuts on the fingers.
It's important to inform your doctor when you have been sexually active and how many partners you have had. If you want to clarify it has only been oral sex then you may do so and they may write it in on your chart for references.
In short, answer yes if your doctor asks if you are, or have been, sexually active. You may specify what sort of activities you have engaged in if you feel you should do so.
D. The only side effects would actually be you risking STD/STI transmission. Sperm isn't going to make you fat or anything like that, but you may also get a stigma from your peers from engaging in these activities. For some people they feel pressured to go even further with each sexual encounter, even when they are not prepared for the possible outcomes of the activities.
You do not need to have any sort of sex to prove that you care about someone or that you are worth anything, please take note of that. Many young females (and males) now feel that they MUST engage in sexual activities to be somebody when it only harms them in the long run--guilty consciences, empty feelings, traumatizing experiences, hurt feelings, life-long STD, etc. There is nothing wrong with being a normal, young person having fun in non-sexual ways.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me. I would be more than happy to help you gain the knowledge you need.
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ok so does that means your body will reject it sooner or later and the piercing will just come off with your skin.?if so what is the point of getting it.? (link)
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Exactly, your body will definitely get rid of it eventually, depending on how quickly you heal. The piercing itself will never truly "heal" since the cells are constantly trying to expel it from your body. Rejection is natural, it's healthy, we should be glad our bodies do things like this to protect us from serious illness.
People USUALLY are smart and take them out before it completely rips through the skin and falls out; however, some aren't so wise and wait until it's pretty far out there--leaving them much larger, deep scars.
The point of getting it?
Well, people like to have them around for as long as they last. Some people like scars even and some people just get the piercing to fit in with the crowd. A few people out there are simply addicted to the pain or want to hurt themselves--so they find any acceptable way possible to do so, regardless of the negative aspects.
It's become popular now to pierce yourself up as much as possible. A lot of people aren't educated enough to know what rejection is and that it WILL happen to ALL surface piercings and so they go into getting the piercing with that lack of knowledge. Some (actually, most nowadays) piercers are so money-greedy that they do not tell the person that their piercing will have to come out sooner or later, whether they want that to happen or not.
People tend to not take the time to read up on as much as possible on their possible piercing. This means they go into the whole ordeal in the dark just to fit in with the crowd. Peer pressure can do silly things to a person, believe me!
Some people that know the piercing will reject accept that and want to wear the piercing for a little while. Take corset piercings for example: corset piercings are rarely ever worn beyond one day even because they will reject quickly and leave horrible scars. Usually they are placed in before a social gathering and within an hour or two they are removed to prevent scarring.
I hope I've helped you! :)
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Can you be born with herpes, or just have it somehow? My boyfriend and I have never had sex, but we have done oral sex which I know transmits the herpes virus. But since both of us are virgins is it even possible for us to have the std? He had three cold sores in his mouth and complained of a headache for the past several days. These may just be a coincidence, but I'm worried. We two healthy teens, am I just overreacting? (link)
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I know this is extremely late but I was SHOCKED by the previous answers and HAD to correct this question so people searching about herpes are not confused.
The only way you are actually born with herpes if if your mother had herpes and had an outbreak during childbirth and passed it along to you. You, most likely, would then have herpes in more than one area of your body, including your eyes (which causes blindness so you wouldn't be able to see).
Other than that, not everyone is born with herpes. The users below are COMPLETELY wrong.
Here is some information about herpes:
You would be astonished by the number of people who have accidentally given their child herpes (type 1 and/or 2) just by changing the baby's diaper. It's so contagious it's frightening.
Babies can also definately be born with herpes but is not a natural occurance. If the mother experiences an outbreak during labor then there are high chances the baby will contract the virus. The baby also may be blind or end up with ocular herpes since it passes through the vaginal canal and the eyes may come in contact with the sores/infected areas.
I contracted herpes, HSV-1 (usually referred to as "oral herpes") to be exact, before I even kissed another person. My first outbreak that I can clearly recall was in kindergarten but I'm unsure if I had outbreaks before then.
I'm not sure how I got infected but I suppose I blame it on my mother's carelessness. She obviously had outbreaks frequently and did not take the right precautions to protect me against it. My mother NEVER kissed me on the lips; however, I did occassionally share drinks with her. As far as I can figure, I shared a drink with her while the herpes virus was shedding out of her (as it does periodically, which may not be visible, by the way) and contracted it.
Many people only have one initial outbreak and it's years before they ever have another outbreak. This doesn't mean they can't pass it along--the cells are ALWAYS being shed so there is always a danger in contracting it from an infected person. It also may be possible that someone simply does not know they are infected because their outbreak was so long ago (like if I had an outbreak prior to kindergarten I truly cannot recall back that far) or they have so many outbreaks they are very accustomed to it and don't think it's a big deal.
My mother never told me that she had herpes. My mother never told me that the outbreaks I experienced on my lip was herpes. She didn't tell me anything to help me protect other people against myself. As a matter of fact, I thought it was completely normal to get blisters on the lips like I did--many of my classmates through elementary school even suffered from the same thing! Years later (when I was about 19 or 20) I accidently ran into an article online about herpes and realize that the sores I had previously experienced was herpes. This was later confirmed when I had a STD screening.
In short, many people have herpes that have never had sex before. Many innocent people have never even kissed anyone before and have herpes because of adults in their life that didn't take extreme precautions to prevent transmitting the virus to their infant. Many parents are so ashamed of this that they do not bother to actually tell their child that the outbreak is not normal and that it's an STD they have to live with forever.
If you suspect you or a partner has herpes then you need to be tested to make sure. From there you can find out a lot more about herpes and how it affects the body. There are many questions here about herpes and such that I have answered. Here are some links you may be interested in if you want to learn about what herpes is and what it can do to your body:
"Can you get an STD from giving a hand job?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495933
"Can you contract herpes on the outside of your genitals?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541451
"How do you know if you have herpes? What is herpes anyway?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541457
"My boyfriend got sperm in my eyes. Are there risks? (Ocular herpes information)"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541866
"I have herpes. When am I considered "contagious"?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539756
"How did I get herpes? We used a condom and everything! Oh, and what helps calm the virus down so I don't have so many outbreaks?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=537694
Any other questions you have, PLEASE fee free to ask me! I am fairly well educated about herpes, including some treatments for it (no, it's not curable yet). I want people to be as educated as they possibly can be about this because it's serious business. SO, please feel free to see a question to my inbox if you have any you want me to answer.
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when you had asnwered my question for the hip piercing what did youn mean your body might reject the peircing.? (link)
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Rejection is the body's natural defensive maneuver to prevent infections and such.
Your body has no idea that you WANTED to put a piece of metal in your skin. It thinks you've been wounded and it knows that infection may set in if the object stays in (because foreign objects have dirt/bacteria on them). The body knows it needs to get the object out as soon as possible so it does everything it can.
This means the flesh surrounding the piercing will actually sacrifice itself for your life. It will actually die off and the cells will fall off of you little by little. This causes deep scars usually. You can actually visually see the skin thinning when you look at the piercing.
Rejection usually only happens to surface piercings--eyebrows, bellyrings, hips, corset piercing, cleavage, nape, etc.
Rejection will ALWAYS happen with these piercings no matter what. The only way to reduce the scarring from rejection is to take the piercing out early. Some bodies reject quicker than others--some people can go weeks with an eyebrow piercing before it starts to reject and some people can go months before it begins rejecting. It will always happen though.
The only thing you can do is try to slow down the rejection process. This means rinsing the jewelry off with saline solution twice a day and doing everything you can not to put pressure on the bar. With surface piercings, the more you mess with them, the quicker they will come out.
The skin usually begins to be itchy because the cells are dying off so you can live and won't get a major infection. Again, the body doesn't know that the object has been sterilized and was wanted so there honestly is no way to stop rejection.
I also want to note that if your piercing begins to reject and you do not remove the jewelery, it WILL still come out. Your skin seriously just falls off of you little by little until the piercing comes out as well.
Here is an excellent photo sequence in which someone shows how their nape piercing rejected after a few months:
http://wiki.bmezine.com/images/a/a6/Surface_Piercing_Rejection-2.gif
You can see the scarring that is going to be there and how the flesh gets smaller and smaller around the piercing until the bar isn't able to stay in the flesh any longer.
Here are some photos of surface piercings that are rejecting (or have rejected and left some scarring):
http://modblog.bmezine.com/wp-content/uploads/200609201951-pix1.jpg
http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050417-2.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3109/2402414667_42909c3499.jpg
http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/07-navel/A60124/high/bmepb213093.jpg (bottom piercing, obviously)
http://z.hubpages.com/u/105451_f248.jpg
I had a surface piercing a few years back. The scar is pretty deep and it really does itch periodically for no reason. Mine started to reject a few weeks after I had it pierced and by a few months it was driving me crazy with itchiness.
I tried to explain what rejection is but if I have been unclear then please let me know what I'm missing or what needs to be further explained so I can help you out.
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i want to get a hip piercing.
ok i wnat to know the good things and bad things about getting it.?
i heard you can get really bad and ugly scars.?is that true.?
can you please tell me what are the good and bad things that can happen if you get it.?
Thanks. :] (link)
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A really big concern of mine is the possibility of accidentally ripping one of the surface piercings out from the skin during the night. Humans tend to move a bit in their sleep (even if you're not aware of it) so you can't really force yourself not to. Piercings are easily caught on fabric and such so you should really take time to decide if you can handle sleeping odd first off. The more pressure you put on the piercings, the worse they will feel and the quicker they will reject (they may also become infected/inflamed easier as well).
You also should be aware of the scarring you will experience from the piercing. Surface piercings will never truly heal no matter what you do, and your body will always reject them--some bodies reject quicker than others. If you heal quickly then don't expect the piercing to last very long at all before becoming incredibly itchy, red, and puffy.
To lengthen the time you are able to wear the piercing you must keep it rinsed off with saline solution twice daily and put little to no pressure on the piercing area. There isn't a way to stop rejection--it is what your body naturally does to foreign objects.
When your body rejects a piercing, what happens is rather frightening. The skin that is around the piercing literally sacrifices itself and dies off to expel what is underneath. This being said, some scars can be a lot more noticeable than others.
In my experience, there isn't really a good way to reduce the scarring either so you need to decide if you can deal with the scars for a long period of time. I had a surface piercing done years ago and the scar is still very noticeable and itches periodically.
Also, keep in mind that you will need to purchase some saline solution to put on the piercings each day to keep down possible infection if you're going to try to keep it for an extended period. Try your best not to mess with them and cause more damage to the area. The more you mess with the piercing, the quicker it will reject and the higher the possibility of infection. Please make sure you've researched this entirely so that no surprises come up that you were unaware of and unequipped to deal with.
I also recommend asking your piercer to do the piercing with surface bars instead of captive rings. Rings tend to be rejected quicker, leave more scarring, and have more likelihood of being accidentally torn from the flesh. You can get slave rings attached to the surface bars if you want something on the ends.
In regards to microdermals, they are easier to keep in than an actual surface piercing. It is true that removal is a bit tricky and may leave nasty scars; however, if you plan to keep the piercing as a permanent part of your body then it doesn't sound like a bit deal. In addition, they may be a little more costly than regular surface piercing so you should check to see if your budget would allow it.
I hope all goes well and you get yourself informed enough to help reduce some of the scarring/infection risks.
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I was wondering if your high school was at all like its portrayed in the show the Secret life of an American Teenager? I'm a sophomore, and sure kids are having sex at my school but its not nearly dramatic and a big deal as it is in the show.
My mom happened to see the show so now she's got the wrong idea about my friends and my school. Sure I'm somewhat sexually active but its not like its all everyone talks about and everyone doesn't just sleep around.
I'm curious how your high schools are in comparison to the show. Thanks! (link)
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I would guess that a good 80% of my graduating class (class of 2004) was infected with gonorrhea because of ONE guy that slept around with various girls in my class. Another, at least, 70% of students had oral herpes by the time we graduated that I am aware of.
Sex was HUGE when I went to high school. I mean HUGE!
Everyone wore skimpy clothes and talked about sneaking out of their houses at night to meet so-and-so and have sex.
One girl was giving a guy head (not her boyfriend, just a random hook-up at a party) and she threw up on him. We ALL knew about it the next day. She had a nickname that followed her until I graduated (and probably went on from there)--Donna-Hoe.
We knew who had sex and when they had sex.
I had a friend, Tiffany, who was pressured into losing her virginity. Everyone in her circle of friends were no longer virgins and would talk about it all the time and she felt left out so she went and lost her virginity to fit in. She was proud she fit in then.
After that, Tiffany slept with a good 50 guys, if not more. She had some guys bring friends to be with her. She had sex behind the school countless of times.
Tiffany wasn't the only one either. Another girl lost her virginity to a friend and came to school late, proudly announcing that she had lost her virginity and needed a pad because her hymen was torn and she didn't want to ruin her new panties.
There were three students that made a porno tape together and gave it out to other students in my class. They say that there is two of them on the bed having sex and stuff while the third is filming and making remarks about things.
One girl was caught in the vice principal's office giving a male student oral sex.
There were two girls that had sex with this guy that wanted to poop on their chests and they came to school and talked all about it.
One guy lost his virginity in 11th grade and wrote a letter to a girl about it. The girl stood up in class and read it outloud during free-period.
There was a group of girls who had sex with each other but were "straight" and "hated" gay people.
Then there was a girl that sold nude photos of herself so she could pay for an online game subscription monthly.
There was a guy who could give himself head (seriously). He started dating this girl and they brought their sex toys (whip and handcuffs) to school and showed us.
The "Christian" girls openly admitted to having anal sex with their boyfriends (which they changed up every few weeks) because it "didn't count" as sex. That was AT LEAST 10 girls that would encourage other girls to have anal sex because it "didn't count" and they were still "virgins".
We had quite a few teen pregnancies. I know of at least 5 girls who gave birth during the school term and MANY girls who had miscarriages here and there. One girl had THREE abortions by her senior year. I knew a guy that had TWO children by the time he was in 11th grade. When I graduated, we had six girls that were pregnant during graduation.
There were THREE 8th grade girls caught in the bathroom with three 8th grade boys when I was a freshmen. The girls were naked on the tile and the boys were all taking turns on each girl. They were pissed when a teacher found them and made them go to the principals office!
My brother is in 7th grade and has sex (with a 10th grader girl) and didn't even think it was a big deal at all. He couldn't understand why he was in trouble even!
There is a girl in 7th grade here that brought her dildo to school and showed it to everyone in her art class. I know this because my brother is in that class.
My cousin had sex with a freshmen when he was a senior and she announced in the cafeteria that she wanted to sue him for statutory rape.
Two girls (twins), Miranda and Amanda, made a bet with eachother about how many guys they could have sex with in a year. The one with the most guys won. They shared many partners and had sex with the football coach--everyone found out when one of the girls was pregnant by him.
There were two girls (twin sisters but not the girls mentioned above) that would throw sex parties at their house when their parents went away. Everyone knew it and you could actually "rent" out a room for an hour in their house for $15 so you could have sex in it.
There were more sex parties too. People would show up, expecting to meet a random person and have sex with them. I know there happened to be at least 4 sex parties thrown during my senior year.
At the time I didn't think much of it. You never do when you're one of the students. Years later I look back and said, "Wow...how much nastier could we have gotten? EWH!"
I look on Advicenators and see that there are at least 10 questions asked every day on how to give their boyfriend/girlfriend some sort of sex. I look at the ages, some of these people being 14 years old!
The media feeds teenagers such lies about NEEDING to have sex. Sex makes you popular--NOT. Sex is so good, everyone should have it--HAH, YEAH RIGHT! Sex is not risky if you're on the pill--OH REALLY, THAT'S WHY THERE'S SO MANY TEEN PREGNANCIES, HUH?!
It really is that bad.
I promise you.
Your mom should be scared.
YOU should be scared.
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When a person discovers they have an STD, they're required by law to inform all of their partners so they will get tested too. Well, I ended up getting an STD from a guy and he didn't tell me.. What the hell do I do. He doesn't live in US anymore because the fu*ker moved.. I'm sure that doesn't help my case much though now does it? (link)
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I am uncertain about the laws of other countries, but you can attempt to press charges if that is what you are after. You may need to figure out which country the person moved to and go from there; however, I'm certain that many countries are not as sue-happy for everything as the United States happens to be.
In addition, if you cannot contact a past partner then you simply cannot contact them. Nobody is going to be upset as long as you have attempted to notify them in some manner. If you have no idea where the person has gone then you cannot contact them, plain and simple. In addition, it may be helpful to email them if you can with the news.
If you do not contact all of your partners it is true that they can sue you for bodily damages. If you have herpes (either type one or two) then you may find this forum very helpful, as they deal with prosecuting very often:
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/forumdisplay.php?f=54
In addition, you can only truly go to press charges against the person who infected you if they KNEW (as in: a doctor officially diagnosed them with the STD) they had herpes before engaging in sexual activities with you and did not inform you in advance. This means that if you partner did not have a doctor actually diagnose them with an STD that you ended up contracting from them then nothing can be done in the legal matter.
Oh, and you may also need to have used protection during sexual activities to show that you were watching out for your health. Even though everyone knows that condoms are not effective on preventing STD transmission, and many people are infected daily while using condoms, your infected partner may claim that you did not take precautions to protect yourself anyway, thus turning the entire thing on you.
See, in court they will need proof that he knew he was infected, meaning they will need him to consent to having his doctor's records revealed regarding STD testing/treatment or for witness to say he had expressed to them he had the STD before you engaged in sexual interactions with him. Even then you would need to prove that he did not inform you, as he probably would deny not telling you. It's a long, probably irritating, process but you can do it.
There ARE laws in Ohio regarding HIV:
"Amendment to felonious assault statute criminalizing failure to disclose known HIV-positive status to a sexual partner was not unconstitutionally vague for failure to define "disclosure," where such term was not confusing or unfamiliar outside a courtroom; person of common intelligence, giving term its ordinary meaning, would know that requirement of "disclosure" required person with knowledge of his or her HIV-positive status to tell any sexual partner of that status before engaging in sexual conduct with that partner. Ohio Revised Code § 2903.11(B)(1). State v. Gonzalez, 154 Ohio App. 3d 9, 2003 -Ohio-4421, 796 N.E.2d 12 (1st Dist. Hamilton County 2003), appeal not allowed, 2003 -Ohio- 6458 (Ohio 2003)"
"§ 2903.11. Felonious assault.
(A) No person shall knowingly do either of the following:
(1) Cause serious physical harm to another or to another's unborn;
(2) Cause or attempt to cause physical harm to another or to another's unborn by means of a deadly weapon or dangerous ordnance.
(B) No person, with knowledge that the person has tested positive as a carrier of a virus that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, shall knowingly do any of the following:
(1) Engage in sexual conduct with another person without disclosing that knowledge to the other person prior to engaging in the sexual conduct;
(2) Engage in sexual conduct with a person whom the offender knows or has reasonable cause to believe lacks the mental capacity to appreciate the significance of the knowledge that the offender has tested positive as a carrier of a virus that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome;
(3) Engage in sexual conduct with a person under eighteen years of age who is not the spouse of the offender.
(C) The prosecution of a person under this section does not preclude prosecution of that person under section 2907.02 of the Revised Code.
(D) Whoever violates this section is guilty of felonious assault, a felony of the second degree. If the victim of a violation of division (A) of this section is a peace officer, felonious assault is a felony of the first degree. If the victim of the offense is a peace officer, as defined in section 2935.01 of the Revised Code, and if the victim suffered serious physical harm as a result of the commission of the offense, felonious assault is a felony of the first degree, and the court, pursuant to division (F) of section 2929.13 of the Revised Code, shall impose as a mandatory prison term one of the prison terms prescribed for a felony of the first degree.
(E) As used in this section:
(1) "Deadly weapon" and "dangerous ordnance" have the same meanings as in section 2923.11 of the Revised Code.
(2) "Peace officer" has the same meaning as in section 2935.01 of the Revised Code.
(3) "Sexual conduct" has the same meaning as in section 2907.01 of the Revised Code, except that, as used in this section, it does not include the insertion of an instrument, apparatus, or other object that is not a part of the body into the vaginal or anal cavity of another, unless the offender knew at the time of the insertion that the instrument, apparatus, or other object carried the offender's bodily fluid"
There may be laws in other states or about other STDs but I have not done the research to know. I hope things work out for you and you are able to inform your previous partner that you have contracted an STD and he is at risk as well.
I do thank you for being a good person and letting your previous partners know. I wish everyone would regularly get tested and tell all of their partners (past, present, and future) about the results.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me :)
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I'm married (have been for 5 years) and I recently ran into my old high school flame. I was crazy about him but it didn't work out because he moved away. He is married now as well (but not happily). We decided to secretly meet up and catch up on old times. Since then we have been talking a lot and he says he thinks he is falling in love with me and he wants to leave his wife. He asked me if I would leave my husband for him. Truthfully I have thought about it. He says he thinks it is meant to be, and in a way I do too. I'm just not sure what to do. I love my husband but I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. I'm just not sure if I would be making a mistake. I just need some advice without being judged. (link)
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First off, there really isn't a way to ask this question without being judged. Everyone has already decided if leaving a spouse is acceptable behavior regarding different circumstances. Everyone already has judged by just reading about your thoughts of leaving your husband. We can only give you advice on this with our own opinions.
That being said, I definately do not think you should randomly leave your husband because an old flame has came back into your life.
The problem is that you are not keeping your word in marriage. Marriage means sticking by your partner through thick and thin--even when you find someone else you enjoy being around, you stick with your partner and you COMMUNICATE with them about your desires. You agreed upon this when entering your marriage, this is no surprise to you. If you cannot keep your word to be faithful to this man, how do you know that you will not be unfaithful to this newer man?
In addition to that statement, how do you know that this new man will be faithful to you? He is breaking his agreement with his wife as well and this proves that he is untrustworthy.
If you love your husband then you will do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Loving someone does not mean you intentionally hurt them--which is what you are starting to do.
You obviously knew it would be painful for you to see your old flame because you snuck around and met up secretively. You KNEW this was not acceptable. Why would you intentionally betray your husband? Why would you do something behind his back?
I think the only reason things are sparking up with you and this man is because you had it in your minds that it would before you two even met up the first time. Being deceiving and hiding a meet-up from your spouse tells me that you felt something NEEDED to be hidden in the first place. Obviously you had some unresolved feelings of the past for this old flame.
From here you need to stop contact with this man.
He is not your husband and that means you need to step back.
Look at what you are doing to yourself and your husband. You are taking away every ounce of love you ever showed your husband by betraying him with this new man.
I think you need to communicate with your husband about this right away. You need to confess to him that you have gone behind his back to meet a man and have developed feelings for that man. You need to confess that you have thought about leaving your husband of five years for the man. You need to confess that you "love" your husband but aren't "in love" with him--which is completely bullshit in my eyes.
People who say they love someone but aren't "in love" with them are using some twisted way of getting out of a relationship. If you LOVE someone then you ARE IN LOVE with them. Yes, maybe your marriage has changed through the years and you aren't as young as you once were but true love does not fade off with changes. You love someone despite the changes made in the relationship throughout the years and you try your hardest to make everything work right.
If you feel the relationship is ending then do things you haven't done in awhile WITH your partner. Go bowling, see movies, go on "dates" again. Do whatever it is that you think is so wonderful--HELL, pretend to sneak out and see a man behind your husband's back, but let that man BE your husband!
If you love your husband then cut off contact with the old flame and work on your marriage. Communication is key and things are simply not going to work if you can't tell your husband the truth about EVERYTHING.
If you decide your marriage is worth it (like you decided five years ago in the first place) then you need to seek marriage counseling to learn how to communicate effectively with eachother--something that is obviously missing.
If you think your marriage simply isn't worth it and that this new man can be something your husband cannot be then all I can say is pray because these things hardly ever seem to last. It's the rush of hiding something from a partner that is truly the appealing part to most people and when they find out that the rush of that is gone the relationship burns out as quickly as it began.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me in my inbox!
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I just recently got everybit of my hair chopped off....
about a inch above my shoulders.
& i really want it to grow back fast.
I dont want to have to cut it all the time..[trim]..i want it to grow, healthy.
any ideas?
(link)
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Your will probably benefit more from taking vitamins orally than applying them to your hair for the actual growth. To strengthen hair, you'll need to purchase some products (shampoos, conditioners, etc) to apply to the hair shaft itself.
A good multivitamin might be the place to start. Here is a list of specific vitamins and minerals you're going to want to take though:
* Vitamin A
* Vitamin C
* Vitamin E
* Biotin
* Inositol
* Niacin (Vitamin B3)
* Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5)
* Vitamin B6
* Vitamin B12
# Calcium
# Chromium
# Copper
# Iodine
# Iron
# Magnesium
# Manganese
# Potassium
# Selenium
# Silica
# Sulfur (methyl-sulfonyl-methane or MSM)
# Zinc
From:
http://hairloss.about.com/od/preventinghairloss/a/Vitamins.htm
&
http://hairloss.about.com/od/preventinghairloss/a/Minerals.htm
To strengthen your hair you should buy shampoos, conditioners, and leave-in conditioners that include pro-vitamin B5 (also referred to as panthenol). It helps to heal your hair, recovering it from split-ends. It may also help to thicken the hairs if they are thinning and breaking, making it shorter.
Remember that leave-in conditioners are your friend when it comes to dyed, dry, and damaged hair. Also, try to use products that help to protect against heat products if you are a user of blowdriers, curling irons, and even straighteners. Protecting your hair will allow it to be long and not break off easily so make sure you take good care of it.
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my boyfriend and i just had a big fight... and now he's taken 5 piriton tablets to fall asleep..... I'm tryin to take 5 piritons too... i dont care abt living anymore... i woud like to know what overdose of piriton can cause?? (link)
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I found some things online about piriton overdose:
"The estimated lethal dose of chlorphenamine is 25 to 50 mg/kg body weight. Symptoms and signs include sedation, paradoxical stimulation of CNS, toxic psychosis, seizures, apnoea, convulsions, anticholinergic effects, dystonic reactions and cardiovascular collapse including arrhythmias.
Symptomatic and supportive measures should be provided with special attention to cardiac, respiratory, renal and hepatic functions and fluid and electrolyte balance.
Treatment of overdosage should include gastric lavage or induced emesis using Syrup of lpecacuanha. Following these measures activated charcoal and cathartics may be administered to minimise absorption.
Hypotension and arrhythmias should be treated vigorously. CNS convulsions may be treated with i.v. diazepam or phenytoin. Haemoperfusion may be used in severe cases."
...which is sourced from this nifty site:
http://emc.medicines.org.uk/emc/assets/c/html/DisplayDoc.asp?DocumentID=16103#OVERDOSE
If you are seriously trying to kill yourself you need to re-evaluate what you are doing. Overdosing is usually caught early before the person actually dies and leaves many people mentally and/or physically impaired for the rest of their lifetime. In addition, it causes the family extreme guilt and grief for "allowing" the overdose to happen.
Many people who have overdosed on various pills live later to tell how painful it was. Overdosing is not as simple as falling asleep and never waking up. Many people break out into cold sweats, have seizures, severe stomach pains, and so-on. Overdosing is painful and is not a "quick, painless way out" of life.
Overdosing on any type of pill is definately not painless and quick:
http://www.intueri.org/2007/05/02/suicide-by-overdose-is-not-painless/
Overdosing usually leads to messy, painful and long-drawn-out consequences, including slow poisoning.
It's doubtful that the fight between your boyfriend and yourself is anything truly major. I'm sure if you two communicate about the issue at hand you two will work it out. If things don't work out, then it was simply not meant to be, which may not be what you want to hear at this moment. Many people go through major painful break-ups only to later find that they were happier in the end with a completely different person. Sometimes people go through major fights only to find out that it's made their communication skills between with their partner, thus strengthening the relationship.
Bad times always get better. You don't want to be left in a painful state, even if you got your stomach pumped if a family member found you is not a pleasant experience and you WILL remember it for a long time. Please stick in there and let things cool down for awhile. Try to communicate better with your partner and I'm sure these fights won't continue happening.
Feel free to ask other questions on Advicenators on how to help your relationship take a turn for the better. We have lots of experience with relationships and problems and are great at giving advice on how to cope with breakups and fights too. Don't turn to pills for a quick-fix, turn to us :)
I hope all is well and your boyfriend gets medical attention before he is left in a bad state. You can most definately call 9-1-1 for an ambulance to go to his house and they will check him out and make sure he is alright. Please consider calling for help for him.
Think things over and cool down for awhile and things will be alright.
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Can you have Herpes even if you've never had sex before? (link)
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In addition to the user below who answered you can by giving handjob and other sexual encounters, many people are born with herpes or contract in while still in the infancy stage of life.
You would be astonished by the number of people who have accidentally given their child herpes (type 1 and/or 2) just by changing the baby's diaper. It's so contagious it's frightening.
Babies can also definately be born with herpes. If the mother experiences an outbreak during labor then there are high chances the baby will contract the virus. The baby also may be blind or end up with ocular herpes since it passes through the vaginal canal and the eyes may come in contact with the sores/infected areas.
Although I have not previously mentioned my experience I will now. I contracted herpes, HSV-1 (usually referred to as "oral herpes") to be exact, before I even kissed another person. My first outbreak that I can clearly recall was in kindergarten but I'm unsure if I had outbreaks before then.
I'm not sure how I got infected but I suppose I blame it on my mother's carelessness. She obviously had outbreaks frequently and did not take the right precautions to protect me against it. My mother NEVER kissed me on the lips; however, I did occassionally share drinks with her. As far as I can figure, I shared a drink with her while the herpes virus was shedding out of her (as it does periodically, which may not be visible, by the way) and contracted it.
Many people only have one initial outbreak and it's years before they ever have another outbreak. This doesn't mean they can't pass it along--the cells are ALWAYS being shed so there is always a danger in contracting it from an infected person. It also may be possible that someone simply does not know they are infected because their outbreak was so long ago (like if I had an outbreak prior to kindergarten I truly cannot recall back that far) or they have so many outbreaks they are very accustomed to it and don't think it's a big deal.
My mother never told me that she had herpes. My mother never told me that the outbreaks I experienced on my lip was herpes. She didn't tell me anything to help me protect other people against myself. As a matter of fact, I thought it was completely normal to get blisters on the lips like I did--many of my classmates through elementary school even suffered from the same thing! Years later (when I was about 19 or 20) I accidently ran into an article online about herpes and realize that the sores I had previously experienced was herpes. This was later confirmed when I had a STD screening.
In short, many people have herpes that have never had sex before. Many innocent people have never even kissed anyone before and have herpes because of adults in their life that didn't take extreme precautions to prevent transmitting the virus to their infant. Many parents are so ashamed of this that they do not bother to actually tell their child that the outbreak is not normal and that it's an STD they have to live with forever.
If you suspect you or a partner has herpes then you need to be tested to make sure. From there you can find out a lot more about herpes and how it affects the body. There are many questions here about herpes and such that I have answered. Here are some links you may be interested in:
"Can you get an STD from giving a hand job?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495933
"Can you contract herpes on the outside of your genitals?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541451
"How do you know if you have herpes?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541457
"My boyfriend got sperm in my eyes. Are there risks? (Ocular herpes information)"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541866
"I have herpes. When am I considered "contagious"?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539756
"How did I get herpes? We used a condom and everything! Oh, and what helps calm the virus down so I don't have so many outbreaks?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=537694
Any other questions you have, PLEASE fee free to ask me! I am fairly well educated about herpes, including some treatments for it (no, it's not curable yet). I want people to be as educated as they possibly can be about this because it's serious business. SO, please feel free to see a question to my inbox if you have any you want me to answer.
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when a girl has to go to the guyanacologist and they have to check inside of there vagina what do they do??
does it hurt? (link)
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A papsmear is usually an annual thing for all women. It's best to start having the tests when you begin having periods but most women tend to wait until they become sexually active.
Pap smears can be incredibly uncomfortable. Some women experience pain while others go through it like a breeze. It really depends to on the person and how skilled the doctor is.
In my personal experience, they are extremely uncomfortable and I have been known to cry during the procedure. I know that it's something I need to do each year to make sure that I am healthy so I continue with my check-ups. The procedure doesn't last very long at all and ensures that everything is working properly and is healthy so I endure it.
In short, the doctor will take a urine sample from you first to run a pregnancy test, usually. After taking your blood pressure and asking you a few questions regarding your sexual status (be honest, they've heard it all and are not allowed to inform anybody else of the information you provide them).
They then usually send you to a clean room to completely undress and lay on a table. The table has foot rests for your heels. You will be instructed to position yourself in a manner that is helpful for the doctor to work at. They will let you know how to lay and such. You may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at this time but it is fairly normal and the doctor has seen plenty of naked bodies.
Your doctor may do a breast exam on you to begin with. He/she may also listen to your heart and lungs and press on your body and ask if you feel any pain anywhere. The doctor will then simply look at your vaginal area for signs of infections or visible STDs after switching on a very large, bright light at your vaginal area and gloving up. They may ask a couple of questions while doing this.
The doctor then will separate the walls of the vagina with a speculum. The speculum is a slender metal (or plastic in some cases) instrument that looks somewhat like a duckbill. It may be warmed or lubricated before being gently inserted into your vagina. With the speculum in place, they can visibly see your cervix.
Your clinician will then insert a special swab, brush, or stick to wipe off cells from inside the opening of the cervix and from the outer part of the cervix. The cervix can be very tender and this scraping can cause some bleeding and discomfort. It is not unheard of for this scraping to cause your legs to twitch.
The doctor will next place two gloved fingers into your vagina while their other hand gently presses on your lower abdomen. This identifies the size, shape, and position of your uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It can also let them know if you have any masses growing or any abnormalities.
The doctor may also do a rectal exam at the end of this procedure. Not all doctor's do this but it is no big deal either. They simply slide a finger or two into your anus to feel for masses and to check the back of your uterus.
The more you relax, the smoother things will go. It's okay to ask questions throughout the entire thing and your doctor already knows you are nervous so they are prepared for all sorts of things. If something is painful, it completely acceptable to inform the doctor about it.
I hope the doctor's appointment goes well and you are healthy.
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Can yeast infections permanently damage your body if you don't get treatment? Because if so, this sucks. (link)
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Yeast infections simply do not cause permanent damage to a woman's body; however, a bacterial infection would.
Bacterial vaginosis has the same symptoms as a yeast infection and is commonly left untreated by many women each year. Ironically, it not only has the same symptoms of a yeast infection, but it also is caused by the same things (douching, sexual intercourse, soap, antibiotics, ...).
The bacteria that cause BV can infect the uterus and fallopian tubes. This type of infection is called pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).
PID can cause abscesses, scarring and damage to your reproductive organs. This can cause pelvic pain, infertility and ectopic pregnancies. Ectopic pregnancy is where a fetus starts to develop outside the womb (usually in a fallopian tube). The fetus won't survive and needs to be removed and may rupture the tube. The sooner PID is treated, the better.
Around 3 in 10 women with PID develop chronic pelvic pain. About 1 in 10 women who have had PID can no longer have children as a result of damage to their fallopian tubes.
For those women with PID who do go on to get pregnant, up to 1 in 20 will have an ectopic pregnancy. There may also be complications with childbirth, such as having a pre-term baby or passing on the infection to the baby.
BV is treatable with antibiotics prescribed by a health care provider. Two different antibiotics are recommended as treatment for BV: metronidazole or clindamycin. Either can be used with non-pregnant or pregnant women, but the recommended dosages differ. For reference, BV can recur after treatment.
Please see your doctor to make sure what you are experiencing is indeed a yeast infection. We wouldn't want to see you in pain from this because you didn't take the time to get checked out.
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