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how can you give advice..
how can you give advice if you're not open-minded? i see a lot of answers on this site saying negative things towards certain religions and sexual orientations. and lots of labeling (preps, emos, etc).
i think that if you're going to try to help someone, you need to accept what they have to say and answer respectfully. am i the only one who feels this way?
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I totally agree with you. I think people should be more respective. I have friends that are "emo". Who cares though. I mean seriously. It's what they want. And if you are not open minded try an opposite advice. If you want to say something negative, say something positive.
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You have to think about what giving advice truly entails before saying you cannot be "close" minded.
Giving advice means you are telling someone your thoughts/opinions/ideas about the subject and how they should handle it. You cannot form these opinions and such if you have nothing to back it on and have previously not formed opinions on major things in your own life.
For example:
Sally comes to Advicenators and posts:
"I met this terrific guy at this party two weeks ago and we've been talking on the phone every other day or so. We sort of took the party as a hook-up situation and we made out for awhile there. He's really handsome and overall pretty great; it really makes my day when he calls my place. He really treats me like an equal and not like a piece of meat like other men have in the past. The problem is that I heard a woman's voice when he called me once and he told me that it is his live-in girlfriend of seven years. I feel weird because he has a girlfriend that he didn't tell me about, I made out with him at a party, and thought we had feelings for each other--I know I have strong feelings for him. What should I do?"
See, if you can't decide if cheating is alright or not then how are you going to help Sally decide what is right to do? If you think what he is doing is totally wrong because you shouldn't cheat on your spouse (and this goes back to the question, "WHY do you think that?") then you tell Sally that she shouldn't interfere in their relationship and that cheating is bad and unacceptable. You also tell Sally WHY you think cheating is bad, whether it be your own experience or part of your religious beliefs.
See, to give advice you have to have your footing first. You have to know what you believe and go from there. If you have nothing to base your opinion/thought/idea/suggestion on then you can't really make for a decent advice columnist.
All columnists have their own beliefs and it tends to show through--that's why some people REALLY like certain advice columnists. Why do you think Ann Landers gets so many questions? It's because people have figured out her beliefs and knows she can give them helpful advice in leading them in the right direction.
If an advice columnist was unbiased about everything then they couldn't really help much in giving decent advice. The columnist wouldn't be able to say things like:
"I think you should end the relationship with the guy. It really sounds like he's using you. How would you feel if you were the girlfriend?"
The advice columnist has to decide how they would handle the situation first and why they would handle it in that particular manner. If they would dump the guy then they tell the questioner to dump the guy. If they would dump the guy because cheating is unacceptable behavior then they would tell the questioner this. This applies to a lot more things than you first think--even abortions and such.
There is no problem in talking about the other option though. Many advice columnists do a wonderful job and add in at the end of their own advice things like:
"IF you decide to make something happen with this guy then you really need to talk to him and figure out why the girlfriend is still in the picture."
However, advice isn't helpful if the questioner isn't lead in the proper direction. People come for advice to certain people so they have an answer--they can't decide what to do, you see. Sally KNOWS there are two options to her problem--try to make something with the guy or don't--but she can't decide so she comes to the advice columnist so they can decide for her and give her reasons why they decided a particular thing.
You should always be respectful when giving advice, but that doesn't mean sugar coating your response. If the person is seriously doing something out of hand and harmful then you have to call them on it and bring it to their attention that it is not acceptable. As fellow humans we should still be looking out for each other--helping others to be healthy and happy. This means if someone is risking their body of getting an STD/STI then they need that pointed out to them. If someone is risking their mental health by staying with a mentally abusive partner then you let them know.
Anyway, I think it's impossible to be open to all options AND be a good advice columnist.
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I agree with you. I think part of the problem is that closed-minded people don't realize how closed-minded they are because it's all they've ever known. Maybe if we'd all try to respect each other and just listen to other people once in a while, the world would be a better place.
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Yes, everyone should be respectful. If you see someone being disrespectful, they are breaking the rules of this site and you should file an abuse report.
However, being respectful actually doesn't include being open-minded. It is possible to be respectful yet very conservative and close-minded.
As much I might think that it is a crock of shit, it isn’t disrespectful for someone to suggest religious counseling to ‘cure’ homosexuality. It’s their opinion and their advice. As long as they are not rude or offensive in delivering that advice, it is okay. It might be dead wrong, but it’s okay advice.
Although I personally always try to be respectful, I very rarely just 'accept what they have to say'. People suck at self-reporting. They give you the information they want you to have to generate the response they desire. They exaggerate and leave out the details.
I don't base my advice on the responses they desire. I do my best to discern what I think it truly happening. Some people would call that disrespectful or ignorant assumptions.
I don't shy away from labels that fit. Labels like controlling, asshole, adulterer, will be applied when they appear accurate. Some people would call that disrespectful.
I don’t think there is anything that can be done about the kind of labels you are talking about. Labels like prep and emo have basically no applications in the real world once you hit twenty. No one I know uses them except for my teenage siblings. They are part of communication between teenagers and although they can be insulting, they can also be safe generalizations to make to help other people understand what you are talking about.
Imperfect generalizations: Definitely. Inherently disrespectful: Not so much.
I think most people would agree that we need to treat each other with respect. If you see something that you feel is disrespectful, report it and it can be dealt with.
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Everyone should be respectful and not rude
in the way they answer. If you feel someone
is a problem please file an abuse report.
All are taken very seriously.
That being said, when you have a group of
people you get lots of different opinions.
Not all will be exactly what you've asked
for. There are some who just tell people
what they want to hear because ratings
are more important to them than giving
good advice. Others just want to give
a smart ass answer like this is a big
joke. File reports. They don't last long
when you do. :)
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Your question is more of an opinion then a question and I try not to get involved in opinion questions, because one should never be rated on their opinion. Opinions are just that and like religion, opinions should not be judged. I think the thing that most people forget here is, that the "advice" that is given here can only be as good as the persons question. If they are short and leave too much open to interpretation, the advice will be shoddy at best.
It also seems, many who ask for advice are not really looking for advice, only for someone to tell them they are doing the right thing when they know they are not. People get mad when they look for confirmation, but get told the opposite.
Often, my replies, are more possibilities. I read all advice that is written before my own, if I feel something has not been touched on that could be a possibility, I bring it up. It does not mean I'm right, just that it should be considered.
I take nothing personal here and it doesn't hurt my feelings when someone trashes me here. To hurt my feelings I have to know and respect you and your opinions. I admit that sometimes I seem terse, but sometimes that is what is needed. Sometimes a person needs to be grabbed and shaken up a bit. But yes, name calling is the defense of a weak mind and is all to often used. You should pay attention to the real though, tv, movies, politics, it is all about name calling and trashing. Should it surprise you when the brain washed masses copy their hero's?
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yeah your the only one who feels that way, all the rest that agreed with you are just punks and want a good feed back.
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I absolutly agree!!!
I am myself offended when someone is bias to certain ways or practices of another individual. (even when I do not have any similarities to the person)
I assume that there is a reporting site that you can complain or write a claim on a certain advice columnist but I am uncertain. I suppose that being stereotypical towards un-bias people is part of being on this site if you understand what I am getting at. Being critical of others advice, opinions or actions is in itself being bias. Opinions range from person to person so it is difficult to say whether a person is being judgemental or not. So in a way everyone is going to seem racist, bias, hypocritical, ect. So having numerous chances to have a variaty of columnists answer their questions they themselves can rule out the bias and un-bias.
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i see exactly what your saying and I agree with you 100% because in some of my answers i have got negative feedback...and it really hurts.
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I understand what you're saying here. I do not want to insult anyone on this site, but sometimes people can be less than friendly in their answers. I agree that to help, people should be respectful and accepting. I think for the most part, people here are pretty open to helping people, which is what makes it such a great site. But as always, we have to take the bad with the good sometimes.
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