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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hello! I'm thirteen and my parents have recently decided to get me a dog. I live where it usually goes below -35 degrees (Celsius) in the winter, so I was wondering if I should get a husky? My mom doesn't like big dogs but said she might be okay with a husky since it gets so cold here. The only problem is that I don't have any experience with bigger dogs, so I was wondering if they are fairly trainable breed?
Another thing is, I used to walk dogs for people, and this one dog I walked was a husky. And every time he saw another dog, he went completely berserk. He would pull so hard on the leash, I would often fall over. One time, when he saw a cat he did the same thing except I was holding his leash so that my wrist got stuck in the loop, and he was heading straight for a brick wall that the cat had jumped over. Sorry for that pointless story. The point is, not all huskies are like that right?
Any other information would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
The Answer
Not all huskies are like that, but honestly, MOST huskies can be like that, if not trained really, really well. Huskies are very high-energy, need a lot of exercise and can be very difficult to train.
They are one of the most-commonly surrendered breads to animal shelters. A lot of first time owners are not ready for such a demanding dog.
Huskies can be very smart. Too smart, you might say. They tend to be escape artists: They can jump fences and wiggle out of crates.
They bond very closely with their families, but that doesn’t mean they are obedient. They are curious and willful, and will often obey or not obey as it suits their mood. They frequently have dominance issues, and need an owner who can clearly act as head of the pack at all times.
Of course any dog can be trained, and I've known some very loyal and obedient huskies - but you are probably signing up for a slightly harder task with a husky puppy than with most breeds. They are bred to run, and run and run, that makes them hard to tire out (which is normally how you keep a dog well-behaved: Keep em well-exercised) and they aren't always as eager to please you as many breeds.
I really wouldn’t recommend a husky to someone as their first dog. They just aren’t a good entry-level breed. If you really want a husky, at least get a rescue that has been given a lot of solid foundational training by a foster parent. That’s your best bet if your heart is set on a husky.
http://dogtime.com/dog-breeds/siberian-husky
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The Question
My ex and I have dated several times over the past 7 years, he just found out 2 years ago that he had a son, Him and I got back together right before Christmas last year and I lived with him and his 8 year old son. I witnessed some horrible behavior as a father to his son, he became very lazy, making his son do everything from changing the television channel to getting ice for his whiskey. We split up about 2 months ago, and it was a very bad break up, so bad that I actually cannot stand to hear his name. I have recently found out that I am 2 months pregnant, and have already made an appointment to terminate. But, I'm having second thoughts, should I do what I think is right and tell the father, even though I know it will lead to more stress and heartache, or do I go through with it and get on with my life? I have wanted a child for years, however, I am not ready for it now, I am about to graduate college and I dont even have a job or any money saved up. The father is a cook for a small store, so I know we would struggle. I dont want my child to grow up with anything less than a perfect life. What do I do?
The Answer
Legally, no. You have no legal obligation (in the US) to inform your sex partner of your choice to have an abortion, but you are right to consider the difference between what is legal, and what is right.
I believe it's deeply disrespectful and dishonest to hide an abortion from a loving partner. That kind of dishonest poisons relationships and is a huge breach of trust.
I believe it's necessary to hide an abortion from a partner (or ex-partner) who you reasonably fear will respond with violence towards you exercising your right to choose.
Everything else in between those two extremes, I generally feel it’s better to inform a sex partner then to not. Not because a man has an inherent right to know (some would argue that, I don't personally believe a man has inherent right to know of an abortion when there is no longer any relationship or friendship) but because women who allow themselves to be silenced when it comes to abortions feed into the negative stereotypes and stigmas about abortions. Ever heard the phrase “Every abortion is evil but mine!”? The world would be a better place if other people (the male partners particularly) where aware of the situations where they, and the people they love and wish the best for, benefited from a woman's right to choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. 1 in 4 women will choose too, or need to, terminate a pregnancy in the course of their lives – and nearly half of those women never tell anyone. Not only does this isolate them if they have fears or concerns, it also means no one appreciates the fact that sensible, caring women sometimes choose abortions, or the positive impacts that this form of family planning has on lives.
In the end though, the most important thing is that you are safe and able to access the medical care you need without fear of violence. If telling him puts you any physical danger whatsoever - don't.
I don’t think it’s wise to say you don’t want a child to grow up with anything ‘less than perfect’. That is setting the bar a bit too high: No one is born into a perfect situation. But it’s very fair to decide that you do not want to be a mother now, aren’t equipped to do it, and that you do not want to co-parent with this man.
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The Question
So, my fiancé and I have been engaged for probably 5 years. We have one daughter together and one on the way. I stay home, so I don't have insurance. We can't afford to pay for all the costs associated with being pregnant on our own. Obviously, I know you shouldn't be having unprotected sex with the chance of getting pregnant if you can't afford the baby. He keeps pushing for us to run to the courthouse and get married so I can be on his insurance and the problem is solved. Just, that isn't what I want to do, at all. I feel like it has bad news written all over it. I love him and I want to marry him, eventually.. Just not because I need insurance. I feel so stressed and crazy because I feel the way I do. If it isn't him pushing it, it's his parents.
The Answer
You've been engaged for FIVE YEARS and have two kids together.
What's the hold up?
Seriously.
What the hell is stopping you from marrying this guy?
And are you really going to compromise your health, and your future child's health, because after five fricking years and two babies, you don't know if you want to marry this guy or not?
Seriously. Shit or get off the pot.
If you want to marry him, then marry him, and enjoy the benefit of basic health care for you and your baby.
If you don't want to marry him, man up and face that reality. If getting married now, when it would have such a major benefit to your health and the health of your child, then maybe you have more serious concerns than just the timing.
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The Question
My question is can my girl friend move out at the age of 16? She gets emotionally abuse. Meaning her parents put her down , talk bad about her and too her ! They treat her like a slave make her clean everything while they sit there call her dumb , you dont now how to do this or that !!! Her father put up cameras so that she doesnt leave , or use her phone ! She even attemped and succeded to hurt her self because of her parents! Her father yells and curses at her because she texts me !! escrewed her windows so she doesn't open them & everything! Can my girlfriend of 16 years of agw move out?
The Answer
The Age of Consent has nothing to do with when a teenager is able to move out, or drop out of high school. The Age of Consent is about when you are considered capable, under the law, of consenting to sex acts.
At the age of sixteen, your girlfriend's parents are still legally obligated to provide for her and can usually report her as a runaway if she leaves.
However, in most states, at sixteen years old or older, teens can generally decide where they want to live so long as they are being provided for, either because they can support themselves or because some other adults are supporting them and they are still obeying Compulsory Schooling Laws (Which are the laws that have all generally been changed to 18 to comply with no child left behind.)
In most states, the police will not force a 16 year old to return to their parents home against their will.
But just because your girlfriend can probably, legally, get away with living someplace else, doesn't mean that is a great plan. She still can't drop out of school, or sign a lease. She isn't considered an adult. Leaving her home could put her in more danger, not less.
Adviceman is correct that the best thing she can do is discuss the problems she is having at home with a trusted adult - a teacher or counselor at school will probably have the best advice at how to get the right authorities involved.
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The Question
Hi. I am a 20 year old girl and I'm a virgin. Recently I've been feeling kind of lazy and I feel like I should just get the sex thing over and done with, is it bad that I don't care about my virginity as much as I used to? I feel like it's this big thing that everyone keeps going on about but if I were to lose it now, it wouldn't be a huge deal for me. Is there something wrong with me? thanks
The Answer
I never cared much about my virginity.
I didn't think much about it when I had it, and I didn't think much about it when I didn't have it either.
I don't regret loosing it when I did, or to whom I did. I didn't love him, and he was nice and funny, but turned out to be a bad match in the end. I shed some tears for a few weeks and moved on. I was eighteen, almost nineteen, I think.
I wasn't hung up on him. I didn't turn into some sort of crazy slut, or ruin my reputation, or anything all the bad. My first time wasn't 'special'. It was kind of fun and kind of awkward.
I've had way better sex since, and I've also had some worse sex. I'm glad I started learning about how to have sex, and how to be a good, respectful sex partner, when I did.
All of that to say: It's okay if 'being a virgin' isn't a big deal to you. There is nothing wrong with that. It was never a big deal to me. I also didn't have many people in my life telling me that it ought to be. I didn't turn into a crazy person or someone who didn't respect themselves because I had safe, respectful fun with some boys. I regret some of my choices in life, both sexual and otherwise, but that doesn't mean I regret not being a virgin.
Here's what you need to watch out for:
ONE - If you've suddenly changed your mind about what being a virgin means to you, take some time to mull over why you feel differently than you did before. If being a virgin was REALLY important to you last year, and now it doesn't seem like a big deal at all, make sure you have an idea of why your opinion changed before you go jumping into bed with someone.
TWO - Watch out for the handful of guys (and it's not really that many of them) who are virgin-hunters. Frankly, by age 20 you have out-grown a lot of them, but there are some men who will fetishize your virginity. Those aren't the kinds of respectful sex partners you want to be attracting. Just like you wouldn't want to have sex with someone who only likes your boobs, you don't want to have sex with someone who only likes you for your hymen.
THREE - Accept that having sex is a skill, and extends beyond just the bumping and grinding. Learning to be open, respectful and confident in bed, is a just that: Learned. It's not something people are born knowing exactly how to do. You are also not born knowing exactly how having sex will effect you emotionally, or how to handle those emotions. You might have some struggles, or even some regrets: That makes you a human being. It doesn't necessarily mean you made a mistake.
It doesn't sound like you are going to go out and bang the first available penis, but it does sound like you need to stop worrying quite so much about what other people think you should do with your body, or how you have to feel about your body.
It's hard to work to figure out what actually matters to you, and you might get it wrong, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do what feels right to you, when it feels right to you.
My virginity wasn't something I wanted to 'save' for someone who 'really loved me', and I know that the someones in my life who have loved ME or do love ME, share my values about virginity - that is, that I never really valued it at all. I valued respect, honesty and fun, safe sex.
The right guy to have sex with, is the one who has the same values about it as you do, and who respects you as a human being. Everything else is details.
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The Question
"You are planning on violently attacking her.
(And then you are planning to blackmail her if she tries to seek justice after you violently attack her.)
"
I will not be violent. Where will the violence come into play?
The Answer
You intend to use physical force to assault her, violate her, abuse her, and coerce her.
Your actions would easily fit most dictionary definitions of a violent act, as well as legal definitions.
Stop trying to poke these tiny little holes in other people's comments. There are no holes to exploit. Everyone else is right, and you are wrong. There is nothing you can do to make your 'plan' to sexually assault your teacher, an acceptable thing to do.
At this point, you are either trolling simply to get a rise out of people here, or you are too mentally disturbed to be reasoned with. Either way, I will not be responding to anymore of your direct questions.
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The Question
Okay so I live in Canada, I am a 16 year old girl. My gym teacher has a student teacher that has come in to study for his apprenticeship and get his teaching degree. He is 25 years old and is really nice to me. He is great looking and I'm not talking from adolescence but he truly cares about me. He shows it in an every day activity. He has said I'm his favorite student and we talk in a very intelligent way. He has helped me with my problems and we always have harmless flirting. For instance, I'm a competitive soccer play and am in the soccer module this semester. He is my teacher and we always go one on one. Of course I always get the ball but its really cute. I know this is illegal but we have developed feelings for each other . He's really not my teacher and he goes back to school next month. What do I do next? Any advice accepted. Negative or positive
The Answer
He goes away next month. Be grateful he's gone.
Feelings aren't illegal, but flirting, or acting on those feelings could ruin his life. Literally. His career would be over before it even began, he could be denied his degree, and he might even find himself facing criminal charges. He is "really" your teacher as far as the law is concerned, and he could get into the same trouble as any teacher.
So write this off as a fun young flirtation, and let it go.
Here's the thing you need to accept:
Even if he likes you as a person, he is not going to be your boyfriend unless he is a COMPLETE moron. He isn't going to risk years of work, tens of thousands of dollars in tuition, the difficulty of just getting a decent student teacher placement in Canada right now and possible criminal charges, to date you, unless he a complete idiot.
No matter how perfect you are, no one but an idiot would take that kind of risk.
And you don't think he's a complete idiot do you?
So let it go. I might have been fun, but its nothing more.
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The Question
i asked a question about, 2 days ago about weather i should be sexually active...i have to come to realize that i shouldn't, but theirs one thing. we have been together for 5 months as of Thursday. But, I'm only 13 and hes only 14, and wants to have sex. I've told him multiple times that i don't want to but he continuously talks about it. And he seems to get irritated when i say no. i don't want to break up with him, nor do i want him to break up with me...how do i tell him no so that he finally stops talking about it, without getting irritated? HELP!
The Answer
You might not be able to tell him the truth AND keep the relationship.
You'll never know until you tell him the truth about what you do (and don't) want.
Sometimes two people don't want the same things from a relationship. When that happens, the best thing those two people can do, is end the relationship.
If a sexual relationship is the ONLY kind of relationship he wants to have right now, then what you want, and what he wants are incompatible.
You do need to suck it up and tell him No. Tell him "No, not now and No, not in the near future either."
If sex isn't something you are ready to consider, you owe him that much honesty.
And if he breaks up with you, it'll hurt like hell, but it'll be a good thing really.
Better that the relationship end, than he turn into an abusive pig who insults and bullies his girlfriend into having sex with him when she doesn't want too.
Better the relationship end, than you live with that kind of blame and cruelty, and end up making choices you regret.
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The Question
A little background info, met my current boyfriend in September. Dated from then and made it official in November. During the dating time we both said we weren't seeing/talking to anyone else. During this time he went on a trip out of state and had sex with one of his best girl friends. The night he got back, we had sex and he asked me out officially. I was unaware of the fact he slept with his girl friend I actually just found out last night from a mutual friend. Not to mention he has slept with 2 other girl friends. All these girls are still around and they all hang out regularly. I feel so gross, I know we were not officially together when he slept with them but the one on the trip bothers me since we got together the day he was back from the 4 day trip. By the way, he doesn't know I know about him sleeping with his female friends and I can't bring it up without getting a mutual friend in trouble. Just don't know how to feel or if I should even bring it up?
The Answer
Often, trying to define 'cheating' is the wrong way to go about this problem.
Cheating is about betrayal of trust. Although he might not have asked you out "officially", you did have an reasonably fair expectation he wasn't with anyone else. He did let you down and it's fair for you to feel hurt.
Although I understand not wanting to get your mutual friend in trouble, you can't just go on pretending nothing has happened, and your mutual friend would be insane to expect that of you. If they didn't want it to come out that they told you this, then they shouldn't have told you in the first place.
So ask him about it.
Or dump him without telling him why.
You know you can't go on pretending everything is okay.
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The Question
I am a college student. Male. Living in Houston. I am form Vietnam.
I am missing an academy year because I failed a course last semester. However, when I reviewed my final exam, I strongly suspected there was a falsification my record. It's a pretty complex problem. What organization/lawyer should I seek help or counsel? How much does it estimately cost for the service?
Thank you in advance for your advice.
tphu
The Answer
Back up a second: Why do you suspect a 'falsification'? That implies you think someone maliciously altered your grade...
It seems most likely to me, that if there is an error on your academic record, that it's just that 'an error'.
I'd suggest you investigate this without screaming malice and 'falsification' unless you have some very heavy facts to back up those accusations.
It's a VERY different thing to ask the college to provide a breakdown and justification of the grade you received, than it is to accuse a member of the staff of maliciously failing you.
But by all means, express to your Dean or Ombudsperson that you feel your grade was incorrect, and ask them what they next step is for getting an explanation of why you relieved the grade you did.
You don't need an outside lawyer at this point. You simply need to ask the college to investigate the grades you believe are incorrect. Getting a lawyer involved PRIOR to your Ombudsperson could make things more difficult and costly than necessary.
The Ombudsman is an independent office responsible for making sure all members of the university, students and staff, are treated fairly. They are able to give confidential advice and guidance to students to help them resolve any sort of issues or disagreement they might have with a faculty member.
So start there. Only if you can't get support at the college level should you try and get outside support.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a year now, I've been having car troubles so I do not have a car at the moment. We're both in college and I commute to campus when I had a car,but now since he lives near campus and usually bus to classes I've been staying with him. He also does not have a car. So I've been staying at his place-eating, sleeping, showering, studying etc.
Lately I've been feeling like he wants space because he always come home late..late..later. At the moment he isn't back yet because he wanted to watch one of his frat bros set up his computer. I feel like every time I bring up the fact that I think he wants space, he somehow turns it around and then I end up feeling bad, mad and then we go for a couple of days without speaking to each other. A few days go by and then we're fine. It's been happening almost every week now. I've been going home on the weekends just so he has his "own" time..away from me I guess. I just don't know how I feel about him or the situation. I'm just annoyed that we go around and around in circles with this. I just want him to be honest and tell me maybe I shouldn't be at his place all the time.
The other day, I got really offended and annoyed when he commented that it't not his job to feed me. When in fact I'm always the one paying for our groceries or bill when we have take-out and he has no complaints then. Little things like that bothers me alot. I'm having second thoughts on why we are together, I just feel like he doesn't appreciate me. He would rather spend his time with his frat bros or playing video games and I think I'm now realizing maybe we're not meant for each other...
or maybe I'm over thinking this...all of it. blah
The Answer
You are over thinking it.
Which doesn't mean you are wrong! You might be exactly right, but this approach isn't getting you anywhere.
Perhaps instead of spending so much time trying to figure out what the hell he is thinking, you should take a step back and ask yourself what it is you want?
Do you want a nice dinner together? Great. Tell him that and make a plan.
Do you want to go out on a date? Great. Tell him that and make a plan.
Do you want more time by yourself? Great. Make a plan and loop him in on the details he needs.
If you stop pestering him about what he wants or is feeling, and instead show him what it looks like when someone tells their partner what the think and is asking for what they want, he might catch on. But this way, even if he doesn't, you'll get closer to what you want.
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The Question
there is a huge back story so I'll just bullet point in the chronological sequence of events however before that, I am M and was 16 when this happened.
1. I found out the person(lets name her X) I liked got an anonymous card for valentines day
2. I told my best friend that I liked X
3. Next day, best friend said He liked X and then told me he was the one who sent the card to X when I queried if he knew who sent the card.
4. I talked to X, if she knew who was the person who sent the card (since I know), she said no, she said she could 'wait'
5. I asked X a week later, about the card issue, turns out my best friend and X have already started going out secretly and privately for like a week after I found out best friend liked her. and they said they didnt want anyone to know and it was my best friend's Idea. (So B.P 4 was an act)
6. They both lied to me for a week, and thought their acting skills could last their whole relationship.
7. X actually already told heaps of people before I knew, so why am I left out, and i believe that B.F told X I also liked her.
8. BF has lied to me occasionally on important events before
9. I wasn't actually into her as much since the highschool courses are important for tertiary courses, and i knew being in a relationship would distract me. However my main issue is TRUST.
My question is "Should I trust the two of them again?"
My current stance is: No, B.F lied many times. X Followed B.F mindlessly, but even still, told her whole year level, apart from her close friends. So X followed like a sheep against me but also betrayed B.F by spreading it to the year level. But my way of knowing is simply reason and logic, not emotion, authority or morals
The Answer
Honestly, you aren't being much more mature about this than they are.
This was their romantic relationship. If they weren't ready to talk with you about it, after one short week, that is hardly a monstrous offence. They might not have handled this in the best possible way, but you're degree of judgment is only a little bit about trust (if it were only about trust, there would be no need to ask this question, and no reason to include so much editorializing in it either) the rest of it is about being pissed off because a girl you liked preferred the company of someone else, and you believe your friend betrayed your confidence about the fact you liked her, and you feel left out.
You probably feel embarrassed, and its okay to be embarrassed and pissed off.
But your taking your judgements of them much to far when you start to call them names like 'sheep' or decide that X was so wrong to tell other people she wanted to tell about the relationship.
It's not reasonable to refuse to forgive friends because they fumble their first young relationships, make mistakes and get confused. You are going to alienate yourself from people who might be otherwise good friends and human beings.
I don't know if you should trust them, or if they are otherwise good friends. What I do know is that when you make a decision you need to take way more into account than the last few weeks, and you need to put whatever negativity you are feeling aside, and actually consider what answers you actually had a right too.
Pure reason and logic will not always lead you to the best path, or the best friendships. Your judgments need to be tempered with compassion and respect, even when others make mistakes,
Not even psychopaths make choices simply on reason and logic. If you continue to tell yourself that those are the ONLY factors that influence you, you'll be lying to yourself, and are going to cause yourself unnecessary misery.
So, instead of deciding if you 'should' trust them or not, ask yourself what kind of friendship (if any) you want with them both in light of all your experiences with them, not just the last few weeks.
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The Question
My uncle was recently diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He has just begun chemo and has to take alot of medications. He lives with his wife, my aunt, and thier daughter, my cousin, helps take care of him. My cousin recently shared with me that my uncle told her he is afraid his wife will not give him his medicine or may give him the wrong kind. He meant this to mean she would intentionally do something to hurt him.
We have all noticed that my aunt has recently been very concerned about her appearance, and has been going out with friends more. My uncle told my cousin that he had noticed it as well. He said it makes him feel like a fool. She has behaved this way in the past when she was having an affair.
He is also concerned about his will because my aunt wants to do it for him, and basically leave everything to herself. Uncle does not want this.
We are mostly concerned with keeping him safe and his stress levels low. He does not want anyone else to know about these feelings, and we dont want to create unneccesary drama.
What should we do?
The Answer
One of the better things your uncle can do is speak to his doctor or a lawyer about his concerns.
Both your uncle and your aunt are under a lot of stress and facing a lot of uncertainty and fear. It's perfectly possible that your aunt is handling her stress by leaning on her friends and trying to escape her troubles with them, and your uncles stress is being placed into fears about his care and his will. These are understandable ways for both of them to try and handle something that is legitimately beyond them.
But these worries and weights shouldn't be put directly on their daughter. That's not fair and it doesn't do anything but spread the stress around.
Whoever is in charge of your uncle's treatment is probably the first and best person to ask for advice. They might know of people he can talk to to make sure he understands his medications and can keep them straight himself (or can get pharmacist or nurse to assist him) and which lawyers or therapists are available to him to talk about his arrangements or help him manage his stress.
It's a tough time for them all, but putting this on his daughter and swearing her to secrecy isn't the right way to 'reduce drama'. That just makes her suffer needlessly without offering any solutions. Your uncle has real concerns and things he needs to deal with. Talking to professionals honestly, and getting some legal and medical advice are the ways to deal with this.
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The Question
Hey I'm 21 n have been best friends with my guy bestie for 3 years. He's also dating my friend for the past 3 years.I fell in love with him a year back,told him cz I couldn't hide it from him, he understood n then we became closer a besties. It still hurts me to see his gf with him n I cry every night. He has told me that I'm pretty n cute n once I get thin he'll date me n told me to wait for him to get single.Since the past few months he has started lusting for me. He says I'm his closest female friend n he has even wanted me to be friends with benefit with him which I refused. He says that way I'll get a piece of him.. but that's not what I had imagined...I just wanted hi to love me n to date him n be with him. From the past few months he has started emotionally blackmailing me into sexting with him n exchanging private pics.Every time he wants to do it I'm reluctant but I go with the flow cz it's overwhelming for a plump girl like me that he finds me pretty n second if I refuse then he gets pissed...so to not piss him off I do what he says. But now since past few days all he talks about sex with me...if I try to have a normal convo with him he's all bored n doesn't reply properly...he's only interested when we talk about him wanting to do me...what do I do ?...I've started to feel cheap n like a piece of shit now...n he's trying to show that he loves his gf alot ...n talks to me only when he's in the mood...what do I do..I'm so depressed :'(
The Answer
He's not a friend.
He's blackmailing you into sending him sexual pictures of yourself.
He's trying to use you to betray his girlfriend.
Maybe he was your friend once, but he isn't anymore. Now he is an abuser and a bully.
Accept that he isn't your friend anymore, and stop talking to him.
It's sad to loose a friend, but sometimes it happens. Holding on to someone who abuses you isn't the way to get your friend back. Cut him loose. If you have the strength, let him know why: He's being cruel to you and taking advantage of your low confidence and care for him. The only way you can take care of yourself, is to remove him from your life.
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The Question
I've been suffering this mental problem for i think 7 years already and I want to get rid of it now. It's been difficult for me and holding me back from being happy because I hate what my mind is thinking..
As what our college professor told us, ideas of reference is a problem that you think someone likes you just because he/she looks at you. I dont know what is my problem but I dont want to think that way anymore!! Especially when I dont like the guy Ive been thinking.. I am scared, worried and paranoid about it.. Its like my mind tells me I should be worried since I dont want them(the guys that I think). Its like in my mind, I am irritated already and want to get rid of all the men my mind victimize... Ofcourse, I am still in sane, knows that that would be a sin but why!! Its like a burden to myself.. I wanted to tell it to someone/close to me/relatives/ but they won't understand me... I dont know what to do.. :( Its making me crazy!!!
Also, I am afraid or scared of who I am going to be with in the future and scared that it will be full of pain and problem again just like my other past relationships...
I am a girl by the way.. PLEASE? What I am going to do? I wanted to seek a help from a professional but I dont have enough money for that and I am afraid it is going to be myself alone since for sure people around me wont understand what I am going through...
The Answer
It's a bit difficult to give you advice.
Maybe you should ask another question about the problems you think you've had in past relationships?
Or you could tell us a bit about the thoughts you are having that are interfering with your day to day life?
Delusions of Reference are not, by themselves, a mental illness. Persistent delusions of reference are a symptom of some mental illnesses, but even they are different than simply having IDEAS of of reference. Having some ideas of reference are part of normal, healthy human cognitive function, even though they aren't entirely rational.
We all sometimes have thoughts like "I think that means he likes me." Or "I bet that look means she hates me." or "I heard them laughing, they must have been making fun of me." These thoughts are irrational - and usually wrong - but they aren't necessarily indicative of mental illness. A healthy mind can also leap to these kinds of ideas, even though the person knows they are just anxiety or fantasy.
If you know that these ideas you have aren't necessarily truth, then you aren't deluded. You might still be struggling with irrational thoughts, and have anxiety and stress because of these thoughts, but you aren't insane. Might need some help, but you are far from doomed.
So relax.
Maybe you are suffering from full-fledged delusions, but I'm not entirely sure based on what you've written here that it's all that out of the realm of the normal.
So try asking another question with a bit more details, or you could see if there is any free therapy available through your school. Many colleges have some mental health support for students.
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The Question
Hey, so in the past 2 years I've been tested 4 times for every STD, and I say it because its relevant, I haven't had sex in those ENTIRE 2 years, no kissing, no oral, and no "petting". But only recenly in my last test did my doctor say it's a possibility and I need further testing. How is that possible??? I don't even share water and drinks with people, how is it possible an STD is showing up now???
The Answer
Why are you being tested every 2 years if you are having zero sexual contact? I'm just curious. That's a lot of testing to pay for.
Anyways, there are STDs with very long incubation periods, which could account for it only showing up now.
If you are a women and got an 'irregular results' on your pap - that isn't necessarily an STD. That can be other forms of bacteria or infections as well.
On a side note: The only way you are going to get an STD off a toilet seat is if you having sex with someone on the that toilet seat.
Go back to your doctor and get the follow up test. Try not to freak out in the meantime.
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The Question
So, I'm 18 years old. I've had sex with two previous boyfriends. I started to have sex with my current boyfriend two weeks ago. As we are doing it I noticed that it was taking quite a long time and I was getting exhausted !! After 2 and a half hours doing it I stopped to ask if I was doing something wrong. He looked like he was enjoying it, he was moaning normally. We went on for almost another hour until he was done. Since I stayed friends with both my EX's I kinda asked them if I was THAT BAD in bed...both said I was great so WTF !? Is this normal for guys ? Does it happen or could it be a medical condition ? I'm not ugly or fat...I'm not worshiped in school but after asking this to my girlfriends they said I'm at least a 7...Soooo, what could be going on ?
The Answer
Look, orgasms aren't something you 'give' someone else. They are a physical functions, and different people's bodies function differently.
You've got to talk to your boyfriend about this is more detail. It is unusual for a healthy young guy not to reach orgasm relatively quickly, and he might be embarrassed to talk about it (or maybe he had masturbated a dozen times earlier that day...), BUT if you don't talk about it together, you'll both be miserable and have a lot less fun in bed.
So ask, gently, but clearly, what is normal for his body.
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The Question
I am 14 and I have an appointment with my doctor next week about gallstones.The date of my period is 28th of every month and they are quite regular.They lasts for one week.Please give me some quick home advice to make my periods come early because the doctor told my parents that he will take urine and some other tests.Please I will really thankful to you.
The Answer
Your doctor doesn't' care.
Also, there are no 'home remedies' or tricks to make your period come early.
But it's okay. Your doctor doesn't care if you are on your period.
Doctors treat the human body.
They understand that part of that means women will sometimes have their periods during tests and exams. In the vast majority of cases, having your period will not interfere with a urine test.
I understand it can feel a bit awkward. I had to go to a doctor for a test once while on my period and I'm a pretty secure adult - but I still felt icky about it. They doctor was fine tho, and shrugged it off. When you think about it, you have to realize that its' probably something 1 in 5 adult women they treat in a day will menstruating. It's unusual for you and I to have someone that close to us during that time, but for your doctor, it's all in a day's work.
The best thing you can to do tell your mom "Hey, I'll be on my period during that appointment. Should we call the doctor and make sure that all the tests can still be done?" It would be a good idea to double-check, but it's probably just fine.
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The Question
basically, my heater hasn't been working, so I went in the afternoon to my landlords office to see if I could have it fixed. he wasn't there and his wife said he would drop by sometime in the evening.
later on at about 9 o clock at night, I'm laying in bed. I've been sick so I was asleep, and I sleep nude btw. Anyways I heard a knocking on the door, but the door is locked, so I decided to ignore it and keep sleeping. Next thing I know he is opening the door and letting himself in.
I was just wondering if this is allowed. I'm only 21 so I don't really know, but that seems very wrong to me. I was molested and abused my whole life growing up and because of this I have very specific boundaries. I really need to feel like I have my own safe space, all the time. I feel totally invaded and violated that he could just let himself in at night when its dark because I didn't come to the door. I read online that a landlord can let themselves in without notice if it is an 'emergency'. does my heater being down constitute an emergency? or does me asking him to fix it give him the right to come in whenever? I am genuinely upset with this and I'm honestly going to move if it turns out he has the legal right to do that. I don't care if it is legally permissible, within my own boundaries that doesn't feel okay and I'm seriously really upset by it.
oh yea, I live in Canada, if that helps.
The Answer
In Canada, tenants rights are different from province to province, but generally speaking, they are required to give you 24 hours notice prior to entering your apartment.
HOWEVER - You can allow them to enter with less notice (i.e., open the door for them, or agree to a same-day visit) and there are a few exceptions but generally speaking, no, they can't just knock and then enter without giving you notice.
But here is the problem: You actually WERE given notice, and it sounds like you consented to the visit. It doesn't seem to me that landlord was wrong to assume you had an appointment.
Sure, it was lousy and not-very-specific notice, but you were told by his wife he would be by that evening to look into the problem. Unless you said "No, this evening is no good." or "Don't come by after 9pm." Or "Don't enter unless I let you in." than your landlord and his wife were not in the wrong to assume they had your permission to enter to address the issue.
When you didn't answer the door, he relied on the permission he fairly felt he had received to enter at that time, and let himself in. He probably assumed you were just out.
Honestly, as much as you might not like to hear it, and even though you were ill and tied, it was a but rude to ignore a knock when you knew your landlord was coming by. You asked him too, and knew it was going to be that night. As much as he may have been in error, simply ignoring his knock was not very courteous. He's got other stuff to do as well. Had he not come in, he'd have to make another trip to your apartment, because you changed your mind about allowing him to look at the heater that evening.
I understand you are upset. It's legitimately upsetting, but this was just a misunderstanding,. You and he had different understandings of the situation. He didn't 'just come in whenever'. He came in at the time he felt you had been informed he would be by, and had consented too.
I always tell my landlords, very specifically, whether I will be home or not when they are planning to come by, and whether they have my permission to enter if I am not there or not. Most good landlords will ASK you to be that specific, but some aren't so aware or courteous. (I also leave them notes about about the problem(s) or details like "Please don't close the windows" or "The dog is sleeping my bedroom, please don't let him out". You can't be too clear or detailed when it comes to communicating with your landlord...)
If you didn't want him to enter your apartment without you letting him in that evening, or after a certain time at night, you do have a lot of power as a tenant to insist on that. Next time, you need to use that power and be very clear about when you are willing to have them enter, and for what reason, and when you are not.
Look up tenants rights in your province (or territory). You can't sign away your tenant's rights, no matter what is in your lease or rental agreement. As a tenant, you need to know your rights and be very clear about when you are giving your landlord permission to enter, and when you are not.
They can't just barge in on you at any time. They have to give you the notice laid out in the laws OR get your permission. That means you need to communicate very clearly with them under what circumstances you've given permission, and under what circumstances you have not.
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The Question
I am a 36 year old female...married but have recently been feeling some sort of way for another guy. This man is married as well and it has been brought to my attention that he is feeling the same way about me...the way we feel has not been acknowledged but we are quietly aware. We have a mutual friend that we both "confide" in and she feels sorry for the both of us. She is an older lady who works with us..oh yes he works with me. He makes it a point to come to my office daily just to see me and say hello. We have NEVER done anything together but talk...it has also been brought to my attention that our chemistry and connection is noticeable. This feeling that I have for him is driving me crazy and I want to tell him something so badly that will make this stop. He has told our mutual friend that he doesnt know where this feeling came from and he doesn't understand why this is happening and I honestly don't either. I love when he comes by to say hello to me, I enjoy seeing him but I wish he would stop...but not really. Again nothing has ever been done or acknowledged its just a huge huge elephant hanging out in the room. So what should I do, I want to talk to him, get these feelings acknowledged and figure out how to stop or end this situation before something starts.
The Answer
Ending this situation before something starts is the EXACT opposite of talking to him and getting the feelings acknowledged.
Talking about your feelings with him, is the very first step to 'something more'. Both of you awknowledging your mutual feelings would be setting the course off the cliff.
If you really want it to end, tell your mutual friend that you would prefer he not speak to you unless its necessary for work. Don't whine about how hard it is, or how deeply you feel. Just inform her of your choice clearly and directly.
If he continues to stop by to say hello every day, then it's time to tell him that although his visits are pleasant, you'd prefer to keep it strictly work-related.
No whining. No talking about your feelings. Just state your choice, clearly, and without any big sad doe eyes.
That's how you make this stop.
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