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I feel like he wants "Space" but he doesn't agree?
My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a year now, I've been having car troubles so I do not have a car at the moment. We're both in college and I commute to campus when I had a car,but now since he lives near campus and usually bus to classes I've been staying with him. He also does not have a car. So I've been staying at his place-eating, sleeping, showering, studying etc.
Lately I've been feeling like he wants space because he always come home late..late..later. At the moment he isn't back yet because he wanted to watch one of his frat bros set up his computer. I feel like every time I bring up the fact that I think he wants space, he somehow turns it around and then I end up feeling bad, mad and then we go for a couple of days without speaking to each other. A few days go by and then we're fine. It's been happening almost every week now. I've been going home on the weekends just so he has his "own" time..away from me I guess. I just don't know how I feel about him or the situation. I'm just annoyed that we go around and around in circles with this. I just want him to be honest and tell me maybe I shouldn't be at his place all the time.
The other day, I got really offended and annoyed when he commented that it't not his job to feed me. When in fact I'm always the one paying for our groceries or bill when we have take-out and he has no complaints then. Little things like that bothers me alot. I'm having second thoughts on why we are together, I just feel like he doesn't appreciate me. He would rather spend his time with his frat bros or playing video games and I think I'm now realizing maybe we're not meant for each other...
or maybe I'm over thinking this...all of it. blah
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You are over thinking it.
Which doesn't mean you are wrong! You might be exactly right, but this approach isn't getting you anywhere.
Perhaps instead of spending so much time trying to figure out what the hell he is thinking, you should take a step back and ask yourself what it is you want?
Do you want a nice dinner together? Great. Tell him that and make a plan.
Do you want to go out on a date? Great. Tell him that and make a plan.
Do you want more time by yourself? Great. Make a plan and loop him in on the details he needs.
If you stop pestering him about what he wants or is feeling, and instead show him what it looks like when someone tells their partner what the think and is asking for what they want, he might catch on. But this way, even if he doesn't, you'll get closer to what you want.
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The hard part on this is that he doesn't talk to you about how he is feeling on all of this.
Honestly, you can't keep going in circles with being mad at each other and not speaking. It's not the right or smart thing to do, it can even be immature to ignore the problems instead of facing it. You already know this and you do want it to stop.
You need to sit down and talk to him. Explain how you're feeling. Don't get mad and don't talk at him. Just talk to him and speak calmly and carefully. If he says something that bothers you, don't fight or argue back. That is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. It's so much easier to defend your side than to try to talk it out.
You need to make sure that you tell him that this is really bothering you and you want to fix it.
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